“Well which is the best daddy?”
“Can we do this when I get back? I have
somewhere to be.” I guess she was happy with the fact that she’d backed me into a corner because she was happy enough to wait.
“Fucking females.” I muttered under my breath because I didn’t want to hear her ‘ooh daddy you said a bad word’ shit.
I was barely out the door when I heard her pestering her sister about some shit. Poor Caitiebear, she’s about the only one who has the patience to deal with her sister these days.
Even Kat’s been hiding out from her lately. Serves her ass right. I told her about fucking daughters and shit. Then I remembered that she was now carrying three.
“Fuck!” I put my head in my hands and said a quick prayer for peace. I’m getting too old for this shit. Nine fucking kids, I’m not gonna make it.
The pothead and his nosy ass wife were getting up there in age but they still hadn’t missed a step. I figure I come from good stock, good genes. A screech from behind the door soon had me rethinking that shit.
Sure as fuck Mengele would do me in sooner rather than later. I thought of the absurdity of the fact that I was thinking about this shit while on my way to fuck up some asshole’s shit for being a piece of shit.
Jared was already mounted up and waiting and the others were pulling onto my street as I pulled out of the driveway. I just followed since I didn’t know where the fuck I was going.
Like I said it’s been a minute since we’ve had an offender in the area. That’s due in part to the fact that we never let them hang around too long and they always know they’re not welcome.
I don’t give a fuck where they go, I have no tolerance and yes I do make their lives miserable as fuck. I have kids that’s enough for me to stay on top of that shit. Nasty evil fucks!
We left anything resembling streetlights behind and headed into the sticks ten minutes out. The houses were spaced apart with lots of acreage around each.
“Where this fuckwit live fuckthatville?” I asked Jared in my headpiece just as he made the turnoff down a long gravel drive that led to a nice size cabin.
The night had gone dark in the time it took us to get here, and the only light came from the moon which was playing peekaboo with the clouds.
The place felt eerie and isolated, just the kind of place you’d expect some asshole to reside in. I watched the windows for movement and saw nothing.
“Lights.” My boys were already dismounting and heading for the little rusty gate that led to the overgrown yard. Something in my gut was acting way the hell up. I didn’t get this far in life by ignoring that shit.
They stopped short at my order and soon the ground ahead of us was lit up. To the naked eye it might look like debris just strewn around, nothing to worry about.
To me, the shit looked like a setup. “That shit’s booby trapped. Besides, our boy’s not home.”
“How do you know?” Jared came to stand next to me as we looked over the place.
“Unless he walked out of here, where’s his
vehicle?” I looked around at the vast expanse of land between this place and the main drag we’d just left.
“He could’ve parked in the back sure, but I doubt it, there’s no roadway back there. You see those pieces of plywood strewn all over the grass? Classic booby trap.”
“So what do we do?”
“We head back and learn as much as we can about this asshole before our next move.” I hated walking away but I wasn’t about to let my guys get hurt with whatever the fuck this guy had going on in his yard.
Chapter 8
By the next morning I’d all but forgotten about him because of all the shit I had going on in my house. Mengele woke me up at the ass crack of dawn with her shit.
Kat was miserable because one of our kids was currently living on her kidney or some shit and my boys were trying to tear my house off the foundation. Regular Monday morning fare in the Lyon household.
“Anybody miss the bus they’re walking.” Dead silence for a split second and then a stampede. The only one who was doing what they were supposed to was Caitiebear.
She was already dressed and ready, but her reasons for that shit was annoying. She was on the phone at six o damn clock in the morning.
“Morning daddy.” She smiled at the look on my face and came forward to kiss my cheek. She’s her mother’s kid, knows how to play me.
Cody started his crying shit and I went to see to
him because Kat’s pregnant ass wasn’t moving before eight or nine. “Daddy.”
“I already told you I’ll take care of it Catalina.”
I woke up to her standing at my side of the bed staring at my ass; scared the shit outta me. “When are we getting the dog daddy?” No good morning, just when am I getting the damn dog.
I think she went to sleep with that on her mind. “Mengele get out of my room.” She slinked her little ass out the door mumbling some shit under her breath.
I looked over at Kat to make sure we hadn’t disturbed her and headed for the bathroom to get cleaned up and go take care of her damn kids.
Now this one’s back with her shit. Her sister uses her mother’s techniques to get over on me, but this one has a whole different game plan. She can be adorably cute when she wants to be.
“Come here.” I took a sip of my coffee as I leaned back against the sink. Breakfast was on the table and I was just waiting for the horde to stampede my damn kitchen.
Cody was in his high chair eating dry cereal in
between sips from his bottle and chortling. She came back in looking like her world was over. “Yes daddy?”
“I’m going to see about your dog today. That kind of dog is rare around these parts to I have to find a breeder okay.” I spent the whole damn night looking for that shit.
“Thanks daddy.” She hugged my legs with her short ass and took her seat at the table. That smile, that smile gets me every time. That’s my little girl. Crazy fuck that she is.
