by T. R. Graves
As soon as I had it burning at a slow and steady rate Jayden would appreciate, he returned carrying meat straps from the boar and a quiver full of washed black mulberries. From his backpack, Jayden, the always ready and prepared camper, pulled out a metal contraption that could be used to rotate the meat over the fire.
Nothing we did—not the racket I made while building the fire nor the conversations we had while Jayden cut slits into the meat and embedded mulberries inside of it in order to tame the gaminess—seemed to faze Tawney. She slept through it all.
I let Jayden monitor the strips of meat as they cooked and, one at a time, pulled the self-expanding tents from the backpacks. Each was only big enough to fit one person comfortably. Two if you didn't mind sleeping very close. Following Jayden's instructions to the tee, I staked them down so no one would get blown away should a big storm blow through in the middle of the night.
As soon as I hammered in the last stake, Jayden called, "Carlie, come eat. I'll finish that."
"No need. They're all up," I said, eying the four upright tents with pride and satisfaction.
Back at the fire, I saw that Tawney was still asleep. I may have been irritated with her earlier, but now I was concerned.
"Tawney… sweetie," I hummed, feeling her forehead and checking for fever. She was warm and didn't even flinch when I touched her.
The MicroPharm is supposed to prevent illness. I don't understand.
Suddenly even more anxious, I glanced at Gran. He was a man of science; surely he knew what was going one. He nodded his head.
"She's been sick and I've just not noticed?" I asked, hating myself for not having seen what was going on with her sooner.
Before we left the damn farm.
The man of few words said," She's been more tired lately. Taking both morning and afternoon naps."
"How long?" I asked, studying her.
I meant how long had she been napping so much, but the second the words left my mouth, I remembered he knew the exact dates of our deaths based on our genetic makeups. He knew if this was a mild illness that was being combated by the MicroPharm device or if this was the illness that would eventually kill her.
When I remembered him chastising me for considering waking her and the way he'd offered to get the wood for the fire so she wouldn't be disturbed, anxiety bloomed in the pit of my stomach and made the back of my head ache. Tawney's father's mother and his sister had died in their twenties from an inheritable and genetic form of lymphoma.
Gran saw what I was thinking but not saying and nodded his head before looking away and wiping the corner of his eyes. I studied him like I'd just been studying Tawney. His nose and eyes were red and running, and he was clearing his throat every few seconds. It was taking all he had not to break down and mourn the imminent loss of his granddaughter. It took all I had not to join him.
It was in that instant when I felt the most sorry for him. In the form of a burden that only he could carry, he'd known her whole life she'd die early. He'd known last night when we left my parents that they might never see her again… even if we were allowed to travel to the academy.
Like Gran, I wanted to cry. Long and hard. In one day, I'd lost both of my parents, and very soon, I'd lose the only sister I'd ever had.
"What's going on?" Jayden asked.
I took a shaky breath and decided Tawney's death was the last thing I wanted to talk—think—about. I had to be strong for her, I had to be strong for Jayden, and I had to be strong for Gran, because when he lost Aunt Christi, his baby girl, he'd spent an entire year in the lab, working twenty hours a day on…
Oh my God! He was working on ways to cure lymphoma.
Shaking away my thoughts, I blinked back tears.
"Tawney's sick. I'm going to get her up and make sure she eats and drinks. Then I'm going to get her to bed," I explained.
Jayden, not realizing the severity of the situation, said, "The MicroPharm prevents most sicknesses."
I shrugged my shoulders. "Not in all cases."
Everything about my tone was short and clipped, and I hoped he understood that the last thing I wanted from him was more questions. At least not while Gran was near and Tawney could wake any minute.
"Tawney… sweetie," I said, patting her face with more force than I'd normally use when waking her.
Her lashes fluttered open, and she looked around like she was trying to remember how we got to the middle of the forest. When she laid eyes on Jayden, who was standing behind me and watching Tawney as closely as me, her cheeks flushed and she jerked up.
