by Janice Lynn
At least Levi wasn’t making promises he didn’t intend to keep, wasn’t telling her how much he loved her, wasn’t filling her head with lies so he could play her again and again while she turned a blind eye to his philandering playboy ways.
“I’m serious.” Levi’s voice dropped a couple of octaves. “That was a first. I don’t have unprotected sex. Never.”
Why did her heart quiver that he might be telling the truth? But she’d already revealed so much to him that she couldn’t risk letting her feelings show. She’d be a fool to think what they’d shared meant anything beyond the physical.
“My health thanks you.”
A low noise came from his throat, almost a growl. His jaw worked back and forth. “Don’t do that.”
She moistened her lips, reaching for her scrub bottoms, hoping her underwear was inside because otherwise she had no clue as to where they’d gotten to as well. “What?”
He raked his fingers through his hair, watching as she searched her pants leg for missing panties. “Say something flippant when I’m trying to be serious.”
She stopped her search and stared at him in the dusky night. “What do you want me to say? You got what you wanted.”
A whip of wind hit her body, goose-pimpling her flesh, running a chill down her spine. Or was it the coldness coming her way from Levi that was causing the drop in temperature? His gaze bored into her and she knew. Levi.
“And you didn’t?” he asked, sounding as if he wouldn’t believe her even if she denied that she’d wanted him. Made sense. In those moments before he’d thrust into her body, she’d wanted Levi more than she’d ever wanted anything, had felt like she might die if her body didn’t mesh with his, didn’t slide in sweet wet friction with him.
Slide they had.
No, she couldn’t deny that she’d wanted him just as badly. Perhaps she’d wanted him more. But, then, she’d wanted him from the moment she’d set eyes on him and picked him out to be the victim, ah, recipient, of her new playgirl ways.
Picked him out? As if she’d had a choice. She’d taken one look and needed a drool rag to wipe away the slobber.
She closed her eyes, took a deep breath.
“I got what I wanted, too,” she admitted, unable to deny that he’d given her a great deal of pleasure. With his hands. His mouth. His entire body.
Mouth twisted, eyes unreadable, he sat in silence. He watched as she dug in her pants leg, found her underwear, and dressed.
Which wasn’t anywhere near as much fun as taking them off had been.
“Then we should both be happy.” He didn’t sound happy. He sounded irritated. She was the cause of that irritation.
Well, fine. She was irritated too. Irritated at her own stupidity. Irritated that her heart ached a bit too much, a bit too sincerely.
“Should be.”
But neither of them was smiling as they gathered up their picnic supplies and drove away in silence.
Madison felt so miserable inside she was pretty sure she’d never smile again.
Levi pulled into the hospital parking garage and a silent Madison got out, heading straight for her car. He hated this. Hated it that he’d put Madison in this position. Hated it that their evening had turned into something ugly. All because he’d lost control.
But mostly he hated how much he felt like his father’s son at the moment.
A chip off the ole block. How could he ever deny it again? When push came to shove, genetics won out and he’d shown his true Fielding colors.
His actions disgusted him. Couldn’t he even date a woman more than a few times without ending up in her pants? Obviously not.
And if he was this much like his father when he didn’t want to be, how could he ever risk that he might be like him in other ways?
No, Levi couldn’t imagine himself ever hitting a woman. Ever putting himself in that type of situation. Then again, he hadn’t imagined he’d make love to Madison tonight either. He’d planned to continue wooing her, to continue ensconcing himself into her life, to make her a part of his life.
Look what had happened. He’d ensconced himself all right.
All because he hadn’t been strong enough to control his urges.
All because he was like his father.
Nausea churned in his belly.
As Madison pulled out of the space next to him, he caught sight of her face and motioned for her to stop, but she didn’t. Just kept going as if she hadn’t seen him.
But she had.
Just as he’d seen her.
Tears had been streaming down her lovely face.
Tears he’d caused.
Hell, he really was no better than his father.
Madison hadn’t been sure whether to go to the Margaret House meeting or not. A lot had changed in the twenty-four hours since she’d last met with the woman she’d promised to help.
But a promise was a promise and Madison kept her promises. If she was no longer wanted, someone could ask her to leave.
Someone being Levi of course.
Only he wasn’t at the meeting. Later, she heard someone say that he’d gone with his father to meet with a local television station regarding media coverage for the event.
Each night Madison volunteered, helped in whatever way was asked of her. She even met Levi’s father, seeing where Levi had gotten his looks and his charm. Jonathan Fielding was an incurable flirt and every woman in the vicinity buzzed to his attention when he stopped by to check on progress. Each night Levi had already come and gone or found a reason to work far from wherever she was. He also found a reason to interrupt any time his father came near her. Was he afraid she’d make moves on his father? As if.
Levi didn’t want a relationship. He didn’t want to get to know her better. He didn’t want to spend more time with her.
He probably never had. He’d just fed her lines, fed her what she’d wanted to hear even though she’d denied that even to herself, feeding herself just as many lines as he had.
