by Jax Garren
She reached out to touch him and realized she’d traveled across the room without conscious intent.
He hugged her without hesitation, pulling her against wonderfully smooth skin. “I’d wanted to go out, but you could convince me otherwise.” His forehead touched hers, his hands caressing her back. “Gods, I want you like this. I want to feel you everywhere. I want out of my head and into your body. I love you and I want you to know me like this. Like me. I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to be me.”
She leaned into his heat and tangled her fingers in the hair on his chest. There was no denying it felt good. She wanted him like this, too. To not worry about how she touched him or what he was thinking. To just have fun exploring each other.
And then, after one perfect day, she’d lose him.
“What’s in the cup?” she asked again.
“Goddammit, Jolie. Don’t.”
“What’s in the cup?”
He set his jaw and didn’t answer.
“It’s what I think it is, isn’t it? You can stay. But you have to go back to the way you were.” Silence. She slammed her palms against his chest and backed out of his arms. “Answer me, damn you.”
“Yes,” he ground out between clenched teeth.
Even expecting it, the answer hit her like a slap. A disbelieving laugh shuddered from her. “And you were just going to leave me after a stirring goodbye fuck? Are you kidding me? I thought you loved me.”
He ran a hand through the back of his hair in a gesture both familiar and strange. “You know I do.”
“No, I don’t. Not anymore. In sickness and health. For better or for worse. That’s what I meant when I said I love you.” She turned away, unable to look at his handsome face, the one he couldn’t live without. The ring on the altar mocked her with its blooming beauty. She crossed to pick it up. “Who is this for? Were you going to sell it?” She’d been so convinced it was hers.
“You know it’s yours.”
She held it up to him. “For which finger?”
He averted his gaze, unable to answer.
Anger welled so strong she couldn’t contain it. She flung his masterpiece at him. Reflexively he blocked it, and the ring went flying under the bed.
“I would’ve said yes,” she spat out and stormed toward the door. “Have a perfectly gorgeous day without me. As far as I’m concerned, you’re already gone.”
“Jolie, stop. Please.”
The pain in his voice slowed her, but not enough that she could look at him. “Tell me something, Hauk. Would you still love me if I wasn’t beautiful?”
“Of course I would.”
“Would you still want me?”
“Don’t ask ridiculous questions,” he growled.
She glared over her shoulder. “Why aren’t they ridiculous when you ask them? Call me if you figure out the answer. As long as I have you, I don’t care about anything else. Because I love you. I’ll be waiting.” Her voice broke on the last word and she walked out, slamming the door behind.
* * *
Hauk watched in confused frustration as the door slammed. “I died!” he shouted after her.
Only silence in return. He wanted to follow her down the hall, beg her to come back, but he knew at a gut level that she wouldn’t. For some unfathomable reason, she didn’t want him as he stood. She wanted the broken him.
No, that was unfair. She wanted longevity, or thought she did. But how much had she thought that through? They’d only been together a short time. He’d made a ring, sure, in some wishful dream, clinging to hopes he shouldn’t have. But marrying him required her to make far more compromises than was fair or reasonable. He was a felon, for the gods’ sakes. They couldn’t even get married, not legally. If he put that ring on her finger, he was condemning her and their children to a life underground when she’d chosen to live in the sky.
Oh hell, the ring.
He dropped to the floor and searched, scrounging on the ground for his masterpiece, the one he’d crafted with Jolie in mind for every delicate petal and hint of thorn. He found it under the bed and crawled back out. He grasped the ring as he curled up and put his head on his knees.
He’d given Jolie everything he had—his fear, his pride, his heart and his scarred body. In return he wanted one perfect day. But still she demanded more.
One day in the sunshine, no stares, no scratches where skin met metal, no watching out for the cops and no fear of brushing into a stranger.
With or without her, he could still have that. Setting his jaw, he hopped to his feet and headed out to rejoin the world one last time.
* * *
Jolie sat with her back to her living room window and chewed two-day-old birthday cake. It was already stale, but she didn’t have the energy to dig for something else to eat. Everything inside and out of her hurt, but if this was what Hauk truly wanted...
Her phone rang. She whipped it out, glanced at the number long enough to see it wasn’t him and set it back down with a sigh. Now that her anger had cooled into sorrow, she knew it was foolish not to spend what little time they had left together. The sun was already high in the sky; half the day had passed.
She got up and hit the button for the elevator. She’d call on the way to her car.
First she checked who’d called and scowled when she saw it was Eddie. Little good a lawyer was going to do now. She listened to the short message anyway.
“I’ll take your case if Sergeant Haukon’s willing to turn himself in. It’s not a guarantee, but I wouldn’t ask him to risk it if I didn’t think we had a damn fine shot. Call me.” A pause. “Jolie Benoit, what the hell have you gotten yourself into?”
Eddie’s voice had the manic strain he used to get during finals when he survived on caffeine and cigarettes instead of food and sleep. This was more than a case to him; he was hooked. Maybe enough that he’d be willing to clear Hauk’s name posthumously. Give him back the military honors he deserved. That was something.
