by Lynn Austin
“Yes, I know I’m forgiven. But my sins still have consequences. I stole from you when I impersonated you for four years. I lived in a house that wasn’t mine, spent money that was yours, drove your car all around. I owe you, Audrey, and I intend to pay you back.”
“And I’ve told you again and again that you don’t owe me anything. The only reason I agreed to accept your rent money, and the other payments you insist on giving me, is because I hoped it would bring you healing from your past.”
“If nothing else, I need to keep working and helping you out so you can fulfill your dream of becoming a nurse. I need to be here for the next two years so you can go to college.”
“I’m grateful, Eve. Bobby and I would have been lost without your help. But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I’ve decided that maybe I’m too dependent on you. Maybe it’s time I started getting by on my own.”
“Yes, but after you finish nursing school, right?”
Audrey didn’t seem to hear her. “All this time I’ve been trying to prove to myself—and to Robert—that I didn’t need to rely on his parents’ support or their wealth. Prove that I was able to pursue a nursing career and get by on my own.”
“That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”
“It is. And yet I’m leaning on you for support, Eve. It was wonderful of you to help Bobby and me get settled, but . . . well . . . we’re settled. You and I both need to get on with our lives. It’s time. From now on, I’m not taking any more rent money from you.”
“You’re just saying that so I’ll accept Tom’s proposal. But how can I marry him if I still haven’t made up for all my mistakes?”
“You aren’t the only person who has made mistakes. I should have come to America right after the war, when you came. I shouldn’t have allowed fear to hold me back. If I had, then you wouldn’t owe me any money.”
“I was wrong to steal your identity.”
“That’s another mistake that was just as much mine as yours. I should have helped you, Eve. Instead, I was so mired in my own grief that I didn’t see that you had no place to go and no way to support yourself and Harry. I let you walk away without helping you. You’re my dearest friend, and I let you down.”
“I don’t see it that way.”
“Tom loves you and you love him. Accept his proposal. Live happily ever after.”
“But what about your nursing degree?”
“I steered a boat into a war zone through rough seas, remember? I’m perfectly capable of steering Bobby and myself through choppy waters. As for my nursing degree, Robert’s father offered to pay for all of it—as a gift. I wouldn’t even have to mortgage this house. But instead of graciously accepting his gift, I’ve been stubbornly trying to prove something to Robert—who isn’t even here! I’ve been trying to prove to him that I could get by on my own without any assistance from his parents. And all the while, I’ve been accepting money and support from you. Maybe it’s time I swallowed my pride and let Robert’s parents help me.”
“You need to sleep on this, Audrey—”
“And you need to accept Tom’s proposal. If you love him, and I know you do, put his ring on your finger and give Harry a daddy for Christmas.”
Eve longed to do it, but she was afraid. She couldn’t shake the notion that she hadn’t paid her debt yet and that she didn’t deserve to be happy until she did. How could she saddle Tom with such a burden?
“Come on,” Audrey said. Her crinoline rustled again as she pulled herself to her feet. “Let’s go to bed.” She scooped up her shoes and carried them toward the hallway while Eve unplugged the Christmas tree lights. As if by silent agreement, they peeked into the boys’ bedroom to check on them one last time. Harry and Bobby were both asleep on Cooper’s rug on the floor with the dog cuddled between them. Cooper lifted his head and looked at them. Eve could have sworn he was grinning.
“Well, I did tell them not to let the dog get into bed with them,” Eve said. She lifted Harry in her arms and kissed his forehead before tucking him in to the top bunk. Audrey moved Bobby into his bed on the bottom. Cooper turned in a circle and pawed at his rug a few times before settling back down to sleep.
“We can’t think only about ourselves, Eve,” Audrey said as they got ready for bed. “We owe our sons a life that’s free from all the mistakes and griefs of our own past.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do by paying you back. How else can I start all over again?”
Audrey didn’t reply.