She had a running conversation with the baby until her brothers and sister came in to eat. Then the hell that is my life begun. The sweet little girl who was just trying to con a dog out of me turned into the hellion I know and love.
“Aidan you can’t wear that shirt to school, mom said.” What the fuck? This kid! There was an outline of a naked woman on his damn shirt.
“Aidan, did your mother tell you not to wear that shirt?”
“Nope, it was the other one.” He shoved a whole pancake in his mouth.
“Change it.” I don’t need to be getting calls from his asshole school with their shit.
“But dad.” His fifteen year old ass piped down when I gave him the patented dad look.
He flung eggs at his little sister and stomped away from the table. “Get back here. You lost your mind?” Mengele was putting on quite the act, tearing up when she knows damn good and well scrambled eggs didn’t hurt her. Still!
“Apologize to your sister and the next time you do that shit it’s your ass.”
“Ooh daddy…”
“You pipe down.” Her tears dried up quick as shit. Nosy fuck!
“Aidan I’m still waiting.” He mumbled out an apology until I took a step in his direction. “Okay-okay, I’m sorry Catalina.” He didn’t look sorry but at least he said the words.
Misery poked her tongue out at him and looked around the table for some other shit to get into. I finished my coffee and rinsed my cup, timing the damn bus like my life depended on it.
“Get out, you’ve got five minutes before the bus
gets here.” There was a mad dash up the stairs for last minute whatever and then a stampede down the stairs and out the door.
I watched through the window with my second cup of coffee and my drooling son on my hip until the hellions climbed on the bus and out of my damn hair for the next eight hours.
The rest of the morning was spent keeping my boy occupied while his mother slept in and trying my best to teach
him the English language while he threw shit out at me that only pissed him off when I couldn’t understand.
I haven’t had to lift weights in months because his mother feeds him some shit that has him solid as fuck and since she’s not allowed to carry him I have to and damn.
Just about the time my ears were starting to bleed from his babbling shit that only his mother and grandparents seem to understand, the beast waddled down the stairs and into the kitchen with her bitch face on.
“Morning Katarina.” She grunted and threw her miserable ass down on a chair. I knew what that
meant so I put little man on the floor to crawl around in between his two step gig and went to the fridge.
“What’ll it be? Eggs? Pancakes, waffles, toast?” She was over the morning sickness shit thank fuck, but we’d moved onto the next stage; pure unadulterated greed.
I don’t really mind, because all that eating makes her ass nice and fat, more for me to hold onto. I looked down at my dick that picked up on my brain signals and was getting ready to show his ass.
She saw me do that shit and the smile that crossed her face I can only term as evil. “Don’t even think about it.” She looked at the baby and back at me. “Now feed me.”
She talked my ear off while I made her breakfast then bitched because I had to go to work like I haven’t been doing that shit the whole time we were married.
Since she could work from home I guess she thinks I can build my shit on the computer now too. “Kat was there something you wanted?” A new attitude
would be good. Fuck if I was gonna say that shit out loud.
“Nope, go on about your day. My mom and yours should be here soon to help me with Cody.” I sensed an underlying reprimand beneath that shit but held my tongue.
“I just don’t think it’s fair that they should have to pick up the slack since you’re the one who forbade me to pick him up.” When are these kids getting here? When am I getting my wife back?
Not that she’s any less acidic when not pregnant, but at least then a good hard pounding or a strap to her ass would get her misbehaving ass to straighten the fuck up.
I reworked some shit in my head and came up with a compromise. “I’ll come home early today how’s that?” I walked over and pulled her head into my chest. When her arms came around me I figured I’d done good. Pain in the ass.
“That would be nice!” My heart softened and my dick got hard, just the way it always does when she’s anywhere near and I had to drag myself away when I heard half of the hen pack pulling into my
driveway.
I tried walking my bike out of the garage, trying to be as quiet as possible but the old spook still caught me. “Colton where are you off to?”
“Some of us have to work for a living Char.” Please take your ass inside with the rest of your crew and leave me the hell alone. Of course she walked her ass over to me.
When she looked around for prying ears I knew I wasn’t going to like whatever the hell came out of her mouth next. She never approaches me unless she has some spooky shit to impart.
“I see dark clouds ahead, you be careful you hear me.”
“Huh, what does that mean?” As much as I fuck around, her predictions have a one hundred percent accuracy rating thus far. I don’t know how she does it but I’m not about to mess around with that shit.
“Is it Kat and the babies?” She was shaking her head before I finished. “No-no, I can’t get a bead on it, but something bad is on the horizon. I don’t see death or anything that final, but you need to be
watchful.”
I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what the hell she could be talking about and by the time I got to the shop I’d pretty much put it out of my head.
Just like at home, these fucks keep me on my toes; never a dull moment. I heard back from the breeder about Mengele’s dog and made arrangements to have it shipped from fucking Alaska. Only my kid.
The shit cost an arm and a leg, not to mention all the crap I had to sign and the woman selling the damn overpriced dog acted like I was taking one of her kids.
