I immediately shake my head. There is no way I am involving a good man in my very bad and fucked-up circumstances. “You can’t help.”
“Perhaps I can—”
“Logan,” I say with a firm voice. “Leave it alone. If you can’t do that, then I’m out of here.”
And I don’t want to be out of here, I tell him with a pointed look. I like your company and looking at you and listening to your voice, and hell… even silence is golden between us. So please… don’t make me leave.
His jaw locks tight. I can see the irritation flash in his eyes, along with frustration and some unfulfilled need, but he only holds that for a moment before every bit of it clears out and there’s nothing but understanding left.
“Okay,” he says softly. “I won’t ask you why you’re doing this, but just know… if you want to try to figure another way out, I’m ready to help you do it.”
I know I just shut him down tight a second ago, but I can’t help it when my mouth opens, my vocal chords engage, and a single whispered and needful word comes out, “Why?”
Logan finally picks up his coffee, blows across the top, and takes a sip while looking at me over the rim. When he sets it back down, he says, “Because we’re tethered.”
“Excuse me?” I ask, not in a tart, offended way, but in an I’m-completely-confused way.
“From the moment you and I first locked eyes on each other, there was an understanding of sorts between us. I don’t know the how or the why something like that happens between two people, and fuck… we spent three days communicating through looks and body language, but you can’t deny it, Auralie… you and I have something that ties us together, and I’m not sure what it is. But it was absolutely confirmed after the way we consumed each other last night.”
God, and I know it too. I felt it from the very first time we beheld each other. Call it metaphysical or just a product of my underused imagination, but there is a connection there that I’ve never experienced with another human being in my life.
“You with me?” Logan asks quietly.
I nod, getting ready to speak the words back to him, but the waitress arrives with our food. The intimate connection is broken as we both lean back a bit so she can set the plates down. After she leaves, Logan picks up his utensils. While he busies himself pulling his eggs over onto his hash browns and cutting them all up together—same as I like to do—he says casually, “I’ve got a fishing trip this afternoon, but I’ll pick you up at six tonight. I’m taking you out to dinner.”
I just blink at him, my own utensils in hand and poised to mix eggs and potatoes together. There’s not one part of me that enjoys being bossed around, and I’ve gone most of my life not ever having to withstand that, but for some reason, I like the way he just told me that’s what we were doing tonight.
So I just nod and smile, then I pull my eggs on top of my hash browns.
Fuck you, Magnus. I’m doing this for me.
Chapter 9
Logan
We walk into the Blue Lion, my hand on Auralie’s lower back as I guide her in. It’s strange… seeing her in normal clothing. By normal, she’s wearing a pair of white skinny jeans with black flats, a graphic t-shirt, and a black, blazer-type jacket. The clothing’s not overly expensive, but it is stylish, at least from what I can remember of my days immersed back in a life filled with style and culture.
I have to keep mentally barking at my dick to stay down—not that I didn’t need that same advice when she was dressed all virginally sweet in The Silo, but for some reason tonight… the way she looks like a normal, beautiful young woman makes her all the more attractive to my senses.
It makes me wish for something I hadn’t thought possible in my lonely existence.
I also know this is a fool’s quest, but I can’t fucking help myself from wanting to be around her when I can. I can’t even have the promise of fucking her after dinner tonight, but it just doesn’t seem to matter.
I’m helplessly drawn to her like a moth to flame.
A hummingbird to sugar water.
A bear to honey.
And what-the-fuck-ever other cliché you can think of that describes an irresistible need to have something—it’s what I have right now. It’s why I never once hesitated when Magnus offered me a deal to exchange information for a night with Auralie. It’s also why I didn’t bother going to Bridger for advice because even though I was being selfish and taking something I wanted, it was eating at my gut a little to get involved with her. And Bridger could always be counted on for good advice.
The problem is that I didn’t want to hear Bridger’s good advice because it would prevent me from being with Auralie, so I stayed away from him.
