by Tracey Ward
“What do you think?” I ask her hopefully. “Do you want to take a break and have some fun?”
She forces a reluctant smile. “You’ll have fun? You’ll actually smile?”
“Whole time. I promise.”
“Well, that I have to see.”
“So you’re in?” Fren clarifies.
Liv nods. “Yes. We’re in.”
“Great. Get your suits on. We’ll meet you down there.”
Fren takes off up the stairs, heading for the first shift hall.
“Hey, wait!” I call after him. “What am I going to do about a suit for Liv?”
“Look in the bag, genius!”
The hall door bangs shut behind him.
We follow him slowly up the last of the stairs, Liv struggling to open the bag as we climb. When I open the door for her she’s frowning.
“What’s wrong?”
“Um, I—“ she stutters. “It’s the swimsuit.”
“Do you think it will fit?”
“Yes.”
“Okay,” I reply slowly, still lost on what the problem is. “Do you want to go change? I’ll meet you at your door in five?”
“That’s… yes, ok.”
She goes to her door, her head still hunched over the bag in her hands. I wait until she gets inside to go into my own apartment, hurrying to my bedroom to change.
Liv is normally quick on the turn around, so when I find myself standing outside her door ten minutes later I get worried. I should have swept her apartment before I sent her in. I used to but it drove both of us crazy so I stopped when nothing came of the paint on her door. Now I wonder if I was wrong.
When a knock on her door goes unanswered I’m convinced I’ve made a mistake. One that could cost Liv everything.
I use my key to pop the lock, stepping inside quickly. Every light is on. Nothing is out of place. I stride toward the open bedroom door.
“Liv, are you—“
My words are instantly trapped in my throat.
She’s in the bathing suit Karina sent over. It’s a white band that wraps around her chest like gauze and a skintight pair of shorts hugging her narrow hips. Her skin looks like smooth caramel against the stark white color of the fabric, the curves I thought she couldn’t possibly possess on full display. They’re destroying me, blowing my mind into a million pieces that I’ll never get back together. I don’t even know if I want to. What I really want to do is stand here forever following the line of her long hair down her back, over her skin, across the words tattooed in white ink on her side like scars. Beautiful, perfect script scars that say—
“Oh my God,” she gasps, immediately covering her side with her hands. Her cheeks flush scarlet. “Grayson, you can’t see me like this.”
I blink hard. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I—you were taking forever. You didn’t answer when I knocked. I got worried.”
“I’m alright.”
“What’s the hold up?”
“Nothing. I’ll be right out.”
“I didn’t know you had another tattoo.” I take an unconscious step closer. “What does it say?”
“Nothing.”
“It says more than that.”
“You read it?” she asks anxiously, her voice small.
I shake my head. “I couldn’t. You were too fast.”
“Good.”
“Is it a secret?”
Her eyes shift around the room, looking for a way out. “Kind of.”
I pause, watching her. She’s tense. Upset. “What’s the matter? And don’t say ‘nothing’. I’m not buying it.”
“I don’t think I should go.”
“Why not?”
“I can’t swim.”
I laugh, sure that’s a joke. But when she doesn’t join in, when she doesn’t even grin, I balk at the idea. “Are you serious?”
She shrugs. “I never learned.”
“You lived on the water your entire life and you never learned to swim?”
“I never needed to.”
“Can any Eventide swim?”
“Most, I imagine. My mother could. My brother ca—could. Does. I—“ she sits down hard on the bed, her hand still clutching her side. Her other hand hides her eyes. “Go ahead without me, Grayson. I’ll be safe here.”
“You hate being alone.”
“I can manage. I need to learn to handle it.”
“You know I can’t leave you. Fuller would kill me.”
“I don’t want to stop you from having fun with your friends.”
“So come with me. You’ll have fun too. We both need it. We can’t live like this for an entire year. You need to do something other than work and sleep.”
She isn’t moved. I decide to resort to bribery.
“I’ll even show you how to swim.”
She looks up with pained eyes. “It’s not only the swimming. I couldn’t wear something like this on my ship. I can’t be seen like this.”
“The other girls will be wearing the same thing. Probably less. You won’t stand out.”
She cocks her head impatiently.
I grin. “Okay, you won’t stand out any more than you already do.”
“It’s the tattoo,” she admits. “I can’t show anyone the words on my skin. Not until… Ugh, you’re going to make fun of me.”
“Probably.”
“Promise you won’t.”
“You want me to lie to you?”
“I want you to be decent to me,” she answers seriously. “Just for a second.”
Her words, her bell-like tone, they work a kind of magic, bending me to their will. I feel my smug smile fall away as my eyes intently drink her in. Finally I nod in silent agreement.
“No one can read the words until he does. The man I’m going to marry.”
I stare at her in amazement. And confusion. So much confusion. “I don’t get it. Is it some guy’s name? Are you engaged?”
“No. Not really. The words are meant for someone. I picked them for him when I was thirteen, I just don’t know who he is. And somewhere he’s out there with words he picked for me written on his side and when we get married we’ll see each other’s words, they’ll come together as we… when…”
“When you have sex?” I supply bluntly.
