by Kate Baxter
Her pussy pulsed against his tongue and Ewan drew out her pleasure until she could take no more. He kissed her swollen lips, drew them into his mouth, ran his tongue along the insides of her thighs, up and around one hip to her stomach, along her torso to one breast. Up and over the swell to her nipple that he took into his mouth and gently sucked. Then to her chest, collarbone, jawline, the corner of her mouth, and finally her lips that he seized with a greedy hunger that she answered with equal enthusiasm.
“I need you inside of me, Ewan.” The words left her lips between pants of breath. “Now. Please. I can’t wait.”
She squirmed beneath his weight. Her hips rolled up to meet his. He understood that desperation all too well. It burned within him like hellfire. Inextinguishable and unnaturally hot. He settled himself between her thighs and drove home, bathing his cock in her wet heat. A shiver of pleasure danced over his skin and Ewan let out a groan as he adjusted to the tight hold on his shaft.
He could never, ever, let her go. And his selfish want of her was bound to destroy them both.
* * *
Just when Sasha didn’t think the sex could get better between them, Ewan went out of his way to prove her wrong. How could each night spent in his arms be more intense, more pleasurable, more … everything? He constantly surprised her. Never acted in the way she anticipated. That unpredictability sent a rush of excitement through her veins. Kept her on her toes. She got off on that spontaneity.
There wasn’t a male on the face of the earth who could compare to Ewan.
She might have wanted to keep a stoic emotional distance from him, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t have a purely physical relationship, right?
She’d be sure to file that under, Lies I Tell Myself. She’d deal with her emotion baggage later. Right now, all she wanted was to feel. To enjoy this moment with Ewan. And to share in the pleasure that only seemed to increase in intensity every time their bodies came together.
Sasha loved the weight of Ewan’s body on hers. He braced the bulk of it on an elbow and slid his free hand under her ass as he thrust home. Her back arched off the mattress and her blood quickened at the deep groan that rumbled in his chest. He filled her completely. Beyond a simple physical satiation. She felt full on a soul-deep level, the tether that connected them making its presence known. No matter what Sasha did or didn’t want to happen between them, there would always be that spiritual connection. It couldn’t be severed. Ever.
“Harder, Ewan.” She needed him to make her forget the things that plagued her mind. “Deeper.” It seemed those two words were always on her lips when their bodies joined. She couldn’t get enough of him. Always needed just a little bit more than either one of them was capable of giving. He pulled out and thrust again, doing as she asked, and Sasha’s head rolled back on the pillow as she let out a contented moan. Yes. This was what she needed. To be fucked without mercy until she was too gods-damned exhausted to think about anything other than how good she felt.
“Tell me you want me, Sasha.” The deep rumble of Ewan’s voice coaxed chills to the surface of her skin. He pulled out and thrust home again. “Tell me you need me.”
She wanted to say the words. But saying them out loud would only turn the emotions she repressed into something tangible and real. “I do.” It was as much of an admission as she could force herself to make. Her hips rolled up to meet his as her back arched off the mattress. Not long ago, all she’d wanted was for Ewan to open up to her. Now, all she wanted was for things to go back to the way they’d been. Cold. Emotionless. Purely physical.
“Look at me.”
She’d closed her eyes without even realizing it. Ewan’s demand that she look at him heated her blood as much as it scared her. She feared the intimacy she’d once welcomed. Shied from his intensity. How could she admit to him that she wanted and needed him when doing so made her utterly powerless? Admitting it gave him ammunition against her. It transferred power.
Ewan must have sensed the shift in her focus. His pace slowed and the thrust of his hips became shallow and easy. “Sasha. Stop.”
His tone carried with it the barest hint of anger. Her eyes came slowly open to find his expression dark and serious. This was the male who had tethered her soul that night in the warehouse. The male who’d ordered her into the bathroom, bent her over, and taken her simply because he wanted to. Because he could. Without apology or reason.
“Come back to the moment.” Even now, he sought to ground her when all she wanted was to overanalyze her own thoughts and feelings to death. “Don’t think. Just feel.”
