by Dawn Brower
“Preston,” someone called.
He turned toward the sound. Ren walked toward him, a frown filling his face. “I heard about Lana...”
“I’m going up to surgery now. I’ll save her.”
He nodded. “I don’t doubt you will. You’re the best there is.”
Preston wasn’t so sure that was a good thing anymore. He’d saved Ren’s fiancée not too long ago, and he’d seen it as a way to earn his friend’s trust once again. Now he wasn’t sure of anything. Had any of it been worth it? Saving Daniella had been a saving grace for Ren, and it had helped them to become friendly again. But would Ren ever really trust him after Preston had slept with Jessica and ruined their marriage? Was he even worthy of forgiveness? Jessica didn’t seem to have any confidence or want him to really be in his life. What was the point of any of it?
“Jessica is in surgery too,” Preston said without any emotion. He wasn’t sure what he felt anymore. “She doesn’t have any family. You might want to check on how she’s doing.”
Ren frowned. “I don’t understand.”
That made two of them. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to comprehend what made Jessica tick. “She was in the car with Lana.” It was all he could offer him in explanation. He couldn’t let himself focus on her when Lana needed him. “I have to go.”
He turned on his heels and didn’t look back. It took everything he had to keep his attention on Lana Kelly. Afterward, he could break down. Until then, he hardened his heart and kept all emotion away from the surface...
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“Jessica,” someone said. “It’s time to wake up.”
She opened her eyes and blinked several times. Everything was blurry and she was having trouble keeping her eyelids open. Sleep sounded so good... She wasn’t ready to be awake. Why wouldn’t they leave her alone.
“I need you to wake up,” they persisted. “Can you keep your eyes open for me?”
No. She wanted to shout it at them. What did she have to stay awake for? Sleep was so much better than the real world. Life was easier when she didn’t have to face it. Where was she anyway? She’d been heading somewhere... Her eyelids flew open and she reached out for the person’s hand. It was a nurse. At least she thought it was a nurse. “Lana,” she croaked out.
“Ssh...” The nurse patted her hand. “Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.”
Jessica didn’t care if she’d be fine. She wanted to know how Lana was. She’d looked so—wrong in the car. What the hell had happened? Who had hit them? Whoever it was had smashed into the driver’s side of the car. Lana had been far more injured than her. She had to know how her friend was doing.
“Lana,” she said again. Her throat was dry and speaking was difficult. “She—accident.”
“I’m sorry,” the nurse said.
Had Lana died? Jessica gasped for air and started to choke. Breathing became even more difficult, and she clawed at the blankets on her bed. Please let Lana be all right. Jessica wouldn’t forgive herself if something happened to her.
“Calm down,” the nurse urged. “I don’t have any information to give you. As far as I’m aware, she’s still in surgery.”
“Preston is with her,” a man said.
Jessica turned her head and met Ren’s gaze. Relief flooded her at the sight of him standing by her bedside. He’d be able to tell her something. “Is he...” Why was it so damn hard to talk?
“You had a breathing tube in. Your throat will be raw for a while. Don’t talk if you don’t have to.” He turned toward the nurse. “Can you get her some ice chips?”
She nodded and stood up to do as requested. Once she was gone, he turned his attention back to her. He looked—pissed. What had she done now that had him angry with her. She’d ask, but he’d told her not to speak. Well, if there was any time to listen to her ex-husband, now was it.
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
Tell him what? She had no clue what the hell he was talking about. He continued to stare at her in silence. Then it clicked. He must have found out about her condition. She’d expected Preston to be the one to rain holy hell over her for keeping that a secret. To find Ren standing over her bedside glaring at her was a little bit of a shock. She shook her head and shrugged. “Would you have cared?” Her voice was hoarse and even she had trouble understanding herself. Ren didn’t seem to have any difficulties interpreting her though.
