“No mushing me, only get mushed bedtime, snot monster and stink gets one swell, mush My-isshy, sted she likes mushy with you.” I laughed as he ranted at Sam, he was right I did like mushing with Sam.
“Dance with me Sam, JJ can you please just sit and eat your crisps and drink whilst I dance with Sam?” He nodded. The woman at the next table offered to keep an eye on our boy, Sam smiled again, this was heaven, I loved being in his arms he held me close, as I breathed him in, his smell was wonderful, I could stay here, just being held by him. We danced for ages until I spotted the monkey getting restless.
“Are you all right Michelle?” I looked up at him.
“Perfect thanks, I wish we could just stop here but we have things to see and stuff to do, the restaurant is just up the road from here.” He put on his jacket, strapped JJ in and held me close. We left the tower, been up it and done that so I never have to again. I found the seafood place and we went in for dinner. JJ sat quietly colouring in, after I had changed him again.
“Sam can you get me a dry white wine please?” He looked at me, but ordered me a dry white wine and himself a lager. He leant in for a kiss. “I have it with meals when I go out with Aunty Liz. I’m not a drinker I got merry at the family dinner for my birthday, so I don’t do it, given the vodka incident; me and alcohol are not a good combination angel.” He laughed as he sat back down. The waiter returned with a lager, an orange juice and my wine. We had ordered our food, Sam not a fish fan had let me order and when it came, I hoped he liked it.
“Monk fish, it’s in a ginger tomato and pepper sauce, served on a bed of watercress, please eat all the potatoes Sam. I will be full after the fish.” He smiled and started to eat, he liked it thankfully, and who comes in a fish restaurant if you don’t like fish? Sam of course, he it turns out does like some fish, because he loved it! JJ tucked into his fish pieces and chips with half a bottle of ketch-up on the side, Sam had been so good with him and JJ had a new best friend, I was told I was his old friend now, cheers JJ, I was dumped in favour of Sam.
“Cheers Sam, this day has been great thanks.” I took a sip, making sure JJ ate as Sam and I watched him clear his plate and an ice cream sundae, this he had to share with Sam, and no I was not allowed to share the friends sundae.
“I do know my white wines Sam, Aunty is a restaurant and wine snob. Becky and I can hold our own in any restaurant and yeah for me I’m actually a qualified Sommelier, well classroom qualified, I liked that part of the course, I may do it in my uni placement.” He smiled.
“So you’re going to go to Stockton Uni then?” I was, I had the predicted grades, I needed high passes to get in uni and passes were needed for the navy, but even the thought of doing that was now not as important to me as it once was.
“Don’t get excited, the uni that deals with the patisserie and confectionery course is in Lower Stockton, we only go to Stockton to do the food sciences part of the course, I have a week’s induction at the end of next month, and after that I enrol in the second or third week in September and start in October.” He had his hand on my knee and as I sipped my wine, I wondered more on how my life plan is changing, would Sam be a part of it, would I still want to go in the navy if he was still in my life?
“What’s going on in that head of yours Missy?” I smiled he’s mind reading again.
“Just wondering, were all this fits into my life plan Sam, you, us and it. I had been so sure that it was set in stone, perhaps now not so?” I finished my very nice wine, and I managed to pay the bill when he went to the loo, much to his annoyance, he couldn’t stay angry with me long.
“Right, next on the list the hat, teddy and rock come on.” I loved him because he’d remembered my list. JJ was sat on his shoulders, as we walked back towards the station.
“One kiss me quick hat, which one do you want little man?”
“Me’s gets one too?”
“You can have whichever you want JJ!”
“Me ave that pleazz?” He pointed to the cowboy hat. “I as to ave a gun too!” Sam agreed all cowboys need a gun.
“May we have a pop gun too please?” I was well impressed that JJ said please, and bloody annoyed he bought him the gun.
“I bet I looked a proper idiot in it. Aren’t you getting one Sam?” He politely declined. JJ now with a warm head in his cowboy hat and a bloody pop gun, if he fires that thing at me one more time it’s going in the bloody sea, the pair of them laugh as he keeps doing it.
