“It’s okay, boo, you’re safe now.” I continued to comfort her. I eased the duffel bag purse she had on her shoulder to the floor. It was so heavy, it was like she tried to pack her whole life into it.
“Damn, girl, what you got in these bags?”
Sniffling, she replied, “I just grabbed everything I could. I just needed to get out.”
“Gina, I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but I have to say it. That is your grandmother’s house. There is no way that you should have had to leave it.”
“Tabatha, I know it’s mine, but you didn’t see his face. He was so angry, I thought he was going to hit me, and for what? Because I wanted to keep my baby.”
“So why are you the bad person? Doing the same thing that his other babiesmommas have done?”
Gina pushed me so hard I fell off the sofa. “I’m not like those other bitches. I love that man and I care for his children.”
Even though I wanted to get mad as I pulled myself off the floor, I had to admit she was right. Unlike those other whores, she was there on the battleground fighting for two of the kids Ronald had delivered into the world. “Gina, I’m sorry. You are right; you’ve been there and I can’t deny it. My bad for even suggesting such a thing’cause I know better.” Bile rose in the back of my throat. While I believed Gina did everything she could do to raise a happy family, Ronald was like dirty laundry, if you didn’t wash it, it began to stink. “I can’t help it if I get mad every time I think about how he treats you. I want to whup his ass.”
“Nobody wants to whup his ass as bad as I do, but I can’t.”
“Hold up, I’m going to stop this negative thinking right now. The bottom line is you’re my friend and that is your man for better or worse.” Even as the words fell out of my mouth, I wasn’t feeling them, and I was sure Gina saw right through me. I paused to see which way she was going to take them. To my surprise, she actually believed me.
“Are you for real?” Gina said.
That answered my question. I could see the happiness on her face. She was only hearing what she wanted to hear. I wasn’t mad at her. She was dealing with what she could while she was in a compromised state. With any luck, she would regain her sanity once the baby was born.
“Looks like I better start getting ready to be a godmother.”
Gina looked at me and shook her head.
My forehead wrinkled. “What do you mean no? Who else is going to be the godmother?”
“I’m not having the baby, Tabatha. I know you don’t understand this, but I’m gonna do whatever it takes to keep my man.”
I smiled, but it didn’t match my thoughts. I really wanted to tell her that she was the dumbest bitch in the world. But for better or worse, I was in it for the long haul with my friend.
CHAPTER SIX
GAVIN MILLS
Four Years Later . . .
I was taking a trip down memory lane, and I wasn’t pleased by the memories that came rushing back to me after I saw my brother. Practically every ass whupping that Merlin ever got from ages five to sixteen was a direct result of something that I had done. I was not proud of that fact, but it was what it was.
As children, Gina always told us to never back down from a fight and to always have each other’s back. More times than not, I wasn’t around when the fighting began. This, of course, was by my design. It wasn’t because I had some death wish for my twin; it was because I was tired of competing with him for my mother’s affection. So having someone else take him out seemed like a viable option to me.
Merlin was the good kid, but he was easily misled. He did well in school, minded his manners, did his homework without being prompted, and kept his side of the room spotless. I, on the other hand, was the complete opposite. The only way I knew how to level the playing field was to create situations to bring him down a notch or three. It wasn’t personal, it was survival. Merlin used to love me and would do anything that I told him to do. Although I was ashamed of the things I’d done to Merlin, I was helpless when it came down to the love of our mother. As far as I was concerned, there was only one spot available in my mother’s heart and I aimed to claim it. Thus, it wasn’t hard to understand why he hated me now.
“Merlin, get your ass in here!” He sat up in bed. I assumed he was confused as to why our mother would be calling him while it was still dark outside.
“Huh?” he yelled back.
I snuggled down deep in my covers and pretended not to hear the ruckus she was making. For good measure, I faked a loud snore.
“You heard me. Get your ass down here.”
“Shit,” he mumbled under his breath.
My heartbeat quickened. Merlin was in for an ass whupping, and I could tell by the sound of my mother’s voice it was going to be a long night. For a fraction of a second, I pitied my brother because he was about to walk into the bowels of hell and had no clue why he was headed there. A slow smile came across my face.
I watched as he pulled on his pajama bottoms and threw on his robe. If he knew what I knew, he would have hurried downstairs because Mother hated to be kept waiting. Technically, Gina wasn’t our real mother, but she was the only mother we knew, so she’d earned the title. Mentally, I went through the list of chores that I’d been given and subsequently assigned to Merlin. I knew he finished his chores, but mine were lacking.
Gina worked a part-time job on Mondays and Wednesdays, leaving me and Merlin home to fend for ourselves, which was no problem because we were old enough to stay home alone.
“Don’t make me come up there and get you.”
He walked out of the room still half asleep. I felt a tinge of regret for setting him up, but it didn’t last long. Her voice was coming from the guest bathroom. Because of that, I knew it was about to be on. I was supposed to clean the bathroom, but instead I pissed over everything. Even though I had pretended to be sleep, I couldn’t help but follow Merlin and witness the fireworks.