The elevator binged, and she shoved her phone into her pocket. The door opened.
She found herself face to face with Hauk.
After an awkward pause he held up the keycard she’d given him. It was the first time he’d used it. He shoved it into the back pocket of his leathers.
Though she guessed most women would call him passably handsome, to her he was painfully so, framed in the elevator like a portrait. It was strange to see him with this new face and without his hoodie, just a T-shirt and pants. So normal. His hair was short and consciously disheveled, as if he’d tried to fix it but didn’t quite remember how. A more sedate bit of knotwork tattoo circled his left bicep and again at his wrist. No piercings, but he had the same Thor’s hammer hanging on a leather strap around his neck. The rose ring hung there, too.
A lump formed in her throat.
Those sky-blue eyes studied her from the same height with the same affection and intensity she knew and loved with all her heart.
The elevator started to shut between them. This time he held it with his hand and stepped into her place with no prompting. “I wasn’t having any fun without you,” he said.
She stuck her hands in her back pockets to keep them away from his body. “I’m half-tempted to drag you back to the bedroom and kiss you until you promise to stay. But I don’t want you to hate me for it later.” A quick frown. “Not that you’d give me a choice if the situation was reversed, but don’t think I love you any less just because I’m not trying to choke that brew down your throat.”
He took her elbow and pulled her against him. Once again she was struck by how easily he reached for her now. It was unfamiliar, yet exactly what she wanted.
“Don’t,” she whispered. “Don’t touch me like you care. I will go outside and we’ll eat. And then we’ll come home and I’ll decide what to do, but if you touch me now I will do everything I can think of to make you stay.”
His hand stilled on her arm for just a moment before he let her go. She pushed the button for
the elevator to return. “Oh.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket. “I will make you listen to this.” On the chance his criminal record had something to do with his decision, she put the phone on speaker, hit Eddie’s voicemail and handed it to him.
The elevator doors opened, and he listened as they stepped in. Mistrust filled his eyes. “Explain.”
“Travis found something before he was kidnapped and put it in our shared drive. I sent it to a friend I know is clean.”
“A lawyer?”
Jolie nodded.
The tiny hope that flickered in his eyes died as quickly as it came. “The system is corrupt. There’s no way I’d win. Your friend may be good, but he’s optimistic if he thinks this wasn’t and still isn’t rigged.” He faced the doors as they opened into the foyer. “Besides, I did it.”
She shrugged. “Guilty people get off all the time on technicalities. Don’t you think it’s about time a good guy got off on one?”
He grunted, stepped out of the elevator and changed the subject. “Makes me sick what happened to Travis.”
There had been no sign that he’d returned to Ananke’s Temple, and she and Hauk had searched for him on their way home with no luck. “Hopefully he found a place to hide out.”
Hauk’s voice was full of recrimination. “That’s not going to work. I should’ve killed him back when I had a clean shot.”
Jolie’s stomach lurched. “No. We don’t kill our friends. He’s got the wand. He’ll keep using it.”
His shoulders slumped like he’d been worn ragged. “Eventually he will have to sleep, and he’ll wake up theirs. If I were in his position, I’d find a way to kill myself before that happened. He doesn’t have an easy way to do it. It would’ve been a kindness to make it quick.”
She glowered at him. “Most of us aren’t as willing to toss our lives away as you are.”
“It’s not my life if somebody else owns it. Besides, if he goes back to the temple, he’ll give Ananke everything they need to find us. He knows that, and as long as he’s got that wand, he will care.” He frowned. “Maybe we should go back home just in case.”
Jolie took an unsteady breath. Travis was deeply attached to his life, but when Hauk put it that way, well, she could see herself considering the same option.
She would think about that later. Not today. She couldn’t handle more than she had right now. “I bought Brayden a phone, but I haven’t handed it over yet. Let’s head back up and get it. We can drop it off in the lab so they can call us if we’re needed.”
Hauk considered her proposal, and she could see his desire for how to spend his last day warring with his sense of responsibility.
She hit the button to return upstairs, and the doors immediately opened. “Come on, Hauk. Pick yourself for once. It’ll be okay.”
After another moment’s hesitation he stepped in. “Okay. Then where do you want to eat?” A little of the humor returned to his face as he said, “I’ve never taken you out.”
She narrowed her eyes as she joined him. “Today is not the day to ask me on our first date. Not on the day you plan to leave me.”
The humor left his face and he quietly leaned against the back wall. As they soared back up, his silence turned pensive. A ping at her floor, and he asked, “How much confidence do you have in your lawyer friend?”
A crack. Surely that was a crack in his resolve. She wet her lips. “A lot.”
He nodded.
She stepped out of the elevator.
“I’m not leaving you, you know,” he said quietly. “That’s not what this is.”
She crossed her arms and bitterness infused her tone. “How else am I supposed to view it? Doing what’s in my best interest? Not shackling me with a scarred felon?”
He flinched as he stepped forward. That was exactly how he was justifying it.