She glares at me mildly. “He’ll be the first to see them, I’ll be the first to see his, and together they’ll make a sentence. They’re just a few words now, confused and incomplete, but when we come together we’ll—“
“Finish each other’s sentence.”
Liv looks at me softly. “Yes. Exactly.”
I nod in understanding, holding my tongue.
“Are you dying to make fun of me?”
“No,” I answer honestly. “I’m dying to know what those words are.”
Her eyes widen, her lips parting in surprise. “Grayson, you can’t.”
“Not like that. Not like I want to have…” I clear my throat. And my mind. My dirty, meandering mind. “I’m curious, that’s it. You said I can’t know so of course I want to know.”
“Well, someday after I’m married you can. Everyone can.”
“I doubt you’ll still be here.”
“I’ll write you a letter. But until then I have to keep the words hidden, so I can’t go swimming in this.”
“You can’t go swimming at all. You can’t swim.”
“How literal of you,” she replies drolly.
I grin. “We can still go.”
“I don’t see how.”
I strip my shirt off over my head, a black tank top I usually wear under my uniform, and toss it to her. She catches it easily with one hand. “Cover up with this. Even if it’s wet no one will be able to see through it. Not enough to read the words.”
“You don’t have to do this. I could get dressed and go anyway. I’ll stay out of the way.”
“You won’t be in the way.”
“Since when?”
“Since you agreed to take an afternoon off w
ith me and have some fun. How old are you, Liv?”
“Seventeen.”
“Well, you act a hundred. You talk like it too. All prim and proper. You need an afternoon feeling like you’re young. So do I.”
She turns away from me, keeping her secret as she pulls my shirt over her head. “I won’t argue with that. You act like you’re forty,” she bites.
I scoff. “Bull.”
“Forty and tired,” she argues, pulling her hair out of the shirt to let it spill over her shoulders. “It shows in your eyes.”
“Now you’re getting mean.”
“It’s probably seeping into me through your shirt. You sweat angst.”
“That’s not all I sweat. I haven’t washed that in a week, by the way.”
Her jaw drops. “That’s disgusting!”
“You wanna take it off?” I challenge. “Show me what your tattoo says?”
She blushes, pushing past me out of the bedroom. “Not in a million years.”
“That’s a long time in the caves, Eventide. A month here can feel like a millennium. I wouldn’t make promises you can’t keep, not even to yourself.”
Liv looks at me curiously over her shoulder. “What has gotten into you?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I don’t either. Not exactly. But it’s something. Something has definitely gotten into you all of the sudden.”
I smile, opening the door for her. “Maybe I really love swimming.”
“Is that the truth?”
“Maybe.”
She laughs. “Maybe we should go swimming more often.”
As I watch her walk into the hall, her tan legs sticking out the bottom of my shirt that hangs heavy and long on her body, I think maybe she’s right.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Liv
Getting to the hot springs is more work than I was ready for. I’m used to living on a ship where everything is nearby. Deck, lounge, bedroom, kitchen, bathroom – nothing is more than five minutes away. Walking halfway across Gaia to get from my apartment to the hospital is a hike, but this is something else. It takes twenty minutes of walking down several winding tunnels to get there. Several dark winding tunnels. The ground is smooth, carefully carved to leave a path any of their vehicles could make it down easily, but the walls are still rough. And wet. They drip with moisture the closer we get to the springs, just as the temperature rises. It’s a small change, maybe a degree or two, but my cold body feels it. It loves it.
I’m getting colder the longer I’m here. I notice the temperature dropping inside with the freeze going on outside. Easton explained at dinner the other night that the inside of the cave will cool up to eight degrees during the frost, but he said it won’t get uncomfortable. He said it would happen so gradually I shouldn’t even notice. But I do.
I don’t tell Grayson because I don’t want to whine. I’m trying really hard to shake the stigma of being Princess Posher. I work my butt off at the hospital to prove I can be useful. For the first time in my life I worry how people see me. Grayson, Easton, Tae, Karina, Dr. Kanden, Fren, even Captain Fuller; I want them to know I’m a not just an heiress. I need to prove that I can contribute more to this world than being born.
The person I need to prove that to more than anyone else is myself.
Every day I get stronger. Braver. I feel more fulfilled here in this cave than I ever have before, but I still have moments. Doubts that creep up on me right when I get comfortable, lacing through my veins and sending me shaking scared into myself. I still can’t stand to be alone for too long. I can’t go a night without waking up in cold terror. Every morning I wake Grayson up insanely early, demanding to go to the bathroom when what I really want is to see his face. To hear his voice, even if it’s angry at me. I’m weak in the mornings when the night has been too long. I’m weak and I need his help, and he always gives it, even if he doesn’t understand why.
“We’re almost there,” he mumbles in the dark.
I feel his body next to me, his bare arm brushing against mine as we walk. Our elbows connect. Our fingers bump together. He’s so close I can hear him breathing, even over the echoing cries of laughter building from the end of the tunnel.
I hear a splash just as we round a corner. Light spills onto the ground. The walls. They shine wet and warm, the yellow glow of torchlight dancing sinuously over them. My eyes drink in the low light gratefully as they build the world again with sight as well as sound.