Player. Playgirl. Modern woman. Ha! At heart she was as old-fashioned as they came. She’d wanted the dream, the fairy-tale, and for one romantic moonlit evening she’d believed that fairy-tale might be within her grasp.
She was no different from any of the other women Levi had been with in the past.
She hadn’t thought she’d been that bad, but obviously she didn’t have a clue about pleasing a man, about holding a man’s interest.
Definitely, she knew nothing about being a player herself.
Their picnic had been beautiful. Wonderfully romantic. Yes, she’d known better than to act on her feelings for him, but she was only human and he was a Greek god fallen to earth to tempt mere human females.
She’d been tempted, all right.
Tempted as surely as Eve had bitten into that apple.
And just like Eve, she’d been tossed out of paradise.
“You okay?”
She glanced up at Karen, nodded and gave as bright a smile as she could manage. “I’m fine.”
Just because she’d quit eating over the past four weeks and had dropped eight pounds it didn’t mean she wasn’t fine.
Four weeks.
Four weeks with Levi barely acknowledging her existence.
Four weeks without a monthly visitor despite the fact she should have been visited.
Four weeks in which she kept telling herself that she couldn’t really be, that real life wasn’t like that, not for grown, sensible women like her. No way would her one and only bout of unprotected sex leave her pregnant.
Yes, Levi was a virile man but, still, just once?
Yet she knew it only took once for an unwanted pregnancy to occur.
Unwanted pregnancy.
Was that what was happening in her body? Or was stress the culprit in preventing her menstrual cycle?
Definitely she was stressed. Majorly stressed. As in sick inside and out. Worse than she’d been with Simon.
With Simon, she’d felt foolish, felt u
sed, felt blind.
She felt all those things with Levi, but with Levi she ached in ways she’d not imagined possible.
She felt like a hole had been ripped in her chest.
Which was insane. She couldn’t have loved him.
“Madison? You’re worrying me,” Karen interjected, stepping closer and waving her hand in front of Madison’s face. “Do you need to go home? I can get someone to cover your patients if you aren’t feeling well. Patient count is down at the moment, anyway, with all the discharges earlier, so it wouldn’t be a problem. I may have to send someone home anyway.”
Shaking her head in the negative, Madison smiled weakly at her friend. “I’d rather stay if it’s all the same to you.”
Because if she went home she’d have nothing to distract her from the fact that tomorrow evening Levi and his father would cut the grand opening ribbon on the Margaret House.
She had to snap out of her melancholy mood. She had to. Regardless of what happened with Levi, she had a good life, a career she loved, good friends, family she could call on if she needed to. Regardless of what happened with Levi, she would be okay.
She would be okay.
No, she wouldn’t try to take on a new persona the way she had after her debacle with Simon. Then again, maybe she would. Maybe she’d take on the persona of a woman burned repeatedly who’d finally learned her lesson regarding the “stronger sex.” Maybe next time…well, maybe there just wouldn’t be a next time. Maybe she would focus on herself. No man necessary.
Which actually brought a real smile to her face.
“Seriously, I’m fine.” She was fine. Pregnant or not, she was fine and would remain that way. She was woman, strong, confident, bold…well, maybe all that was stretching it at this point, but she was going to think positively. She would come out of whatever happened as a stronger person. “I appreciate your concern, but I just haven’t been sleeping well.”
True enough and not something Karen didn’t already know. Her roommate had commented several times on how little rest Madison was getting, on how she heard her about the house at all hours of the night.
Karen gave her another worried look. One that said her friend wasn’t buying her feigned smile. “Have you tried talking to him?”
“Who?” Madison asked, stalling for time, hoping Karen would just let the subject go.
Karen met her gaze dead-on. “You know who.”
Nope, she wasn’t going to let the subject drop. “We’re finished. What would be the point of talking to him?”
Karen’s lips pursed. “The point would be that you went from walking on air to looking like your whole world has crashed down on you. I can’t stand the hurt in your eyes.”
Did she really look that bad? She’d been trying to keep it together, to smile at all the right times, not to let her co-workers in on how hollowed out her insides felt. Obviously, she wasn’t doing such a great job.
“Of course, he doesn’t look much better,” Karen mused, watching Madison way too closely.
“He doesn’t look any better?” Madison’s head jerked up, her breath caught, and she knew every cell in her body was blinking like little neon signs at the news Levi might be missing her too, that maybe he hadn’t been completely unaffected by what they’d shared.
Each glimpse she’d had of Levi, he’d looked wonderful. Like that Greek god she’d compared him to. Like temptation in a delectable male package. Like that hot fudge sundae she often compared his eyes to, leaving her craving another bite. And another.
“Well, if there had been any doubt in my mind—which there wasn’t—about what caused your sadness, there wouldn’t be now,” Karen pointed out, a brow raised meaningfully.
“I’m not sad.” Much. Well, maybe a lot, but what she was mainly was worried. She might be pregnant. By a man who’d had sex with her and moved on to his next conquest. Or had he? She hadn’t heard anything through the hospital grapevine about Levi dating anyone. Then again, it wasn’t as if he’d taken out a billboard or announced it over the P.A. system that they’d made love—had had sex—so it was definitely possible that he was still making his way through the female staff.
