by Dianne Drake
Daniel merely nodded, then slipped into his office and shut the door behind him.
“So what have I done?” she asked herself as she pushed the elevator call button. The door opened immediately and she stepped into the empty lift and slumped against its back wall for the one-story descent. “What have I done?”
CHAPTER FOUR
WELL, AT LEAST she hadn’t turned him down. That was a good thing. But had she accepted his offer only because she wanted to see Maddie again, or had he actually convinced Zoey to go out with him? An almost-date standing on its own merits.
Daniel glanced at the picture of Elizabeth still sitting on his desk, then reached out and lightly ran his fingers over it. One photo, such fond memories. And such pain. Several times over the past year he’d tried putting it away, but he never could bring himself to do it. Once, he’d got it all the way to his desk drawer but he’d stopped short of putting it inside, instead placing it right back in its usual spot next to Maddie’s photo.
“So I’ve done it,” he said to the image of his late wife. “I think I’ve taken that first step. It’s difficult, though, and I don’t even know if I’m going in the right direction. But I’m trying, Elizabeth, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.” Was he numb? Or afraid of letting his wife go? Was he moving ahead or being disloyal? “It’s a lot to think about,” he said, sighing wearily as he removed his white lab coat and hung it on a wall peg. Then he glanced down at the wedding ring he still wore, fingering it tenderly. Yes, it was a lot, indeed!
But, no matter. The deed was done. He’d asked, Zoey had accepted and that was that. One pizza and no strings attached. Oh, and with Maddie there as the buffer. That was the way he was going to have to think about it to get himself through the evening without feeling an overwhelming guilt. What the hell am I doing? A chance meeting at a coffee shop, a hospital fundraiser, scheduling a professional appointment—these were all one thing. But to ask her out...to blatantly ask her out for pizza...
That was something altogether different, and now he was feeling...confused. Yes, that was it. He was confused. Afraid to take the first step, afraid to move away from what he knew and had always counted on and move toward the unknown. It was too different, and there were times now when he hated anything different.
* * *
“She’s looking forward to seeing you,” he told Maddie a little while later. “Do you remember Zoey coming to our house?”
Maddie shook her head no, but she was in that stage right now where she responded negatively to everything. So he had no way of knowing whether or not she actually remembered Zoey taking care of Elizabeth during those last few weeks of Elizabeth’s life. In a sense, he hoped she didn’t, as he did not want Maddie to have those images of Elizabeth and her illness as her only memories of her mother.
“Well, even if you don’t remember her, I know you’re going to like her. In the meantime, what do you want on your pizza tonight?”
“I don’t like pizza,” Maddie responded sullenly, folding her arms tightly across her chest. It had been a particularly rough night to pick her up as Maddie had wanted to spend all night with her grammy, and have pancakes and maple syrup for dinner. That was Maddie’s plan, anyway, one that Abby had been quite happy to accommodate. Also, it was one he’d changed, and Maddie wasn’t happy about that. Hence her grumpy mood.
“Pizza’s not your favorite food anymore?” He wanted to laugh at his daughter’s attempt to control her world, but he knew that, as soon as the pizza was placed in front of her, her walls would come tumbling down. A three-year-old’s sellout to pepperoni and cheese.
“I hate pizza!” she said. And she meant it for the moment.
“Then that means there’ll be more for me to eat.”
“You can’t have my pizza, Daddy.”
“Why not, if you don’t want it?”
“Because it’s mine.” Her sullen face grew even darker. “And I want it!”
“And you’re not going to share with me?”
That question caught Maddie off-guard and she didn’t answer for a few moments. “You can have one bite,” she finally conceded.
“Thank you for that, Maddie! I really appreciate it.” She didn’t respond to him, so he continued, “So, do you like pizza again? Even a little bit?”
“I don’t know,” Maddie answered him.
“Are you going to be nice to Zoey tonight?”
“I don’t know.”
And so went the conversation the rest of the way to Giovanni’s. Daniel was grateful for it, though, as it kept his mind off what he was about to do. Guilt and pepperoni were never a good combination.
* * *
Once inside Giovanni’s, Daniel headed right for their usual table, up front at the window. A server immediately rushed over with a booster seat for Maddie, and Giovanni himself poked his head out the kitchen door and waved to Daniel. “Your usual tonight, Danny boy?” he hollered.
“Maybe. But someone’s joining me in a few minutes, so let’s hold off and see what she wants.”
“A date?” Giovanni called out, grinning from ear to ear. He was a short, round little man with bushy eyebrows and an eternal twinkle in his eyes. “Finally!”
“A friend from work,” Daniel responded, finding it hard to vocalize the word date. “She’s a nurse.”
“A sexy one, I hope,” Giovanni said, then ducked back into the kitchen.
Zoey sexy? He hadn’t given it that much thought up until now but, come to think of it, she was sexy. Very sexy. So why hadn’t he noticed that about her before? Probably because he wasn’t ready. And why was he thinking about that now? Probably because he was ready.