"Oh my God! How long have I been asleep?" she asked, stroking her hair and straightening her shirt, acts that were more for Jayden's sake than Gran's or mine.
If I'd not just found out she was sick, I'd poke fun at her vanity and we'd giggle. Now wasn't the time for that. Pulling her shy smile and gaze from Jayden, Tawney saw the fire. Her stare jerked my way.
"I-I'm sorry, Carlie. I was going to build the fire."
I shook my head and grinned at her. "You were tired and needed your rest. Gran and I took care of everything. Don't worry about it."
More than ever I wanted to pull her into my arms and hug her like I hugged Mom and Dad before we left them. I was acutely aware of the unbearable burden Gran had been carrying around most of his life. He'd known for the last sixty years when every one of his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren were going to die. Those are the kind of secrets that would shave years off your life based on what I'd been feeling for the last few minutes.
Next to me, Jayden interrupted my morose thoughts.
"Tawney… you should have seen Carlie kill that wild boar. One minute she was behind me, whining like a baby, and I was wondering if I was going to have to throw her over my shoulder to keep her from scaring away our supper. Then she heard a grunt, notched her arrow, and let it rip. You would've loved seeing her in action. For the briefest moment after she killed it, I thought she might faint," he chided me while talking to Tawney like he always had during our weekend survival training.
Tawney, my sweet and supportive cousin, smiled up at me. "Carlie has always been able to do anything she put her mind to."
Between the two of us, Tawney was the prettiest. She possessed the kind of beauty that was so natural smiles were not required for boys our age to approach her and instantly be enamored. But when she did smile, it was gloriously radiant. As if she were a walking, talking, living, and breathing angel, she had the kind of glow about her that people would pay big bucks for.
As quickly as her stare left Jayden, it was back on him. She literally couldn't take her eyes off the Surrogate. I was reminded that she'd always had her own crush on him. Mine had come before hers and had faded. Once hers came, it never left.
It's because she's more loyal than you, dumbass.
Jayden had singlehandedly lightened the mood in the camp. If his plan hadn't worked, I'd have caught him behind a tree and throat-punched him for making fun of me. Almost fainted indeed. Since it had worked, I was willing to let it slide. This time.
"Well, I don't want my humiliation to be for nothing and all of my hard work to go to waste. Jayden, bring Tawney one of those skewers, and I'll get her a bottle of water," I ordered after deciding I still had a few more jobs to do before I could go to bed. Getting Tawney fed and hydrated were among the most important ones.
Tawney sat up, and like Gran had earlier, she acted as if she were going to get her own food and water. I put my hand on her shoulder and held her down.
"Stay where you are," I insisted.
Before she had time to debate me, Jayden was back offering her a long, slender skewered piece of mulberry-embedded meat. Our supper was hot, and after Jayden's preparation, it looked and smelled phenomenal.
"Be careful," Jayden cautioned, as if Tawney had suddenly turned into a small child.
After offering a smile his way, Tawney nodded and began picking off and eating pieces of the meat. As soon as her first bite reg
istered, her eyes went wide. "This is great! How did you make wild boar on a campfire taste this good, Jayden? I forgot how good you were at everything," she praised.
Embarrassed in a way I'd never seen him, a shrugging Jayden seemed pleased with her attention, and he replied, "Hog, mulberries, and a few seasonings. Anybody could do it."
He didn't bother getting exact with his recipe. You know… chef's secrets and all, I thought, rolling my eyes.
Tawney shook her head. "No. No one can do the things you can do and you know it."
I thought I actually saw a flush cross his cheeks right before he went back to the fire to get her another skewer. While they chatted some more about how good the hog was, I walked over to where the backpacks were and grabbed another water for Tawney. When I returned, I found that Jayden had taken my place and was huddled up as close to my cousin as he could possibly get.
I was once again irritated with the soldier. She was my cousin, and I had every intention of spending the evening basking in the little time we had left together. Instead of being hateful, I grabbed my own skewer from the fire, leaned against the log directly in front of Jayden and Tawney, and ate.