Winning the teddy part of my list proved a little harder than he thought, I had won a pink hippo. He finally won me a cute green monster and a yellow chicken which he could have bought a lot cheaper, but win one he did. JJ was looking knackered.
“There you are a chicken for my chick and a monster for our little monster.” How cheesy, but he looked so relieved he’d won something. I was freezing Sam passed me his jacket and we headed for the station, stopping for rock and a present for mum and Aunty Liz from JJ, and a box of fudge for Emma.
“Thanks, here take your jacket, note to one’s self, bring more than a cardi to Blackpool, or bring a hunky dude to nick his off him.” He put his jacket back on he was freezing.
“Hunky dude eh?” I blushed. He picked up JJ and put him back on his shoulders.
“I said that aloud again didn’t I?” He squeezed my hand leaning in for more kisses.
“Let’s get the next train home I’ve had a great day with you, thank you.” His lips were on mine soft and nice. JJ stuck his hands between us and told us to stop mushing. We both laughed, that got JJ yet more tickling.
“Thank you. I’ve had a really nice day too you will be a great Dad one day.”
“Not too soon Michelle, we have places to see and stuff to do and see first and oh the small thing about being married first, oh but the practising, that will be kind of good if last night’s anything to go by.”
“Umm it was nice. Still thinking about it but I’m warming to the idea of being married to you and having kids and stuff, but…”
“Not yet Mi cielo, I know, but we will be fantastic together, and the fact that you’re thinking of me and our children makes me believe, it’s more yes than no?” We made it to the train in plenty of time. We were all three of us tired. JJ could have an hour, no more or he would be up all night. I bought some drinks for JJ and some Kit-Kats, as he hadn’t had his fix all day long bless him.
“Are you back in work tomorrow Sam?” He was looking down at JJ and smiling wrapping him up to keep him warm.
“Yes, I could have done with another week off and I will need to book time off next week to sort out Mum.” I smiled.
“I can drop some shifts, if that would help?” He hugged me.
“You’d do that for me?” Like I wouldn’t help him?
“Yes, let me know what you need covering, between you three and me, we should be able to cover her, have you thought of asking Aunty Allison to have her there for a few days?” He had, but his mum wanted to be home.
Our train came and we got to our seats. I put my head in Sam’s lap and fell asleep with him playing with my hair. I woke up when the train came to a sudden stop. JJ was awake and playing with a toy from the zoo, eating his Kit-Kat, Sam had managed to get him out of his pram and into the seat, and they were having monster fights when I woke.
“How long have I slept Sam?” He looked at his watch.
“Not long at all about half an hour.” He bent down and kissed me. His kisses were soft and gentle. The train moved off and the kissing continued. My lips were numb. I kissed him back and sat up.
“I loved today, thank you last night was pretty good too, but I’m knackered.” He grinned.
“It was pretty good Missy, I’d love to stop again, but I need to be in work early.” Good, I didn’t fancy him and dad leaving for work at the same time. Sam walked us home Aunty Liz and mum were in the front room eagerly awaiting our return.
“You’re coming in for a drink, no arguing your freezing angel.” I opened the door.<
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He came in just for a quick coffee. Mum went to put the kettle on as JJ started his show and tell, of the monkeys, the Nellys, the giraffes, and lions and the stupid rabbit, which bit his finger. His impression of the monkeys had Sam and Aunty in fits of laughter. Aunty Liz liked Sam before, but now he was bloody wonderful, JJ kept getting off her knee and going to sit on Sam’s knee.
“A nasty clown chased me Aunty Elle. Sam picked me up and rand me all away from it, it was naughty, we went on rides lots of rides and Sam tooked me on the bumping cars and I banged into My-isshy, she said I was a bugger and Sam shout at her, she said rude words, they mushed a lot them two did and it not bedtime.” I smiled Sam was going red as he took his drink off mum as JJ gave them their glass swans. He showed them his teddy bears and told them about the tower and nearly falling off. He was clamped in his pram at all times. Boy he liked to fib, he had lots of fun, we all did it would seem.