It would be an absolute understatement to say I’ve been obsessing about Auralie since last night. That utterly fucking amazing sixty-nine session in the Black Room, where a woman has never tasted better to me and my cock has never shot off like that. And I’m not going to lie… the fact it was being done in front of all those other men who wanted that same crack at her but would never have it the way I had it last night made it all the better.
While The Blue Lion isn’t an overly fancy place as I’m wearing jeans and a nice shirt and that doesn’t offend their dress policy, it is a bit pricey and this is taking a chunk out of my wallet. This says something as I live pretty much hand to mouth, and I might be eating cheese and crackers for a while to compensate, but I wanted to do something “normal” with Auralie. Everything between us so far has been so mystifying; it naturally calls upon the senses to deny it as being real in any form or fashion.
Perhaps tonight… I can manage to de-mystify this connection we have. Maybe I can shed a light that would reveal this girl to be nothing more than a hot way to get a nut.
Or terrifyingly, it might reveal we really do have something that could be both magical and real.
Whatever.
The waitress leads us through the restaurant and to the outdoor deck that holds about ten tables. I requested outdoor seating as it was an unseasonably warm day, and I knew the evening would be mild enough. Once we’re seated, a waiter appears with a flourish and asks for our drink orders. I order a local microbrew, but Auralie shakes her head and just asks for water.
After the waiter leaves, I ask, “Don’t drink?”
“I’m only twenty,” she reminds me.
“Plenty of people still order drinks… have fake ID’s,” I counter.
She looks across the table at me, looking angelic from the glow of the crystal-encased candle in the center, and shakes her head. “My mom was an alcoholic. Drank herself to death. Always been afraid, I guess, that the gene ran in me. I never wanted to take the chance.”
I manage not to wince at the mixture of pain and determination in her voice, but I ask, “How old were you?”
“Ten,” she says with a bitter smile. “Been just Dad and me since.”
“That must have been tough.”
Her smile grows fond. “My dad did the best he could. We survived it together. But what about your parents? And do you have any siblings?”
My stomach tightens, and I realize what a dumbass I am. I invited this woman out to a romantic dinner, hoping to figure out what there was going on between us, and never once did I think she’d turn an eye toward wanting to know about me. I’d gotten so good over the years at keeping a barrier up and making it clear my private life was private, that I’d not had to field a personal question in a long time.
I swallow against the guilt over my half-baked truths. “No siblings. My mom and dad are still back in Chicago, but we don’t talk much.”
Well, we don’t talk at all.
Ever.
Not in two years even though they tried and tried to reach out to me with unanswered phone calls. I finally changed my number and that effectively stopped that. While stopping contact with them helped to alleviate my guilt that they were trying to help a son who couldn’t be helped, I was now weighted with guilt that I
was hurting them by not talking.
Seems hurting people is what I do best.
Auralie picks up her menu, I think a bit rebuffed by my curt answer, and my mind spins trying to figure a way to get some normal conversation going without pushing it in a direction that puts a spotlight on me. But then movement from another table three over catches my attention, and I see Rand and Cat standing up to leave the restaurant. I take in the fact that their meals are half eaten and they appear to be leaving early.
Cat looks upset. She hurries through the double glass doors and to the left, down to where I know the restrooms are. My eyes go back to Rand. I find him staring at me. With a quick, curious glance to Auralie, his gaze comes back to me. He walks our way. Auralie looks up at him in surprise when he comes to a stop by our table.
“Hey man,” I say, reaching my hand out for him to shake.
“Just on our way out,” Rand says in what sounds like glum resignation. “Thought I’d stop by.”
My eyes slide over to the doors that Cat just ran through, and I ask, “She okay?”
Rand brushes a hand through his long, blond hair before blowing out a breath. “Yeah… she’s still a bit rattled, I think.”
