Malory stepped forward. “This is his fiancé. Can she get back there to see him?”
No one disputed her lie.
The doctor looked at me. “Yes, I can take you back, but it would be best if you come alone.”
“His mother will be here shortly,” I managed to say.
“Someone can escort her back when she arrives.”
I followed the doctor. The room he took me into had low light and medical machines everywhere. A slow, steady beep came from the heart machine. Killian was bare from the waist up; a blanket covered his lower half. An icepack rested on his shoulder, but I could see the swelling and discoloration from the injury. I walked around and took his untethered hand. A nurse slid a chair over and I sat down.
“I’ll be back to check on him shortly.” The doctor left.
I couldn’t take my eyes off Killian’s face. I now understood why his mother didn’t attend the games. I lay my head down beside Killian’s and let my tears quietly soak the sheet. I had no idea how long I stayed that way; Killian’s croaky voice brought my head up.
“It’s okay, baby.”
He was staring at me, and without thinking, I gently kissed his lips. His eyes slowly closed and his hand squeezed mine. He grimaced and then his hand went limp again.
His mother arrived a short while later. I spoke to her outside the room first and then waited while she went inside for a private visit with her son. He didn’t wake up, but the doctor said his speaking to me was a good sign because brain injuries could be tricky.
Killian was transferred to a private room on the neurological ward as a precaution a few hours later. They continued to delay the surgery, and seeing his clavicle so obviously out of joint was truly horrible.
I have no idea what time it was when Killian squeezed my hand again. I reached for his mother’s hand and she joined me at the bed. His eyelids opened and he squinted up at us.
“My head is killing me and so is my shoulder.”
“You have a concussion and your clavicle needs surgery.” His mother’s voice was very matter of fact.
It surprised me when Killian released my hand. His went into fists, and his face screwed up in pain. I thought the pain caused his reaction, but his mother knew him better than I did.
“Killian, stop. You’ll have another season, and making yourself hurt isn’t helping me or Rebecca. You scared me to death and I’m not putting up with one of your tantrums right now.”
My mouth dropped open. Killian didn’t loosen his fists, and his mother hit the buzzer for a nurse.
“My son’s awake and in pain. Could you please get him something,” she said as soon as the nurse walked in.
“No,” Killian ground out.
“Yes, and if you argue with me, I’ll have them put the damn needle in your ass.”
I had to smile over the way Beth handled her son.
Killian’s fists didn’t relax and the nurse placed pain medicine into his IV line. “I’ll let the doctor know he’s awake,” she said and left us alone again.
Killian’s hands opened and his eyes slowly closed. The doctor came in ten minutes later.
“We have an orthopedic surgical team standing by and we should have him in surgery in the next hour.”
“Thank you, doctor. Rebecca and I need to get something to eat, but we’ll be back shortly.”
“I’m not hungry, Beth,” I said as soon as the doctor left.
“It doesn’t matter. You need to eat and so do I. I’m not arguing with you.”
I followed her out of the room and down to the cafeteria. I was quickly learning where Killian got his bossiness.
Amanda and Lyle were sitting at a table, their chairs close to each other so they could see the door. They gave me a guarded look when I walked closer.
I made introductions to Killian’s mother then walked over and purchased an apple and water before sitting down with my friends.
Amanda took my hand. “The entire team is in a private waiting room. Lyle and I were hoping you’d come in here eventually.”
“Beth made me.” I sounded like a pouty little girl and couldn’t help it.
Lyle smiled and winked at Beth. “Someone needs to take her in hand.”
“That’s why she’s perfect for my son. She’s trainable and she’ll be able to handle him just fine. I know these are your closest friends, Rebecca, so I’m going to speak frankly.”
“Please.”
Beth gave me the saddest eyes I’d ever seen from her. And though I hadn’t noticed it before, they were Killian’s eyes.
“I lost two boys in the cliff accident.”
Chapter Thirty
I could do nothing but listen while my heart broke all over again for Beth, Killian, and Michael.
“Killian didn’t speak except to his brother that entire first year. The only reason I fought my husband so badly on turning off the machines was Killian. Michael is his twin and I couldn’t separate them. I found a strength I didn’t know I had. When school started, I would drop Killian off and he would just stare at me with dead eyes. He spoke to no one, not his teachers or his school friends. I picked him up each day and drove him to the hospital. Killian would walk into the room, take his brother’s hand, and start talking. He’d tell him everything and then go home at night completely silent until the following day at the hospital.”
Beth wiped a tear from her cheek and smiled gently.
“We found a therapist. He suggested that we keep Killian from his brother’s side for two days each week and give him a chance to have time alone with his thoughts; no hospital, just a young boy who would get bored quickly. He walked more than ten miles when we tried it. A woman picked him up and gave him a ride the rest of the way to the hospital, which was forty miles away. A nurse called us. Killian had told the driver his brother was in the hospital and he needed a ride. I think it was the only words he spoke in six months outside of Michael’s room.”
Several more tears fell and I took Beth’s hand.
