Matter Of Trust

by Lisa Harris

  “But you’d like it to go farther?” Kayla asked cautiously.

  He closed his eyes and drank in a deep breath, before looking at her again, dreading the response he knew he deserved. “Kayla, I’m still in love with you, and I think I will be until the day I die. There will never be another woman who understands me the way you do.”

  Kayla stared out the window across the darkening summer skyline but didn’t say anything.

  “I also realize you have no reason to believe me, and if I’m ever to have a chance with you then I will have to show you, prove to you, that I’m a different man today from a year ago. I want to win you back, Kayla.”

  She put her elbows on the table and rubbed her forehead with her fingers. After a moment she leaned her head back and held up her hands, questioning. “I don’t know what to say, Ty. You hurt me deeply when I found out the truth. Our entire relationship was based on nothing but lies—your indifferent attitude toward marriage, the excessive social drinking, and, most important, your claims that you were a Christian. I realized I didn’t know you at all.”

  The truth burned through him, but she was right. He was guilty of every one of her accusations. “You have every right to feel that way.”

  “You ask me to forgive you?” Kayla took a deep breath and steepled her fingers in front of her. “As a Christian I have to forgive you, but as a human it’s going to be hard. To trust you again, well, I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that.”

  He’d expected her to say those words, but hearing them hit harder than he’d imagined. “It’s up to you, Kayla. I promise, as hard as it would be if you tell me to walk out of your life, I’ll respect your wishes and go. But that’s not what I want. If you need time, then I’ll wait, as long as it takes.”

  She shook her head slowly. “I don’t know, Ty.”

  “Take as long as you need, but …” He had more news for her and wasn’t sure at all how she might respond to his next announcement. “You need to know one more thing. I left my job in Boston and just started working for Farrington Cranberry Company here in town.”

  “What?” She leaned forward, the surprise obvious in her eyes.

  “I might not make the same salary I did in Boston, but it’s still a great company to work for. They’re expanding rapidly by seeking new partnerships with local farms, like Sanderford Cranberry Farm, for example, just down the road.”

  “You’re telling me you’re working at an agricultural co-op instead of your high-paying Fortune 500 job?” Kayla held up her hands. “I don’t get it.”

  Ty drew in a deep breath and reminded himself it was going to take her time to come to terms with his moving to Farrington. That it was going to take time for her to trust him again. “Believe me, I hadn’t planned to quit, but some unscrupulous things were going on in Boston, and I felt I needed to get out. I’m still not sure what’s going to happen, but coming here seemed like the right thing to do.”

  “You’re going to have to give me a while to think about all of this, Ty. Right now … I just don’t know.”

  He caught her gaze and saw the conflict in her eyes. He was certain she still had feelings for him but knew she was trying to hide them. He had changed. If only she could believe him.

  three

  The next morning Ty dialed Kayla’s number from his office phone then quickly hung up. He couldn’t do it. Hadn’t he promised to give her space? Time to think about what he’d told her? If he really wanted to gain her trust, calling her now would undoubtedly lessen any chances he had of winning her back. Something he couldn’t afford to do.

  On the other hand, in this situation, not calling her could prove to be just as damaging. He had to call her.

  Stalling, he drummed his fingers against his desk and stared out the small window that overlooked Benny’s Crab Shack. Too bad life wasn’t as simple as choosing between the Wednesday special and the steak and potato dinner. Instead, life was full of complex choices, each with its own consequences. And one thing he’d learned, choosing the right thing didn’t automatically guarantee everything would turn out like some happily-ever-after fairytale.

  He’d realized that last night. Running his fingers through his hair, he wondered if there really was a chance at all for her ever to trust him again, or if he was simply fooling himself with his wishful thinking. At least last night had gone better than he’d expected. He’d been afraid she’d leave in the middle of his confession, but instead she’d listened to him, forgiven him and, in his mind anyway, hadn’t completely dismissed the idea of their getting back together.

  He picked up the phone and started dialing. Of course she hadn’t encouraged him either, but he could live with that. He was willing to do whatever it took to prove to her he wasn’t the same man she’d known a year ago.

  She answered on the first ring. “Hello?”

  He recognized her sleepy voice and smiled. She always had taken every chance she could to sleep in. Realizing how well he knew her only made him miss her that much more. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

  “I wasn’t sleeping. I’m just not fully awake yet.” Kayla’s voice turned cool and professional. “I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon.”

  “I know.” He cleared his throat as his well-rehearsed lines evaporated into the morning breeze. “This … this call isn’t about us. I promised to give you as long as you needed, and as hard as it might be I aim to keep my promise. The reason I’m calling is that something happened at work, and I was afraid it might prove to be a bit awkward.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He shut his eyes for a moment and pictured her snuggled under the favorite quilt her mother bought her for her twenty-eighth birthday. Losing her for a second time would hurt worse than before, but he had to be honest with her. “The company I’m working for now is looking for someone to cater a number of upcoming events.”

  “And you recommended me?”

  “I didn’t have to. Your name came up, and they’re giving you a call this morning.”