“What kind of bullshit question is that?” He brought his hand up to his mouth and shook his head. He brushed his hand through his hair and paced the room. Then he came back to her side and said, “I thought we’d gotten past all of your insecurities and were finally able to be honest with each other. You didn’t have to do this alone.”
She hadn’t been alone though. Lana had been by her side every step of the way. At least she had been until... It was her fault Lana had been injured. She should never have allowed Lana to worm her way into her life. If she’d pushed her away she wouldn’t be fighting for her life.
“Lana?” she asked again.
“You’re persistent, I’ll give you that. You’ve always been that way.” Ren frowned. “When did you and Lana become so close? Never mind, I think I know the answer to that. As I said, Preston is with her. He’ll make sure she comes out of this all right.”
Jessica nodded. Preston was one of the best surgeons in the country. He’d make sure Lana lived. She relaxed a little bit, but then she turned her head to look at Ren. Did Preston know about her condition? Jessica wanted to ask but was afraid of the answer.
“I can almost see your mind racing. What do you want to know?” Ren stared at her. “Ah, I think I might be able to discern what the panic in your eyes means. It has to do with Preston, doesn’t it?”
She nodded. Of course Ren would be able to figure out what was bothering her. They’d been together for a lot of years, and while they weren’t truly meant for each other—they did know each other rather well. Jessica was glad that he’d finally found happiness. She’d put through him through a lot of unnecessary pain. Ren should by all accounts hate her, but had somehow managed to forgive her.
“Does he...” She couldn’t finish the question.
“Know you’re here?” He nodded. “He’s the one who told me. As to what he knows about your condition—I don’t think he has all the information. I’m sure he suspects something though.” Ren came around to the side of the bed and sat. “You hurt him, Jess. I have never seen him so,” he paused a moment and then said, “wounded.”
Jessica had been afraid of that. She hadn’t wanted to hurt him. Preston was her everything. If she’d thought to call him sooner. Maybe then Lana would be all right and not fighting for her life. Of course, that might be Preston who would have been hurt. She didn’t like either possible outcome. Why had she been so afraid to tell Preston about her illness? What had she gained by keeping that to herself? Not a damn thing. All she’d succeeded in doing was pushing him away and being the reason Lana Kelly might die. No, she wouldn’t die. Preston would save her, and everything would be all right.
“How long have they been in surgery?”
She didn’t remember a damn thing. They must’ve rushed her into surgery herself when they arrived. Hell, she wasn’t even sure how damaged she was. Had they performed any other operations on her?
“A few hours,” Ren said. “You were in surgery already when Preston arrived. From what I understand, your injuries are minor. There was some internal bleeding, so they pushed you in immediately and performed your other surgery in the process. Your spleen was removed along with your uterus. With the extra procedures, you will have a longer healing period to endure. All in all, you’ll be fine.” He stared at the wall behind her. “Lana’s condition is more dire. Her heart is damaged and her surgery is more delicate...”
Lana nodded. She understood what he wasn’t saying. It was more precarious and Preston had to take his time. Longer didn’t always mean it was a bad thing. “I’m sorry,” Jessica s
aid. “I’ve made a lot of bad decisions.”
“No one is perfect,” Ren said. “I wish you’d told me, but I suspect you didn’t tell Preston anything either.” He frowned and then said solemnly, “He loves you. Why would you keep him in the dark?”
“Deserves better than me,” Jessica said. “Thought it was for the best.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” he said. “Sometimes I don’t understand you, and I’m not sure if I want to.”
Jessica closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was a fool, and she didn’t fully understand herself either. Preston did love her. He wouldn’t have treated her the way she had him. She’d done them both a disservice by keeping her illness a secret. Would he ever be able to forgive her? How could he when she was so untrustworthy? She’d treated him worse than a stranger.
“I have made so many mistakes,” she said. “I’m not sure how to fix them.”