“Can I go to bed in my monster bed, Aunty Elle? I knackered Sam got me a snot monster look, he knackered too and was a busted to win.” Sam spit his coffee out. You really have to watch what you say around JJ.
“JJ that’s not a nice word, it’s tired, sorry about the busted thing Susan.” He looked at Sam ran over gave him a hug and he gave everyone a goodnight mush and with his treasures in hand disappeared with Aunty Liz, she had missed him. Mum was impressed with the fun JJ had, had.
“Right I have work in the morning and running around after JJ, is as he said, bloody knackering, thanks for the brew Susan.” She thanked him again getting up and giving him a hug. I walked him to the door.
“Come down to mine when you get back from work Michelle please, we can have tea at mine and have some alone time in my room.”
“I like that idea Sam, I had a wonderful day with you and I am thinking about it angel, really I am. I just need time. Do you want me to fetch something?” He smiled.
“Just think how good we are together and to each other, I love you so much, I will wait as long as it takes, as for tomorrow? Just you please we’ll grab a pizza from the restaurant near me.” He lent in and kissed me goodnight.
“See you after work Sam.” He smiled, waved and left. I watched as he walked away. I shut the door and went to bed. He’d left me with plenty to think about.
I had such a great day with Michelle, little JJ was brilliant. She loves life to the max and thank God for that, she breaths new fresh air into my life, I hope and pray I’m doing this boyfriend thing right? I actually loved it when the women in the zoo and in the tower and then the restaurant, all thought he was mine and Michelle’s Son! I want loads of children with her. I want to take her around the world first though, show her the places she dreams about, have some life adventures, then settle down and have oh at least four of the little things, you’re a soppy bastard Todd.
A couple of Sam and Michelle’s, our babies so spoilt, and that’s making me want her more, the thought of her carrying my children. Bare foot and pregnant? Yes, I can do that, spending the days with our family. Never having wanted to be a Dad before, but with her, I think about it all the time. Last night, was too good for words and how I stopped myself from doing it, I don’t know, we nearly had sex anyway! The breast thing wow that well, was amazing!
I really need to listen more when the lads do their sex talks on a Monday, after their weekend quests are revealed. Something I never spoke of, my many partners! Partners is a stupid word for fumbles, all I would say was yeah had a good weekend! Never having done the things I am now doing with Michelle before has made me realise the crap I did back then was so wrong, so bloody wrong, thinking about last night though, is a do again type of thing, and not on her list, either!
I’ve had straight sex with a fair few girls, has to be said and I had no issues with letting them have it, so why not with her? I love Michelle and she wants it, I'd go as far as to say she needs it! I’m so screwed up why can I not just do that with her? I need her too, something needs to give and that something is me! I know she loves me and I don’t think it’s doing her any good waiting, as she says I have done it, she hasn’t! She is giving me her gift and that alone scares the crap out of me. Messing it up for her, because you remember your first time!
I know I do, and that’s my problem the bitch I lost it too and why! Christ just thinking about my baby is making me stiff, I get in to total darkness and an empty house. Bed and relieve myself loudly! I’m spoilt now because she does it so much better than I do. I have to do this every time I leave her I need to do this or sleep with a hard on all night and that’s bloody uncomfortable! Umm when I think about her, I imagine her riding me, screaming my name. I think of the first time we do it, ripping slowly through her virginity. Shit being her first turns me on and frightens me in the same breath, I have never been anyone’s first! I will be though, just me she’s mine, just mine and that’s mine too! Argh… God sweet release and I sleep…
CHAPTER 7
It’s market day, so we are busy and unusually so, the new girls are only learning and Debby is being really bloody lazy and is being more bossy than usual. Her Mum is on holiday and she’s in charge. Lord help me, a week being bossed around by her, I’d spent all day clearing tables and was on pot duty. I have been cold and wet all day, I feel a cold coming on, I’m so ill and not feeling a hundred per cent in fact, I’m feeling so crappy and feeling so sorry for myself. Debby had given me painkillers and orange juice. She took my temperature and sent me home early because the sound of me being sick in the toilet was the last straw, like I could help it?