That was the problem though, wasn’t it? She felt too much. His demands on her pushed her to a place where her brain fought with her heart. “Distract me from my thoughts.” A temporary fix, true, but she’d take what she could get. “Until the only word I know, the only one I can speak, is your name.”
His gaze heated as he claimed her mouth in a ravenous kiss. The raw hunger, the base need, sparked Sasha’s own instinctual desire for completion. His tongue thrust past her lips to deepen the kiss at the exact moment he drove forward with his hips. This was what she needed from him. Heat. Passion. Urgency. With no words to disrupt or distract them. The thoughts that plagued her left her mind as though blown clear by a breeze. Ewan kissed her like he fucked her, with complete abandon.
Sasha gripped his shoulders. Her nails dug in to his flesh and he let out an approving growl. His pace increased as did the force of his thrusts that jarred Sasha with the impact and left her breathless and desperate for release.
Her legs fell open, wider. Ewan adjusted, breaking their kiss as he hooked his arms under her knees to bring her legs up to either side of him. “Gods.” His voice was a primal growl that vibrated over her skin. “You feel so good, Sasha. Come for me. I want to feel it.”
Sasha’s muscles grew tight. Her body seemed so small and insignificant in comparison to what she felt. Her throat burned with thirst and the urge to sink her fangs deep into Ewan’s flesh overwhelmed her. She arched up and buried her face against his throat. Her fangs broke the skin and his rich, sweet blood flowed over her tongue. The orgasm exploded through her and Sasha pulled away with a start. “Ewan!” His name burst from her lips, exactly as she’d wanted it, as wave after wave of intense sensation crashed over her. “Don’t stop!” There seemed to be no end to the pleasure as it only built with each one of his hard, unforgiving thrusts.
“Bite me again.” His tone carried all of the urgency that Sasha felt and more. “Do it now.”
She complied without argument and bit down at the junction of where his neck met his shoulder. He let out a low growl as his body went tense. His thrusts became wild, his cock swelled against her sensitive flesh, and Sasha was filled with delicious warmth. They rode out their pleasure as one, breaths mingling, bodies moving in tandem. Wild and intense, and then slower as the storm that swept them up began to ebb. Sasha closed the punctures in Ewan’s skin and ran the flat of her tongue along his neck to capture every last drop of blood she’d spilled. He let out a slow sigh as he settled against her, remaining deeply rooted inside of her.
“You are mine, Sasha.” His hot breath in her ear caused her to shudder. “Understand that I will not share you. I won’t hesitate to kill anyone who tries to take you from me.”
He’d never spoken such words to her before and never with such grim finality. He wanted her to understand, but she didn’t. She didn’t understand any of this, let alone her own opinions on the matter.
“Anyone?” The word was barely a whisper. Sasha could forget a lot of things, but who and what Ewan was wasn’t one of them. “Even Ian Gregor?”
His muscles tensed and a space of silence passed. If Gregor knew about Ewan’s relationship with Sasha, the berserker warlord would demand he turn her over to him. Either that, or he’d command Ewan to kill her himself.
“Anyone.” The word was heavy with anger and grated in his throat. Were his proclamations simply an attempt to claim owner
ship? Or something more?
“I understand.” She hoped he couldn’t smell the lie in her words. She’d never been more confused, her emotions so torn.
“Say it.”
She knew what he wanted, but gods, the words were harder to utter than she thought they would be. Not because of her own fierce need for independence, but because it forced her to admit what she already knew. She’d belonged to Ewan since the moment he’d tethered her soul.
“I’m yours,” she said through the thickness in her throat. The truth of it nearly choked her. “No one else’s.”
For the first time in a long time, Sasha was truly afraid. Not of Ewan, though, or even of Ian Gregor. No, the future was what frightened Sasha the most. Its uncertainty and her place in it. If she stayed with Ewan, allowed herself to truly become his, what would that make her? A traitor? Betrayer? With every passing day, she lost a little more of herself. How long would it be before she became completely unrecognizable, even to herself?