  “Wow. That’s great.” For an instant she seemed to forget who she was talking to, because the guarded tone in her voice disappeared. “My mom’s been trying to get new accounts with several of the local businesses.”

  “I felt like I needed to let you know this wasn’t some scheme of mine to see you.” If he was going to get her back, he would have to be totally honest with her, no matter what the cost.

  “I appreciate your telling me.”

  “Listen—I’ve got to get back to work.”

  “Ty …” There was a pause on the line.

  “Yes?”

  “I know you haven’t been here long, and, well, I wondered if you had found somewhere to go to church on Sunday.”

  He froze at her invitation. “Actually no. A guy I work with invited me to his church, but I haven’t made any commitments.”

  “Why don’t you pick me up at nine?” She quickly gave him directions.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll see you Sunday then.”

  Ty hung up the phone wondering if he’d heard her correctly. Had she actually invited him to pick her up for church? He took a deep breath and tried to slow his racing pulse. He hadn’t let himself hope she’d give him a second chance. Hadn’t let himself dream of the possibility that he could win her back.

  Give me wisdom, Lord. You know how much I love Kayla, and yet I know I have to love her enough to let her go if that’s Your will.

  All he could do now was pray that was something he wouldn’t have to do.

  Kayla stood in the large kitchen they used for their catering business in town, chopping fresh mint for a couscous salad and replaying in her mind the conversation she’d had this morning with Ty. She had no idea what had gotten into her. Instead of standing firm in her resolve to stay away from him, she’d just complicated matters. He could have gone to church anywhere; yet she’d rushed blindly ahead without thinking and i
nvited him to go with her. Ty was the man who had broken her heart. Why did she keep forgetting that?

  Her mother bustled into the kitchen out of breath, with a box of fresh peaches in her hands. “How long until the salad’s ready? I need to finish up the shortcake, then hurry across town to the Lamberts’ and make sure their tables will seat thirty for tonight’s reception.”

  “Relax, Mom.” Kayla leaned against the counter. “The tables will work fine. I checked it out yesterday.”

  “You did, didn’t you? I’d forgotten.” Her mom set the box on the counter and rubbed her temples with her fingers. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.”

  A glance at the calendar that morning had reminded Kayla to be prepared for her mother’s moodiness. She’d been seven when her father had been killed in a car accident, and while she didn’t remember much about him her mother had never forgotten the pile of bills he’d left behind, or the fact that they’d found alcohol in his blood and an empty six-pack of beer in the back seat. She’d also never forgiven him for the embarrassment of being the last one to find out that her husband’s drinking had spiraled out of control.

  Maybe some good news would lift her mom’s spirits.

  “We have a new client.” Kayla checked her mom’s expression and was thankful to see the smile that played on her lips.

  “Really? Who?” Her mom pushed up her gold-rimmed bifocals and raised her penciled brows in interest.

  “Someone from Farrington Cranberry Company called this morning to set up a couple of events.” She hesitated. “Ty works for them now.”

  The moment the words left her mouth, Kayla knew she shouldn’t have spoken them. Her cautionary attitude toward Ty was only surpassed by her mother who had never forgiven him for breaking her only daughter’s heart.

  “What?” Her mom didn’t bother to mask the look of surprise on her face and placed her hands on her hips. “What happened to your resolution to close the door on Ty Lawrence for good?”

  “It’s okay, Mom. Nothing has changed. I’m over Ty, 100 percent, and this is just business. Ty had nothing to do with it.” She knew she sounded as if she was trying to convince her mother. Truth was, she was still trying to convince herself.

  “And you believed him?” Her mom wrinkled her brow and shook her head. “Kayla, I’m worried. First dinner and now this?”

  “You know we can’t afford to turn away clients, and besides, we’ll be catering for his company, not for him personally.” Kayla picked up a ripe tomato and resolutely began chopping. “I probably won’t even see him.”

  Her mother shook her head and started cutting up some peaches. “All that man has ever done is lie to you.”

  “That’s not true, Mom.”

  “Have you so quickly forgotten?” Her mom tossed a pit into the trashcan. “Kayla, take a look at the situation. Ty knows exactly how to get to you. He heaps on the charm and claims he’s something he’s not. Now you tell me. How’s that any different from the last time?”

  “I don’t know, Mom.” Kayla picked up the pile of mint and tomatoes and dumped them into a fluted glass bowl. “What am I supposed to do? He’s put no pressure on me and even promised me that if I tell him to leave he’ll walk out of my life forever.”

  Her mother shook her head, her short auburn curls bouncing with emphasis. “I thought you wanted him out of your life.”

  “I do.”

  She couldn’t tell her mom she’d invited him to church. Not that her mom would be attending Sunday’s worship service. Rosa Marceilo had buried her faith in God the same day she buried her husband. And unless someone decided it was their business to inform her mother of Kayla’s moment of weakness, then she didn’t even have to know. Besides, it was just a onetime thing. It wasn’t as if it would become a habit where he picked her up each week. No. Nothing had really changed. Ty Lawrence was out of her life for good.

