He sang Adam Faith’s 'Someone Else’s Baby.' As we danced and boy did I enjoy it, he did too and we forgot about the others and danced. He danced the basic Jive, and we added a few advanced moves in, but not enough to get them over excited.
The lady’s and gent’s lined up and danced their socks off. Lizzy walked, correcting moves and enjoying herself. The music stopped and they clapped each other, I gave Joe a hug and thanked him for his help. I really had enjoyed tonight’s class; these oldies had cheered me up no end, especially Joe.
“Michelle I have been teaching them for four weeks and they row from coming in to leaving and the men are friskier than that normally, oh what a nice lesson and such a change, thank you here’s your wages.” I smiled, and gave it her back.
“I do this class for pleasure, put it back please Lizzy, and teach me yoga instead of paying me?” She agreed and asked me my secret. “I have the power and I’m not afraid to use it? No seriously, I enjoyed the challenge and don’t let things stress me when I dance, same time next Sunday?” She thanked me and said she would see me next week. I walked Grams home she was very impressed with my teaching the oldies their lessons. I laughed she was older than most of them.
We stopped at Marfa’s farm shop for supplies, his son giving me the eye. Wow, he was a hunk, his blond hair and shirtless body, oh hell, why was I so fucking hornie? I needed my bed when I got in because I was really tired. I had a glass of milk and a sandwich taking it to bed with me.
“Night Grams see you tomorrow.” I gave her a kiss and went up. I had a hot bath with bubbles, and had Miss Whiskey for company; she sat on the edge of the bath, playing with the bubbles. My cat likes a bath full of bubbles, but not the water under them. I dressed in my fluffy pyjamas and ate my sandwich, drank my milk and drifted off into sleep, the song playing until I slept.
I had a wonderful summer it had flown by, nothing done about the hunky farmers boy, he was I was informed a serious user of girls and wouldn't treat me right. Thanks Michelle but I sussed that on the second visit to the farm shop, his hand was up my skirt, as I leant over the table for potatoes. He may have broken two fingers that day.
My thoughts were always, still of Sam and I still loved him, nothing was making me love him less. I wrote to him a few times whilst I was here, just five words. Please Sam, forgive me please. I had done stopovers the whole of my stay here in Hambleton, on both Friday and Saturday nights. I was apparently a natural silver service waitress.
My running much improved, as was my Russian speaking, because, they paid me to be an interpreter for a Russian woman for a week. I had to accompany her to several meetings, she was a trade delegate and I was her interpreter. She spoke no English at all and that was very well paid. I got two hundred pounds, just for going to some fabulous dinners, speaking for her to the other delegates. I was also bought three fabulous suits, as I had to represent the hotel, so they footed the bill.
I feel a change of career coming on as I helped with the hotel translations too, when the French town twinning party came to stop, and when we had foreign bookings. I had to help book them in reception and speak to them and I loved it. The tan was great as we had a lovely hot August. My evening runs when I got home relaxed me before bedtime and my dreams of my angel and those two days of sex. The only relief I had was when Michael was away night fishing, and I needed it too.
I found a new love at the club too! Dan had another life away from the kitchens at the Castle. He was part owner of a new club with his partner, a gorgeous Italian hunky dude, who came complete with dark tanned skin and jet-black hair. The very dreamy Tommy, or to be correct, his full name was Tommaso, he said it was all right in Italy, but here it sounded like people were asking for tomato sauce.
This was his baby the wonderful 'The Gilded Cage.' A safe haven for me, never hit on and I danced my heart out all night. I got singing lessons too. Dan said I needed them, so yes I can hold a tune, just! I sing along to Dan as he plays the piano and teaches me to breath and relax, I no longer cut glass. I am not great, but nor am I as bad as I was, the high notes are still a little high for me, but well I can hold a tune, if I pick the correct song and Dan gets a dance lesson thrown in, he and Tommy are my wonderful fairy godmothers. The only hitting on here is from the ladies who wanted me to dance the male leads for them, and teach them to dance.