“Hey, Mom, what’s wrong?”
She whirled around to face Merlin, her eyes squinted in anger. “Don’t be sneaking up on me, boy.” She had her hands on her hips, blocking the rest of the bathroom from our view.
“I wasn’t sneaking,” Merlin sputtered.
“Shut up.”
He stood before her, shifting from foot to foot. Suddenly, I had to go to the bathroom in the worst way, but I didn’t want to do anything that would draw attention to me.
“What day is it?” she demanded.
Clearly Merlin had no idea where this conversation was leading him. I had switched days with him on the calendar our mother kept on the refrigerator.
He said, “Wednesday.”
“And what happens on Wednesday?”
This was not a trick question, and I was sure he knew the answer to it. On Wednesday night, my brother and I cleaned. We each had a long list of chores that would keep us busy until it was time to go to bed. It was Gina’s way to keep us occupied so we didn’t notice we were home alone.
“Cleaning day.” Merlin was smooth. He didn’t flinch when he answered our mother because he was certain he had finished his chores.
Usually, Merlin was responsible for cleaning the first floor. I was given the job of doing the upstairs, which included straightening up my mother’s bedroom. I hated that detail because she was always throwing her bras and panties around the room. No child should have to pick up his mother’s dirty underclothing.
“Exactly. So telling me you forgot won’t cut it. You know the rules, right?” Mother began to undo her belt from around the waist of her denim jeans.
“What’s wrong, Mother? I did my chores.”
She whirled around and surveyed the room. I knew for a fact that the bathroom was in total disarray. I had planned it that way, right after I switched Merlin’s name with mine on the calendar.
“You call this clean?” She stepped to the side with a sweeping motion of her hand. “I gave up my own child for bullshit like this. Fuck that.”
“Mother, I cleaned the first floor.”
I could see the fear etched on his face. The last thing you wanted to do in life was piss off my mother. Merlin was pleading with her, but she wasn’t hearing him. I was ecstatic. Things were playing out just like I wanted them to. She was ready to inflict some pain. Once again, I felt sorry for my brother, but not enough to step up and admit that I had a hand in this mess. I didn’t really hate Merlin per se. I just didn’t want to compete with him for the affections of our mother.
“So what are you saying? Are you trying to act like I’m senile or something?”
If my brother wanted to say something at all about the state of my mother’s mind, he wasn’t given the opportunity, because she hit him across the lips with her belt. Immediately his upper lip split and began to swell. In spite of myself, I gasped. I wanted her to punish him, but not in this manner. I was thinking more on the lines of no television or not being able to go to the movies.
“What are you doing in here? Did I call you?” My mother demanded as she shot me a beady-eyed look. “I should have kept my own damn baby.”
My eyes bucked in horror. I had walked right into the trap I had created, and was about to face some of her wrath for the messy bathroom and for the baby my deadbeat dad forced her to abort.
“Look at what your brother did.” She splayed her arms to show me the damage, but I already knew what the room looked like.
Comet was spread all over the sink, walls, and floor. She yanked me into the bathroom so I could get a better look. Wet wads of toilet paper littered the walls. A note was written on the mirror in toothpaste: Merln hates chors.
Gina slapped Merlin in the back of his head, bringing tears to his eyes.
“Mother, I didn’t do this,” Merlin stammered.
“Do you think I’m stupid? I know your dumb-ass brother did this. Hell, he can’t even spell your name let alone ‘chores.’ But you didn’t stand up for yourself and that is why I am punishing you. This is a mean world you’re stepping into and you’ve got to learn, hook, crook, borrow, or steal to make your way in it. Your dumb-ass brother knows this, and he sets you up every time and you allow it. You need to check his ass! I can’t do it for you.” She popped him in his head again.
I wanted to take offense for her calling me a dumb ass, but when I realized what I wrote on the mirror, I couldn’t argue with her. In my haste, I had spelled his name wrong.
“If there is one thing that you will learn from living with me, it will be to stand up for yourself.” She dragged him closer to the toilet.
If he thought things were bad before, he was wrong. Floating among the Comet and the piss I’d left in the toilet was my mother’s toothbrush.
“Oh, God!” Merlin shook his head as if he couldn’t believe it.
My mother turned another shade of black. She was almost blue, and her eyes looked like they were about to pop out of her head. Once again, I felt sorry for my actions, but I was too far into it to back out. I inched my way out of the bathroom. My brother was on his own.
“Is that my toothbrush?” my mother demanded.
I was so sure that she already knew it was hers before she even asked him, but he didn’t know how to respond.
“Oh, God!” he said again.
I was afraid—really afraid.
“Don’t you dare take the Lord’s name in vain.” She whacked him upside the head with her fist.
“Momma, I swear I didn’t do this,” Merlin shouted, but it was too little too late. He bent down under the sink to get something to fish her toothbrush from the toilet with but instead of finding a rag, her wet silk headwrap fell out along with the empty can of Comet. Merlin’s honey-bronze face turned bright red. He knew he was in deep shit when he realized what he held in his hands.
