Dirty Cowboy

by Alycia Taylor

  I nodded. He was right, I hadn’t thought about it like that. “He shouldn’t have put you in that position. I’m really sorry. He’s so messed up over my mom. It’s been so many years and he’s still just sitting there, letting her ruin his life. It drives me crazy. It drives me crazier because he honestly believes that he’s helping me by keeping men away from me. I can’t believe that he thinks I’d be better off alone forever than to have to experience a heart ache or two in my lifetime. I’d so much rather end up with a broken heart. That’s no way to live.”

  “You’re right. Have you told him that?”

  “More than once,” I said. “But, I was in high school at the time and technically he had the right to tell me who I could and couldn’t date at that point. Now, I’m a grown woman though and he doesn’t have that right. So, I think maybe it’s time for another talk.”

  “I guess I shouldn’t expect to be invited to any family dinners any time soon, huh?”

  I laughed again. “We might need to give it a cooling off period,” I told him. He grabbed me around the waist then and pulled me down next to him on the couch. “Oh my God!” I said, looking at the television.

  “What?”

  “Back to the Future, really?”

  “You don’t like it?”

  I laughed. “You really are a nerd aren’t you?”

  “Fine,” he said, “I’ll change it. Or we could play a video game…or have sex…”

  I giggled. “No more sex! You perv, you’re killing me!”

  “Right, because I’m the one who got in the shower with you all naked and sexy.”

  “Did I do that?” He tickled me and said, “Yeah, so just give up the innocent routine.”

  “Okay, you’re not the perv, I am. But I do think I need a “cooling off” period. Which movie would we be watching?”

  “I have a lot of porn…I hear you perverts like that sort of thing.”

  I threw a pillow at him. “Try again.”

  “Star Wars?”

  I laughed. “Anything made in this century…that’s not porn?”

  “Oh! I just bought the new Hunger games.”

  “That’ll work. You have popcorn?”

  “Check the cabinet under the microwave,” he said. He got the movie ready while I went in and did that. I found a few packages of microwave popcorn and stuck one in. While it popped, I walked over to the refrigerator and looked at the pictures stuck there underneath beer and UFC magnets. There was one of a much younger and thinner Ian in a suit. His arm was around a pretty blonde haired girl in a dress suited for a prom. In the bottom right corner it said, “Winter Wonderland 2007,” he would have been a sophomore. That was the year he got into trouble with the steroids. It made me wonder what was so special about the girl that he kept her picture on his refrigerator seven years later. “What ya looking at?” His voice startled me. I turned around and he was leaning in the doorway. He looked so damned hot in just his shorts. I was no wonder I was turning into a pervert.

  “Just looking at your pictures,” I said. He came over and glanced at the fridge like he hadn’t seen them before himself. He pointed at one of him and Emma on the beach. He couldn’t have been more than seven and Emma was about four. They were super cute and since they were wearing beanies and you couldn’t see her hair, they almost looked like twins.

  “That was our first trip to the beach. That was taken before Emma ran into the ocean and my mother screamed bloody murder while my dad fished her out.” He was smiling at the memory, but his eyes looked sad.

  “When was this?” I asked, pointing at the picture of him and the girl.

  “Winter formal, sophomore year,” he said.

  “Is she someone special?” I asked him. The microwave dinged and he avoided my question by taking out the bag and dumping the popcorn into a bowl.

  “Grab us some waters and let’s go back in the living room. I’ll tell you why I keep the picture.”

  I got the water and followed him in. We sat back down on the couch and he handed me the bowl. I took a handful and popped a couple in my mouth and waited. Finally, he said, “The picture being on the fridge is not about her. I mean, she was a nice girl…my first real girlfriend….”

  “What’s her name?”

  He laughed. “Whitney, but it’s really not about her.”

  “I believe you. I as just curious what her name was. She’s pretty.”