Steam is rising from the right where black water dances with swimmers, spinning and twirling around them. Rising to meet them. Taking them under. They laugh, their bodies shining slick and buoyant through the fog. Carefree in a way that makes me burn. That sends me steps ahead of Grayson, pulled in by its promise. It’s scary in a way; the dark water frothing around them, smoking ominously like a cauldron made of shining black stone. But any fear I feel is lost the second Grayson rushes by me, tossing his towel at my feet. He leaps out over the water, curling his long body into a tight ball, and disappears in a bold splash.
I count the seconds that he’s gone.
One…two…three…four…five…six…
Just as I’m getting worried he surfaces near the center of the large pool. And just as he promised, he’s smiling.
“Wooo!” Fren shouts excitedly from his right.
I spot Karina on his left with two girls I’ve seen at dinner but never met. They’re laughing, swimming toward him and splashing at him until he goes under again to escape the attack. He’s gone longer this time, but who’s counting?
Suddenly Karina yelps before being jerked under the water. Grayson appears behind her, swimming toward the edge and laughing.
Karina surfaces, sputtering angrily. “Gray, I’ll kill you!”
“You have to catch me first.”
“Watch me!”
She doesn’t. Grayson’s reach is incredible, his arms cutting through the water with elegant ease as Karina thrashes to chase him down. He’s to the edge and out before she even closes in on him.
“You’ve gotta come back in sometime,” she taunts. “And I’ll be waiting.”
He laughs again, the sound echoing off the surface of the water into the low ceiling. Wrapping around me with the warm air.
“Do you wanna get in?” he asks me.
I hesitate, glancing at the spring behind him. “I don’t want to jump in like you did.”
“No, you shouldn’t. It’s not deep enough all the way around. You have to learn where it’s safe to do that.”
“If you jumped in the wrong spot you could have landed on rock?”
“And broken my legs. Probably my back.”
My awe turns to horror. “This is scarier than I thought it was going to be.”
“That’s not the worst of it.”
“Breaking your back isn’t the worst thing that can happen?”
“Nah, boiling alive is.” He runs his hands through his wet hair, smoothing it back. “The water is warm now but it’s not regulated. It’s natural. It can be hotter some days, cooler on others, and every once in a while it spikes so hot it can burn you. If you got stuck in there it could boil your flesh right off your bone.”
I narrow my eyes at him suspiciously. “You’re lying. You’re trying to scare me.”
“Nope, just giving it to you straight. Would you rather I lied to you?”
“No. Please, always be honest with me.”
“You snore.”
I chuckle in surprise. “I do not.”
He shrugs with a smile. “I’m being honest.”
“That’s enough honesty for today, I think.”
“Your call.” He takes a step toward the water. “Are you coming in?”
I pull my hair over my shoulder, tugging at it lightly. “I don’t know.”
“It’s fun,” he entices, still grinning.
I don’t recognize this boy. He looks familiar, he sounds familiar, but this lightness in him is strange. It’s ne
w and nice, so intoxicating that I feel myself take a timid step toward the water.
“I’ll put my feet in and watch for now. If my legs don’t burn off maybe I’ll get in further.”
“You’ll have to if you want me to teach you to swim.”
“I’m still not convinced that’s happening today.”
“I am.”
With that Grayson takes two monster steps back, crouches down, and springs backward into the air. I gasp as he turns, landing head first in the water. At least his entire body goes in. It doesn’t jolt to a stop halfway through, his neck connecting with rock and breaking instantly. Still, when he surfaces I’m cursing mad.
“My heart literally stopped in my chest!” I shout. “I thought you were going to snap your neck.”
He smiles. “I know where the deep spots are.”
“You’re out of your mind.”
“Nah,” he counters carelessly, taking off in a lazy backstroke. “I’m in my element.”
I wait until he’s a good distance away before stepping closer to the edge. I can feel him watching me. I shut him out as I gingerly dip my toe in the water. It’s amazing. Warm like he said, like bathwater that will never grow cold. I put my whole foot in, watching as it disappears inside the ink black water. It’s unnerving but exciting.
I look up to check where Grayson is. To make sure he’s not close enough to yank me under the way he did to Karina, because if he does I’ll kill him. I’ll probably die of a heart attack first, but I’ll come back from the grave to haunt him and kill him.
Slowly I lower myself down onto the slick black rocks. My legs disappear in sections. First my feet, then my calves, my knees dip in deeply. Small waves undulate from the people playing and splashing in the center of the pool, rocking against the shore and rolling over my skin. It’s tantalizing the way the water warms my cold skin. The way the steam envelops me like a blanket. If I close my eyes it almost feels like the sun. Like a warm wind on a glowing day in the Seventh hour where everything is gold. Everything is light and warmth. It feels like home in a way that makes me happy and sick at the same time.
“They’re a cute couple, aren’t they?”
I open my eyes with a start. Holster is there, settling in next to me. He sits close, too close for comfort, sloshing the water over my legs. He turns his head to smile at me in that way of his; that disconcerting, knowing way that sets me on edge.