Eve looked at Tom’s ring again before setting the box on the dresser for the night. She turned off the light and climbed into bed. Was Audrey serious about wanting to live here on her own and not letting Eve help her? How could she raise Bobby and go to school at the same time? Eve didn’t know where Audrey had gotten the courage to make all of these decisions, but surely she would see things differently in the morning. She would realize how much she still needed Eve’s help. Eve closed her eyes, trying to picture herself as Tom’s wife, living on the farm in the country with him, sleeping beside him at night, hearing Harry calling Tom “Daddy.” It was easy to do. It was what she wanted more than anything else. And yet . . .
Eve had slept poorly. She was glad it was Saturday and she didn’t have to go to work. After eating breakfast and taking Cooper for his walk, they all decided it was time for the little Wise Men to go shopping.
“Tomorrow is Sunday, and Monday is Christmas Eve, so this is our last chance,” Audrey told the boys.
“How many presents do we need for everybody who’s coming?” Harry asked.
Bobby counted off the names on his fingers. “There’s Nana, Granddad, Grandma and Grandpa Van, Uncle Tom, and Mr. Hamilton. Six presents. They’re all coming, right, Mummy?”
“Yes, they’re all coming,” Audrey replied. And Eve would have to give Tom her answer on Christmas Day. She had only three days to decide.
Harry put his hands over Cooper’s ears for a moment and whispered, “He needs a present, too.”
Bobby held up another finger. “That makes seven presents.” The boys dumped all of the money they had earned doing chores around the house onto the living room floor, and Audrey helped them count it. “Do we have enough, Mummy?”
“You have plenty.” Eve looked at the collection of quarters and nickels and dimes and gave Audrey a worried look. Audrey simply smiled.
Eve’s concern deepened when they arrived in town and Audrey headed to the department store first. The boys knew nothing about prices and were certain to choose expensive gifts. But they found a special display of reasonably priced Christmas gifts and chose Old Spice cologne and shaving brush sets for Tom and his father, and a Yardley of London lavender-scented bubble bath and talcum powder set for Grandma Van.
It occurred to Eve that if she accepted Tom’s proposal, she and Harry would be celebrating Christmas at the farm next year. But how could she leave Audrey and Bobby on their own? She sighed and trailed through the store aisles with the others while Bing Crosby and Perry Como crooned Christmas music in the background.
Finding something for Alan and the well-to-do Barretts was going to be more difficult. But Bobby remembered how much Nana liked to have photographs sitting everywhere, and they chose a nice, double picture frame that was just the right size for the Polaroid instant pictures of the boys from the Christmas party. Harry thought Granddad would like a set of pipe tools in a zippered pouch for the pipes he enjoyed smoking. That left Mr. Hamilton and Cooper.
“Mr. Hamilton needs a new whistle,” Bobby said, “for when we play games at Boys’ Club. He lost his.”
“Yeah! One with a strap that goes around his neck,” Harry said. Woolworth’s had whistles and several different lanyards to choose from. The boys picked a bright-red one. “So he won’t lose it again.”
Last of all, they found a ball that they thought Cooper might enjoy chasing. The five-and-dime store also had wrapping paper and ribbons and tape.
“And balloons! We need ba
lloons.”
“And candles! How old is Jesus going to be, Mummy?”
Eve and Audrey both laughed. “Well, I’m not sure. More than a thousand years, I would think.”
“We’ll just light a whole bunch,” Bobby decided.
Their last stop was Davidson’s Bakery to order a birthday cake. The boys stood in front of the display case, drooling over the cookies and éclairs and pastries inside it and smearing the glass with their mitten-prints.
“We’d like to order a birthday cake for eleven people,” Audrey told Mrs. Davidson. She was a motherly woman, as plump and jolly and white-haired as Mrs. Santa Claus.
“Eleven people?” Eve asked. “Are you counting Cooper?”
“Of course,” Audrey laughed.
“Your cake will be ready for pickup on Christmas Eve,” Mrs. Davidson said. “Come any time between ten and noon.”
“Can you write Happy Birthday on it?” Harry asked.