Dammit! Tawney's right. This tastes like it came straight from a five-star restaurant. Figures he'd be able to do that also.
It was with a whole lot of petulance that I sat by and watched Jayden and Tawney yuk it up, talking about old times and laughing about every embarrassing moment I'd ever lived through during our survival training. With the mere mention of the weekend when I started my period for the first time in my life while we were dozens of miles away from civilization, I sprang to my feet.
There was no way I was going to sit by and listen to the blow-by-blow of me swearing I'd been maimed and injured during a swim in the Guadalupe River. Jayden had been as frantic as I'd ever seen him when he'd run back to the camp to get Mom. She'd known instantly what happened. She'd taken me to her tent and explained what was going on with my body. It wasn't like I hadn't known about a period before that day; I'd just been in denial that I'd ever have one.
I'd been able to tell by the way all the men—Dad, Jayden, and Gran—avoided me the rest of the weekend that they'd been apprised of the situation. I may have resented it, but I understood why Jayden had been kept in the loop. My parents hadn't had any choice because I'd made such a big deal of my imminent death that he'd refused to let it go until someone told him what was wrong with me.
It was with obvious irritation that I interrupted their walk down memory lane. "Jayden, how are we going to alternate keeping watch? Me first. Then you. Or vice versa?"
Both heads—Tawney's and Jayden's—snapped toward me and out of their private worlds, and Jayden was suddenly all business. He stood and said, "You sleep first, Carlie. I'll wake you when I'm tired."
Without skipping a beat, Jayden put his hand out to Tawney, silently offering to help her to her own feet. She smiled one of her beautifully radiant smiles and took his hand. After they were face to face, Jayden gave her an equally gorgeous grin and a hug to go with it before saying, "I've missed you."
With those words, more tender and heartfelt than any he'd uttered to me, I felt betrayed. I remembered what he'd said to me at the farmhouse. I think I missed our camping weekends the most, princess. When he'd said that, I'd assumed he'd missed me. I now realized he'd missed weekends spent with Tawney.
He wouldn't have cared if I'd never been there.
When Jayden glanced over Tawney's shoulder and saw the hate-filled glare I was leveling on him, he sent a questioning furrowed brow my way, one that told me he was trying to understand what in the world had gotten into me. Because I couldn't verbally berate him without looking like a crazy person, I grabbed Tawney by the elbow and said, "Come on. I'll get you and Gran situated before I go to bed."
"Thank you, Carlie." Then Tawney hesitated before nervously clearing her throat. "Why… why don't you help Gran?" She nodded her head toward our great-grandfather. "And Jayden… Jayden can walk me to my tent," she said, her cheeks flushing.
Jackass Jayden bowed his head Tawney's way and put his arm out for her. I stood speechless, wondering how all of this was going to play out. Tawney's emotions were not ones to be toyed with. Not right now.
What the hell is he doing?
When Gran slid his arm through mine, I peeked over at him and smiled a weak and jealous smile.
"Let them be, my dear. Let them be."
I glanced back at Jayden and Tawney and, for the first time ever, noticed just how easy their relationship was. They'd never fought or bickered. They'd always treated each other with the utmost respect.
Like Mom and Dad.
It was at that very moment when I fully understood that they'd be perfect together, that I had to step back and check the reasons behind my jealousy. I had to wonder if it was a competitive thing. I'd never been good at losing, and it felt as if I'd just lost Jayden to my cousin.
Jesus! He was never yours to lose. What are you thinking?
Gran was walking slower than ever as we made our way to his tent, which was a mere eight feet away from Tawney's and just far enough that I couldn't hear anything Jayden and Tawney were whispering.
"She'll only be able to travel at this pace for a week. After that, she'll be too weak. Sam promised me the next safe house was just days away. I'm betting on that right now," Gran said, interrupting my study of the couple.