Zoey sexy... She’d changed clothes, he noticed first off as she entered through Giovanni’s front door, out of her everyday work scrubs into a pair of casually worn jeans and a slipover, white cotton sweater. Her hair was down, too. It was a pleasant look altogether, and he wondered if the men in Giovanni’s were staring at her as appreciatively as he was. “You remember Maddie,” he said as Zoey approached the table.
“Of course I do!” Zoey bent down to extend a hand to Maddie. But Maddie would have no part in it and, instead, clamped her arms tight across her chest as per usual, then looked at the floor.
“She’s got a stubborn streak tonight,” Daniel explained while the server stood by to take their order.
The smell of pizza permeated the entire room and the hushed tones of everybody eating all the pizza caused the tiny place to spring to life.
“Any reason in particular?” Zoey took her seat and swung her strappy purse over the back of her chair.
“It seems that Maddie made other plans with her grandmother and I came along and spoiled them. That’s why she’s mad at me and, by extension, probably you, too. Isn’t that right, Maddie?”
“I wanted pancakes!” the child mumbled into her chest.
“But you’re getting pizza like I promised you. Remember, we talked about that this morning?”
“I wanted pancakes,” she countered.
“Well, we don’t always get what we want, Maddie. And when you’re older, you’ll understand this.” Sighing, he turned his frazzled attention to Zoey. “Do you like Giovanni’s so far?”
“I’ve never been here before,” Zoey commented, “But it seems nice. And the atmosphere is lovely.” She was referring to the quaint red-and-white checkered table cloths and the empty bottles of wine turned into candle holders.
“I hadn’t been here, either, until Elizabeth...” He stopped and smiled sadly, the full weight of being here with someone other than Elizabeth finally catching up to him. This had been Elizabeth’s favorite restaurant, a place he’d enjoyed with his wife so many times over the years. And here he was now, with somebody else. It didn’t feel right, but it also didn’t feel as wrong as it could h
ave, which surprised Daniel. What a difference this past year had made...a difference he hadn’t even recognized until this very moment. “Well, anyway, you’re in for a treat. Maddie and I come here probably once a week now—don’t we, Maddie?”
Typically, she didn’t answer, but instead gave her head an adamant shake: no.
“It’s a phase,” Daniel explained. “One I hope she outgrows pretty quickly.”
“Sometimes we just don’t feel like talking,” Zoey said. “Isn’t that right, Maddie?”
“No!” the child exclaimed loud enough that half the people in the restaurant turned their heads to look at her.
“Inside voice,” Daniel warned. “Use your inside voice, Maddie. Like we’ve discussed.”
Maddie sat motionlessly in her chair and didn’t respond.
“Well,” he finally said to Zoey, “It looks like the conversation is up to the two of us tonight, since Maddie has chosen not to participate.” He smiled over at his daughter. “But we’ll work it out, won’t we, Maddie?”
True to her newfound stubbornness, Maddie shook her head no, and Zoey couldn’t help but laugh aloud. “She’s certainly a stubborn one.”
“Worn with pride, I’m afraid.” Daniel looked up and noticed that the waiter was still standing there patiently, waiting for their order. “We’ll have a large thin crust, with pepperoni and extra cheese...” He glanced over at Zoey. “Is that OK with you?”
“Sounds good.”
“Then that’s it. Oh, and milk for Maddie, and...” He looked back over at Zoey. “Want to split a pitcher of beer?”
“Sure,” she said enthusiastically. “But could we make it light?” she asked.
Light? For a moment, Daniel thought about asking Zoey if she was watching her weight, but judging from what he’d seen of her so far, and what he hadn’t seen of her in a very literal sense, she didn’t have an inch extra on her anywhere. In fact, Zoey had perfect curves in all the right places, something that he had noticed in spite of his futile attempts not to. Even now, just thinking about looking at her, a little knot of desire punched him right in the gut. “Um...you’ll like the pizza,” he said, struggling for something to get his mind off the obvious thoughts trying to invade it.
“That’s what you told me.”
Still grappling... “Did I tell you they have a nice thin crust here?”
Zoey nodded, smiling. “And that they give you extra toppings.”
Well, so much for getting his mind off how attractive he thought Zoey was. It was time to admit it to himself. She was attractive. Particularly attractive. Was sexy, too. Caught his interest in a way he didn’t want his interest being caught. “OK, well, I know I didn’t tell you I’ve tried making pizza at home, but it’s just not the same as Giovanni’s and Maddie refuses to eat it.”
“So what do you do about that?”
“Fix her whatever she wants. And, before you jump in and tell me that I shouldn’t let my daughter control me that way, I know that’s true. But it’s tough maintaining the status quo when I’m away from her so much of the time.” Now, finally, he was back on less shaky ground! No more untoward thoughts.
“At least she has her grandmother. My mother worked three jobs most of the time and she left me with different people every day. First one neighbor, then the next. Anybody who was available to look after me for a day.”
“Why so many people?”
“Because she couldn’t afford a regular daycare center, and the best she could do was hire people who didn’t want a regular commitment but were open to making a few extra dollars. They were cheaper for her.”
“And it worked out for you?”
