by Lylah James
At my words, I saw Nina somber up a little, just a little. It was for but a fleeting moment. Her lips twisted ruefully, and even though her face was covered in cake, I still saw the glare she was sending me.
“Oh please, I don’t need your lectures. What are you? A saint?”
Shaking my head sadly, I let out a small, remorseful laugh. She was hopeless.
“No, I’m not a saint.” I paused, my own words catching me by surprise. It was true. I was no saint. I was a liar, betraying the trust of the only man who made me feel something. I was betraying the trust of the family, who in many ways adopted me.
The guilt was almost unbearable, my heart aching with it. I almost ran inside to go and tell Alessio everything, but my feet stayed rooted in the same spot.
The fear of the unknown was something bitter and scary.
“No, I’m not a saint,” I repeated, looking at Nina. “But I do know the difference between love and hatred. Pain and love. Kindness and cruelty. But you don’t understand. You chose hate above love and kindness.”
Giving her a final look, I took a step back so that I was inside the house again. “Don’t come back. And Stay. Away. From. Alessio.” I punctuated each word, trying to make her understand that I was serious.
“What are you going to do if I don’t?” she taunted.
Sending her a glare of my own, I crossed my arms over my chest. “I will do worse than throwing a cake in your face and dragging you out. Don’t test me. I don’t know my own anger and what I can do. You don’t want to be an experiment.”
“You are useless. Mark my words. Alessio will come back to me,” Nina growled, hoping her words would be a slap in my face.
But they didn’t hurt. I knew the truth. I trusted Alessio.
“Alessio doesn’t want you. He chose me.” Taking a deep breath, my lips tilted up in a small smile at the thought of him.
Without seeing her reaction, I closed the door in her face. A sigh escaped my lips as I turned around but stopped at the sight of everyone standing there.
Viktor, Nikolay, and Maddie were standing in the living room, staring at me in absolute shock. Maddie had a huge smile on her face, and she was practically bouncing on her toes.
Viktor shook his head, a smirk in place, and it was obvious he was trying hard not to laugh. “Remind me to never piss her off,” he said with a fake cough. “Damn, the kitten has claws.”
Nikolay simply nodded, his face expressionless as always.
“That was epic!” Maddie squealed. “Oh my God. Yes! I feel like a proud momma. My girl has grown so much.”
As Maddie squealed proudly, I stared at my hands in astonishment when realization finally dawned at what I had done.
I was still reeling from my encounter with Nina when Maddie came over and hugged me. “You were amazing and definitely showed Nina her place.”
What was I supposed to say? “Umm…thank you?”
Maddie laughed, shaking her head at my obvious bewilderment. Viktor sent me a nod before walking away, Nikolay following closely behind him.
Maddie started to pull me toward the kitchen, and that was when I noticed Lyov and Isaak standing on the stairs. Lyov’s eyes were focused intently on me, following my every move.
I shivered under his intense gaze. Lyov and Isaak weren’t staying in the estate, and I barely saw them. But whenever they were here and we came across each other, I always felt their eyes on me, watching me. Sometimes, it felt like they could see the real me, like they knew who I really was.
I could see and feel the distaste in Lyov’s gaze. He hated me, although I didn’t understand why.
Quickly looking down, I avoided looking into their eyes and hurried into the kitchen. Whenever they were in the house, I stayed far away. As far as I could, without drawing attention to myself.
“Poor cake, though. It got spoiled on her ugly face. The cake didn’t deserve it.” Maddie’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and I looked down at the mess.
“Do you think Lena will be mad?” I asked, pushing the thought of Lyov to the back of my mind.
“Oh, I don’t think. I know Mom will be mad.”
Uh oh.
Chapter 19
My eyes were locked on the bathroom’s door. Alessio was in there, taking his shower.
A few minutes later, I heard the shower turn off. And then there was silence.
The silence only made my palms started to sweat, and I rubbed them over my nightdress. The door opened a few seconds later, and Alessio walked out, wearing only black sweatpants.
His eyes were instantly on me, and when he noticed me looking, they twinkled almost teasingly. Walking closer, he stopped next to the bed, his big body looming over me.
My gaze followed a path down his chest, his ripped abs and then slightly below, but my head quickly snapped up when I saw the noticeable bulge.
Alessio chuckled while I glared at his chest, refusing to look into his eyes when my cheeks heated in embarrassment.
“So how is this going to work?” His voice was low and deep. I gripped the comforter to stop myself from reaching out to him.
“What?” I looked up to see him nodding toward the bed.
“We are not supposed to touch. How are we going to sleep?” he asked, raising an eyebrow in question.
Oh. Right.
I glanced at the couch in the corner of the room and smiled. “You can sleep on the couch.”
Alessio glanced at it, then back at me again, his expression filled with surprise. “You are seriously kicking me out of my own bed?”
“You said it’s our bed. So I get to decide too, right?” I batted my eyelashes up at him innocently, trying to put up the most innocent face I could muster.
Alessio simply glared as he walked over to the couch, throwing his towel on the coffee table in agitation. I watched his shoulders tense, and the smile on my face slipped.