  “Yeah, she is. I saw her about three months ago, I guess. I ran into her at the store. She has a baby and another one on the way. She married the guy she started dating after we broke up. She seems happy, so that’s good. But, the picture is about me…and that year…and all the things that changed after that.”

  I took a drink of my water and said, “Tell me about it.”

  Chapter Two

  Alexa

  “I told you I was on the wrestling team. I was really good, but no matter what I did, it didn’t seem like I could put on any bulk. The other guys were always bigger than me. Then one day, Whitney and I were hanging out at her house and her older brother came in. He’d been away at college. She introduced me to this guy that looked like the Incredible Hulk. After he left the room I asked her if he was always a big guy. She said he was kind of skinny in high school. She showed me a picture and he’d been even skinnier than me.”

  “He was using steroids?”

  “Yeah, but she didn’t seem to know that and I didn’t know yet. He was home for spring break, so I spent as much time at her house as I could. I kept bugging him about his work-outs and his diet and one day before he left to go back to school he finally said, “Kid, you’re not going to get a body like this just eating a high protein diet and working out. I take a lot of supplements.” I was relentless and he finally let me buy a few doses of his stack and he showed me how to order my own online. They were legal steroids and I always took them by mouth. But I was under eighteen so it was illegal for me to order them and there were rules through the school about not using them…legal or not. It would be like taking your mom’s Xanax. The prescription is legal, but if it showed up in your pee, since it isn’t your prescription, you’d be in trouble.”

  “So it showed up in your pee?” I asked him.

  “Eventually. But first, my teammates were noticing my weight gain and how I was finally able to build muscle. They asked me about it and since I still thought I was all that, I told them. They all started ordering it. A parent from a different school saw how different we looked from the year before and raised his suspicions. The school gave in and tested us and “Boom,” I was caught “cheating.” My whole life changed after that. I was a good student and my parents had high hopes for me going to college. I’d actually gotten noticed by MIT and they were talking full-ride. I was pretty smart in some ways. Pretty stupid in others. I keep that picture up to remind me of the “good Ian.” That was actually Emma’s idea too. She told me to find a picture from the last time I really felt good about myself. That was it.”

  “You were just a kid. You couldn’t have really known what the fallout would be.”

  “No, I didn’t, really. It was probably a year later before I finally decided to get my shit together. I got arrested for shoplifting, the cops brought me home drunk from more than one party…I gave my parents hell for that entire year…and they never gave up on me. I’m lucky as hell to have them.”

  “You are,” I said, “But you know what I think?”

  “What?”

  “I think they’re lucky to have you too. Especially now. You take such good care of them.”

  “I don’t really do anything….”

  “I saw the chalkboard. I tasted the cookies. I see the look in your mother’s eyes when she talks about you. You’re doing a great job and it has to be so hard because you’re dealing with your own grief at the same time. I think you’re pretty amazing, and thank you for telling me about all of this.”

  “Thanks,” he said. “It’s nice to know someone thinks I’m amazing.
”

  He looked like he was joking. I wanted him to know how serious I was. I leaned in and put my mouth close to his and said, “I’m serious, you’re amazing. I like this, you sharing with me. Please don’t think you have to hold things back or lie to me, okay?”

  He kissed me softly on the lips. He tasted like butter and salt. “Okay, baby. No lies. I promise. But now you have to tell me something about you that I don’t know.”

  I kissed him again and said, “How about I do that next time? I really should head home. I want to catch Dad before he goes to bed so we can talk.”

  Ian made a wince face. “Are you going to yell at him?”

  “No,” I told him with a smile. “But I am going to be firm. It’s high time he realized I’m a grown-up.”

  Ian raked his eyes over me so slowly that I actually shuddered. “Yes you are,” he said with a grin.

  It took me another fifteen minutes to convince him to let me up so I could get dressed. Once I was dressed I brushed my hair and touched up my make-up enough that it didn’t look like I’d been having wild sex all day. I got another long, deep, hot kiss before I left and when we broke it I said, “I know that we have gotten off to a really rough start, but I would love it if this works out for us. I have so much fun hanging out with you.”