Setting her jaw, she grabbed his shirt and yanked him out of the elevator. “Since you still haven’t noticed, I’ll let you in on a secret. I like to make up my own mind. And you know what? Fuck letting you make up yours.” She tossed her shirt over her head, and his eyes dropped to her chest. “Stay with me, soldier.” Determined to make this count, she kissed him.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jolie’s kiss spun his head and left him panting for more. She yanked at his shirt, and he helped her pull it off, thrilled he could stand naked before her and not be ashamed. He followed her to the wood floor, his mouth never leaving hers. Her fingers clenched in his hair, and the tug felt perfect. Better than he remembered.
He rolled her on top of him, fumbled for her bra clasp. Her hands worked his fly and she shoved at his pants. Soon he was spread naked below her. She ogled him covetously. He may not be magazine-worthy, but her eyes said he was desirable, and this time he believed them.
“Stay with me,” she whispered and gently kissed his stomach.
“Won’t be like this,” he argued. He reached for the yoga pants she wore and pulled.
She shifted until he could take them off of her, and they were naked together. Her perfect body slid against his, fitting perfectly against him. She gently scraped her fingernails down his chest, sending frissons of excitement through him.
If he stayed, it could never be like this again.
“Stay. I love you.”
He started to tell her no, but she kissed him and stopped the words. She tasted like cinnamon and smelled like vanilla soap. Her damp hair stuck to his shoulders. Her skin was silky beneath his fingers. Like always, she overwhelmed him. Too much. But too much was just right when it was Jolie Benoit.
Her hot mouth moved to his neck, and he gasped in a breath. “I love you, too.”
“Then you should stay.” Her hand wrapped around his cock.
He thrust into her fist, his body relaxing as he let her touch him. He’d always felt so thankful just to have her near, so responsible to make sure she was happy, he’d never just lie back and let her administer to him. But the happy sounds she made said she was having fun without his help. He lay heavily on the floor, resting after what felt like a lifetime of tension. Of death and fighting, of a hideous face that hid his own, rewriting his life and changing who he was.
Death’s freedom called him like a siren, but his one sure anchor to life stroked his body, bringing forth the most glorious sensations. “Gods, Jolie.”
“I love this,” she said. “I’ve loved this every time.”
He shook his head. “Never like this.”
“Always like this.” Her hands shifted to his chest and she shifted on top of him. A kiss, and she joined her body to his.
He groaned with pleasure and smiled to see her above him, her damp curls hanging in her face, her body undulating as she rode him slowly. Her eyes glittered with intensity. For once her masks were all gone, leaving nothing but raw need and hope. The passionate honesty he’d so longed for brought a gasp to his lips and drove a wedge into his conviction.
“It’s always like this for me, Hauk.” She placed a hand on his chest. “I’m in love with what you have in here.” With her other hand, she cupped his temple. “And what you have in here. I’m making love to what you have inside. I couldn’t give a damn what you have out here.”
Her hands slid to his shoulders and she pushed harder, faster. He grabbed her hips, pulling her tighter with each stroke. She was heaven. Nothing compared to the feeling of her.
“Please stay—oh God, Hauk, stay. Don’t make me live alone. I need you.”
The tremor in her tone cut at him, marring the perfection of letting go. He sat up, stopping their movement, and twined his arms around her shoulders so he could look her in the eye from inches away. “You don’t need me.”
She took his face in both hands and pulled him into a fierce kiss. “You’re wrong.”
She slid up and down again, the new angle pleasuring him in new ways. He threw his head back and tried to catch his breath, but she curled around him, her face buried in his shoulder, her scent everywhere as her body sq
ueezed and pumped his.
He flipped her down onto her back, trying to get back control of his mutinous thoughts. He thrust harder, setting a new pace. “You won’t feel that way forever. If I stay or if I go, you will get over this. Over me. I can’t give you what you deserve. And I will not have you resent me for it.”
She stilled, no longer meeting his pace but passive beneath him. He stopped.
“Is that what you really think?” She reached up to push a lock of wet hair from her face, her eyes blank.
Their bodies were slick with sweat. They had slid together so smoothly, so heartbreakingly perfect in their union. It was painful not to keep moving, but he forced himself still. “That’s what I know.”
She pushed away, and reflexively he let her go. She squirmed out of his arms and stood; his body screamed with the loss.
“What are you doing?” he demanded.
“Leaving.”
“No.” He grabbed her wrist. She resisted his pull, so he stood up.
“Funny, you not letting me leave.” She was crying.
He couldn’t stand to see her cry. He didn’t know what to do about it, and he ached for her. “Make love to me. Please.” He was begging and didn’t care.
“Or what? You’ll die?” With a sob, she threw herself against him.
He cradled her in his arms. “I love you so damned much.”
She shoved him again, splitting their embrace. Instead of running she reached for his shoulders and pulled. He lifted her up. A few steps, and he had her pressed against the window.
She gripped the wall, rose high above him and plunged down, taking him hard. He groaned as she squeezed his hips with her knees and moved, fucking him angrily and so fantastically at the same damn time.
“I will never forgive you if you make me mourn you.”
“I’m not afraid to die.”
Her nails dug into his back. “Why are you afraid to live?”