by Brei Betzold
“I can’t go back there, he has a life there.”
“Do you honestly think he would stay if he knew who, what he worked for?” Matt asked. “If he knew what his friend had done, do you see him being okay with that?”
I shook my head, because I knew Thayne wouldn’t stay. “No, but I can’t tell him.”
“Why not?”
“Because when he looks at me with disgust or worse, pity, after he knows, it would hurt more than losing him now.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
I scoffed, “Yeah right.”
“I think he’s worth the risk, Scout, and I think you may be surprised,” he told me and leaned down kissed the top of my wet hair. “Come on, let’s get in, we’re soaked.”
“Thank you, Uncle Matt,” I told him.
“You really are growing into a strong, slightly bruised, but amazing woman, Scout,” he told me then we walked inside to find a pissed off Cas.
“Not now,” I told him.
“What were you thinking going out there and standing in the rain?” he barked.
“Not now,” I told him again.
“Cas, maybe you should calm down,” Matt said.
“Calm down, you let her stand out there in the fucking rain,” Cas growled.
“For fuck’s sake,” I yelled, “it’s water, Cas. Damn, I’m not going to fucking melt.”
Then I turned and stormed back out the door, and back into the dreaded rain. I needed to get away from here, away from him. So I walked across the street to the diner and got myself a cup of coffee and thought about what Matt had told me.
Chapter 25
Once home, I curled up on the couch with my Kindle, getting lost into an alternate universe sounded like a good plan to me. Liam sat down beside me and turned on the TV, I put my head on his shoulder and continued reading.
“Whatcha reading, Harper Lee?”
“The Good Fairies of New York,” I told him.
“Hmm, haven’t you read that one before?”
“Yep.”
“Must be good then.”
“Yep.”
“Am I bugging you?”
“Yep.”
He huffed out a laugh and went back to watching TV.
A little while longer Cam came in and plopped Zadok down on my lap, “Watch the little monster,” she demanded then turned around and left.
I reached out and grabbed Zadok before he could fall off my lap and tossed my Kindle aside. “Zadok, are you a monster?” I asked the drooling baby.
He looked at me then began screaming; I sighed. He had been crying a lot lately. Cam said he was teething, I didn’t know anything about babies. I just knew he was drooling, a lot. I put him against my shoulder and stood up walking him around the house, patting his back and talking to him calmly, the entire time he screamed in my ear.
“Come on, Zadok,” I whispered, “you don’t want Aunt Scout to go Deaf do you?”
I kept walking and bouncing him, eventually I went into the kitchen and dug around in the freezer and pulled out a cube of ice, and went and sat back down on the couch. I gently rubbed the ice on his gums like I had seen Cam do, talking to him the entire time. Eventually he calmed down and fell asleep. I let out a breath and decided I wouldn’t be moving anytime soon from this spot—I was not waking him up.
“You’re good with him,” Cam said when she walked in the room and saw her son asleep.
“I have no idea what I am doing.”
She shrugged. “None of us do, but you’ll be a good mom.”
“No, I won’t,” I replied.
“Sure you will.”
“No, I won’t, since I can’t have babies.”
“Oh,” she said looking shocked, “I, uhm, didn’t know that.”
I sighed. “Between the drugs and the, uhm, damage, the chances of me having children is nil,” I told her.
“Oh,” she said, “I just assumed with the birth control.”
“It’s a safety measure to help regulate my hormones, but I am missing some pieces to make it possible to carry my own child.”
“Oh Scout,” she whispered. “He should have his balls ripped off and shoved up his ass.”
I burst out laughing disturbing Zadok. I rubbed his tummy hoping he stayed asleep, when he relaxed, both of us let out a breath.
“Yeah, he should,” I whispered, “and it still wouldn’t be enough.”
“Honey, nothing would ever be enough,” with that she stood up, “since you are stuck I’m going to go cook dinner.”
I nodded and reached over grabbing my Kindle and went back to reading.
Zadok finally woke up and I handed him off to his mom. Then went and fixed myself a plate of food and ate some of it. After that, I cleaned up the kitchen. Cas was sitting on the couch talking to Kale and Liam so I went and laid down with my head in his lap, just enjoying him being near. As much as he pissed me off, I loved him.
He smiled down at me then went back talking to the guys about some video game. I ignored them and eventually fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning I felt better, more myself than I had in weeks. We quickly headed out and I got to ride my Stella. I was in a great mood when I showed up at the garage.
We lined up and listened to our directions for today. We had four hours to finish assembling the frame. Tomorrow they would be judged, then we would be off for a long weekend. I was happy about that. We could all use the break, I thought, maybe go for a ride, or camping.
We headed off towards our stall and went to work. I played gopher while they worked to get it finished, and I also spent the day ignoring Thayne. It seemed like he had the same plan since I didn’t see much of him. By the time was up, we had a fully finished custom bike frame that we were confident in. I was ready for the judging tomorrow, and thinking of ways to talk everyone into the idea of going camping since we never really celebrated Cas being home.
