by Melissa Huie
I gazed at my brown-eyed miracle in absolute awe. How in the world can I love someone so much in such a short amount of time? This little girl held my heart in her tiny little hand. I counted her toes and caressed her soft brown hair, completely oblivious to the world around us.
Until I felt a heard my name from the doorway. Shane. The nurse, Shelly, asked me if I wanted him to stay. I wanted to be a bitch; I wanted to stay mad at him for missing the birth of our daughter. But the distress and regret in his eyes had me nodding my head.
“Oh God, Megs, I tried baby. I tried as hard as I could to get here. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here with you.” I nodded again, tears choking my words. Shane leaned his forehead against mine. “I’m so sorry. To both of you.”
I sniffled and wiped my eyes with the thin blanket covering us. “Do you want to hold your daughter?”
The smile on his face almost made up for my disappointment. He quickly used hand sanitizer and then reached out for her. Katie squawked in protest at being taken away from her warmth, but once Shane cradled her in his large hands, she immediately settled down.
“I can’t believe how little she is,” he whispered. “She looks just like you.”
I quickly snapped a picture with my phone and wiped away the tears. “I can’t tell yet.” Nurse Shelly came over with her hands out.
“Let me take her for a few minutes. We need to exam her more thoroughly and then we’ll bring her back.”
As if asked to give away his favorite game, Shane reluctantly passed her to the nurse’s expert hands. Rubbing his goatee, he turned to me with a sad smile on his face.
“I don’t know how you’ll ever forgive me,” he muttered, taking my hand.
“Shane, I know you tried to get here as fast as you could. No one knew it would be that quick. It sure as hell didn’t go the way we planned. But yeah, I’m really frustrated. I wanted you here with me. I needed you here with me.”
“I know babe. When I heard about the fire—” he started. I quickly interrupted him.
“Oh my God, how much damage is there? Did we lose everything?” The night’s events came crashing down on me, the smoke, the heat, the feeling of helplessness. Tears coursed down my cheeks and suddenly my heart lodged in my throat.
“Holy shit Shane, where’s Penny?” Suddenly the room was pierced by shrill beeping from the machines hooked to me.
“Megs, breathe baby. Your monitors are going haywire. It’s okay, Penny’s fine. Cole has her at his house,” Shane soothed. He gently brushed the hair away from my face. Nurse Shelly came rushing in to make sure everything was fine. After adjusting the monitor and checking my blood pressure, she gave Shane a stern look.
“I don’t know what happened, but I don’t want to see your heart rate go this high again,” she warned. Knowing that the woman held the medicine to relieve my pain, he nodded his head, holding my gaze. After she left, I grabbed his hands.
“Cole? Kate’s brother? How did he know?”
“He was the one to pull you out of the house. When he told me how close I came to losing you again, I just about lost it.” Shane pressed his lips to my hands.
I rubbed my face vigorously, flustered at the quick change of events. My world felt like a game, emotions ping-ponging back and forth between happiness, fear, sorrow, and confusion.
“So Cole got me out of the house?” I asked. Shane nodded. “What happened? Do they know what caused the fire? How bad is it?”
Shane rubbed my hand. “I’m not sure. I was downtown at Ego Alley, when Kate sent me a text She found out through Cole.”
“Wait. Kate’s text? What about the one Tommy sent you? I mean, I know you hate the guy, but did you at least read it?” I snipped. If he didn’t call back because of their petty bullshit, then we were going to have even bigger issues.
Confusion crossed over Shane’s face. “Uh, no. I didn’t get a text. Why would he text me? Was he here?”
“He said that he tried to call you but you didn’t answer, so he sent you a text message. Tommy also called Mom, so she’s on her way.”
Annoyed, he rubbed his forehead. “Who knows? Maybe he dialed the wrong number.”
“Why were you down there anyway?” I asked irritably, but our conversation was interrupted by Nurse Shelly walking back with a squawking baby in her arms. Automatically, I reached for the bundle and held her close.
“We’re going to take you to your recovery room now, so just hang on tight to that little one. Are you dad?” she asked Shane. Surprised at the question, he quickly said yes.
