by Tracey Ward
“Grayson, how are you?” Gav asks, stepping up behind her.
And so is her brother.
“Hey, I’m good,” I answer with a wave. “Thanks. How are you?”
“I’m great.” He looks at Liv, then back at me. Eventually he smiles warmly. “I’ll wait for you in the alley, Liv.”
“I’ll be right down.”
We wait for him to disappear before either of us speaks.
“How’s that going?” I ask quietly.
She rolls her eyes. “I haven’t shared a room with him since I was three, and with good reason. He’s a nightmare.”
“Nice having him back, though, right?”
“Yes,” she admits with a slow smile. “It’s nice to not be alone. Not that I was alone, but I was the only Eventide and I felt—“
“Liv, it’s okay,” I chuckle, stopping her nervous rambling before she can get going. “I get it. He’s family.”
“That’s it, yes.” She looks me over, her face suddenly confused. “You look like Tae. You smell like him too.”
I grin weakly. “Like his musk?”
She giggles. “That’s it.”
“I was visiting him in the carpentry shop. He’s a messy guy.”
“It looks good on you.”
“Thanks.” I step out of the doorway, holding it open for her. “Were you heading out?”
“I’m on my way to dinner. Do you want me to wait for you?”
“No. I have to change first, and I think I’m gonna sit with Tae and his carpentry crew tonight. I’m going back tomorrow. Spending some time there. I want to get to know the other people working there.”
“Don’t you have to work?”
I frown, my hand flexing on the door. My fingers digging angrily at the metal. “No. Not anymore. I got fired today.”
Her eyes open wide with shock. “Why?”
“It’s my back. I told you it would happen.”
Her lips purse tightly. “Grayson, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s why you were at Tae’s today?”
“I have a month to find another job. There aren’t a lot of places I want to work. They’re alright down there. I thought I’d give it a shot.”
“That’s good. I’m glad you’re trying something new.”
I shake my head tightly. “I’d rather be Forces.”
“I know that,” she agrees gently.
We stand in a slow, awkward silence, me in a funk and her desperate to buoy me from it. It starts to be a little unbearable. I’m starting to sweat.
“Liv?” I grunt.
“Yes, Gray?”
“This door is getting heavy.”
Her face flushes. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m going. I’m going. Have a good night!”
“Goodnight.”
I let the door shut behind her with a bang, turning to limp alone down the empty hall. It’s not until I’m pushing my key in the door that I realize she was wearing the necklace I gave her. That, come to think of it, she wears it every day.
That the dawn is always hanging over her heart.
Chapter Forty
Liv
On the first floor of the Forces building is a rec room. It’s small, it’s cramped, the couches smell like boy and body odor, but it’s a nice place to get away sometimes. There are books, games, a couple of musical instruments, cards. Anything you’d need to spend a relaxing evening off with the people you love the most. People like Fren, Krysan, Tae, Grayson, and Easton. Even reclusive, quiet Ian is in the corner playing the guitar, plucking at it aimlessly as the rest of us circle the couches around a low table to play cards.
“You can tell a lot about a man by the company he keeps,” I warn Krysan. “And Holster is really dragging my opinion of you down.”
He looks at me pleadingly. “Give me a break, Liv. He’s my partner.”
“He’s a jerk.”
“I can’t help it. I have to work with him. Try living with him, see how much you like him then.”
Holster plops down across from me on the green couch. “You guys do know I’m right here, right?”
I glare at him from my spot on the brown couch. “You were told not to talk.”
“Ah, that’s right!” he exclaims theatrically. “I forgot.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“No. I didn’t. But I like it when you tell me what to do. You get all dominating. Your eyes go wide. Dilated. It’s so sexy.”
Grayson’s arm over my shoulders tightens possessively. “Shut up, Holster.”
“Can you ask her to tell me that? It does nothing for me when you do it.”
“I’m not here to get you off, and neither is she.”
“’Cause she’s too busy servicing you?”