I grabbed more pain killers along with the curse products, I’m due on so deep joy, hence the back ache and crappy stomach, oh to be a man. Bubble bath bought too and I bought a bottle of Bill Blass perfume, it’s really expensive, but oh so nice. Lana’s admirer has expensive tastes, I stash it in my bag and walk home head aching and back killing me. When I get home, I have a hot bath full of bubbles and it’s so relaxing. I wrap myself in a warm towel from the radiator and fall asleep on the bed. I wake to Sam sat on the bed running his fingers through my hair and over my face, mum must have let him up?
“Are you okay Missy?” I looked at him as he feels my head my Sam is so cute… boy I’m so not feeling well and my head hurts… What am I doing still in a towel?
“Why are you here, I’m coming to yours, when I get changed?” He held me.
“It’s turned eight, so when you didn’t arrive. I was worried and I came up.” He shouts down to mum, shush my head hurts. “Susan, it’s Michelle, she’s burning up, please come up here quickly.”
“I’m really cold Sam, I’m not hot.” He put the quit from Becky’s bed on mine. Mum had knocked on wall for Aunty Liz.
“She’s burning up Susan, please get the doctor.” Sam carefully dressed me in knickers and a nightgown. Aunty Liz came in as he is tucking me back in bed.
“Sam, oh shit, I’m going to be sick.” He grabbed the waste bin and sat by my side, as I was sick. Crying and embarrassed and oh my head aches so much. Mum had gone to ring for a doctor Aunty Liz has a glass of water and painkillers and a cold flannel for my head and neck. Sam took them from her and wiped my face and put it on the back of my neck.
“Bin Sam, I’m sorry, oh shit.” Again I threw up, not a good look throwing up in front of your boyfriend.
“I’m sorry Sam, Aunty Li help me please I don’t feel well.” Another throwing up session, but my stomach is empty so I just wretch. She changed the flannel for a fresh one and Sam removed the bin to empty it, washing it out and placing it back by my bed.
“Does it hurt anywhere Michelle?” I cried and I felt like crap.
“My back hurts and it’s hot Aunty Liz.” Sam was at my side and wiping my head with the fresh flannel. Aunty Liz went downstairs I put my head in Sam’s lap. He wiped the back of my neck and he gave me the tablets and told me to sip the water slowly.
“I’m sorry… I love you… Erg you’ve watched me be sick… Oh boy kill me now.” He kissed my head, laughed an
d told me to shush, the bloody dog was barking at something, making my headache even more.
“It’s the first bedroom to your right Doctor.” Sam stood back as the Doctor looked me over.
“When did you start to feel un-well Michelle?”
“I came home from work, I was and am cold, my back is sore and hot though. I was only sick just before you arrived, my headaches and I’m hot now.” Sam looked uncomfortable and was about to be more so.
“Is there any chance you may be pregnant?” Mum and Aunty waited with baited breath, Sam spoke up without thinking, good for him mum’s face was a picture.
“No, absolutely not Doctor.” I seconded that fact.
“Sorry about that I have to ask, can you use the toilet and get me a water sample?” He gave me a little bottle. “Leave it on the sink and I’ll test it.” I managed to get the simple task, done but with the maximum of effort. It hurt something wicked, which I told the doctor. I climbed back in bed. Sam shifted to the end of my bed. The doctor tested the water sample. Wrote my name on it and put it in a bag.
“Seems you may have a water infection, there is a trace of blood in it too and your sugars are on the high side. I will send this away for testing, but we will start you on antibiotics.” He gave Sam a bottle from his bag. I’m due the curse, perhaps that’s why there’s trace of blood? I’m not embarrassing myself more in front of Sam.
“One tablet, three times a day and drink plenty of water and get some rest.” Mum showed the doctor out and Aunty Liz kissed my head and said goodnight. Sam sat at my side I buried my head in his lap and cried he wiped my head neck, then my face and told me to go to sleep.
“Don’t leave me though, please don’t leave me?” I moved over and he moved across the bed taking the place of my pillows, I lay my head in his lap and I slept. I woke, keeping my eyes shut when I heard him speaking to mum.
A Life Plan Without You. Page 31