If I hadn’t been standing on a lonely country road in the middle of nowhere beneath a cloudless winter sky, I would have thought a lightning bolt hit me. The strangest feeling of strength flooded my mind. Sindra’s words cut the bonds holding me to her, and I fell away like a puppet freed of its strings. I could see her now for what she was—a monster. A sadistic, heartless, shiny, little monster. Just like Henry.
Reeling backward, staring at her in awe, I felt a shift in the world around me. It seemed to get bigger. Widen up on a massive scale. Become full of… color. The question that had been flooding my mind, keeping me up at night and torturing me to the point of mistrusting my every decision, was suddenly and completely obliterated as the answer became so clear it was stunning; were my feelings for Kaya my own? Was the love I felt for her real?
Oh, hell yes.
I started to run, now desperate to get to her, hoping I wasn’t too late.
“Oh my God, it is real? Oliver?” Sindra chased after me, the shock in her voice obvious.
I didn’t answer.
“But… she doesn’t love you back,” she yelled.
I stopped, then turned to face the woman who beat and tortured a child. Was she expecting me to forgive her? Think it was no big deal? Fall to my knees at her feet and profess my love for her? She was delusional. I was curious to hear what she would say about Kaya, so I stared hard into her wide-eyed, desperate face, waiting for her to continue.
“Her feelings were ‘enhanced,’ Oliver. That birthday party? Her sweet sixteen? The waiter at the restaurant? All set up by Henry himself. I’ll be damned if it wasn’t risky—Kaya lost so much blood I’d thought we’d lost her—but Henry was willing to take the chance. He knew that every time you rescued her, she would become more attached to you. And he was right. I am sorry to say her feelings for you… aren’t real. They were manipulated, too.”
“Oh!” I laughed. “But I suppose that yours are?”
Her dainty face lit up with hope. “Yes.”
I felt a growl come from deep in my throat. “You have a horrific way of showing it. Tell me, Sindra, what other events were ‘staged’? What other things did you and Henry do to push Kaya toward me?” I took a stab at the dark, hoping I was way off the mark. “How about Annie? Was her death all part of this too?”
“Yes. Poor old Anne was the icing on the cake. That completely broke Kaya down so you could pick her back up. I wanted her to have a fall and just break a few bones, but Henry knew her death would send Kaya over the edge. And he was right.”
The vivid memory of that hospital room filled with yellow daisies to make us all think John Marchessa was behind the attack, and old Annie with a bullet hole through her chest—made my blood boil. Good people died that day. All so Kaya would fall for me. “I can’t believe you had a hand in that.”
“Well, not directly. But I knew about it,” Sindra said flatly.
Anger surged through my veins. It wasn’t an artificial drug-related anger either or the part of me I was trained to use when commanded to—it was real. It was my own. I thought of Davis and his warning words about Henry that I refused to listen to. He’d known. He’d tried to tell me something wasn’t right, and I’d brushed him off. Suddenly, I had a horrible feeling of worry for him and everyone else I knew at the estate.
“Where’s Davis?”
“Listen, Oliver, I have orders to follow. Davis is being re-purposed,” Sindra replied. “You’ll have to forgive me, but it has to be done.”
I charged at her, grabbing her by the shoulders. She stood stick straight, trying to remain cool and in control, but her eyes filled with tears as I shook her like a dog might a chew toy. “It has to be done?” I raged. “Forgive you because you have no backbone of your own? If you hurt Davis, I will tear you to pieces. If you want even the slightest forgiveness from me, you’ll let him go. Know this; I don’t ever want to lay eyes on your vile face again. You say you have affection for me, but you wouldn’t know affection if it bit you on the ass. You horrible, twisted, disgusting woman.”
“Oliver, I showed you the truth. I’m looking out for you… I’m—”
“Sick!” I yelled, digging my fingers in to her tiny shoulders. I shoved her away when a tear rolled across her cheek because all I wanted to do was crush it against her face. “You’re sick. And if you come anywhere near me again, or anywhere near Kaya, I will rip your head from your body.”