I nod in understanding. While it was just five short days ago that I had that amazing fuck session with Rand and Cat, it was the night before last that someone attacked Cat outside of Rand’s apartment. I heard this from Bridger. While I had a brief conversation with Rand that night to assure she was okay, I haven’t talked to him since.
Which also makes me realize…
I haven’t had sex since that night with Rand and Cat. Sure… I’d had all kinds of amazing oral with Auralie last night, and a mediocre blow job the night Auralie sucked another man’s dick, but I haven’t fucked another woman—or man—since my time with Rand and Cat five days ago. I’ve been content to go home and get my rocks off while thinking about Auralie while I masturbate.
So fucking weird.
Rand’s gaze cuts down to Auralie and back to me with a pointed look.
“Oh, fuck,” I mutter and give an apologetic smile to Auralie. “I’m sorry. Auralie… this is my buddy, Rand. Rand, this is Auralie.”
Rand breaks out in a big smile, one that says he’s immensely happy to see his friend out on a date with a normal girl. He reaches a hand out to Auralie. When she takes it, he asks, “Are you local, Auralie, or here on vacation?”
I open my mouth to jump in with some immediate lie to help cover Auralie’s reason for being in Wyoming because Rand hasn’t been to The Silo in a while and has no clue about her.
But she beats me to the punch. “I’m actually just here temporarily visiting.”
“Oh, and how did you two meet?” Rand asks her, still beaming that curious smile of happiness.
Auralie looks a little unsure of what to say, so instead, she says, “Um…”
She looks to me with a helpless gaze. I shoot her back one that says, It’s okay. This guy is solid.
I look up to Rand and say, “We met at The Silo.”
I look back to Auralie. I can tell she’s a bit tense to have revealed that, so I try to reassure her. “Rand’s a member. Cat too.”
She still looks tense, so I stretch a leg out under the table and slide it up against hers in nothing more than a press of reassurance. She relaxes slightly, but then tenses again when Rand says, “Oh… wait. Are you the virgin who—?”
“What the fuck do you know about that?” I growl in a low voice.
Rand looks chagrined and says in a lower voice, “Sorry… Bridger told me about her a few days ago.”
Auralie’s head drops down, and even though it’s dim and I can’t really tell, I think she’s embarrassed. This really bugs me. So I turn to Rand and say, “Listen… nice seeing you and all, but—”
He doesn’t need the hint. “Yeah man… sorry. Good seeing you, and Auralie, very nice to meet you. My buddy, Logan here, is a good man.”
Auralie looks up and gives him a polite smile, but it’s guarded. “Nice meeting you too, Rand.”
“Tell Cat I said hello,” I say as an afterthought, and Rand nods his head.
As he walks away, I watch his retreating back for a moment and realize something that’s very interesting. Usually when I’m in Rand’s presence, I will often think of sex. Not just because he and I have fucked and sucked each other, but because we have had numerous women we’ve shared over the past year. He’s a good friend, yes, but most of our encounters revolve around fucking, and that’s because I use sex as a drug and so I have it a lot. So naturally, whenever I was around Rand, it would only seem to reason that I’d think about sex.
And Cat… who couldn’t think of sex when she was around?
But when I saw her just a bit ago, and talking now to Rand, I didn’t think of sex once during my conversation with him. Didn’t have a stirring in my pants. No matter how hot our encounter was last week, and I’m sure they’d probably be up for that again, I didn’t have any desire to be with the two of them.
For now, they merely felt like good friends.
“So, he’s a friend of yours?” Auralie asks softly, and my head swivels to face her.
“Yeah, really good friend,” I say, which is sort of true. Well, good as in as long as we keep things simple, we’re good. He doesn’t know shit about me. No one here does.
“Did you meet him through The Silo?”
The waiter returns with our drinks and asks if we’re ready to order, but I decline and tell him we need more time. Neither of us has even looked at the menu, and I’m in no rush for this evening to end.