CHAPTER
22
Ewan made no apology for his brash, cruel mandate. He knew how it made him sound. Selfish. Possessive. Cold and abrasive. He’d never pretended to be anything else. He meant what he’d said. He wouldn’t allow any creature to take Sasha from him, including Ian Gregor. He’d play by the rules, give Gregor whatever fucking information it was that he wanted, and hold up his end of the bargain in order to protect Drew. But Sasha was nonnegotiable. Ewan didn’t care if Gregor killed every last vampire on the face of the earth. But the second he set his sights on Sasha, Ewan wouldn’t hesitate to destroy him.
He rolled away from her and a chill settled over his skin at the absence of her heat. He wanted to soften the blow of his words somehow, but he had no idea how, or where to start. He listened to the sound of Sasha’s breaths as they began to slow and become more even. The quiet settled over him like a heavy mantle. His own thoughts were too loud in his head and made him anxious.
“Tell me something.” Sasha’s voice was small and unsure, and it made his stomach clench. “I don’t care what it is. Just something real.”
Ewan gathered her in his arms and pulled her close to his body. There wasn’t much that he could tell her that wouldn’t inadvertently bring her pain. So much of their history was shared, and so much of it embroiled in violence but he couldn’t expect her to give herself to him in the way he wanted and not offer anything in return. He was an asshole, but not completely unreasonable. She didn’t care what he told her as long as it was the truth.
“At one time, there were seven separate berserker clans. Seven kings reigned over us and met each year for a High Council. Grievances were aired and settled, contests were held as well as festivities. Requests for marriages were heard and ceremonies performed.”
“Berserkers don’t recognize mate bonds.” The sad realization in Sasha’s tone lodged in a tight ball in Ewan’s chest. “I’d hoped … I mean, I thought that maybe…” The words trailed off into disappointed silence.
Gods, why was it so hard to articulate his nature to her? It would be impossible for anyone other than another berserker to understand, and maybe that was part of the problem. Their differences were so many.
“How did you recognize the tether, Sasha?”
She let out a slow breath. “It’s hard to explain. Being turned, it’s … traumatic. Painful. The transition is jarring and when it’s done, you’re filled with this sense of emptiness that’s overwhelming. There is no solace. The Collective offers ghosts of emotion that torture more than they comfort. Everything you once felt becomes diluted. After a while, you get used to the apathy. But then, the tether crashes over you like a wave. I felt close to bursting, so full it nearly brought me to tears. The emptiness was gone. The apathy disappeared. I saw you, and I knew. The scent of your blood called to me, and I knew. The first time I fed from you, it filled me with power, and I knew. The certainty is inborn.”
“Exactly. We don’t have a tether, and we may recognize our bonds through ceremony instead of feeding, but it’s not much different. I will admit that it’s not immediate. Our bonds grow through shared experience and instinct. Our instincts are ingrained in our DNA. What you call a mate bond speaks to us on a subconscious level. There’s … an awareness that wasn’t there before.”
A space of silence passed. Ewan sensed Sasha wanted to ask him something but feared the answer. She took a deep breath. Held it. And let it out in a rush. “How did you find me last night? I know it wasn’t by scent.”
Not what she’d wanted to ask. Her own scent soured and Ewan wrinkled his nose. Perhaps she’d opted for a question that wouldn’t invite a disappointing answer.
“No. It wasn’t by scent. The more time I spend with you, the more connected we become. Like your tether, it’s hard to explain. Your essence—the very thing that makes you who you are—has attached itself to my DNA. And in turn has changed my essence—the very thing that makes me who I am—to become instinct. Does that make any sense?”
Sasha shifted and laid her hand on Ewan’s chest directly over his heart. The warmth of her palm radiated over his skin and he marveled at the difference in her body temperature after taking his vein. “So basically, you’re saying you don’t know how you found me. That blind instinct led you and you followed.”
It was the simplest explanation. “Aye. Because you had been to your coven many times, traveled the route over and over. Because it was your routine, it was now mine as well.”