But what if he really did look affected? What if he really hadn’t gotten all he’d wanted? What if he’d been as blown away by what had happened that night as she’d been?
Madison, stop that. Quit trying to force your feelings on Levi. Either he cares about you or he doesn’t.
If he’d cared, he wouldn’t have avoided her for four weeks. Wouldn’t have pretended she didn’t exist. Would have asked how she was. Something. Anything.
“You barely eat. You have dark circles under your eyes. You don’t sleep, and you walk around on the verge of tears.” Karen’s hands went to her hips. “Don’t tell me you’re fine when we both know that’s not the truth.”
Madison sighed. “What do you want me to say? You were right. I’m not player material and never was. I messed up and got involved with someone way out of my league. It hurts, but I’ll survive and really will be just fine.”
Eventually. Maybe.
“He’s not out of your league. No man is,” Karen quickly denied. “You’re the one out of most men’s league, Madison. You’re a good person. A good friend. A good woman. Don’t let whatever happened with Levi send you into another tailspin the way your break-up with Simon did. Please don’t do that again,” Karen pleaded. “Tell me how I can help.”
Did cutting off Levi’s favorite male appendage count?
Okay, maybe that was a bit extreme, but how could he just so thoroughly exit from her life after sharing something so special? Okay, maybe he hadn’t thought their love-making special, but she had. Oh, how she had.
“Would you feel better if I cut Levi’s ‘man boys’ off and hung them from my rear-view mirror?”
Madison wrinkled her nose up at Karen, but couldn’t keep the smile off her face. “Probably not a good idea, but thanks for the offer.”
Both women looked up from the nurses’ station desk to see the object of their whispered conversation step out of the elevator. Before Madison could look away, her gaze clashed with his and her breath caught.
Karen was wrong.
Levi didn’t look bad. He looked wonderful. Wonderfully handsome with his dark hair and darker eyes that made a woman want to grab a spoon and take a big bite.
She had taken a big bite.
One that had left her craving more of him. Lots more.
Left her addicted to the taste of him.
Left her wanting a strict diet of him and him alone.
Only he hadn’t felt the same and wanted nothing to do with her.
And she might be pregnant with his baby.
Madison glanced away, almost as if she feared he’d be able to read her thoughts if she continued to stare into his eyes a moment longer.
Oh, the tangled webs we weave when first we don’t practice not to conceive.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
LEVI fought wincing when his gaze met Madison’s. How could someone be so beautiful and look so awful? Her eyes were marred with dark smudges, her cheeks too sunken in, her body almost appearing frail with her drop in weight.
He’d done that to her.
No doubt she’d spent the last few weeks worrying that he’d ruined the rest of her life. Worrying that there would be long-term repercussions to his lack of finesse.
Four weeks had passed since their picnic. Had her worries been laid to rest with the start of her menstrual cycle? Or had her worries only begun with its continued absence?
Had she performed a pregnancy test?
He should talk to her, find out what she knew, if she knew, but how could he when he felt such guilt for putting her into such an awkward position?
How could he when he’d proved that even when he was trying to be a better man, ultimately he was his father’s son.
The thought blared so loudly through his mind he wondered if she could hear him. Perhaps she had as she’d looked away
, her expression gaunt, irritated, obviously displeased at his presence.
“Dr. Fielding,” the charge nurse greeted him, her tone more cool than friendly. No wonder. She probably thought him a jerk for what he’d done to Madison. What he’d likely do again if given the opportunity. It was in his blood. She was in his blood.
“I’m here to examine Carlene Hill and do her admission history and physical. She’s been sent up from the emergency department.”
Good. He sounded professional. In charge. In control. Not as if seeing Madison shook him to the very core. Not as if he wanted to pull her into a patient room and tell her how sorry he was. That he’d panicked, not expecting the flood of emotions that had hit him after they’d made love. While they’d made love. That he hadn’t been able to think beyond the instinctual fight-or-flight response that had kicked in.
That he’d been disgusted with himself for not protecting her, been disgusted with the sound of his father’s mocking voice calling him a chip off the ole block.
What about Madison? Had she wanted more? Or had she regretted their love-making from the moment reason had returned?
She’d said she’d gotten what she wanted. Had she been telling the truth? Had she just wanted him for sex? It’s what she’d told Karen that fateful day he’d overheard her. That she planned to have him in her bed, use him, abuse him, then spit him out like yesterday’s news. She’d said she was a player, but his every gut instinct said otherwise.
He’d learned to trust that gut instinct a long time ago and it had saved his hind end on more than one occasion. So why had he gotten so angry at her easily tossed-out assurance that she’d gotten all she’d wanted from him?
He glanced at where she stood pretending to be engrossed in reading a hospital memo posted on the side of a cabinet. And knew exactly why he’d gotten so angry.
Because her flippant answer had stung.
“Yes, about an hour ago.” Karen filled him in on the patient’s stats while Madison snuck a surreptitious glance from the corner of her eyes.