I took a shaky breath. "Did Mom and Dad know?" I asked, already suspecting they hadn't. If they had, they'd have never left her. Mom would have done anything to keep her from taking her last breath without her at her side.
"There were things they thought they had to do and telling them wouldn't have changed her fate. She'll be surrounded by people who love her. You, Jayden, and me. We'll usher her into her mother's arms," Gran assured, gazing in her direction.
For the second time tonight, the white-haired man's bright blue eyes were watering behind his rimless glasses and his nose was cherry red. Again, I felt sorry for him and the burden he carried, because it was the kind that weighed him down and made it hard for him to enjoy the little things in life. Noticing the curve of his long and lanky back, I decided his secrets sat so heavily on his shoulders that they warped and twisted his spine.
"A week to get her someplace safe?" I mused.
"Maybe more, but it would be better to get her where we're going sooner rather than later," Gran confided.
"I'll talk to Jayden and tell him we have to make our way to the next house as soon as possible," I said softly while kneeling down near the flap of Gran's tent and unzipping it for him.
Scooting to the side, I waited for my grandfather to crawl in and get comfortable.
Just as I was about to zip it up for the night, Gran said, "Your mother is controlling your MicroPharm. She's giving you constant and consistent doses of adrenaline so you'll have the power and energy to keep going even when you're tired. I'm suggesting you give in to the rest you need—even if you're not tired—so you'll be able to continue this journey."
I stared blankly toward him and wondered if there would ever be an end to the bizarre world I'd been born into.
Probably not.
I leaned over and kissed him on his head. "Good night, Gran."
"Good night, my dear."
When I stood and caught sight of Jayden with his arms wrapped around Tawney and her hanging on to him tightly, I felt as if I'd just been punched in the gut, as if I were spying on them and intruding on one of their last few precious moments together.
Gran was right. I wasn't tired. I wasn't sure if it was because I was hopped up on the adrenaline, because I was so worried about Tawney, or because I was insanely jealous.
Rather than crawl into my tent, I went back over to the fire and sat with my back to Tawney and Jayden and my knees curled up into my chest. I wasn't sure how long I watched the fire dance along the log before Jayden plopped down beside me.
He was as close to me as he'd been to Tawney,
and something about it seemed like I was betraying my cousin. I scooted away from him.
"I'm not going to bite you. I just thought it would be better for us to talk where no one could hear us," he snapped.
"We have one week to get her where she needs to be," I informed him bitterly.
The day had been too much. I might not have been sleepy, but I was mentally exhausted. Staying strong and refusing to cry seemed like an overwhelming tasks. Before I could stop them, tears welled in my eyes and a tiny sob broke free.
Quicker than I'd broken down, Jayden had his arm slung over my shoulder and wrapped around me. He wasn't doing anything more than trying to comfort a sad little girl, but if I allowed anyone—even Jayden—to hug me close right then, my grief would burst from where I'd been stuffing it for the last few hours, and my wails would be heard throughout this forest. Instead of letting him comfort me, I jerked away and stood up.
"You need to rest. I-I'm wide awake. I'll take the first watch," I said, wrapping the quiver around my neck, sliding it to my back, and slinging the bow over my shoulder.
Without another word, I headed out toward the parameter of our camp. If I'd thought I was going to get away from Jayden, I obviously didn't know him as well as I'd assumed. He followed me.
He was suspiciously quiet as he trailed close behind me. When we'd gotten deep enough into the forest that there was no way for our words to carry back to the camp, I stopped near a tree, leaned against it, and took some deep breaths. When that didn't work, I dug my fingers into the tree trunk and let the bark drive its way under my nails. I hoped the physical pain would override the ache in my chest, an ache I suspected was every bit as excruciating as a heart attack.
The next thing I knew, Jayden grabbed my arm, twisted me around, and pulled me into him. He was so fast his movements barely registered. He hugged me into his chest and kissed the top of my head. No longer able to hold back the grief, I broke down, sobbing and shaking. In search of solace, I buried my face into his shirt and muffled my moans.