Grayson opens his mouth to come back at him, but I cut him off.
“Why would he need me when your mom is doing such a great job?” I ask casually.
Holster sneers at me. “Are you gonna start standing up for yourself, Eventide? That’s even hotter.”
“You know who can barely stand up? Your mom. After the night Fren spent with her.”
“Please don’t drag me into this,” Fren begs.
“Is this your thing now?” Holster asks me. “My mom?”
I smile slowly. “As far as I can tell, everyone’s thing is your mom.”
“You coming back with the same thing every time really takes the fun out of all of this.”
“You know who took the fun out of your mom three times last night?”
“Alright, shut up.”
I laugh, dropping the act. “Do you fold?”
“For tonight,” Holster admits, his lips reluctantly forming a ghost of a grin. A real one.
I smile happily, folding my arms over my stomach.
“Guess you don’t need me anymore,” Grayson mutters proudly to me.
I happily snuggle in closer to his side. It feels oddly hot. “I’ll always need you. I just don’t need you to fight my battles for me anymore.”
He hums quietly, the vibration racing through both of us.
It makes me shiver.
***
“Liv.”
My eyes snap open. The room is dark. It’s quiet. I groan when I look at the clock. It’s two in the morning.
“Gav?” I call softly.
No answer, but I can hear him snoring softly in the next room.
I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. Emptying my mind.
The wall next to me explodes in sound.
Boom! Boom!
“Liv!”
I sit up straight, pressing my ear to the wall. “Grayson?!”
“Liv,” he answers softly. Brokenly. “Help.”
I jump off my bed, running for the door. I’m out into the hall, turning to his room. Thank goodness he didn’t lock it last night. I’m able to burst inside, sprinting straight for his room.
I left the front door open. The light from the hall filters in weakly, casting long shadows. Grayson is on his bed laying facedown. His blanket is throw off onto the floor. His pillow is gripped tightly in his hand, pushed against his face. He breathes heavily into it, moaning long and low.
I kneel next to his bed, bringing my face level with his. My hand lands on his shoulder gently. It’s soaking wet with a cold sweat, his skin burning like fire.
“Grayson, what happened?”
He pulls the pillow away. His face is red and twisted in agony; his teeth bared, his eyes pinched shut. “My back,” he gasps. “I can’t stand it, Liv. I can’t.”
“Okay,” I whisper, running my hand in small circles on his shoulder. “It’s okay. Breathe. You have to breathe as deep and even as you can.”
“I can’t.”
“I know it’s hard, but I’ll do it with you. I’ll breathe with you. I’m right here with you.”
It takes some time but I get him to stop panicking. He calms down enough to open his eyes. To talk to me.
“I stopped taking my meds,
” he confesses in a whisper. “I didn’t like them. I felt foggy. I was worried I’d get hooked on them.”
“Do you still have any?”
“In the kitchen. By the sink.”
I hurry to the kitchen, grabbing the small brown bottle. I recognize the wrapping of four syringes next to it. I snag them all.
“We’re going to get you comfortable again,” I tell him, setting up the syringes and the bottle on his nightstand. I squint to read the sticker on the bottle, memorizing Dr. Kanden’s instructions. “I’m going to give you a dose now and another in two hours. We’ll do another two hours after that. If that gets us ahead of the pain we can hold off on another does until four hours later, but if you’re still in pain we’re doing it at two.”
“Liv.”
“I wasn’t asking, Grayson.”
“Will you stay with me?”
I pause, pulled in by his tone. It sounds so small. So fragile. His eyes are open and imploring, blue pools of fear and sorrow that pull me into their cool depths and leave me breathless.
I run my hand along the sweat soaked side of his face. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He closes his eyes in relief, nuzzling his face into my palm.
Almost immediately his mouth pulls tight in pain, his breath coming in sharp and shallow.
“Liv,” he growls.
I rip open the wrapper on the first syringe, quickly filling it from the bottle. “I know. I’m going to fix it. It’s okay. Breathe.”
