I tried not to think of it; I tried not to think of the stench and the sweat of a subway car full of people who had just escaped the terrestrial sauna that was backing Manhattan. My dress clung to me as if I had just run through a sprinkler, but I had more on my mind; I had Michael on my mind. He didn’t know it, but I was heading over to surprise him. I was heading over to surprise him with some of the best news I had received in ages: I had made the Dean’s list. It called for a celebration, and the thoughts were running through my mind at a million-miles-a-minute.
When the subway finally came to a stop, I was relieved. I slid my way through the mass of people, to emerge outside in the sauna. The blast of hot air hit me as I ascended the steps back up to a noisy city. I should have brought my headphones, I thought to myself. I briskly walked the half block fro the subway station to the foot of the doorstep, and unlocked the door. Michael had only recently given me a key to his apartment; something he had initially protested about. I was glad he had a change of heart; it made me feel closer to him.
As I called the elevator, I thought of his expression and how excited he was going to be when he heard the news. I thought about how happy he was going to be for me. He knew that school meant everything, but slowly, he was beginning to mean everything to me. He was beginning to take a special place in my heart. And, even though it had been a short seven months since we had started dating, the whirlwind romance that ensued had my heart entangled. I couldn’t imagine a life with anyone else in this world other than him.
As I slid the key into the lock my heart started beating faster. I don’t know what it was, I just felt nervous all of a sudden. I had never come over unannounced and I suddenly wasn’t sure of what kind of a response I would get. But that was why he gave me a key, right? So that I could come over unannounced? As I turned the key to the door, I could hear my pulse thumping inside my head; my senses were heightened. Something inside of me was screaming for a attention. What was I supposed to pay attention to? I wasn’t sure what it was, but when I opened the door and heard moans coming from the bedroom, my heart dropped.
I looked down at the black designer high heels on the floor as I quietly slid the door closed, trying not to make any noise. Did they hear me? I placed my backpack down at the doorway, and quietly slid down the hallway. I tried my best not to make any noise, and even if I had, they probably wouldn’t have heard me. I could hear the moans louder as I grew closer to the door. That son of a bitch. I knew there was a reason for that sinking feeling in my chest. My heart was in my stomach as I now stood outside the door listening to the moans.
I turned the doorknob as quietly as I could, but the moaning didn’t stop. They didn’t care or were unaware that they were about to get caught. He was completely unaware that I was about to catch him red-handed in the act. That son of a bitch. That was the thought that ran through my mind, over, and over again. It was like a broken record playing on repeat in my head. I slowly opened the door to the creaking, and as I stood there, they were still completely unaware of my presence. My boyfriend, the man who I thought was my everything, was suspended missionary style over Cindy, my supposedly best friend.
“You fucking bitch!” I yelled.
They were stunned. They were like two deer in headlights. Michael clamored to untangle himself from that trashy whore who would no longer be called my friend.
“Sydney? What? What are you…” Michael was at a loss for words as he tried to pull himself together, searching the side of the bed for his clothes.
“Can it. I don’t even want to hear the fucking excuses you piece of shit. You’re a lowly piece of no good…”
“Please, Sydney, let me…” Cindy’s voice trailed off as she tried to pull herself together as well. Her blonde hair fell over her head as she tried to put on the skimpy little outfit she was wearing.
“Don’t you even dare talk to me,” I said. “I don’t want to hear it. Especially not from you.”
I couldn’t believe it. It all felt like a dream to me. I was standing there looking at them, but it didn’t feel real. But, it was real. It was so very real and it hurt. It stung in fact. If it weren’t for the adrenaline running through my body, I would have collapsed right there on the floor.
Michael looked at me. He could see the pain enveloping in my eyes. He could see the tears clinging to the sides of my pupils as I contorted my face while suffering through a mixture of the emotions.
“Here, take your fucking key,” I yelled. I threw the key across the room and it slammed into the window, dropping onto the hardwood floor of the bedroom with a light clang.
“Please, don’t. Sydney, please. Let me explain,” Michael said, but I was already down the hallway when he began calling out to me. I grabbed Cindy’s heels on my way out and tossed them down the stairs. Fucking bitch, go get your shoes.
My blood was boiling as I descended the steps. I had to take the steps. I couldn’t wait for the elevator. I had to work off the enormous amount of stress and anger that was built up in my body. Everything that I wanted, everything that I ever knew, came crashing down around me. My whole world was about to change, and it was starting to hit home.
I should have never moved to this city. I should have never left Oklahoma. The tears were streaming down my face by the time I hit the street to the sweltering heat. Fuck this. I was furious. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t fucking believe it.
3
Present Day
The summer night air was cool as we left the apartment shortly before 8 o’clock. It was Hallie’s birthday celebration, and it was our night to have fun. We were going to let our hair down, and go where the night took us. I promised her I wouldn’t make any mention about Michael, my on-again off-again ex, and I didn’t plan on it. I didn’t plan to allow myself to go down that negative path of thought. I had to get over it. As hard as it was, I had to do it. And, with a little bit of alcohol in me, I was sure it was going to happen. I was sure that, at least for the night, I would be able to forget about him.