  He smiled and traced the outline of my lips with his fingers. It was one of those intimate gestures that I was coming to love so much.

  “I really want us to work out too. I’m going to do my best.”

  “So am I.” I told him. He gave me another amazing kiss before I left. I love the way he makes me feel and I really believe that even if it doesn’t last forever between us, my life will be better for having met and spent time with him.

  As I was driving home, I passed the Fox theatre. It’s a really old, historical theatre and the only thing they do there anymore is show old black and white movies…some of them were made even before there was sound. Emma and I used to hang out there in the days before we were old enough to date or drive. After we got old enough to do other things, we made a standing date with each other on the tenth of every month no matter what…we went and watched a movie together. Dates or any other tag- a-longs were not allowed. Once we started college that kind of went by the wayside. We talked about how much we missed doing it…but neither of us ever seemed to find the time. It dawned on me suddenly that it was the tenth of the month.

  Without giving it any more thought than that, I pulled into the almost empty lot. It was always almost empty, even when it wasn’t late evening and in the middle of the week. I think the city owns it now and they don’t care if they made money off of it or not. It was just one of those historical icons that they left in place to keep the historical societies from raining heat down on them. I parked in the lot and went up to the ticket-booth. I had to smile when I saw what was playing. Sometimes I had to believe that Emma was still around, leading me places. The movie was the Prisoner of Zenda. It was a movie made in 1937…long before our parents were born even. But for some reason, it was Emma’s favorite. She used to say it was the most romantic movie ever made. My vote went out to Gone With the Wind, but this one was perfect for tonight. I asked the kid in the booth for a ticket.

  “It’s almost over.”

  “That’s okay. I’ve seen it a bunch of times. The ending is my favorite part.”

  He raised an eyebrow like he thought I was a little weird, but he took my money and gave me a ticket. I bought a box of Junior mints, Emma’s other favorite and I went inside the dark theater and found a seat near the back. I was one of only four people in the whole place. An elderly couple sat near the front. She had her head on his shoulder and I couldn’t help but wonder if she was remembering back to when they were young. There was a middle aged man sitting not too far from them. He was all alone…like me.

  I looked up at the screen at Douglas Fairbanks. Emma always found him so appealing. It was hard for me to look at a man from the thirties and find him attractive. Today as I looked at him instead of seeing him, I saw my best friend’s smiling face. It was what I needed to top off an already wonderful day with Ian. While the movie played, my thoughts switched to Ian and what it would be like to be in a real relationship with him. I was sure that was what I wanted and he seemed to want it to. Maybe our “rough start” got all the kinks worked out already and it would be smooth sailing from here on out.

  I was dragging my feet about going home and talking to dad. I had to talk to him, there would be no getting out of it. I was too happy when I was with Ian to let my dad’s unsolicited opinions get in the way. I know that he loves me, but he needed to learn how to love me differently as an adult than he had as a child. I popped a junior mint in my mouth and thought about the last time he did this to me. I was a senior in high school and there was a guy named Rob that I really liked. He was gorgeous and funny and smart and we had a bunch of classes together. After about a month of flirting, he finally asked me out. He showed up that Friday night to pick me up and Dad was polite to him as he could manage. It wasn’t warm politeness…but it was friendly enough. When we left, I was breathing a sigh of relief that he hadn’t done anything to ruin it.

  We went out to dinner and then a movie. He was sweet and respectful and he made me feel good about myself. We took a walk through the park after the movie and he held my hand. He didn’t try to get into my pants like other guys always did at that age. He was perfect. He took me home and gave me a sweet kiss at the door. He told me he would call and maybe we could go to lunch or something on Sunday. I thought about him every second the rest of the weekend…but when lunch time on Sunday came and went and he hadn’t called, I started feeling horrible…about myself. I started going over everything I said and did, wondering where I’d gone wrong. I picked up the phone to call him at least a dozen times, but I didn’t have that kind of confidence. I finally called Emma…who I’d talked to about how amazing he was for an hour the day before and I broke down in tears.