I bit my tongue and reminded myself that I’d rather deal with her shit than Mengele’s and called it a day. This fucking dog better be gold plated that’s all I’m saying.
“What the fuck is that?” Jared’s nosy ass came into the office and saw the half horse on my screen.
“Catalina’s new dog.”
“Dude, do you know what kind of dog that is? That shit’s gonna be huge, where you gonna put it?”
I just gave him a look which only made him laugh.
I never forget that all this shit is his fault. That he’s the one who brought Kat into my life and by extension her damn kids.
He backed away slowly with his hands in the air. “I see, it’s one of those days. What ails you?” Smug bastard.
“Char caught me outside, said some shit about being on the lookout for danger.”
He wasn’t smiling now. “Shit, what we got going on?”
“Beats me! It could be the shit with the SEALs, Law’s shit, who knows. I figure I’ll just keep my eyes and ears to the ground.”
“It doesn’t have anything to do with what we were doing last night could it?”
“I don’t see how.” That shit hadn’t even crossed my mind. “Speaking of which, did you find out anything more about this hump?”
“Nah, just that his mom owns the place and he was released into her care.”
“And what is his M.O.?”
“Oh I’ve got that right here. My girl was online last night with some of the other wives and this is what
they found so far. Don’t worry, they know not to clue Kat in with her being so close to her due date and shit. Look.”
He showed me his phone where he had a whole dissertation it looked like. “He was a piano teacher, looks like he was doing that shit for years, until one of the kids who’d left found out his little sister was going there too and got her to talk. Over fifty kids Colt.”
“And why is he out?”
“Apparently the asshole judge said something he shouldn’t have at sentencing or some shit like that.”
“What was he fucking new? This shit keeps happening more and more. How long was he sitting on the bench that he fucked up like that?”
“I’m beginning to think some of them do this shit on purpose. It’s like it’s a fucking trend these days.” He ain’t fucking lying. This shit is getting outta control with assholes getting off on technicalities, the fuck that even mean?
“They probably from the same damn ilk. Maybe we should pay some of their asses a visit, see how they like that shit. That little girl must be scared out her fucking mind.”
“I wouldn’t doubt it, fuck! When are we going back?”
“Well, I need to get a look at what’s going on behind his place. It’s a safe bet that if he has the front booby-trapped that the back will be too. Google earth ain’t giving me shit but woods back there.”
“Borrow the boys’ drone.”
“What? Shit, I didn’t think a that.”
“Yep, that shit’ll work. We should probably go at night so he doesn’t know we’re onto him.”
“Sounds good.” I checked my watch and got to my feet. “I promised Kat I’d be home early, gotta bounce.” I don’t know why his ass was snickering, it’s not like his woman doesn’t keep him on his toes.
Chapter 9
I headed out and pulled into my driveway, maneuvering around the cars that were still there. I called out for my wife as soon as I got in the door but there was no answer.
I heard movement coming from the backyard and headed back there. I came up short at the sight of
them. They were in the pool enclosure. Kat and the bruiser were in the water and the other three were on loungers.
I guess Kat figured since I told her not to pick up Cody that water was the best place to defy me. She’d probably tell me she was teaching him to swim.
From the way
he was chortling and carrying on you’d think I’d kept them apart or some shit. Tina was doing some mess on her phone. These old women are worst than the kids with that internet shit.
“I’ll tell you what; that weed Daniel gave me last night did its thing.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yep, Drake was mad as hell but who cares. He ain’t the one up all night staring at the four walls. I hate taking those sleeping pills. I wake up in the morning feeling like I was in the ring with Tyson, that’s if I can move at all.”
“But this new strain Daniel worked on, I took two hits, jumped Drake and was out. I don’t know if it was the weed or the dick that did it, but I’ma try that combo again tonight.”
“Mom…”
“What? Like you not getting some, look at your belly, the proof is in the pudding.” The three of them hooted and hollered while Kat’s face turned red as a cherry.
This is what the fuck goes on in my house when I’m not here. “I know that’s right. The stuff he gave me for my appetite…El you remember when I got sick a few months back and couldn’t keep nothing down.”
“Well, Daniel worked on something for me and that shit had me eating everything but the siding off the damn house.” Another round of laughter after Char’s little share.
My poor son don’t know what the fuck is going on but he clapped and chortled right along with them. “You two did me too bad though, you could’ve told me what Daniel was doing in my backyard.”
“I snuck out behind him and Cy this morning and followed them to that big bubble thing he has in my damn backyard. Rows and rows of that mess. They have a whole system set up with lights and irrigation and everything.”
“We thought you knew.” Tina laughed and kept scrolling on her phone.
“He told me he was going to be a gentleman farmer.”
“Well he ain’t never lied El. Besides, he’s been helping out Helene, you know with the chemo she has to use a lot. Her guy was ripping her off even though she has the card. Now she says Daniel’s saving her hundreds a month.”
“I know Daniel ain’t selling weed in my backyard.”
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