When we got home, I brought up my idea. Liam and Kale were in on the idea of camping, Cam and Simon wanted to stay put since Zadok hadn’t been feeling well, and Cas had to go back to San Diego for a few days. I sighed slightly deflated but Liam, Kale, and I started looking at campsites. By the end of the evening, I was once again excited about the camping trip, and I was happy that I had insisted we bring our gear with us. We had plans to leave after the judging table and come back on Sunday. Four and a half days in the middle of nowhere was calling me.
At the end of the judging table, I was giddy, we had won our first competition, and now I was getting ready to go camping with two of my best friends. Our bikes were packed, all we had to do was run by a grocery store, then we were off to the campsite we had found. The guys pointed out to me that it was Fourth of July and that was the reason for the break. I had completely lost track of days. That left us with two more challenges before the final, then getting ready for the rally.
Cas had left this morning taking Angel with him, he said he would be back next week at some point. I wasn’t sure if I was going to miss him or not at this point. I was standing by Stella literally bouncing on the balls of my feet ready to go, but I had to wait on Kale and Liam.
“Where are you going?” asked Matt.
“We’re going camping,” I said excitedly.
“We?”
“Liam, Kale, and me.”
“Where are you going?”
So I told him and he nodded, “How long?”
“Till Sunday.”
“Huh, mind if an old man crashes at some point? I don’t really want to stay around here for the fourth.”
“I would love it,” I told him honestly. “We have a campsite rented. We got one larger than we needed in case anyone else ended up joining us.”
“I may show up at some point then,” he told me then gave me a one armed hug. “Have fun.” I waved bye to him.
I watched Thayne walk out. Once again wearing a fedora, I smiled a little remembering picking on him for wearing that hat at the diner. He looked over at me and gave me a s
mall smile. I nodded at him and watched as he climbed into his GTO. I rubbed my hands over my face and sighed, I needed to get away, think, and make some decisions.
Liam and Kale walked up and I grinned. “Ready?”
“To see you in a bikini, damn right, Harper Lee,” Liam said loudly. I glared at him but realized he wasn’t looking at me but smirking at Thayne who was sitting in his car watching us.
I reached over and smacked Liam in the back of the head. “I don’t wear bikinis, you pain in the ass,” I told him then climbed on Stella and waved bye at Thayne.
I grinned over at Kale and Liam. “Race ya,” I told them, pulled on my helmet and hit the throttle.
They caught up with me quickly, and we rode through town, leaving the city limits, forgetting about running by the grocery store when a long ride was all I wanted. We rode for about forty-five minutes then pulled off and slowed down the dirt road that led to the bait and tackle shop that doubled as a small grocer and rental. We went in and paid our lot fees for the weekend. After finding out where our site was located, I picked up the perishable food that we hadn’t brought in with us, along with an ice chest. We loaded everything into the ice chest, filled it with ice and strapped it onto the back of Kale’s bike, then went in search of our campsite.
Once we found it, we went to work clearing out any rocks and branches then started setting up camp. I had my pop tent up quickly, then went to work on getting the campfire pit cleaned out. We had found enough fallen branches around that we wouldn’t need to go scavenging for more firewood today. After I had that cleaned up and was ready for tonight, I started unloading the bikes, pulling duffels and sleeping bags out of the saddlebags. Once the boys had their tent up, we tossed everything into their respective tents and sat down on the log in front of the fire pit.
“So Uncle Matt might join us at some point.”
“Cool, we can pick on the old guy,” Liam said. I reached over and flicked his ear. “Ow,” he whined.
“Be nice,” I warned.
“So Kale and I were thinking about going and picking up some fireworks tomorrow,” Liam told me still rubbing his ear.
I shrugged, “Fine, just don’t expect me to help.”
“Such a wuss,” he complained.
“Sorry, don’t want to lose a finger, call me what you want, but I like having all ten connected to my body.”
Kale chuckled. “Don’t know why you try to change her mind, it’s your fault.”
“How is it my fault?” he whined.
“The video you showed her, she was fine until you showed her that video of the firecracker blowing up in the guy’s hand.”
“Oh yeah, I forgot about that.”
“Dumbass,” I muttered.
“Heard that, Harper Lee.”
“Wasn’t keeping my opinion from you.”
Kale sighed. “Why did I agree to come here again?”
Liam and I laughed. “Because you’re a masochist,” I reminded him. “You’d have to be, to have hooked up with this guy.”
“Hey,” Liam yelped.
“This is going to be a long weekend,” Kale grumbled getting up. “Come on, let’s get a fire going.”
After we had the fire going, and I attempted to shove Liam in, we settled down with hot dogs and chips for dinner. I leaned back watching the flames. Liam shoved his fifth hot dog into the flames and I looked over at him.
“Where do you put it all?”
“Huh,” he said around a mouth full of food.
“How the hell are you so bony with how much you eat?”
“Not bony,” he mumbled.
“Not bony, my ass.” I laughed, “You have chicken legs, and pointy elbows.”
He picked up a rock and threw it at me. “It all goes to my bubble butt, and like you’re one to talk, at least I have an ass.”
“I have an ass,” I retorted.
He snorted then shoved half a hot dog in his mouth.