  Emma was at my house in fifteen minutes and we sat in the back yard and talked. Her advice to me was that he wasn’t worth my time if he couldn’t even be bothered to call and cancel. “You’re better than that Alexa. You deserve more respect than that. Don’t sell yourself short, honey.”

  “If I’m as good as you tell me I am, why does this keep happening to me?”

  “If I remember correctly, last time you found out that your dad scared him off. That wasn’t your fault. Your dad was nice this time though, you said, right?”

  “Yeah, I mean…as nice as Dad can force himself to be to one of my dates.”

  “You don’t think he ran into him or called him or something, do you?” She had a point. The last guy had run into my dad at the supermarket. Dad had promptly told him that he wasn’t good enough for me and he shouldn’t come back around. He didn’t, but he did tell me at school one day finally why he was avoiding me. Feeling fired up, I jumped up and ran in the house, calling for my dad. He came out of the bedroom and said, “What’s wrong?”

  “You tell me, Daddy. Have you talked to Rob?”

  “Oh pumpkin, I’m sorry. He called last night while you were in the shower. You’d left your phone on the counter so I…”

  “Oh my God!” I grabbed my phone and started looking through it. Sure enough, Rob had called the night before. “What did you do?”

  “I didn’t do anything. Why are you yelling at me?”

  “Daddy! I’m going to ask him so you may as well come clean. What did you do?”

  “I just asked him where he planned on going to school and about his parents….”

  Oh God! Rob told me his dad left them when he was little. His Mom remarried twice since then. In my father’s eyes, that would be an “unstable” influence. “What did you say to him, Daddy?” I was in tears.

  “I just told him I worried about where he came from and that I wanted better for you than that.” Poor Emma had been a silent witness to my wrath.

  “You have to stop tryi
ng to control my life or the second I turn eighteen I will leave and never come back! He was the nicest boy I’ve ever been out with. Would you prefer I went out with the ones who try and attack me on the first date?”

  “I just think maybe you should just concentrate on your studies for now. There will be plenty of time for you to meet boys in college…..”

  Frustrated, I’d turned to Emma and said, “Please get me out of here.” She’d taken me to her house and I’d cried most of the night. The next day at school, Rob wouldn’t even look at me. The worst part was that he told all of his friends about my Dad. I didn’t have another date my entire senior year.

  I looked up at the screen and realized the movie had stopped. With a sigh I pushed myself up. I had to go home and talk to him. I didn’t want to fight with him, but I had to do this. I wasn’t going to lose Ian too.

  Chapter Three

  Ian

  After Alexa left I was antsy. I was really glad that she wasn’t mad at me anymore. I was afraid I’d blown it again when I told her about her dad at first. I couldn’t help but wonder how that conversation was going to go. I couldn’t help but worry about how her dad was going to react when she told him that not only did she know what he’d told me…but that she wanted to keep seeing me. I believed what she said about him being this way because of her mom…but I also worried that maybe some of it was that he really didn’t like me either. I wouldn’t win first prize in an “I’d love for you to date my daughter” contest. What I’d told her was true too…I didn’t meet many dads. I wasn’t a dater. Every so often I’d be seeing a girl like Kristy who would attach themselves to me and insist they were my girlfriend, but the truth was, I didn’t do girlfriends or dates….until Alexa. I suddenly wanted her to be my girlfriend. And I suddenly wanted to be good enough for her and her father. Maybe after my championship fight tomorrow. If I win that one, endorsements and offers from UFC were sure to follow. Maybe if I was in a “legitimate” occupation, albeit still using my fists that would be at least one redeeming quality.