The sushi restaurant wasn’t far from the apartment. We walked the six blocks or so, and even in our high heels, it wasn’t too bad. Granted, walking around in the city at night can be dicey at times, but you get used to it after a while. And it’s certainly a lot safer now than it’s been in years. As I looked at Hallie, I realized how fashionable she was. She was really decked out for the night; she had on her favorite shiny black stiletto boots with black mesh stockings, and black booty shorts to top it all off. And even though she was borderline stripper in that outfit, she was by far a knockout.
“God, you look so good in that outfit,” I said.
“Thanks, babe,” she said. “You look pretty damn incredible yourself,” she added.
“Thanks.”
We got multiple stares as we walked the several blocks to the restaurant. It was cooler out now than it was during the day, so it wasn’t too bad aside from the very elongated glares of men walking the sidewalks. I could sense them eyeing us. I never wanted to make eye contact, because it always attracted them even more. They were like parasites, and both Hallie and I certainly have had some bad experience with street stalkers, as we liked to call them. They were the kind of guys that liked to eye you up and down as you walked by them, then when they saw you look back without disgust on your face, that was a signal to them. It was a signal to them that you had somehow liked them back, as delusional as that may have seemed.
“Let’s pray we don’t have any street stalkers tonight,” I said, as the thoughts were running through my mind.
“Yeah, let’s pray. All I want tonight are hot stalkers. I wouldn’t mind it if some gorgeous guy was stalking me on the streets. But we usually get stuck with the fat, old ones,” she said.
I laughed. It was true. I wouldn’t have minded a hot stalker, too. But that was never our luck. Never.
“It looks busy,” she said, as we rounded the corner and saw the long line out front. It was just the two of us for the night, and we ha
d decided to fly solo for dinner. It was going to be my treat.
“Yeah,” I said. We walked into the sushi restaurant, which was slammed with people. It was the Friday night dinner rush. Even though it was just after 8, the place was just getting going. It was probably one of the hippest places in town, and even though we didn’t splurge that often, it was her birthday after all, and she was my best friend.
We were seated at one of the tables that sat 10 guests, surrounding a cooktop. The chef was there, preparing everything for the meal. A server came around and took our drink orders, and we splurged for the most exotic drink concoction we could find on the menu, which was served in a small porcelain glass the shape of a little Buddha.
As we were chatting, the other guests were seated at the table around us. Each table had its own personal chef. It was a fun experience to get to watch the chef cook the food right in front of your eyes. It was a meal and a show all wrapped into one. They would create volcanic flaming rings from pieces of onions, flip eggs into their tall white hats, and toss knives around like they were batons.
The drinks landed in front of us, and we both looked at them with wide eyes. The pink icy concoctions signified the beginning of what we hoped to be a very long and fun night.
“To your birthday,” I said. “Cheers to my best friend in the whole wide world.” I was laying it on pretty thick, but it was her birthday after all.
“Thanks, cheers. Thank you so much for this.”
The table filled with guests quickly, and the chef overheard me say happy birthday to Hallie, and they immediately wished her a happy birthday as well. I mean, why not. Here we were, two gorgeous girls who had been nose-deep in books for the past month, finally breaking out for a little bit of fun.
Some of the guys seated at the table were checking us out, and we caught on pretty quickly. They struck up a conversation and asked us where we were heading. It was typical of our nights out. We never went too long without having some stalkers. But, these guys weren’t really worthy of our time, so we tried our best to ignore them as we watched the show and ate our food.
“Can I get you guys another drink?” asked the server.
“Yes, two more of these please. Oh, and we would like a large cold Saki, please. This one here,” I said, pointing to the menu.
“Okay, sure thing,” she said. She disappeared, then reemerged quickly with the drinks, and the small carafe of Saki. We both looked at the drinks in front of us, and smiled. We were in for a good night.
After several shots and some food, we were ready to go. The meal was light, but good, and we were game for just about anything. “So what are the rules tonight?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, are we going in for the kill? What’s the plan?”
“Well, you’re the one infatuated with the bartender,” I said. “What’s your plan?” I smiled.
“I guess I’m just going to go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens.” She smiled. It was her devilish smile, and I could see the onlookers at the table paying close attention to our conversation. We had turned a few heads apparently, and we were being carefully eyed up and down.
“Going with the flow?” I asked. “Yeah, I’ll bet.”
“More shots?” she asked.
“Yes, definitely more shots. Definitely more shots.”
We left the restaurant pretty drunk as it was. At that point, we needed to walk it off. I lit a cigarette and pulled out my phone as we left the restaurant. Leafing through the messages with my thumb in one hand, while I smoked with the other, I saw more messages from him. Michael had been sending me texts throughout the night.
“Hey, what did we say?”