This place I loved, I had an alter ego here too, Angel Wings, she is feisty and wild and nothing like me of late, Michelle is sad and tired and overworked and lonely. I sang a couple of songs, in an act put together by Miss Danielle Downright-Goody, Dan’s alter ego, my songs are carefully matched to my voice, they have to be I can still break glass with the wrong one!
I am working on a Gene Pitney song, the sexy dance song I wowed Sam with, ‘A Town Without Pity,’ with its raunchy dance moves for the Saturday night show, a burlesque routine, I have mastered the sultry looking moves quite well already with Lee! Sam liked the show he got the once, as it’s quite racy it is constantly on the turntable at home, along with my ELO and my mushy Commodores LP. Michael has threatened to smash them if I play them on repeat on his days off.
I danced with the girls and thoroughly enjoyed my nights after work here Dan loved the clothes I wore. His favourite was the grey dress Sam had bought me and the swing dresses. I had to buy new dance shoes and went for the same white heels I bought before. I worked out in the gym with my new best friend Dan, every other day in our dinner hour.
“I will be a lean mean fighting machine, for hockey camp when I get back.” Dan laughed and asked could he join the camp.
“I can’t wait to get back Dan I need to find some closure. I thought I’d get that here, but all think of is Sam.”
“Seems perhaps there’s still something there, find him and ask him, but don’t push him wait for him to talk Michelle.” I spilled the whole tale to him and Tommy after my first night at the club, the night he called me sky eyes, his cielo gli occhi, he said my eyes were as blue as the sky and yes, that triggered a whole load of tears, Sam’s very reason for calling me Mi cielo. My Italian was super improved here, we would chat away as I pot washed and scrubbed, in their club. I would spill my heart out to a room of drag queens. That’s what got me my new name, Angel Wings.
I collected yet more oldies running around in my life, these though wore fabulous frocks and killer falsies. They gave fabulous make up tips and offered loads of great advice. My chats with Dan and Tommy would go on to the early mornings, in their beautiful flat with my pink room. Yes, I did tell them I wasn’t froufrou but they said nonsense I was their little girl and would have a pink room.
I had nightmares about him and her together. Sam and Karen were having sex and laughing at me all the time. Often woken by Michael, Grams or Gramps and now Tommy and Dan too. They now had to suffer the night terrors, they all just held me, until I went back to sleep. I woke after those nights so sad.
“What if I go back and they are a couple and are all loved up? Why would he do this to me Dan? I couldn’t live there if that’s what’s happened.”
“I don’t think he will have someone else, I think from what I know of you, you’re a hard girl to get over. I’m going to miss you Michelle and you can always move here and live here with me and Tommy, Gramps likes me and has said it’s alright. We’d love to have you stop, go on we will take care of you?”
I cried into his arms, I really didn’t want to go, but Gramps and Gramps have sold their house, they are just waiting on the fella selling his, the chain is a long one apparently, Gramps explained and I didn’t take much notice because my favourite place had a sold sign outside, but they will be in their new house in a few weeks, and I have a room there, because I still hate mum, having not spoken to her since I nearly decked her and fat Pat.
Gramps had his reasons for moving back but he wouldn’t tell me. I knew he was ill and didn’t want to tell me was the real reason, though he said he was fine, he loved it here. Yes, the money was a really good price, I had to agree th
at it was and yes Grams needed to be nearer to us and her brother, but something bothered me when I asked to stop here? He was angry with me, so leave it I did, as it upset him too much, he never gets angry with me ever.
“I have university and the Royal Navy to look forward to, and running away hasn’t helped, but thank you nice to know I have a run back to place, I love you two, because you’re my much improved and better than I have already… Mums.” That had him in tears and Lord what a drama queen, and he was literally. We’re only forty minutes down the motorway.