“Certainly.” The woman smiled down at him from over the counter. “Which one of you boys is having a birthday?”
Harry started to giggle. “It’s not for us. It’s for Jesus.” She gave him a blank look. “Christmas is Jesus’ birthday and He needs a birthday cake.”
“It needs to say Happy Birthday, Jesus,” Bobby added.
“Oh, now I understand!” she said with a laugh. “Of course!”
“We’re gonna have a party with cake and ice cream and presents and everything,” Harry said.
The woman smiled as she wrote out their order on her pad. “You know, in all the years that my husband and I have owned this bakery, this is the very first time that anyone has ever bought a birthday cake for Jesus. I think it’s a wonderful idea.”
The boys opened their shopping bags and spread out all of the gifts they’d purchased on the dining room table when they returned home. Eve and Audrey taught them how to wrap presents and helped them do it themselves. “Let’s put them beneath the tree until the party,” Bobby said. Afterwards, they put on their coats and galoshes and went outside to play in the snow with Cooper.
“I’m so proud of our boys, aren’t you?” Audrey asked as they cleared all the scraps and wrapping supplies from the table. “They had fun picking out the presents themselves. And you should have seen them working around here like Christmas elves all week to earn the money.” She looked up at Eve and said, “What? What’s wrong?”
Eve hadn’t realized that her mood was so obvious. She decided to tell Audrey the truth. “It looks so bare under the tree.”
“Well, of course. Santa Claus hasn’t come yet.”
“If only the Wish Book hadn’t filled them with grand ideas for all the toys Santa is going to bring. I know we bought a few presents, but I’m so afraid Harry will be disappointed.”
“Yet if we had bought them everything they wanted, what would happen next year—and the year after that? It would only build up their expectations for more and more every year.”
“I wish they’d never seen that silly Wish Book,” Eve grumbled.
“But think about how far they’ve come since that first day. Giving their Wise Men gifts really has taught them something. They’ve been so excited about earning money and picking out presents for people. There may not be many presents under the tree, but the lessons they’ve learned have been priceless.”
“We’ve been given gifts this Christmas, too,” Eve said softly. “Alan’s friendship has been a gift to you, hasn’t it?”
“Yes. And you received a priceless gift from Tom. Are you going to accept his proposal?”
The question irritated her. “I don’t know. Have you decided if you’re going to accept Granddad Barrett’s gift of a nursing degree?”
Audrey looked away. “I-I don’t know.”
“Then it looks like we both have some more thinking to do.”
Chapter 12
CHRISTMAS EVE
Tomorrow was Christmas. Audrey watched Eve flip pancakes on the griddle and silently consulted a mental checklist of Christmas preparations, wondering if she had forgotten anything. The presents from Santa Claus were all wrapped and hidden away. The invitations to the birthday party had been sent, and everyone other than Mrs. Herder was planning to come. Even Alan Hamilton, which had surprised Audrey—and pleased her. “Let’s see . . . ,” she mused aloud. “We remembered to buy candles, the ice cream is in the freezer . . . and speaking of ice cream, I scrubbed all the chocolate stains from the boys’ Sunday clothes after the party at the country club, but we’ll need to iron their shirts before the Christmas Eve service tonight.”
“Let’s not forget to pick up the cake today.”
“Right.” Audrey longed to make Christmas a wonderful day for Bobby, but she worried, as Eve had last night, that he would be disappointed.
“What are you so worried about now?” Eve asked as if reading her mind.
“What makes you think I’m worried?”
“You’re wearing that look you have whenever you fret. You have that line between your eyebrows, and your eyes are all squinty.”
“They are not.” She gave Eve a playful punch. “I’m just wondering if I’ve forgotten anything.”
“Well, if you have, you’d better remember it soon. The stores all close early on Christmas Eve.”
“I’m so glad you have today off,” Audrey said, “so we can enjoy it together.”
“I am, too. Call the boys. The pancakes are done. I made a lot, so I hope they aren’t too excited to eat them.”