I was being unfair. It didn’t matter if we called it our room; this was still his room. Making him sleep on the couch wasn’t reasonable. Or nice, either.
With a sigh, I started to get out of the bed. “I should go to my room,” I suggested quietly.
Alessio’s eyes widened, and he snapped, “No.”
He pointed at the bed, glaring at me in the process. “Get back in there,” he ordered. “I’d rather have you in the same room and not touch you than have you in the other room, so far away from me.”
“Alessio—” I started but never got a chance to explain before he cut me off.
“No. There is no my room or yours. This bed is as much yours as it is mine. It’s ours. This is your room now. Got it?” he replied, his words punctuated as if he wanted me to understand and never doubt what he was saying. “So get that pretty ass of yours back in bed and go to sleep.”
I lost the fight and sat on the edge of the bed, still feeling a little guilty. My eyes were cast down, but I heard Alessio’s audible sigh, and he quickly approached the bed. He stopped in front of me, and I stared at his feet.
When his hands came to rest on the mattress, on either side of my hips, caging me in, I had no choice but to look up in his eyes. “Stop thinking so hard, Angel,” he soothed quietly.
Angel. My heart melted at the word, and I smiled. Alessio leaned forward, his forehead just mere inches from mine, but we didn’t touch. We were so close, yet not touching. All I had to do was lean the slightest bit forward and we would be touching.
But neither of us moved.
“Good night,” he whispered.
“Good night,” I replied just as softly.
He still didn’t move, and neither did I. And when he finally did, I could see the disappointment in his eyes, and I felt my own, my chest aching as he stepped away.
That small moment between us had lasted shorter than we wanted.
“I want to kiss you so bad right now, Ayla,” he confessed. His words sent a shiver down my body. I wanted that, too. But we both knew we couldn’t just simply kiss. It would lead to more,
and we wouldn’t be able to stop ourselves.
“But I’ll wait. For you, I will wait.”
He was perfect and said the sweetest words. It was hard to resist him.
I could feel myself slipping, forgetting about his punishment. I could feel myself reaching for him, but he was already stepping away. “Go to sleep, Angel.”
Nodding, I laid down under the covers as he turned off the lights, only the lamp beside me casting a soft glow around the room. I faced the couch and saw Alessio lying down, crossing his arms over his chest. In the dark, I couldn’t see if his eyes were closed or not.
Maybe he was too big for the couch. He really was. The couch appeared dainty with Alessio laid down on it.
I burrowed deeper under the comforter and pressed myself into the soft mattress, willing myself to stop worrying and just sleep.
Hours later, I was still not asleep. I glanced at Alessio and wondered if he was already asleep. Without thinking much about it, I quietly got out of bed, making my way to Alessio.
My feet stopped in front of him to see his eyes closed, his face calm with sleep. He was so beautiful like this. When I looked at Alessio, I didn’t see the cruel man, the killer or the monster. All I saw was him, the man who called me Angel. I saw the real him.
I pulled the bed sheet over his body, my heart accelerating just a little bit. I hoped he wouldn’t wake up. When he didn’t, my hands moved to his head, my fingers lightly brushing his forehead as I pushed the strands of hair away.
I caressed him, almost soothingly, wishing he was awake to feel my touch.
“I thought we weren’t supposed to touch.”
At his voice, I snatched my hand away. Alessio cracked one eye open, sending me a smirk of his own. Scoffing at his teasing look, I crossed my arms over my chest. “You were awake this whole time?”
“Yes,” he replied, looking down at the bed sheet covering his body.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I mumbled under my breath.
“And miss the opportunity of you touching me?” he shot back.
“Well, that’s cheating,” I replied.
“You are the one who touched me.” He raised an eyebrow before shutting his eyes again.
“Go to sleep.” This time it was me ordering him around. His chest rumbled with a low laughter, and I smiled back. Two days. We could do this.
With renewed confidence, I got back in bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I closed my eyes and waited for sleep to come.
It was dark. Raining and foggy. My body quaked with each harsh shudder. The wind blew violently around me. It was dark. So dark. Why was it dark? Where was I?
I couldn’t see anything. Just darkness. Were my eyes closed? I tried to open them…but they were already open.
Help. I tried to shout, but no words came out.
And then I heard his voice. His sinister voice. My skin crawled, my back stiffened, and a shiver ran down my spine.
No. No. I wanted to scream.
I now understood why it was only darkness. I was back in hell. He got me. The devil had me and wouldn’t let me go this time.
I wanted to scream again, but my voice was gone.
“Did you really think you could escape?”
His voice was right next to my ear, but I couldn’t see anything. I only felt him. A small part of me died as I felt his breath on my neck.
“I will always find you.”
I recoiled from him, but his hand clamped down painfully on my arms, and I screamed. This time, I heard it. My voice came out hoarse, and my scream rang through my ears.
“Scream. Scream all you want. Nobody will save you this time. Not even him.”
Not even him.
Alessio. No. Alessio, where are you? I wanted to scream, but my voice was gone again.
And then I saw him. Even through the darkness, I saw him. He was walking toward me. My savior. My peace. He was here. He would save me. He would save me from the devil and this nightmare.