Again, her scent soured with worry. “Wow. Not gonna lie, that’s pretty trippy.”
Ewan let out a chuff of laughter. “That’s one way to put it.”
“And it’s scary as hell.”
He sensed her fear and wished there was something he could do to assuage it. Lessening the blow wouldn’t change the facts, however. Like her tether, this melding of their life forces was inevitable. He could no more change it than he could change the shifting of the tides.
“What’s the Collective?” He didn’t want her to dwell on her fear. Besides, she owed him. He’d shared something about his nature and it was time for her to reciprocate. Perhaps he could find something in what she told him to offer Gregor. Some small inconsequential piece of information that would keep him placated and far away from Sasha.
“It’s our memory. All vampires are connected by blood. A single bloodline created us, and it flows through all of our veins. Contained in that blood are the memories of every vampire that ever existed. Upon our transition, we inherit those memories.”
Gods. Ewan couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to suddenly have his brain stuffed full of the memories of every berserker. How was there room for her own thoughts and memories? How did she separate her own experiences from those that didn’t belong to her?
“They’re with you all the time?”
He felt her nod against him. “The memories are overwhelming at first. Hard to ignore. They call to you, like ghosts seeking company. It’s one of the most difficult things to overcome post-transition. And if we don’t learn to resist the pull of the Collective, we risk falling victim to madness.”
Ewan let out a slow breath. It sounded horrible. “Was it hard for you?” A ripple of worry vibrated through him. Did she struggle with the Collective? Did it weigh heavily on her mind?
Sasha answered with a bark of sarcastic laughter. “Not at all. It was unusually easy for me to resist the Collective’s pull. I think that’s why Saeed chose me. He knew my mind and knew I could withstand it.”
“He turned you against your will?” Anger toward the male who had hurt Sasha so deeply surged fresh and hot in Ewan’s chest.
“No.” Sasha was quick to answer. “He would never do that. He might’ve strongly urged me,” she added. “But ultimately, the choice was mine.”
“Did it worry you?” Ewan knew he was pushing his luck by asking so many questions when he was supposed to be the one giving all the answers. But he found himself greedy for every bit of information he could gather
from her. She fascinated him.
“I worried more over the loss of my soul than I did the Collective.”
“Why?”
Sasha traced a lazy pattern on Ewan’s chest with her fingertips. The sensation of her gentle touch rekindled the dying embers of his lust and caused his cock to stir between his legs.
“I worried that I would never be tethered. But I agreed to be turned in the hopes that—”
She abruptly cut herself off and a finger of dread stroked down Ewan’s spine. “What? Tell me, Sasha.”
Her fingers paused in their lazy pattern and she turned her head away from him. “I hoped that Saeed would tether me.”
Jealousy choked the air from Ewan’s lungs. “You are in love with him?” He’d known she held some measure of affection for the vampire but knowing she loved him made Ewan want to run a stake through the bastard’s heart.
He sat upright on the bed. His heart raced in his chest and raw, untamed rage swelled within him. With it came a rush of power that caused his limbs to quake. Sasha was his. Anyone who tried to take her from him would meet their end.
“Ewan?” Sasha’s tentative voice didn’t push past the haze of jealous rage that clouded his mind.
“Answer me.” The tiny, insignificant bit of reason that clung to his mind tried to tell him to back off but he wasn’t listening. “Do you love the vampire? Am I perhaps meant to make him jealous? I don’t like games, Sasha. And I won’t play them. Tell me the truth before I return to that coven and beat the answer out of Saeed instead.”
His words and actions would do nothing but push her away. And the gods help him, Ewan couldn’t do anything to stop himself.
* * *
Sasha’s heart jumped up into her throat as she sat up beside Ewan. His moods turned on a dime, without warning or reason. She’d been honest with him, not realizing her words might hurt him. But how could they? How could anything hurt such a strong, stoic, unfeeling male?
She’d given him honesty. And she would continue to do so. “I loved him. Once. I bared my soul to him and he rejected me. He turned me for his own selfish reasons and left me to mind his flock while he left in search of his true mate.”