“If there is one thing that I will not tolerate in my house, it’s a fool. I know you had nothing to do with this, but you did nothing to stop it. That is why I am punishing you. I work too damn hard to have to come home and see this bullshit.”
“How can I stop something that I didn’t even know was happening?”
He had a good point, but Mother wasn’t buying it.
“You should have double-checked.” She slapped him upside the head again. Even though she held her belt in her hand, she used her fist to let him know she meant business.
He continued to tell her that he didn’t do it, but she couldn’t care less. She was on a roll and there was nothing he could do about it but take his licks. I was satisfied with another successful mission.
“I know you didn’t do it, but you’re too stupid to tell me who did.”
Damn, why should he have to tell her? We’re the only ones who live in the house. She should’ve known. I slipped out of the room because I wasn’t in the mood to get slapped upside the head.
“You’re going to learn how to be a man.”
So what is she saying? Does she mean real men rat on each other? Those words reverberated in my head as I sought my bed.
I heard Merlin say, “But, Momma—”
“Momma, my ass. Now clean this shit up, and you will be paying for my toothbrush and my headwrap from your lunch money.”
“What are you grinning about?”
A feeling of dread came over me. My mother had snuck into the room.
“Huh?” I rolled over and tried to grab my covers, pretending I’d fallen back to sleep.
“Huh, my ass. I know it was you who fucked up the . . .”
I waited for her to finish her sentence, but she left it hanging in the room like a stale fart. I hoped she wasn’t waiting for a confession, because it would be a cold day in hell before I’d confess to throwing her toothbrush in the toilet. “Ah, Ma, you messed up a perfectly good wet dream.” My intent was to shock her, but not to piss her off. Boy, was I wrong.
“You nasty little pervert. How dare you say some shit like that to me!” She started beating me over the head with her hands.
In hindsight I was glad it was her hands and not a bat, ’cause she would have whupped my ass to death. “I’m sorry. I was sleeping, Momma. I didn’t mean any disrespect. I said the first thing that came to mind.”
“What do you take me for?” She stopped beating me about the head as if she seriously expected me to answer her question, but I was not falling into that trap.
I didn’t understand why she was punishing Merlin if she knew I had been the one to do it. Clearly she could see I’d targeted her when I destroyed the bathroom, because all of the items I used belonged to her. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t see that I was calling out for attention.
“Get up. I want you downstairs to mop the kitchen floor and vacuum the living room.”
“Mom, I have to go to school in the morning. Don’t you know how important it is to get a good night’s sleep before school?” I was laying it on thick, but I could tell she wasn’t buying it.
“You’d have to go to school before that lie would work with me. Don’t think I don’t know you’re spending all your time on the corners instead of in the classroom.”
Damn, she knows! I thought I was slick and shit and she saw right through my game. Maybe now would be a good time to tell her I’d dropped out. I gave up all pretense of being asleep. “Well, Ma, since you know I haven’t been going to school, don’t you think this would be a good time for you to sign my work permit and let me get a real job? With the money I make I can help you out around the house.” I raised up on my arms and looked into a face contorted in rage.
“You little pissant. Who do you think will hire your retarded ass? You need an education so you can better yourself.”
Her comment stung, and even though I knew it was her anger talking, it still hurt. I wanted to ask her how that worked for her because she’d been slaving at three jobs just to maintain this raggedy-ass house, and she had her diploma.
“Wipe that damn smirk off your face and go mop the floor, and while you’re down there, wax it, too!”
I roll
ed out of bed under her watchful glare. Even though I wound up with additional chores, I still made out better than my brother, ’cause he had to clean the bathroom with a toothbrush.
“And you’re going back to school in the morning, mister.” She walked off in a huff toward her bedroom. “Should have had my own damn baby and let Ronald raise his own damn kids.” My face felt tight, and I was afraid one sharp motion could cause it to crack in half.
I gave her the finger behind her back.
“I saw that, you rotten bastard.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
GAVIN MILLS
Moms wasn’t playing about my going back to school. She took off from her day job and personally escorted me. The whole way there, she talked about how she should have never given up her baby for me and my sorry-ass dad.
“You didn’t have to come with me.” I was dragging my feet because I didn’t want anyone to know we were together.
“Like hell I didn’t. You’re going to get a high school education even if I have to sit up in the class with you every damn day.”
I paused midstep. Surely she had to be kidding. I would look like the biggest loser in the world if that were to happen.
“Come on, boy. You don’t want us to be late.”
I felt like crying when she yanked open the front door to the school I’d sworn to never step foot in again.
“Which way to the office?” My mother reached back and yanked me beside her. Her voice was so loud it practically bounced off the walls.
I was so embarrassed I was afraid to look up. “Down this hallway and on the right.” I started walking faster.
The sound of her heels clicked harshly against the ceramic tiled floors. Fortunately, the first bell had already rung, so the hallways were clear of other students. The morning announcements were being read as I held open the office door for my mother. She marched past me and made her way to the secretary’s desk.
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