But all I saw was rage in his eyes. They glowed with it. So much anger. So much hatred.
I gasped when I realized it was all directed at me. I tried to shake my head, tried to explain, but I was numb.
He stopped in front of me, his big body looming dangerously over mine. Instead of feeling safe, all I felt was fear. I could feel all his fury and hatred for me. They were vibrating off his body, letting me know exactly how he felt.
I betrayed him. And now I had to pay the price.
“I hate you.” He hissed the words, shattering my heart in a thousand pieces. “You deserve what you got. Your soul belongs to the devil.”
No. No. No. Please. Believe me.
He was walking away. Away from me, leaving me behind with the devil.
No, come back. Please come back. Don’t leave me.
He started to fade away. I screamed and screamed, but no sound was made. Only the laughter of the devil could be heard.
“I hate you.” Those words resonated in my ears.
“She is yours,” he said to the devil. No! I’m yours! Only yours. Please come back.
“Never show your face to me again. You are dead to me.”
I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Please. Please.
Then he was gone, fading away into the dark, leaving me behind with the devil who tortured my mind, body, and soul. I shattered as I lost sight of my savior.
“NO!”
I shot up in bed, my body drenched in sweat. My ears rung with my screams. The light was instantly on, and Alessio was by my side in a matter of seconds, but I flinched away.
All I could see was him walking away from me, fading in the darkness and leaving me behind. No.
Lurching forward in bed, I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him tight to me. My hold was unyielding. I refused to let him go. He quickly wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me onto his lap, holding me just as tight.
“Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me. Don’t ever leave me. I can’t. Please. Don’t leave me, Alessio,” I mumbled in his chest, my heart racing at the thought of being without him. My body was shaking with silent tremors, and I trembled in his arms.
Tears ran down my cheeks in an endless flow. I continued to beg him.
“Shhh…I’m here. I’m not leaving. I’m right here, Angel.”
His words were soothing, but the fear inside me wouldn’t subdue. Alessio continued to soothe me as I cried in his chest. He never let go of me, his arms remaining tight around me. I felt his fingers softly caressing my hips.
“I’m not leaving. I will never leave you. Don’t cry, Angel. I can’t bear your tears. I’m right here. I got you,” Alessio continued sweetly in my ears, willing me to believe him.
I wished I could. I wanted to believe him. It was just a dream, just a nightmare I tried to convince myself.
But was it really? Maybe it was just showing the truth, my reality when Alessio learned the truth.
After all, he hated me. The real me. He hated the Abandonatos, and no matter how much I wished it wasn’t my reality, it was…and I was his enemy.
My fingers tightened around his neck at the thought of losing him. My guilt tasted bitter. My heart ached, and my mind felt numb. I wanted to forget. I just wanted to live in this happy bubble with Alessio, but for how long?
My tears eventually stopped, my sobbing turning into small hiccups. Alessio’s soothing words finally penetrated through my foggy mind, and I went limp against him. We were still holding each other, refusing to let go.
I couldn’t even if I tried. It felt like if I let him go, I would crumble to pieces.
“Please don’t leave me,” I whispered one final time.
“I won’t,” he vowed.
“Promise me.”
“I promise you, Angel.”
“You said you don’t break your promises.” My voice was muffled as I buried my face in his hard chest.
“And I don’t. I will never break my promise to you, Ayla. I’m yours as much as you are
mine. I’m never letting you go,” he soothed in my hair, placing a kiss on the top of my head.
His words were what I wanted to hear. They were more than I wanted. Except whatever promises he made to me, they would mean nothing if he learned my truth.
But I still made him promise. It was selfish of me. Maybe…just maybe, if he made this promise, he wouldn’t leave me?
Alessio was the type of man who would never break his vow, no matter what. So I tried to bind him to me in any way possible.
My hands went to his chest, one place right over his heart. I felt its beat against my palm. It was racing just as hard as mine.
He was worried. Scared even.
My fingers softly caressed his chest as I took a deep breath and confessed one thing.
“My name is not Ayla Blinov.”
They were the hardest words ever spoken by me. It broke a little piece of my heart. In that moment, I wished I was Ayla Blinov. Not an Abandonato.
I wasn’t ready to lose him yet. But I could confess something. Anything. One step at a time.
But his next words took me by surprise.
“I know.”
My head snapped up, and I stared at him, fear slithering down my spine. His face was almost unreadable, but his eyes were soft, regarding me as if I was someone precious.
“You know?” I sputtered.
“I made a background check the very first day you came here,” he simply replied. “And got nothing. We searched up every single Ayla in the country. Even did some background checks on names that sounded similar to yours. But still got nothing. It was like you never existed. So I knew you were lying about your name.”
“You knew I was lying this whole time?” I asked, completely astonished at this new revelation.
“Yes.” A simple word, one syllable, but it was enough to tilt my world upside down.
“But why? Why did you let me stay?”
“I was curious at first but then realized that I couldn’t let you go. It didn’t matter that you were lying to me anymore. Sometimes, I forget that you are even lying,” he explained quietly.