Ren didn’t respond. He kept staring at the wall, and his eyes went blank. The nurse came back in and handed her a cup of ice chips. Jessica took a spoon and put some in her mouth. They melted on her tongue and cool liquid slid down her throat. She moaned as the pleasure overcame her. The ice chips felt like a piece of heaven.
“We’re ready to move you to your room now,” the nurse said. “Are you coming with us, Dr. Sousa?”
Ren nodded. “I will follow behind and meet you up there shortly. I want to check on Lana.”
The nurse nodded and gestured toward another nurse. They both pushed the gurney she rested on through the hallway and onto an elevator. When the doors opened, they moved her again until they reached her room. They shifted her onto her bed and made sure she was comfortable before they left. She was alone and wasn’t sure what to do with herself. Ren had been so disappointed in her. He should be. Jessica was the biggest idiot alive.
“You look like shit,” a female said. “It’s a good look on you.”
Jessica turned and found Dani standing in the doorway. Of course she’d be lingering around. Ren had probably called to tell her what a worthless human Jessica was. Sadly, she couldn’t blame him for it either. Nothing she did was ever right. She’d done Ren wrong and followed up with Preston in all her awful glory. She’d pushed Preston away when she should have been begging him to be a part of her life. What kind of moron did that?
“I seem to recall you rocked this look not that long ago,” Jessica replied. “The question is: who did it better? I’d bet everything I own I do.” Good thing she no longer had any money to bet on...
“Please,” Dani said. “As if.” She walked into the room and stood by Jessica’s bed. Dani actually looked rather lovely. Her midnight tresses fell down her shoulders and her green eyes sparkled. Love looked good on her.
“I’m too weak to fight you on it. Let’s call it a draw.”
Dani pulled a chair near her bed and sat. “Ren told me what is going on with you. I’m sorry you felt you had to do it alone.”
“I’ll be fine,” Jessica said. “I’m more worried about Lana.”
“As we all are,” Dani said. “Sullivan is going nuts in the waiting room. If they don’t bring her out soon he might do something he’ll regret.” Sullivan Brady was Dani’s brother, and she must’ve been keeping him company while they awaited Lana’s surgery to be finished.
“What is going on between those two?” Jessica asked. “They’re weird around each other.”
Dani shrugged. “They love each other, but for some reason can’t find a way to be together. And before you ask—no, neither one has said that to me. I recognize the signs.”
“Because of your feelings for Ren?” Jessica asked quietly. “If not for me, you might have found your way to each other sooner.”
She regretted keeping them apart. At the time, Jessica had believed she was doing the right thing. Now though... Why did things always seem clearer in hindsight? It was so obvious Dani and Ren belonged together.
“I think it is time we let go of that. Maybe we would’ve been, maybe not. It’s hard to say what Ren and I would’ve done. I have this new belief that everything happens for a reason. I might not be the person I am today if not for the path I followed. I’m stronger for it, and I think that the love Ren and I share is more solid because of it.”
“I don’t understand why neither one of you hate me.”
She’d given Dani and Ren every reason to avoid her and wish her ill. Hell, if they had done so it was falling on her in waves. If Jessica had been in Dani’s place she’d have clawed her eyes out a long time ago. Sure, Dani was catty and a little passive-aggressive at times, but for the most part she was nice. Jessica didn’t blame her for the moments Dani’s sarcastic side came out. A part of her was almost glad for it because it helped ease some of her guilt. Deep down she felt worthless, and that she deserved to be beaten on. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to let that go.
Dani laughed. “Oh, for a while there I certainly did hate you.” Her lips tilted upward. “That emotion got me through my day and kept me focused. But it’s also a debilitating emotion. If I wanted to move on and maintain my happiness with Ren, I had to let that go. I’m not sure if you and I will ever be friends, but I would like to try.”
Jessica hadn’t thought she’d ever hear Dani say anything like that to her. What kind of drugs did they have her on? She must be hallucinating. “I’d like that too. I’m not going to wake up and find out that none of this is real, am I?”