“Eight months after the accident, Killian and Michael turned ten years old. By then, Michael had been moved to a long-term rehab facility that was closer to our home. It was a horrible birthday because Killian was determined his brother would come back to himself that day. It didn’t matter what I or his therapist told him. Killian thought his brother would be okay. It was heart wrenching to see his birthday wish turn to dust.
“My husband was angry all the time and blamed himself for taking us to that summer house. He started drinking, and Killian started fighting in school. For a while, I thought Killian got himself suspended on purpose. If he wasn’t in school, he could sit with his brother.”
I looked at my friends. Tears ran down Amanda’s face and Lyle looked everywhere but at us. I took a drink of water not knowing how much more I could take. At the same time, I needed to hear this story.
“Angus, Killian’s father, left about a year after the accident. It was almost a blessing. I went back to work part-time to help make ends meet. Slowly, Killian started talking again, but he wasn’t the same child I’d known for nine years. He still spoke to Michael and I heard him say he would make enough money when he was older so Michael could live back at home. His fighting at school didn’t stop. I had to transfer him to different schools twice. Angus lost his job and with it his health insurance. I had to move Michael into a lower-priced facility and I rented a home close by in a poorer section of town. There was nothing else I could do. I have no idea how many busted noses and split lips I doctored on Killian. Those were the wounds I could see.
“It shocked the hell out of me when Killian told me he was trying out for the high school freshman football team. Somewhere in Killian’s mind, he’d decided he could learn to play football and go directly pro to pay for all the things we needed. The fights slowed down and you never saw Killian anywhere without a football in his hand. We’d visit Michael and Killian would rest that ball in Michael’s lap. ‘He smiled mom,’ he said the first time Michae
l reacted. And, it was amazing because it was true. After that, if Killian wasn’t in school or at the rehabilitation center, he practiced. The varsity coach took notice and Killian was the starting quarterback his junior year. He took all his pent up rage and put it into the game. He’s never stopped.”
Beth squeezed my hand and continued. “Angus died in an automobile accident Killian’s first year of college. He wasn’t drunk, but a drunk driver hit and killed him. We’d never filed for divorce, so I received the insurance settlement. Killian and I made the decision together that I would quit my job and bring Michael home. I never saw Killian’s college games, but when he wasn’t in class or at practice, he spent every spare second helping me care for Michael. Killian even let me go on a few dates while he stayed with his brother. The Scorpions drafted Killian in the first round. He didn’t buy anything for himself for two years, but he moved us here, bought my house, and paid for nurses to help care for Michael.”
Beth turned in her chair and took both my hands. “Since meeting you, he’s slowly come back to me. He’s happy outside of football and I never thought I would see that. Two years ago, Killian promised his brother he’d win the Super Bowl for him. Killian isn’t going to take this well. Have patience with him, and whatever you do, don’t let go.”
What could I do or say? This woman had been through so much and loved her boys. I loved them, too.
“I won’t. I promise.”
***
Killian’s surgery took two hours and he came through without complications. I went down and spoke with his teammates and then Amanda drove me to my apartment to shower and change clothes. I hurried back to the hospital so Beth could get home to Michael and be sure he was okay.
I walked back into Killian’s room. He was awake and staring straight up at the ceiling. I tried speaking to him, but he refused to acknowledge I was there. I thought about everything Beth told me and realized Killian had to be the most stubborn man on the planet. I could play that game, too, so I refused to leave. His silence was heartbreaking, but not as bad as when one of his teammates showed up. Killian gave me a dead look, and, using monosyllable words, told me to step out of the room. This went on for two days. I arrived at the hospital to take him home on the third day. Blitz was in the room packing Killian’s things.
“Can you give me a minute, Blitz?” Killian asked him.
Blitz left the room and Killian looked at me for a long minute before speaking. “I’m fine, Rebecca. It would be better if you went back to your apartment. I won’t be needing your help.”
My heart clenched and my stomach tightened in misery. “Don’t do this, Killian. You do need help and that’s what people do when they love each other.”
His gaze never left mine. “Then maybe that’s the problem. I don’t love you enough and I don’t want you caring for me.”
I stared for a moment and then straightened my back and challenged him. “You’re a fool.” Anger tightened every muscle in my body.
“If it makes you feel better, you can give me a going home blow job. Otherwise, it’s time that you leave.”
He did not just say that!
I took several deep breaths and walked toward him. He very calmly pulled back the sheet and lifted his hospital gown. He was going from semi-erect to a full erection. I wanted to grab his dick and twist…hard. Looking into his eyes, I saw no emotion. I turned and walked out the door.
Fuck Killian MacGregor.
Chapter Thirty-One
I didn’t run for two days. On the third, I angrily pulled on my running clothes and ran until I almost passed out. I pushed again the following morning. It became my daily stress reliever. A week after leaving the hospital, I called Killian’s mother.
“I tried.” I could barely speak because of the sobs built up in my throat.
“I know, dear. Don’t cry. Killian will snap out of it. He’s stubborn and doesn’t want anyone around right now.” Weariness was evident in each word Beth spoke.
“Have you seen him?”
“Yes, last night. It wasn’t pleasant. If not for his injury, I’d take a two-by-four to his head.”