“Well great. Dad, if you want to grab that bag behind you, we’ll just be on our way,” the perky voice chirped as she unlocked the brakes on my bed and started wheeling me out of the room.
I held Katie tightly against my chest, feeling her relax as she calmed down. Her brown eyes opened and she gazed right into mine. Realistically, I knew that she could only see a few inches in front of her, but my heart leapt at the thought of her recognizing me. I brushed my lips against her forehead. “It has been one hell of a night, hasn’t it Katie Lou?” I whispered.
After we arrived at our private, but definitely not quiet, room, Shane dropped the bag on the chair next to the bed and put my phone on a tray. The nurses bustled around us, securing monitors, and giving me a rundown of what to expect the next twenty-four hours. Shane’s eyes glazed over at the talk of breast feeding and fecal matters. I chuckled inwardly, as he only had barely an idea of all the fun we were about to go through. Nurse Shelly took Katie from my arms and passed her over to Shane, declaring it was time for me to finally stand up. With another nurse at my side, they gingerly helped me stand, then walk over to the bathroom.
Once I was settled back in bed and Katie napping in her clear bassinette, the nurses brought in a set of blankets for Shane. I giggled as he tried to maneuver his large frame onto the tiny chaise lounge that served as his makeshift bed, finally curling up on his side, his long legs hanging off the end.
“You look so uncomfortable,” I managed between the giggles.
“Nope, I’m fine,” he replied with a yawn. I yawned in response. “Let’s get some sleep babe; it’s almost six in the morning.”
“Works for me.” I turned the lights off from the nifty remote attached to my bed. With our room dark and quiet, the noises outside became clearer. Nurses’ calls, babies crying nearby, and the normal early hustle and bustle of the maternity ward became our lullaby. Shane’s lullaby anyway. The man could sleep through a hurricane, tornado, and a five alarm fire without missing a snore. Even though I knew I should be exhausted, I felt like I could run a marathon. All I wanted to do was hold on to Katie and count her fingers and toes again. But I knew the day would bring visitors and a nap wouldn’t be in the cards, so I closed my eyes.
“Megs?” came Shane’s whisper.
“Yeah?”
“Was Tommy here?”
Confused, I opened my eyes. “What do you mean, was he here? I told you he tried to call you.”
Shane was quiet for a beat, then asked, “I meant, was he here when Katie was born.”
Sigh. “Yes Shane. He was here.” The weariness came through loud and clear. I don’t know what he’s thinking but I know for damn sure he doesn’t want to bring up Tommy. Not now. If he gave me shit about having Tommy here for the birth, I would explode.
Silence. “Well, I’m glad you weren’t alone. I guess if you had to be with anyone, at least you were with someone you trust.”
Huh. That was unexpected.
“I love you Megs.”
“I love you too,” I mumbled, closing my eyes.
Chapter 15
A person never sleeps well in a hospital. Especially in the maternity ward. Nurses are constantly coming in to check your vitals. Or the monitors go off. Or your newborn starts crying and you have to throw your pillow at your partner to get him to wake up to bring her over to you. Sheesh. Like I said, the man sleeps through anything. After waking distorted and momentarily confused,
Katie’s lusty cries finally penetrated the fog in his brain and he brought her over to me.
It took ten frustrating minutes and tears running down my face before Katie latched on to my breast. I winced at her first tug on my nipple, but I knew it was for the best. We got settled in when there was a knock at the door.
“Is everyone decent?” Mom called, opening the door. Pink and purple balloons floated ahead of her and she walked in with a huge smile on her face.
“Oh my goodness! I can’t believe she’s here!” she squealed. Mom quickly peeled off her jacket and threw it down on Shane’s make-shift bed. “I got here as soon as I could. Your Aunt Amy is back at my house, sleeping. You know she needs her sleep or she’s a grouch. How are you feeling? Sore? Tired?” She kissed me on my forehead and gave me her special ‘mom’ smile. That smile brought tears to my eyes and I quickly turned away.