  Kayla sliced a lemon in half and squeezed the tart juice into the salad. The only problem was, if he was out of her life, then how come she couldn’t get him out of her heart?

  Kayla woke up Sunday morning with a knot in the pit of her stomach. In a little over an hour Ty would be by to pick her up. She rolled out of bed and made her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Her mother had once compared Ty to her father who had at one point claimed to be a Christian. After he died, she began telling story after story of Christians whose actions failed to follow their high and mighty words of love and forgiveness. Jenny’s family, though, had shown Kayla another side of Christianity. She’d seen the way they acted out their faith, and because of their example she’d committed her life to Christ when she was fourteen.

  Her mother’s resentment hadn’t stopped Kayla from praying her mother would someday realize Christians were by no means perfect. They were only forgiven. Saved by Christ’s blood, thus making them perfect in God’s eyes.

  Kayla’s thoughts switched back to Ty. If Christ had forgiven all of her sins, then surely she could forgive Ty, whether or not he was telling the truth. That was the hard part. She wanted desperately to believe him, and yet how could she?

  Lord, I need You to help me find a way to forgive him the way You have forgiven me.

  An hour later Kayla picked up her Bible from the bed and walked out of her room, not even bothering to glance at the full-length mirror. It didn’t matter what she looked like. Forgiveness didn’t mean she had to put her heart on the line a second time. A fact she intended to make perfectly clear to Ty today.

  The doorbell rang, and Kayla hurried to answer it, praying she wouldn’t drop her guard once she saw him. He stood at her door, Bible in hand, with a smile that would have melted the hearts of most women.

  Not mine, she reminded herself.

  “You look beautiful this morning,” he said, as she locked the door behind her and followed him to the car.

  Kayla glanced down at her raspberry skirt and matching blouse. “Thanks.”

  She could have said the same to him but didn’t. Still, he did look gorgeous in a gray suit and sky-blue shirt with matching tie. He always knew how to dress.

  Ty hurried around to open the passenger side of his two-door car, allowing Kayla to slide into her seat before he shut the door. Her heart hammered in her chest as she leaned back and tried to relax. The car, like Ty, was so familiar. They had dated in this car, and he’d kissed her here for the first time. Kayla slammed the door on the memory.

  “You’ll have to tell me how to get there,” he said, pulling out of the parking lot.

  Kayla proceeded to give him directions to the church she had been attending since moving back home.

  “Your boss’s secretary called our office Friday morning,” Kayla began, wanting to ensure that the conversation stayed away from anything personal. “I appreciate your letting me know about the job.”

  “No problem. I hoped you’d be pleased.”

  “I was. We already have several functions scheduled for them. Next Friday we’ll be providing an Italian dinner for the board and their spouses.”

  “I’m sure it’ll be a hit.”

  “Then in two weeks we’ll be serving a Southern-style barbecue for the staff.”

  “That will be no small dinner.”

  “Eighty-five people,” Kayla said, after telling him to turn left at the light.

  “I’ll be there for that one. What’s on the menu?”

  “The powers that be wanted something different, so we decided to try some Southern fare. Barbecue, beans, corn on the cob, cornbread, and cherry cobbler for dessert.”

  “I can’t wait.”

  The best thing to do was not work that night. Jenny, her mom and the extra servers they would hire could handle things without her. “Jenny took a year off from teaching and is working for us part-time.”

  “She planned to be your maid of honor.”

  “Yes.” Kayla wished he hadn’t brought up their wedding. There was too much history between them.

  “It’ll be good to se
e her.”

  She grimaced. Without a doubt she needed to make her decision clear and the sooner the better.

  Thirty minutes later Kayla sat next to Ty on the pew, barely hearing the words of the sermon. How many times had they gone to church together as she unknowingly succumbed to his deception of being a believer? It had all been an act. What was she doing here with him again?

  “‘You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.’”

  Kayla’s ears perked up as Pastor Jenkins read from the fifth chapter of Romans. “‘Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.’”

  Kayla looked at Ty. For the past year she had seen him as a sinner. One who took advantage of her and in turn broke her heart. Never once had she found the courage to ask God for Ty to find forgiveness in Jesus Christ, a redemption that came so freely.

  Now that Ty said he claimed that forgiveness, she refused to believe him because one thing still haunted her. What if he was still lying?

  “Now look back at chapter four and verses seven and eight,” the minister continued, and Kayla forced herself to listen. “‘Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him.’”

  Kayla swallowed hard and glanced at Ty’s lean form. His gaze rested intently on the minister as if he were soaking in the message. Was it just a coincidence that today’s lesson spoke on forgiveness, or was God trying to tell her something?

  Ty sat across from Kayla at a corner table in one of the local restaurants. He’d enjoyed the church service, in spite of the fact that he’d been afraid she regretted the moment she’d invited him. If she had, he saw no sign of it in her friendly smile as she introduced him to some of her friends. Afterward she’d told him they needed to talk, and he’d suggested lunch.