“Most of the people who looked out for me were nice. But I always missed my mom. Always wanted to have a more regular schedule than I did, because it got so confusing going from person to person.”
“Other than that, you had a normal childhood?”
“I wouldn’t say it was normal but, looking back, at the time I thought it was the way things were supposed to be. Parents left their children behind. Although I wasn’t neglected, Daniel. Not by any means. Because my mother made up for her absences when she got home. Sometimes, too much so, I think. Probably because she felt guilty about being away so often.”
“I’ll bet she didn’t dote the way my mom did—still does—on Damien and me.”
“I wouldn’t call it doting so much as riding herd. Mom had strict rules I was expected to follow even when she wasn’t there, and she convinced me that she’d know if I was breaking them even though she was gone. That was back when I thought my mother had superpowers.”
“Ah, yes. Woman with a cape.”
“The invincible cape that came out whenever it was necessary. The thing is, I was a true believer in my mother’s magical powers to simply know what I’d been up to. I mean, I couldn’t get away with anything, and it wasn’t for a lack of trying. Because I tried, and I was quite a handful at times, running around with the wrong people, staying out later than I was supposed to, going places where I was forbidden to go.”
“I can’t imagine you being a wild child.”
“Not wild so much as pushing my boundaries. Trying to see how much I could get away with.”
“Did you get away with very much?”
“No at all. My mother had a way of just handling my antics. And so patient... Oh, my heavens, that woman was patient with me!” Zoey laughed, suddenly feeling better about coming here with Daniel. This wasn’t going to be a difficult evening after all. Daniel’s relaxed demeanor spoke to that. But she wondered if some of what she was seeing was being forced, as she noticed the nervous way his fingers fidgeted, and the occasional distant look that tried overtaking his eyes.
“If you weren’t wild, then why were you always testing your mother?”
“Always trying to find a way to get attention, because my mother didn’t have a lot of time for me.”
“Like I don’t have a lot of time for Maddie.”
“Does she try to get your attention?”
“All the time. And I give it to her whenever I can, but it never seems to be enough. Which is why I think it’s so easy for Abby to spoil her.”
“Which leaves you feeling guilty.”
“Guilty as hell,” he stated.
“But you’re a good father, Daniel. I can see it. And Elizabeth often talked about how good you are with Maddie. That gave her a lot of comfort.”
He smiled sadly. “Sometimes I’m not sure I’m good enough, though.”
“But you said it yourself—Maddie’s going through a phase. She’ll outgrow it in time, when her intellect catches up to her emotions.”
“And in the mean time I—”
“Take it as it comes,” Zoey interrupted. “That’s all you can do. Oh, and trust that in the end, with your good parenting, Maddie will turn out wonderfully.”
He chuckled. “Good parenting. Right. Lately, I’ve come to appreciate my parents’ good parenting more than I ever did before. The things they had to put up with from Damien and me... We really put them to the test sometimes.”
“So what kinds of things did you and you brother do?”
Daniel slowly curled his lips into a reminiscent smile. “Mostly boy things, like setting the neighbor’s shed on fire.”
“You were an arsonist?” She arched amused eyebrows. “For real?”
“Hey, I didn’t strike the match, if that’s what you mean.”
“But you were there, aiding and abetting.”
“I prefer to think of it as observing.”
“And Damien...your twin, I think is what Elizabeth told me?”
“Older by seven minutes.”
“What was he doing?”
“Checking to make sure there was nothing in the shed. We’d alr
eady scouted it out ahead of time, then we waited until the neighbors were gone and my parents were otherwise occupied. It was a Saturday morning...early. We announced that we were going to the park for a game of basketball. Made a big deal of it, actually, which probably had my parents suspicious right off the bat. Anyway, instead of the park, we sneaked into the neighbor’s backyard and that’s where Damien produced the fateful book of matches he’d stolen from the kitchen drawer.”
“You didn’t have matches, too?”
“At that point, I was still a good boy. My dad told me not to play with matches, so I didn’t.”
“Yet you expected to burn down a shed.”
“Damien expected to burn down a shed. I expected to watch.”
“So it was Damien who didn’t follow the rules.”
“He still doesn’t.”
“But he doesn’t burn down sheds now, does he?”
“His pent-up energies are spent in the OR. My brother’s one hell of a surgeon.” Said with pride.
“So, back to the shed.”
“Yes, the shed. It didn’t go up at first. One match wasn’t enough. So Damien gathered up some kindling...”
“While you watched him?”
“While I watched him.”
“Were you always the inactive participant?”
“Usually. Although I’ll admit that I spawned a good many of our bad ideas.”
“Bad ideas for Damien to carry out.”
Daniel chuckled. “Something like that.”
“So why did he do it and you didn’t?”
“I was afraid to try new things. Always was, and I’m afraid a part of that is still lingering in me. I resist change.”
“Like Maddie does.”
“It’s a good thing she’s got a lot of Elizabeth in her to even her out.”
“Oh, I think you even her out, too. You just don’t realize that yet. Anyway, so you and Damien burned that shed to the ground. Right?”