I also got a tattoo, after a stupid drunken night out with Michelle she had a devil, with a trident and a scroll with 'Hornie lil devil.' I whilst in a full I love Sam mode, had a heart on my shoulder, a scroll running through it, 'Sam, always and forever mine.' I woke up the morning after in the hotel room and Michelle, laughed at my shoulder I did the same, her devil wasn’t hidden that well, not by her thong. It looked like it was hanging itself from the G-strings things she laughingly calls knickers.
“Shit we’re going to get hung, Michelle, you’re the daughter of the preacher and you have the devil on your bum, and my Daddy will kill me, why did we get it done again? Those bloody vodka and coke scud missiles again, what a memory blocker they are, you are a bad influence, how much did we spend last night?”
“Nothing, we had drinks bought us all night thanks to you and your shaking your sexy arse at everything and anything. Do you not remember saying you saw Sam watching you and followed the lad out, you came back so upset that the lads all got you a drink?” I held my head, nope blank I couldn’t remember anything from coming out of the Manchester.
“Who’s idea were these then?” Michelle laughed and held her hand up.
“Umm, mine, you were meant to have a pair of lips on your arse with kiss this Sam on them, and it would have been hidden, but you fell in love with that, you wanted it done and were bloody insistent. Anyhow Dad says I have him in my soul, well I’ll flash it and say nope he’s on my bum Daddy.” It healed nicely and actually made me laugh, when I saw it, I will have to give err tee shirts that show my shoulders a miss.
With one day left at work, I was due home the following Wednesday and a few days earlier than planned. I had hardly spent a penny of my wages, other than ferry and tram fare, a couple of dresses and pairs of shoes. I had given Gramps my wages every Sunday. He gave me whatever I needed back, but generally I managed with just the basics. I over worked myself if anything, not too many days off, because if I did I would think of him constantly. He was never far from my thoughts. His laugh heard in my dreams his touch felt in all of my dreams. This made sleep near on impossible as he invaded those dreams with his shitty promises to love me forever.
I kept my days packed, and in hopes I’d be too tired to do anything other than sleep. Days off spent with the oldies at the home, nights off at the club or running, I was back up to speed with that, I may even have got quicker. Sundays were my favourite day. Met from the ferry, after my Saturday night in the club, with my adopted godmother’s by Joe. We would have Sunday lunch at the pub by the harbour and talk, he mainly about Hattie and their travels.
They had been everywhere and seen some wonderful places, they couldn’t have children, so their lives were taken up with dancing, travelling and going to shows in their home town London, he was shocked when I told him I was born in Purfleet, just down the river from them. He asked could he adopt me, I laughed and said I loved the idea and agreed. He said he’d look into it.
“I’m too old to be adopted I think, but you can still be my Pops if you’d like?” So Pops he became. He spent time at Grams and Gramps, Gramps and he talked all the time as he loved Manx land too, and went a couple of times a week, so I get to meet him too when they get back. Pops noticed that Gramps called me Missy, and started to call me it too.
My last half day, I had been asked to the hotel manager’s office and was asked, if I would like to work at their Manchester Castle Hotel, or even in the Stockton Castle, I thanked them. I would have to think about it, as I wasn’t sure of uni and where and if I had to work weekends. They gave me their number and said I would be able to let the other hotel know, when and if I wanted a job, I was welcome back with them at any time.
I had bigger ambitions than to be pot-room washer or a waitress, but it would give me money of my own, and being here had brought more friends, that are both good and trusted into my life. I went back to work, Mara had been promoted after my leaving today, and she was busy training her replacement. She made me laugh all the time, the kitchen staff called her Mini-Mish. I picked up my last wage packet and I left, after a shorter shift than normal, my holiday job over and after even more tears from Dan. I said goodbye.
I had an appointment at the doctors in town because I hadn’t been feeling well and was still tired. Grams said I need some sort of pick-me-up, perhaps anti-depressants were an option and now perhaps it was time to try them, I’d fought against them all summer. I didn’t have much down time, other than Grandad’s twice-weekly visit to work for our lunch and walk, down the prom. He listened to my ramblings, loved the lady on my bed story, for quite a few weeks I dreamed a woman was at the end of my bed singing ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful.’ I wasn’t afraid of her, and I had seen other 'people', in weird and wonderful places all my life, who weren’t there for anyone else to see. He asked was she the one walking with us, I turned to look and he laughed.