We stayed out for a while longer enjoying the fire, starry skies, and the faint sounds of lapping water from the lake nearby. Eventually we broke it up, hugging and heading to our tents. I laid down and stared up imagining the stars above. Finally breaking down, I dragged my sleeping bag outside and stared at the starry night, drifting off to sleep.
Chapter 26
I was woken up by someone poking me over and over in my ribs. I rolled over and flipped whoever it was off then tried to go back to sleep.
“Come on, princess,” Liam cajoled. “Wakey wakey, eggs, and bac-ey.”
“Please god, say you’re not cooking,” I moaned.
“Oh hell no, that’s why I am waking you up,” he said and jumped away when I went to kick him but was restricted by the sleeping bag.
I finally untangled myself from the sleeping bag and dragged myself up off the ground. I stretched and looked around the campground. I had to pee and brush my teeth, guess that meant I was going for a hike.
“Running up to the restrooms,” I told Kale. He nodded and went back to watching the coffee, and I took off in what I hoped was the correct direction.
When I finally found it, I had almost decided to give up and find a tree. I ran the rest of the way in and sighed in happiness. I quickly brushed my teeth and headed back towards the campsite. Once I made it back I gratefully took the coffee offered and took my meds before I started work on our breakfast.
“So what’s the plan today?” I asked while scrambling eggs, and keeping an eye on the bacon.
“Well we’re going to go pick up fireworks,” Liam sounded excited. I rolled my eyes. What was with boys and blowing shit up?
“Can you stop and get some things?”
“Sure,” Kale answered, “just give us a list.”
“Good, since tomorrow’s the fourth I’m sure most places will be closed, and I really don’t feel like running out of food.”
“Yeah, that would suck,” Liam said watching me pull the bacon off, then put the egg mixture in the pan and began scrambling the eggs.
“Hands off,” I warned and he pouted.
Once the eggs were done, I filled our tin plates and we all tucked in to eat our breakfast. After we finished, I had the boys clean up in the men’s restroom. I changed into a pair of board shorts and a tank top then slathered on sunblock, grabbed my Kindle, and texted Kale that I was heading to the lake. I grabbed a bag, stuffed in a towel, my phone, sunblock, my Kindle, MP3 player, and my sunglasses and headed off to a day of lying around being lazy and reading.
Once I found a spot I liked, I turned the ringer off on my phone, spread, out my towel and laid down soaking in the vitamin D. I put my sunglasses on and started reading my book. The swimming area filled up rather quickly, families here for the long weekend, college kids enjoying their summer break. I went between people watching and reading. When the small snack cart opened I went to get myself a lemonade. I decided to wade through the shallow part of the water, the cool sand against the bottom of my feet felt heavenly and the water lapping against my calf was relaxing.
I watched the kids building sand castles, and the older boys toss the girls into the water while they screamed in protest. I smiled when a father took his son out and started teaching him to swim in the lake. I never had that, a dad to teach me stuff. He taught me about bikes through proxy, since I followed Cas around. I wandered back to my towel and sat down watching everyone play.
A young couple sat close to me kissing occasionally, snuggling, laughing and I realized as I watched, that I wanted that. I wanted someone to do that with, someone who looked at me like this guy looked at her. I began to wonder if I had blown my chance at that. Would Thayne have ever looked at me like that, like I was his world?
I sighed and pulled out my Kindle and tried reading but I just couldn’t get back into my book. I tossed it back in my bag and laid back down. I knew I had screwed things up with Thayne, and that I was screwing things up with Cas as well. I didn’t know how to fix things with either of them, or if I could at this point
.
Things with Thayne scared me. I had no idea what he wanted or expected out of me. He said we were friends then would make comments that made me think he wanted more. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be capable of the more. If I couldn’t give him the more, was it really fair to pursue this? Cas though was the opposite, he didn’t expect anything from me, and I didn’t know if I could continue living a life like that.
I knew Cas meant well, he was trying to protect me, but at what point would he feel like I could protect myself, if ever? It was time to sit down and attempt a conversation with him that didn’t include yelling at each other. I just wasn’t sure if that was possible at this point. I was also scared that as soon as we started talking I would do what I always did, go back to doing as he wants. I didn’t want his disapproval, and the thought of him disappointed in me, scared me.
I was getting nowhere fast with this. I had to make some decisions and stick to them for once. It was time to start acting like a grown up. Would it be worth the possible pain to see where this thing with Thayne went? Yeah it was, he made me feel different. I reacted differently to him than any other person I had ever met, my heart fluttered when he was around, and I deserved to see where that went. Cas and I needed to talk, a real talk, about everything that has happened. Now I just had to grow some balls to see it all through.
I laid there staring up at the puffy white clouds and blue sky thinking, considering, debating when a shadow came over me, I looked over to the side and found a guy around my age standing there. He was grinning and holding a football. I continued to watch him curious about what he wanted. Apparently, he took that as a queue to plop down beside me. I didn’t know what to do about this. I had never really been in a situation like this.
“Hey, I’m Brett,” he said.
I nodded in acknowledgement and looked back up at the sky, hoping he’d get the hint and leave.
“Aren’t you going to tell me your name?”