Harry was very excited and couldn’t seem to sit still as they gathered around the kitchen table for breakfast. “Santa Claus is coming tonight, right, Mommy?” he asked with a mouthful of pancakes.
“Yes. But please don’t talk with your mouth full,” Eve told him.
“Do we have enough cookies for Santa?” Bobby asked. Audrey had forgotten about the tradition of leaving a plate of cookies for Santa Claus and some carrots for his reindeer. They weren’t on her checklist.
“I think there are a few cookies left.” She stood and lifted the cookie jar from the counter to check when the telephone in the hallway rang. She went to answer it, carrying the jar with her.
“Audrey, it’s me. Do you have a minute?” She recognized her father-in-law’s somber voice and immediately began to worry. He never telephoned her.
“Yes, of course. Is everything all right?”
“We’re fine, fine. Listen, I know it’s Christmas Eve, and you probably have a lot of things going on today, but . . . well, our law firm received some documents that I need to talk over with you.”
Audrey wanted to scold him for working on Christmas Eve and ask if it couldn’t have waited two more days, but she didn’t dare.
“My associate brought them to my attention the other day. They’re from your father’s solicitor in England.”
Audrey sank down on the seat on the telephone stand with the cookie jar on her lap. Her father? “How did his lawyer even find me—and your law firm?”
“They were directed here by your uncle in London.” That made sense. Audrey had corresponded with her aunt and uncle, letting them know that she and Bobby were well and getting on in America.
“What sort of documents are they?”
“I think it would be simpler if you came over so I could explain everything to you in person. I’m working from home today. I don’t think you’ll want to wait until after Christmas.” Robert had complained that his father often put his work before his family. The fact that he was working on Christmas Eve reminded Audrey of why Robert hadn’t wanted to join his father’s law firm. “Have Eve come as well,” Mr. Barrett added. “My wife can watch the boys for you.”
“We’re just finishing breakfast, and then we’ll need to walk our neighbor’s dog, but we’ll be there shortly.” She hung up the receiver and went back to the kitchen. “Well, that was very mysterious. Mr. Barrett wants me to come over to the house. He says he received some documents from my father’s lawyer in London.”
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br /> “Is it good news or bad news?” Eve asked.
“He didn’t say. But he wants you to come, too.”
“Me? What for?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s something so terrible that he knows I’ll fall apart and I’ll need you to hold me together.”
Eve shook her head. “Audrey the worrier.”
“You must admit it all sounds very intriguing—important documents on Christmas Eve?”
Bobby tugged on her apron. “Do we have enough cookies, Mummy?”
“Pardon?”
“For Santa. He’s coming tonight and he’ll be hungry.”
Audrey realized she was still holding the jar. She lifted the lid and peered inside. “There should be enough, provided you boys stay away from them.” She glanced at Eve. “I can’t imagine what kind of documents they could be.”
The boys ran off to visit with Nana as soon as they arrived at the Barretts’ home, and Mr. Barrett led Audrey and Eve into his mahogany-paneled study. He took a seat behind his massive desk and motioned for them to take the two chairs in front of it. The formality added to Audrey’s sense of dread. “First of all, Audrey, I want to say how very sorry I am about the loss of your father.”
His words stole her breath. “What? He died?” She had told herself that she no longer cared about Alfred Clarkson after the cruel way he’d treated her, selling her beloved home, Wellingford Hall, and leaving her and Bobby virtually penniless. But the breathless grief she suddenly felt for him told her that she’d been mistaken. She did care for the man she’d grown up believing was her father. “I-I didn’t know he had died.”
“I’m so sorry, Audrey. I was certain you would have heard. I wouldn’t have sprung the news on you this way otherwise.”
“We weren’t in touch at all. Shortly before I left England, he put our home up for sale and disinherited me.”
“Disinherited you?”
“This is embarrassing, but . . . when Alfred Clarkson told me he wasn’t my real father, he made it clear that I didn’t have any right to his home or his money.”