“Oh, I’m not talking about him. I’m just looking at my messages, that’s all. Don’t worry about it,” I said, smiling. But I was worried about it. Every time he would message me, it sent my heart into a tailspin. But, we were catastrophic together. We were oil and water, you simply couldn’t combine us, but it didn’t stop me from having that attraction. It didn’t stop me from wanting something that I knew was entirely bad for me. What was it about that? Why do we get sucked into things that are toxic? It’s been the story of my life, and I can’t seem to shake it. It seems as if I want the pain and the punishment. I just can’t understand my mind, which defies all reason and logic from time to time.
I read through the messages on the phone:
9:49pm: What are you doing?
9:43pm: Hello?
9:57pm: Are you going out tonight? Why aren’t you answering me back?
10:22pm: Where are you?
10:30pm: WTF is wrong with you? Answer me.
It was toxic. It was clearly toxic, but we played this song and dance many times over.
“Give me that,” she said, snatching my phone away from me.
“Hey! Give it back!”
“No, you promised. I don’t even want you reading this stuff. I know you far too well. No dice. It’s my birthday.”
“Okay, okay. I won’t look at it. I promise. Here give it back to me,” I said. She handed the phone back, which I tucked away into my purse. She was always the voice of reason inside my head. I was glad she was talking some sense into me.
I knew I was drunk because I felt myself being drawn back to Michael. I felt my ex sucking me back in again, a pattern that I repeated over, and over again in my life. I couldn’t help it. Something was wrong with me. I was so afraid that no one else would love me or treat me the way that he did, that it frightened the hell out of me. I was so scared that I wasn’t good enough to be loved again in that way. All of these thoughts would run through my mind on a constant basis.
I never used to be that way. I never used to doubt things in life like that. It all started when the relationship went south, and I couldn’t seem to get things back together in my personal life. I had to dive into school and focus all my energies on that. If I hadn’t, I would have gone mad. I would have absolutely lost it, because I felt so alone. I felt so alone after having felt like I had found my soul mate. But, it was all a lie. I let him screw around on me, and he had his way with me. He lied and cheated for who knows how long through our relationship. What would have happened if I hadn’t caught him with her?
“You have to stop torturing yourself,” Hallie said.
She could see the distress on my face. She could tell that I was unhappy. She knew that I had been unhappy for so long.
“I know, but how? How do I do it? What’s wrong with me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” she said. “Have you looked in the mirror lately? You’re drop-dead gorgeous. You’re amazing, incredible, and a stunner. Please. Please don’t go there.”
We were both drunk and neither one of us was holding anything back. We were both saying it like it was, letting our feelings unleash out into the world. And there sure were some feelings. We both felt like we were in a never-ending struggle to accomplish our goals, overcome our obstacles, and make something of ourselves. But deep down inside, we were just simple women who wanted a man to take care of us. We both wanted to be pampered and spoiled, but we knew that it wasn’t something we could rely on. We knew that we had to prepare for the worst, and we had to be empowered.
The cool air of the night felt good on my face as we made our way to the bar. We could hear the music from down the street, and we knew it was going to be jam-packed.
“Are you ready for this?” I asked.
“Oh, I’m ready,” she said, smiling. “I’m definitely ready.”
4
Inside the bar we said our customary hellos to the bartenders, which we mostly all knew. It was our favorite spot to go after all, and even though we planned to do something afterwards, it was a good place for us to start the night. The conversations from earlier in the night had me spinning inside my own head. I needed to get really drunk. I needed to forget about all the misery and tumult in my life. I was an emotional wreck. We sat at two swivel stool chairs at the bar as
the place was starting to fill up. A live band had just wrapped up their show, and a DJ was about to come on. You could hear the hoots and hollers as the DJ setup, and started spinning his first track.
It was then that I looked up and caught his gaze. He was standing right there only a few feet away, staring at me; blatantly staring at me. But when I tried to look away, I couldn’t. Our eyes locked, and I was drawn to him. Those crystal blue eyes glistened like the ocean off the coast of some exotic island. What was wrong with me? I never behaved like this. I looked away for a moment, turning to take a sip of my drink, and talk to Hallie.
The saki bombs certainly had me feeling drunk. When I swiveled my chair back, he was still standing there, staring. I wish he would have walked over instead of just standing there staring. After a while I felt like I should be uncomfortable, but I wasn’t. There was something so mysterious about him, something that glittered in his eyes that made me want to keep turning back to look again, and again.
I swiveled my chair one more time to see the bartender pouring us more birthday shots. He wasn’t nearly as nice on the eyes as the guy that kept staring at me. A sugar-rimmed shot full of yellowish liqueur landed in front of us, and it disappeared just as fast it had arrived.
“What was that one?” I asked.
“Lemon drop,” he shouted. It was loud and the music was thumping. Multi-colored lights crisscrossed from one end of the space to the other, cutting the darkness of the room in short momentary bursts.
I shrugged my shoulders and looked at Hallie again. She couldn’t take her eyes off the bartender. She was feeling good, bobbing and swaying to the music, and the night had just begun. We were in for the long haul.
The Betrayal - Sex Stories for Women (Adult Short Stories for Women) Page 2