It’s hours before he’s calm. Before the muscles in his hands relax against the sheets. Before his brow smooths and his eyes close in anything but pain. I stay with him the entire time. I ride every agonizing wave, my heart breaking with every gasp. Every moan. I sit on the floor next to the bed until my butt goes numb. Until my legs are asleep. My fingers run soothingly through his hair, pulling it from his burning forehead and replacing it with a wet rag. I run my fingertips lightly over his naked back, tripping over the puckered scar where the bullet went in. Where the pain builds and boils over, rushing through his veins until he’s on fire and writhing, unable to escape. I do it until he falls asleep, his breath finally evening out and his mouth going slack.
It’s a long night for both of us, but I never sleep. I keep up with his meds, waking him only to warn him I’m about to inject him with a new dose. He doesn’t fight me on it. He only nods, thanking me. Asking me again and again to stay. I tell him I will. I tell him I love him.
He reaches for me.
He tells me he loves me.
Chapter Forty-One
TWO MONTHS LATER
Gray
Taking up with the carpentry crew was an easy decision. Or more like a foregone conclusion. Where else was I going to go? The Administration office? Get a desk job in a tiny square with a low ceiling and white walls? Every day the same. Every hour scripted and rehearsed.
I wouldn’t last. I’d end up one of those stir crazy fools pounding on the doors, begging to be let out when the sun was high in the sky. My brain would melt inside my skull in under two minutes, and still it’d be better than being trapped behind a desk.
“Your brother sits behind a desk,” Tae reminds me.
“My brother is made of stronger stuff than I am.”
“I don’t know about that. I’ve seen him run from a spider before. Actually, I’ve seen him do it a lot. Like once every couple months.”
I snort. “He screams like a little girl.”
“It’s precious.”
I blow gently on the board I’m carving, sending thin strips of wood dancing across the table. “It’s nice to know he has a weakness.”
“We all do, man. It’s just that nobody likes showing them.”
“What’s yours?”
He looks at me impatiently from across the room. “What’d I just say?”
I smile. “Sorry.”
“What’s yours?”
“Nope.”
“See. Seems rude to ask, doesn’t it?”
“Oh, so you weren’t really asking?”
“Not unless you’re telling.”
“Pass.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“Dolphins.”
Tae and I turn toward the door, startled. Gav is there inside the large bay door that sits open to the street, an easy grin on his face. “You were sharing fears?” he asks conversationally. “That’s mine. Dolphins. They track with the ships, staying in the warm water. They’re always around. Always chattering. It’s unnerving.”
“I would think sharks would be worse,” I comment.
“You would think.”
He lets that hang in the air, unexplained and indecipherable.
Gav steps farther into the room, glancing at the work we’re doing. Tae is on the far side of the shop assembling a bed frame. I’m parked at a table as always, a chisel in hand. He whistles when he sees my carving.
“Is that freehand?” he asks. “You don’t use a pattern?”
I shake my head. “No. It’s all on the fly.”
“The Tem Aedha who build our ships, they do work similar to that. Their carvings are beautiful and ornate, but no two are ever the same. It’s amazing. It’s a real talent and you have it.”
“Thanks,” I reply, feeling awkward accepting the compliment.
I know from listening to Tae that the Tem Aedha are gods when it comes to woodworking. Their boats are the best, their art the most beautiful in the world. They’re living legends and to be likened to them is a huge compliment.
A compliment on a work I barely spent an afternoon on.
I like my job. It’s good to get out, to be free of a desk. It’s good for my back because I can rest whenever I need to. I can stretch when I have to. And every day is different. New. So yeah, I like it. But I don’t love it. Not the way I loved Forces.
“I was wondering if I could have lunch with you, Grayson,” Gav tells me seriously.
I look at my watch. It’s just after twelve. “Yeah, I could eat. Are we meeting Liv and Fren?”
“They don’t take their lunch for another hour. I was hoping it could be just you and me.”