I took off at a full run toward the Carlson Ranch, not looking back. Rayna would be standing there for a long time wondering how her plan of ‘releasing me’ had gone so terribly wrong. I guessed one thing she’d never accounted for was true love.
The tinder in the small wood stove caught fire and within minutes the shack was warm. Thomas’s tanned cheeks were pale even with the orange glow lighting them. Through heavy eyelids, he watched my every move. On edge as if I might bolt from him and disappear forever.
“So what’s the plan?” He clutched a dusty blanket around his shoulders.
My thoughts were clear and my mission completely black and white; protect Thomas. Kill Rayna. “You’re going to stay here and keep warm while I attend to some matters, and then we’re leaving.”
“Matters?”
I sat down opposite him and checked the cartridge in the gun; still plenty of ammo for what I had to do. “I am going to go, uh…hunting. When I’m done, we will head back to the ranch, get a vehicle, and head east.”
Thomas grinned. “Hunting, eh? You’re kinda hot when you’re doing the chick Rambo thing,” he said, rubbing his hands in front of the stove. “Listen, Kaya, just make sure that whatever you do, you can live with yourself afterward.”
Live with myself afterward…. I blocked that piece of advice out of my head. There would be no afterward for either of us if I didn’t kill now and worry about the consequences later. “I want my life back, Thomas.” I took in a deep breath. “And I am going to get it.”
I moved for the door. He reached for me, his hands still cold, his voice full of concern. I had to keep going, keep moving, not stop and think too hard about what I had to do.
“Look at me,” Thomas insisted.
I did. His dark hair, perfectly disheveled, and the dried blood all over his face and neck did nothing to distract from his good looks. His gaze, still shaky with concussion, managed to put me on pause for a moment. There was something he was working up the courage to say, but what came out of his mouth was not what his eyes were saying.
“You don’t have to figure out some way to keep me in here. I’ll stay. All right?” he said, wobbling on his feet. “I’ll wait for you. I promise.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. I’d dodged some deep conversation I wasn’t ready for, and I also didn’t have to figure out how to barricade him into the shack.
“And whatever happens, I’ve got your back. And…” he continued. “We need each other, so don’t… don’t…”
I finished his sentence. “I won’t leave you, Thomas.”
Now he looked away, because he was either at a loss for words or dizzy and not wanting me to see. Probably both.
He eased down to the bench, pulled his knees to his chest, and tipped back his head. When his eyes closed, I knew it was okay for me to leave.
“Just be careful.”
“Of course.” I left the warmth of the shack, shutting the door firmly behind me.
Now alone on the beach, I was faced with either walking back to the house or riding Zander, who was shifting around uneasily from where I’d left him rustling the trees. Robotically and not scared or feeling any sense of fear—in fact, not feeling anything at all—I untied him. I was fueled with the one thought repeating in my head. Find Rayna. Kill her.
Nothing else mattered.
I embraced the powerful, ugly feeling that was keeping me on course. The lake, the birds diving in, and the untouched white snow were just a muddy grey with my mind clouded with so much hate. I knew nothing but the task ahead. Nothing but the urgent need t
o kill my mother before she killed me…
Until a voice—familiar and smooth as butter—almost brought me to my knees.
“Kaya?”
It was the most perfect sound my ears had ever heard. It caught my breath, pulling at every single string attached to my heart.
“Kaya,” he said again, as if my name were priceless.
I was yanked out of my dismal shell of skin and bones. In one blinding second, all of me poured back into place and I was simply a girl staring at the love of her life. Luke was here, on the beach. Water sparkling behind him and blue eyes dancing in the light—the most beautiful human being I’d ever laid eyes on. I wanted to run to him, but was it too good to be true? Maybe I was just seeing things.
“I found you,” he muttered in awe.