“Oh Babycakes, don’t cry. I know it has been such a roller coaster for you.” She sat on the edge of the bed and put her arms around me. We sat there for a minute with our heads pressed together, as tears rolled down my face. She turned to Shane, “Did you speak with the Fire Marshal? And what happened to Penny?”
Shane shook his head. “Penny is with Kate’s brother Cole. I didn’t even know the house was on fire until Kate told me. I came straight here.” He checked his phone and stood up. “I’m going to run by the house now and see what’s going on, then head to the store for some clothes.”
The realization that I had nothing with me. Nothing for her to come home in. My purse and driver’s license, insurance cards, everything was at the house. Panic rose in my chest. “Mom, what am I going to do? I don’t have a license, or a car seat. Everything could be gone!”
“Shh, baby. It’s all right. We’ll take care of it. Try not to worry about it right now.” She pulled me close as Shane put his leather jacket on. “Be safe out there Shane. There’s black ice on the roads.”
“I will.” He bent down and kissed my cheek, then our daughter’s forehead. “I’ll be back soon. Text me if you want me to bring you back anything special.” I nodded and he left the room.
“Okay, it’s time for me to hold my granddaughter,” she said gleefully, rubbing her hands with excitement. Mom hurried to the sink and washed her hands, as I dislodged my nipple from Katie’s mouth.
“Megan, she looks like you,” she said, cradling the quiet baby.
“That’s what Shane said,” I said with a smile. “She may need to burp.”
Mom obliged as I reached for my phone. Noticing I had a voicemail message, I pressed the button to listen. My heart fell when I heard a strange man’s voice on the line, identify himself as the Fire Marshal. He told me that my side of the duplex was a total loss and my neighbor’s house had suffered significant damage. He also stated that the investigation into the cause to the fire was ongoing. After saving the message to call him back later, I put the phone down and covered my face.
“Megan, what’s wrong?” Mom asked, patting Katie’s back.
“It’s gone. That was the Fire Marshal,” I said sadly. “My side is totally gone and Mr. Fader’s suffered a lot of damage. We have nothing.” Sobs escaped me as I rolled over. I cried for the mementos I lost, the memories we had, and the future I’d hope to have there for Kate. I know it’s stupid to cry for immaterial objects, but I couldn’t stop. It was my home. And now it’s gone.
“Oh, Megs. I’m so sorry. But think of this. Everyone is safe. You can replace pictures and dishes, but not people.” Spoken like the amazing mom she is. I nodded gratefully.
Mom stayed with me and tried to keep my spirits up. As the day wore on, more visitors filtered through. Jen and her husband, Matt, stopped by, before starting their rounds as a nurse and pediatrician, respectively. Aunt Amy came with a pot of her freshly made slumgulia, which, as usual had way too much pepper. Uncle Bob and Aunt Karen brought over a plate of cookies and Sarah and Kyle came with bags of baby clothes. While it was great to see everyone and have their support, it became overwhelming for both Katie and I. Once she started fussing late into the afternoon, Mom ushered everyone out so we could get some rest.
I had just settled her on my breast again when the door opened. Shane walked in, freshly showered and wearing a new sweatshirt. He came over, plopped the bags in the chair and kissed us both.
“How are you?” he asked, lightly stroking Katie’s cheek.
“Exhausted,” I said tiredly. Nodding at his new threads, I asked, “Anything in those bags for me?
“Yep. I picked you up some underwear, a nightgown, socks, shoes, and some sweats. I didn’t get you a bra because … uh … I don’t know how large those melons are now,” he said with a smile. I rolled my eyes. Of course he jokes now, but just wait until my milk comes in. He won’t believe how big they get.
“Thanks, that should work. I got a call from the Fire Marshal. He said the house was a total loss. Did you check it out?” I asked, adjusting my breast. Shane’s eyes never left my chest. “Shane!”
“Oh! Yes, I checked out the house. It’s … I don’t know the words to describe it, Megs. The second floor is gone. Mr. Fader’s house is pretty bad, too. My bike is destroyed; there’s no salvaging it. There were some people there that I spoke with—they’re from the fire department. They said I could come back in a day or so and try to go through it and see if anything’s salvageable,” he said quietly.