“Um, yeah.” I stand clumsily, trying not to wince as my back screams in protest. “You’re Liv’s brother. How can I say no, right?”
“Why would you?” Tae asks.
I cast him an irritated look as I usher Gav toward the door. “I’ll be back in an hour,” I tell him tightly.
He waves goodbye, not bothering to look up from his work.
Gav and I make our way to the dining hall, walking in an easy silence. He has that strange ability to make everything feel comfortable and normal. Even sitting down to lunch with your girlfriend’s brother who you’ve never spent a moment alone with before but now he’s sought you out specifically to share a meal. Normally that would be uncomfortable as all hell, but here we are like it’s no big deal. Like we do it every day.
“What’s the diagnosis on your back?” he asks, digging into his salad.
“Liv didn’t tell you?”
He shakes his head. “For Eventide your body is very personal. Everything that goes on inside it, that’s not something we share secondhand. Asking Liv how you’re feeling is one thing. She gives me vague updates. Good, bad, okay. But asking her exactly what’s happening with your back, that would be awkward for both of us. Like asking if you had had a bowel movement that day.”
I grimace. “That is awkward.”
“That’s why I don’t do it. It’s why she wouldn’t tell me if I asked.”
“But asking me firsthand isn’t weird?”
He chuckles. “Why would it be?”
“I really don’t know.”
“If you don’t want to tell me I won’t be offended.”
“Nah, it’s alright. It’s pretty common knowledge anyway.” I clear my throat, wiping my napkin over my mouth. “It’s nerve damage. Where I was shot.”
His face darkens. “I’m sorry. That’s very painful, isn’t
it?”
“Yeah, it has been. I haven’t been able to get off the pain meds like I hoped I could. When I do it, uh, it gets uncomfortable. Like I’m on fire.”
“Is that what happened the night Liv slept in your apartment?”
I tense, not sure if that’s a trap. It sounds like a trap. Oh no, maybe this is why we’re having lunch.
“She didn’t sleep over,” I answer evasively.
“But you understand what I’m asking.”
“It—that’s what happened, yeah. Liv came over to help me with my doses. I got off them and she’s a nurse so she helped me get them under control again. That’s the only reason she was there.”
“That and she loves you,” he says, pointing out the obvious.
“And that,” I reply uneasily, surprised by how much he knows about us. “Yeah.”
“And there’s nothing long-term that can be done?”
“Dr. Kanden says there’s a treatment in Porton that I could go through. It takes a lot of visits. A lot of money. The city can’t afford it right now.” I look him in the eyes, shaking my head. “Liv doesn’t know that part. Don’t tell her, okay?”
“Why not?”
“She would get her hopes up that I could get help, but I can’t. Not right now. Treasurer Crestin says maybe next year or the year after that. I’m not the only one who needs to go to the city. A woman ahead of me has weak lungs. A kid needs a prosthetic leg. They need help more than I do. I’m not going anytime soon. Maybe not ever.”
“I’m very sorry, Gray.”
“Thanks.” I force a grin. “You know, it’s weird. You mention that a kid is missing his leg and most people would immediately ask how he lost it.”
“I would rather not know. Not unless he wanted to tell me.”
“So you won’t tell Liv about the treatment? You mean it, you’ll keep it quiet?”
“I would just as likely tell her how many times you masturbated in the last month as I would tell her your secret. It’s a conversation neither of us wants to have. Trust me. It’s safe.”
“That’s creepy.”
“That’s the point,” he grins.
We eat in silence for a while, enjoying our food. It’s quiet. It’s nice. I wish I’d done something like this with him sooner. Being out of Forces and out the building, I never see him around. I only hear his name in passing by Liv or Easton. He’s been sort of a mystery to me since he got here, a figure larger than life that exists mostly in rumor and legend. It’s nice to know he’s human, he’s real, and he’s a nice guy. I don’t know why I felt so intimidated by him when he first showed up.