“Got you there Michelle, you need a proper holiday, sunshine and excitement, and not an oldies holiday either, you spend too much time with the old biddies and fogies Michelle. Why do you not go on one of these summer youngsters holidays a club-some-ert-or-other with young people, you’re not old you know, I’ll even bloody pay for it? Get some sun Sea and se...” I laughed and cut him off!
“Grandad, you watch too much television, I can’t do that, that’s… Well I’m not discussing sex with my Grandad!”
“Why not? I am an expert I have a few children tha’ knows!” I laughed, as did he!
“You’re a one Grandad, I do love our walks, and talks are you feeling better?”
“Aye I’m fine, I just worry about young Sam, and how this is making you ill, still not eating Michelle?”
“Nah, it is a hit and miss thing, I keep salads down and scrambled eggs and liver and onions, but Grams says I need to see the doctor here and get some help even get checked out at the hospital. I’m not stupid I know I have lost weight, but I eat as much as I can, I will go when I get home!”
“Your, putting it off go to the doctor here, your heartbroken my sweet little girl, and as soon as that heals you will too, give him time he’s coming back to you, now stop putting it off and go when you finish work!” I gave him a huge hug and cried a little, he bribed me with new shoes if I stopped putting it off, he knew my weakness and I said I’d go when I finished at the hotel, but without the bribe of the shoes, but I got them anyway.
He ate his sweets as I chose my shoes, his weekly escapes from Nana and he loved them, I’m sure he told her he spent a whole day with me! I had my wonderful Sunday afternoon lunch, with Joe and Gramps keeping Thursday as our day, he would meet me from work at dinnertime, for an early finish and we would go shopping, then go for lunch and have long walks. I spent too many days of the week at work. I was bloated, killer wind, cramps and those awful water infections were a weekly thing, food and me was so hit and miss too. I ate a little and well, just enough to stop my stomach making that awful noise, but boy oh boy did it rumble and then I had to eat. It made Mara laugh she had a stash of biscuits waiting for me when it did.
I left the hotel armed with packages, cards, flowers, wages, and my summer bonus cheque, that was a shock and a nice surprise too. Dan and the girls had bought me a beautiful pendant. On it, a pair of handcrafted golden angel wings, made by one of the girls, a highly gifted jeweller, Dina Doors, Jed Powers in his life away from the club. They had thrown me a leaving party last night, and I drank champagne, sang and danced until well
into the early hours, good job I was leaving early. I was, as JJ so eloquently said, this is his new word apparently, knackered. He tells me he’s knackered each night as he says night-night at bedtime and his snot monster is called busted, it says night-night too and that they have been knackered all day. I just smile and say I love him.
I made my way around to the doctors’ offices. I waited patiently, my name called and I went in. I told him about the dreams and the problems with the eating and sadness, I expected the prescription for depression suppressors, as I explained it all to this stranger sat opposite. He asked me a barrage of questions, he took bloods and then asked me to lie on the bed, and I went through another barrage of questions about my periods.
“I have missed the last one, and the others have been lighter, but on time and the pill I take makes me very regular doctor.” I showed him the pills and he smiled, coughed, and then laughed.
“Miss Welles, have you had sexual intercourse, in the last few months?” I answered with my face burning with embarrassment. No, I had hot rampant first time sex, for just two wonderful days in the end of April, and he smiled.
“Yes I have, but months ago why, is there a problem?” The doctor made a phone call and I was booked in with an ultra sound at Blackpool Victoria. I was apparently pregnant. I was in total shock, silent and I didn’t know if I was happy or frightened. I was in shock and strangely happy, I had Sam’s child growing inside me. The pills I had taken daily for over five years, were not as I thought, and what mum had told me, birth control! No they were just stupid hormone tablets, bloody hell.
A Life Plan Without You. Page 72