I felt his voice in my chest. It resonated down to my soul. Everything that mattered to me, everything I wanted to hold dear, protect, and give the world to, was standing right before me. I tested his name with barely any air in my lungs, hoping my legs would hold me up if he answered.
“Luke…” It was barely a whisper.
“Yes. It’s me.” He nodded, a confirmation what he was saying was true, and that glorious, mind-melting smile came over his face.
My God. It really was him.
My feet were moving, but I could have been floating as I was pulled to him like a magnet. Intensity and longing shone in his eyes as he barreled toward me. I hadn’t even realized I’d dropped Zander’s reins until Luke’s hands were on my cheeks, and I was reaching for his face. I thought I might crumble right there and then from the trembling surge of relief and love sparking madly between us. My soul felt whole again. He put his mouth on mine. His hands wound into my hair. The sweet taste of him, the feel of him, real… here… now…. overloaded my senses. I pulled away to scrutinize him, needing to confirm there was no need to pinch myself out of a perfect dream.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I was shaking so hard I could barely get any air back into my lungs. “Yes.” My heart was close to bursting. I could have died from the look in his eyes, such love for me… and such hurt.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he said, hot hands holding me gently, searching my eyes.
That part of my heart I’d locked away burst open. “How did you find me?” I asked, falling into him, feeling my spine tingle as I watched his mouth for an answer.
“I saw you on television… the fire, the accident… I watched it all. The truck you left in advertised this ranch. It wasn’t hard.”
I stated the obvious. “Then Henry could be here, too.”
“I don’t know about him, but Sindra probably is.” Her name caught in his throat. “She’s been… watching you for quite a while.”
I backed away, almost into a wave, and his hands fell from my face. My heart sped up, crashing against my ribs. It was as if the world fell upon us; the guns that had been pointed to Oliver’s head that day in the meadow, the knife held to my throat on my birthday, Anne—dead because of me. It would be history repeating itself… repeating… repeating… If Sindra were here, then Henry wouldn’t be far behind, and Henry would leave no one alive but me.
“Is Sindra… here now?” I asked.
“Maybe.”
I scanned the beach, eyes locking on to the place where Thomas and I had slept. That night I had assumed it had been him undoing my jacket and then zipping it back up, but now I realized it was Sindra. She’d taken the necklace. She held the key to my freedom—the one thing that would let me live my life in the arms of the blue-eyed man standing before me—which was all I wanted.
My head spun.
“The necklace,” I said, and a frantic awareness of the pendant that wasn’t there anymore rushed through me. “She took it. I have to get it back!” I was ready to tear apart the world to have Luke again. I felt wild, crazed… I flung around in a circle, unsure what to do, where to go to find Sindra.
“No. Kaya, stop.” Luke’s hands gripped my shoulders. He had that calm about him that usually set me at ease, but not this time. “It’s gone.”
And just like that, in the blink of an eye, he became a target again. “Gone? What do you mean?”
“Sindra gave it to Oliver…” he said carefully, as if his words might send me over the edge. “Oliver was sick. He didn’t mean to, but he destroyed it in a fit of rage.”
“It’s really gone?”
“Yes.”
I felt my sanity slip away.
“Kaya,” Luke said, studying my face, digging his fingers in slightly to bring me back to him. “The note you left… did you mean it?”
I was swaying slightly, feeling like I might tip over. “I’m so sorry. I had to—”
My apology was left hanging when out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the shack door open. Thomas slowly stepped out. He’d promised he wouldn’t, but there he was, shivering in the icy air, taking tentative steps toward Luke and me. I felt sick.
“You had to what?” Luke asked, remaining completely focused on me even though I knew he saw Thomas heading our way. Even though the waves were threatening to soak his feet.
Confusion began to swirl madly—kill Rayna, hide from Henry, protect Thomas, above all… protect Luke. “I… I’m sorry,” I repeated.
“So, you didn’t mean it?” he said hopefully.