“No promises,” Dani said and winked. “Rest. We will talk more later.”
Jessica nodded and closed her eyes. She couldn’t fight sleep any longer. Maybe when she opened them again Lana would be out of surgery and she’d be able to talk to Preston. She had so much to say to both of them.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Preston stood in the entrance to Jessica’s hospital room and stared at her. She was sleeping peacefully. Blonde locks hung around her shoulders in a tangled mess. Her skin was so pale it was damn near translucent, making her pink lips almost glow in comparison. God, he loved her... He wasn’t sure if they had a future, but his feelings remained unchanged. Jessica made him crazy on a good day, and this wasn’t even close to the best day of his life.
He scrubbed his hand over his face. The next move was his, and he didn’t have a fucking clue what he should do. Giving up had never been an option for him before, but now he wasn’t so sure he should stay at all. Every action she took screamed she would never trust him the way he needed her to. Love wasn’t enough to sustain a relationship. He ached all over, and he was so damn tired. He knew how to save a life, but when it came to navigating the shark infested waters of love—he was plain stupid or perhaps blind. Either way, he didn’t like it.
Jessica rolled onto her side and groaned. The pain medicine must have started to wear off. Her eyelids fluttered opened and she met his gaze. She didn’t say a word as she stared at him, and he had so much he wanted to say he didn’t know where to begin. Seconds ticked by and he couldn’t fathom how long he stood there in silence. She tried to pull herself up into a sitting position and struggled against the pain. The doctor in him couldn’t stand watching her battle it. The man who loved her beyond all reason wanted to take her suffering inside him. It killed him to see her in pain of any kind.
“Did they explain to you how to use the PCA pump?”
She stared at him and blinked. “The what?”
Preston sighed and moved over to her bedside. This he could handle with ease. He searched her bed until he found the button and handed it to her. It was lit up a bright green, indicating she could dispense some pain medicine through her I.V. and alleviate her discomfort. “It’s a patient controlled pain medicine dispenser. When it’s lit up green like this you can press it and medicine will be immediately sent to help you.”
She nodded but didn’t press the button. He wasn’t sure what she was doing, but he hated seeing her uncomfortable. His first instinct was to grab the button and press it for her, but it had to be her ch
oice. She was turning him into a lunatic and a control freak.
“Why aren’t you yelling at me?” She lowered her eyelids and didn’t meet his gaze.
Is that how she saw him? Did she expect him to freak out on her? Is that why she hadn’t told him everything? When had he ever made her think he’d turn into a tyrant? He shook his head and started to walk away before he said something he might regret later. He stopped at the doorway and reconsidered. “All I ever wanted was for you to open up to me like you used to. I believed we had something special.” He turned to meet her gaze. “I love you. So no, I didn’t plan on yelling or lecturing you.” Preston tapped his chest. “But I hurt so deep inside. You did that to me and I’m sorry; I don’t know if this is something that can be fixed. I’ll leave you to rest.” He stepped toward the door, but she called out to him, stopping him.
“Don’t go,” she begged. Her voice was wobbly and she sounded as if she were fighting tears. “I need you.”
How was he supposed to fight against her pleas? He wanted to pull her into his arms and keep her safe always. She made it impossible to do any of that. Loving her had never been a problem. Jessica was her own worst enemy, and he didn’t see that changing any time soon. He couldn’t keep up with her mercurial moods. What would he do if, in a few days, she decided he was a liability and pushed him away again? Preston turned and glanced at her and wished he hadn’t. Tears were falling freely down her cheeks, and she radiated so much sadness. He didn’t think twice about what he should do. He crossed the room and hugged her tight in his arms. “Sshh,” he soothed her. “I’m here.”
He’d forever be a sucker for her and whatever she needed. Maybe he should give in and accept his fate. Jessica was his weakness, and if he were honest with himself, he didn’t want to give up on her.