When he leaves, I answer her question. “Rand and I both got part-time jobs at The Wicked Horse around the same time to supplement our full-time jobs. We got to know Bridger. He eventually let us in on the secret club behind The Wicked Horse and offered us jobs there as Fantasy Makers.”
“You get paid to… to… have sex?” she asks hesitantly.
“No,” I say with admonishment but temper it with a quick grin. “That would be prostitution. But we do get a free membership. Bridger even gives out ‘quarterly bonuses’ to the Wicked Horse employees who… shall we say… make the other full-paying members happy.”
“So you are getting paid for sex,” she points out but her face is still questioning. It’s asking, What motivates you to do that?
So I enlighten her. “I don’t do it for the money although it’s nice and it helps pay the bills, and frankly, I don’t do a lot of fantasies there so I don’t make a lot of money. I just take advantage of my membership, and I use it a lot.”
She just stares at me.
“I do it because I like the kinky sex,” I clarify further, and wait to see how she takes that.
“I’ve seen a lot of weird things go on in that building that I never even knew were possible,” she murmurs, and I don’t mistake the sensual heat in her voice.
I can tell she’s both put off and attracted to the debauchery that she’s seen. It makes my dick start to swell at the thought that perhaps we share that in common too. Because while I love sex, even just normal, missionary, fuck-pussy-until-you-get-off sex, I also get off on the perversion of the things that happen in The Silo. Never even blinked an eye the first time I fucked Rand—my first guy. I wanted to be different and drown my misery in the new and exciting world of unrestrained sexual play.
“Anything you saw that you liked in particular?” I ask, my voice husky without meaning it to be.
She drops her eyes in only the way a virgin would when an experienced man asks what turns her on. This strangely does not turn me on. The one thing that makes my attraction to Auralie very weird is that I like my women experienced, bold, and adventurous. Those are not words synonymous with virgin.
“I like watching other people have sex,” she says in almost a whisper.
“It’s living porn,” I agree with an encouraging smile.
“It’s still shocking to me.”
Not so much to me. Most times now
in The Silo, I’m not even really paying attention to what’s going on. My mission is simple, and that’s to find an interesting way to have a release. I’m almost numb to the experience.
Except last night.
An amazing performance in front of the entire club last night with a woman who made me hornier than I’ve ever been in my life. I’d recreate what we did last night, every night for the rest of my foreseeable future, and be happy with it.
“Can I ask you a question, Logan?” Auralie asks.
I have to blink to orient myself back to the present and this beautiful woman who is having dinner with me, not sucking my cock. “Sure.”
“You truly don’t do it for the money? Just because you like ‘kinky’ sex?”
Well, isn’t she persistent? Still, I hedge because she’s pushing too close at my personal boundaries. “What’s not to love about kinky sex?”
“I don’t buy it,” she says with a shake of her head, her long, black hair falling over her shoulders. “I watch the people in there, and something drives them. It’s more than just feeling good or carefree. It’s more than just being a libertine. I mean, the men who want a virgin… they want that because it represents something rare and precious that they’ll likely never get another crack at. It’s like someone who collects rare antiques or works of art. There are bragging rights and inflation of ego. Every person in there wants something, and they are being driven by something personal to want it. I want to know what drives you.”
I stare at her, my heart thundering so hard in my chest that it feels like it will punch through bone and flesh and race right out of the restaurant without me. She’s asking me the one question that would explain everything about my life in the last two years, and it’s not something I discuss with anyone.
Ever.
I take a deep breath, will my pulse to calm down, and try to tactfully decline her curiosity into the reasons Logan McKay is the way he is. Besides, she hasn’t offered up any of her secrets to me, and even if she did… I’d still never tell her. I’m not prepared to suffer “the look” that I would invariably get. Not ready to destroy what little bit of attraction and connection she has to me.
The Wicked Horse Boxed Set (The Wicked Horse Series) Page 77