I could see his heart pounding at the base of his throat—his glorious throat—and while I stared at the place I wanted to put my lips against, a familiar sound roared in the distance. I knew what would follow; a helicopter was near, no doubt filled with Lowen Security. If it was Henry, he’d kill anyone around me. He’d kill the man I loved.
Protect Luke. Protect. Luke. Protect Luke.
“No. I’m sorry… I did mean it,” I said.
Luke blinked like he hadn’t heard me correctly. When my expression didn’t change, he stumbled back slightly. He glanced at Thomas and clenched his hands into fists.
“You’re joking, right, Kaya?” he said painfully, searching my face for the truth. “You were just trying to protect me. Tell me that please. This isn’t because of someone else, is it? Because of him? Tell me that you were just trying to protect me. Please, you’re tearing my heart out.”
His pain was pure torture, but the sound of the helicopter approaching reminded me why I was hurting him. Lowen hellfire was about to reign down any moment, and Luke barely paid any attention to it. He was more concerned about what I had to say than the death sentence looming over his head. That only reinforced what I had to do.
“I don’t want you,” I said, making myself back away.
He doubled over like I’d hit him. The roar in the air increased. Zander reared up and took off into the trees like a bullet. I choked back the bile rising into my throat.
“You’re nothing but a lowlife criminal,” I continued, using that meanness I’d been fueling up with just moments ago, calling it up and slinging it like mud. “You worked for Rayna, for The Right Choice Group. You knew I might end up dead, but you kidnapped me anyway. Whatever your reasons were, they don’t matter anymore. I don’t want to be with someone like you.”
His perfect face crumpled, and he dropped to his knees. “You don’t mean this. Please, Kaya… you’re killing me.”
I dug deep. “Yes. Yes, I do!”
I hadn’t realized tears were streaming down my face until I tasted them. Thomas was telling me to make sure I knew what I was doing as the sound of the helicopter grew louder, but I knew exactly what I was doing. “Luke, I don’t love you,” I hissed.
It was the biggest lie to ever come past my lips. The expression on his face when I said it was like he’d died right there and then. Was I doing the right thing? Was I really protecting him by breaking his heart? I’d sunk so low I couldn’t breathe. Tears stung my skin in the chilly wind. I wanted Luke to get up and run. Wanted him to get angry. Call me names and get moving as far away from me as possible before the whole beach started crawling with Henry’s men. But he
just sat there, staring up at me while water from the lake licked at his boots and snow-covered knees.
“I’ll always love you. No matter what,” he said.
He meant it. Without a shadow of a doubt, he meant it.
Thomas started pulling me away. He was yelling at Luke to get up and run. Warning him his life was in danger if he stayed on the beach… but Luke didn’t even blink. His gaze fell to his hands, limp in his lap as he sat hunched like he’d been shot through the heart. The trees shook. My feet were dragged across the beach as the helicopter drowned out every sound around us, including me yelling. “Maybe I did the wrong thing, Thomas. I have to go to him…”
If Thomas heard me, he wasn’t letting go. My voice was lost in the wind, the words mangled and carried away. I fought futilely against Thomas, incensed by the realization I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. “Let me go, Thomas,” I yelled.
But Thomas’s grip was unyielding. He was intent on getting us under cover. We were almost at the trees when I reached for the gun at my belt. It was in my free hand, and if Thomas didn’t let me go….
Suddenly, the helicopter changed direction, the noise was gone, and the air breathable again. My heartbeat hammered in my ears, then almost stopped when I realized I was holding my gun and pointing it at Thomas’s head.
I quickly lowered my arm.
Thomas’s jaw dropped. His fingers unwound from my wrist. He stared at me, stunned, with the most horrific look of hurt and confusion. Did he think I would shoot him?
Would I have if he hadn’t let go?
It didn’t matter. I had to get to Luke, apologize… tell him I’d been lying to protect him… beg his forgiveness.
I spun away from Thomas, got two steps from the trees, and came face to face with Rayna.
“Where do you think you’re going?” she hissed.
Nocturne Page 29