I let out a shaky breath. “I didn’t ask you, but did you check on Penny?”
“Yep. I picked up some clothes before heading to Cole’s house. She’s fine, hanging out with Cole’s pit bull, Jax. He said that he’ll keep her until we’re ready to bring her home.” Shane sat down at the foot of the bed. I could see the exhaustion in his face. “But, I do have one piece of good news.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?” I asked wearily as Katie turned her face away from my breast and started crying. I shifted her around and tried to get her to latch on, but she struggled. Feeling frustrated, I moved her to the other one as Shane tried to be heard over her cries.
“What?” I said, exasperated.
“I said, your car survived the fire, along with all the shower gifts!” he yelled. A hard pull on my nipple and suddenly the room was quiet.
“Are you serious?” My mouth gaped open. All our shower gifts are saved? How lucky are we?
“Yep. I forgot I moved your car out of the driveway last night so I could pull my truck out. Your car is fine.”
“My car is fine?” I repeated. Then a light bulb went off. “All the gifts from the shower were in the back of my car.”
Shane nodded. “Well, your hood has a bit of heat damage and the paint bubbled. But all in all, it’s fine. I dropped everything off with your Aunt Amy at your mom’s house, except for a few things she thought we’d need here. Kyle was at Mom’s already, moving some furniture around.”
“Why mom’s house?” I asked, bewildered at the sudden change of events.
“Megan, I already spoke with Shane,” Mom piped. “He agrees with me, you’re staying at my house. You have everything you need from the shower, plus I’ll be there to help you out. It makes the most sense,” Mom said pointedly.
“Mom, I don’t know about that.” I pictured the split-level home I grew up in. The walls are paper-thin and small. Sure, there are three bedrooms, but only one full size bathroom. Kyle’s old room is used as an office and still has his baseball trophies on the wall. The basement is too drafty for the baby, so the only place that could house the three of us would be my old room. Right next to Mom’s bedroom. Yeah, that’s going to be awkward. I looked down at Katie, who she had fallen asleep with my nipple in her mouth. Gently pulling it free, I moved her up so she laid on my chest.
“Where else are you going to go? The only other place would be the farm, and Aunt Nancy is still fixing it up.” She gave me the look that said, “Don’t be silly, do what you know is right.”
“You’re right. We’ll stay until we figure out what to do with the hous
e.”
My mom gave me a huge smile and I just shook my head. When I truly thought about my situation, the only place I’d rather be is home.
“Well, I’m going to leave you three be. I have a lot to do at the house before y’all move in.” She kissed our cheeks and picked up her purse.
“I guess we’re staying at Mom’s,” I said weakly. The situation wasn’t ideal, but mom was right. Where else would we go?
“You know babe, it doesn’t matter where we go. I have you and Katie; I don’t need anything else,” Shane whispered tenderly, stroking my cheek. He pressed his lips to mine and I felt it. Despite all the drama and all the chaos in my life, Shane loved me. That’s all I needed.
Chapter 16
We left the hospital the next morning with a clean bill of health for both Katie and me, along with new baby care instructions. I doubt these pages had any instructions on how to be a mom. For example, we were just about to leave the hospital and she decides that right then is the perfect time to explode in her diaper. After a couple moments of panic, we quickly figured out how to bathe the screaming, squirming baby. With that out of the way and after Shane struggled with installing the damn car seat, we finally made our way home. Well, to our home away from home.
I had Shane make a detour so I could survey the damage to the house. He didn’t want to, but after much cajoling, he finally relented. My eyes widened in horror once Shane pulled onto Hazelnut court. The blackened pile of brick and wood was a stark contrast to the rest of the street. Tall chain-link fencing surrounded both sides of the duplex, keeping out troublemakers and looters. Shane stopped the SUV in front of Mrs. Sanders’s house, and we both stared at the unimaginable sight before us.
“I can’t believe this. You said it was bad, but I didn’t envision anything like this.” I was horrified. The sheer amount of damage that the fire caused had my heart lodged in my throat.