The thought of Killian in pain made me cringe, but her words also helped me gain control of my emotions. “Is someone helping him?”
“Not really. Killian works through these things in his own way and eventually he’ll come to terms with he isn’t infallible. Shit happens and it’s not the end of the world.”
I needed to change the subject. Thinking of Killian alone in his large home, in pain, with no one helping him hurt deeply. “How’s Michael?”
“He’s aware things are tense right now. You visiting might calm him.”
“I would love to.”
“Are you available tomorrow night at six?”
“Perfect. What can I bring?”
After we ended our conversation, I called Amanda.
“Can you follow me to Killian’s so I can drop the Mustang off tomorrow night?”
“Give it more time, Rebecca. The jerk will come around sooner or later.”
Amanda called Killian “the jerk” every chance she got. I understood and knew she cared about me, but I loved Killian.
“Amanda,” I chided.
“I know, but he is a jerk.”
“Will you help me tomorrow night or not?”
“Of course I’ll help you.”
Killian had his own key to the Mustang. I used the remote on the visor and opened the large wrought iron gate at Killian’s house. I locked the key inside the car along with a brief note. Amanda drove me to Beth’s and dropped me off.
Seeing Beth and Michael was wonderful and also heartbreaking. We ate dinner, talked about anything non-Killian, and took Michael for a walk after wrapping him tightly in blankets.
“Thank you for having me over, Beth.”
“You’re welcome and you’re invited any time.”
Over Beth’s objections, I took the bus home. I had to walk half a mile from the bus stop to my apartment, but it felt good, even in the chilly air.
I turned the last corner and saw the Mustang parked on the street. A thrill went through me. It lasted until I saw the note on my door.
Rebecca,
The car is a gift and I’m NOT returning the gifts you gave to me. I’ve packed your personal items from my house and secured them in the trunk. This is for the best and eventually, if you haven’t already, you will understand I am no good for you.
K
Anger squeezed my heart. He was walking away because he fucking got hurt. He wasn’t going to the Super Bowl, so he no longer needed me.
I found both keys to the Mustang under the front mat. I removed the items from the trunk, mostly clothes, and walked them to the nearest Dumpster. If Killian was present I would have shredded every last piece in front of him. I managed to control myself and not kick the Mustang.
I put the keys in a drawer and decided to forget the car belonged to me, because in my mind, it didn’t.
After I crawled into bed, my anger turned to tears. Killian punished himself by getting rid of me. The thought just made me cry harder.
I hit the pavement the following morning and increased my time by five minutes. Track was starting soon and it was my last year. I decided to give it everything I had. Over the following weeks, I immersed myself in running and academics.
“Eight minutes under your best time, Cavanaugh,” my couch shouted.
I’d cut my morning run to ten miles because Monday through Friday I was running with the team each afternoon. Our first meet was three weeks away and it was one month post-Killian. Running exorcised my demons, so I gave it everything I had.
The Scorpions had lost the first game of the playoffs the week after Killian was injured. I felt bad for the entire team and had spoken to Malory once over the phone.
“Blitz is impossible to live with. You’d think they announced the end of the world. The guys had a drink fest at Killian’s this past weekend and I left early.” She stopp
ed talking for a moment. “I’m sorry, Rebecca. I shouldn’t mention Killian, but I have no idea what’s come over the man.”
I kept my tone light, though I felt sick to my stomach. “No, you shouldn’t mention Killian, but I feel bad for the entire team.”
“Yeh, so do I. We need to get together and drown our sorrows,” she said half-heartedly.
“I’m in season right now and not drinking. Maybe after I graduate we can get together.”
Our phone call ended painfully. Things weren’t the same, and I was no longer a wife or girlfriend. I really didn’t belong in Malory’s world and I knew it.
My first meet approached and I rested two days prior, giving my body a break. I’d lost weight I couldn’t afford to lose, but other than a broken heart, I felt in the best shape of my life. Amanda and Lyle took me out to dinner Thursday night and, unfortunately, we ran into my sister.
“Hi, sis. I heard the quarterback dumped you,” Candi said out of pure meanness.
Thankfully, Amanda and I occupied a booth and Amanda had the inside seat. I pushed against her when I thought she might fly over me and across the table at my sister. The two of them had never gotten along.
“Yes, Candi, I got dumped. Is there anything else you need?”
Candi’s face twisted into a sneer. “I saw Killian’s brother at that game. I bet you were so happy with yourself.”
“Why ever would I be happy with myself?”
“You thought I might sink low enough to go out with some tard for money.”
This time, Lyle and Amanda held me back while my sister just stood there looking bored.
“Michael MacGregor is entirely too good for you, but if you play your cards right, Killian is available and the two of you deserve each other. I’d keep my ‘tard’ comments to myself, though, because Killian loves Michael.”
“You’re pathetic, sis. Like I’d take a chance one of my kids would get that gene.”
Amanda dropped my arm. “Lyle let her go. Kick her ass, Rebecca. She’s needed it for years. I don’t normally believe in violence, but I’m changing my opinion.”
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