She should tell him not to come, that she had nothing to offer him, but the day’s aggravations had chipped away some of her courage, and left her lonely for her family and lonely for Winston.
“All right?” he asked, his voice and demeanor hopeful.
“I’ll look forward to seeing you at five-thirty,” she told him, and immediately her spirits lifted.
She walked over to the concierge, intent on getting some of her own, and said, “Remember me? I thought you should know the police are still looking for the mother of that baby, and they don’t have me in mind.”
She enjoyed watching the man’s face take on a red hue. “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I had to do my job. It took me long enough to get this one, and I can’t afford to lose it.”
“No problem, but you can imagine how I felt walking out of this crowded lobby between two policemen.” She went to her room, drew a bath, dropped pink crystals into the warm water, stripped, and got in the tub of pink bubbles. She stayed in it until the water cooled, dried off, and, after setting her alarm clock for one hour, crawled into bed and fell asleep. She woke up on time and answered her phone at five twenty-five.
“Petra? Hi. This is Bob Elroy. I’m downstairs at the registration desk.”
Gosh, she hadn’t even asked him his name. “I’ll be right down.” She put on a sleeveless, red linen dress and its three-quarter sleeve jacket, a pair of black mid-heel shoes, the only decent-looking ones she brought with her, checked her hair and the silver earrings, got her little black straw bag, and hurried down to meet Officer Robert Elroy. I sure hope he’s a gentleman; that uniform doesn’t guarantee it.
She hardly recognized the man in the beige suit who waited at the bank of elevators. “Hi, Bob. You look ten years younger without that uniform.”
“I’m thirty-six,” he said, “so don’t let the absence of gray hairs fool you. You’re so beautiful, Petra. I’m glad I can legally carry a gun.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “You’ve got a gun with you tonight?”
“I’m required by law to carry it at all times. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Not a bit.” She grinned. “As long as I don’t see it or hear it.”
“At least you have a sense of humor about it. Knowing I have it frightens some women. There’s a real nice Italian restaurant that I like—by the way, if you like Italian food and can’t go to Italy, Santa Cruz is the place to be. Want to go there? It’s right on the ocean, and since we’ll be early, we can get a table by the window and see the sunset. It’s spectacular.”
“I’m in your hands.”
“And I’ll take good care of you,” he said. “I hope you got some rest, because the fireworks don’t start till midnight, but there’s plenty to do on the Boardwalk. What do you do in Ellicott City, Petra?”
“I’m office manager at a real estate agency. Or I was. I suspect I’ve been fired by now. I was granted leave, but not nearly as much as I’ve taken, and I didn’t bring my cell phone as the boss told me to do.”
“Does he know your con…er…situation?”
“Good heavens, no. Jack has about as much feeling for people as a flea. I didn’t even tell my family, because I don’t want people to feel sorry for me.”
“But if people love you, is it fair to deprive them of their right to care for you and to make your days as pleasant as possible?”
“Bob, I could never expect that of my mother. She would find a dozen reasons why I’m responsible. Oh, she dearly loves me, but negative is her middle name.”
He was right about the restaurant’s reputation. “I doubt I’ve ever had such great Italian food. It’s wonderful,” she told him.
“In this town, it would have to be. We have a large Italian population, and Italians care about what they eat.”
“I’ve heard that.”
“We have plenty of time to get to the theatre,” he said. “I got tickets for a production of Flashback. It received wonderful reviews. I hope you’ll like it.”
She didn’t tell him that she would enjoy most anything that absorbed her so completely that she didn’t think of Winston Fleet and how she longed to be with him. They walked along the Boardwalk to the theatre, and a human figure dressed in a white sheet with a black rope around his waist stopped them.
“Give me your hand,” he said to Petra, “and I’ll tell you your future.”
“You’d be wasting your time and mine,” she answered, “but thanks for the offer.” She noticed that Bob handed the man a dollar bill.
“I’ve heard that he’s a rather good seer, but I imagine you’ve already heard more about the future than you wanted to know.” He looked at his watch. “We have some time. Let’s check in here for a few minutes.”
They entered the duck-shooting booth, and he won a beautiful doll for her. “Thanks. I’ll cherish this doll. I had one doll when I was very little, but one of my playmates took it, and my mother wouldn’t buy another one. She was strict about my taking care of my books, toys, clothes, you name it. She bought me some 3-D puzzles instead. I give my daughter plenty of room to grow and make mistakes.”
“Who’s taking care of her?”
“She’ll be eighteen in a couple of months, but my mother is staying with her while I’m away. I can’t believe she’s old enough to enter college.”
She didn’t want to ask Bob personal questions, because to do that would increase the intimacy between them, but she didn’t want him to think that he was so lacking in importance to her that she had no interest in him as a person. She asked him a simple question.
“How did you happen to join the police force, Bob?”
“I’m a fourth generation policeman. My father and grandfather expected it of me, and I did it. It pays well, but I may someday walk away from it. I have all these ideas in my head that are raring to come out.”
“You want to write or to invent things?”
“Invent. I’m studying physics in the evenings at the university.” They reached the theatre, and as they walked in together, he said, “I’m going to name something a ‘Petran’ after you.” She restrained herself, but the impulse to kiss his cheek nearly overpowered her. He wanted by that act to give her a measure of immortality. “Be sure it’s sharp and won’t rust,” she said in an effort to bring levity to the conversation.
“I’m serious. If I name it for you, make no mistake, it will last for centuries.” The curtain rose as they took their seats, and she was saved the necessity of answering him. She enjoyed the play, but she would have thought it spectacular if it hadn’t contained a lot of Ebonics. “The acting was superb, but those elegantly dressed women speaking Ebonics bothered me,” she said to Bob after the show. “I couldn’t believe a word I heard. That director must be off his rocker.”
“My sentiments precisely,” he said. “That so-called black talk makes me squirm every time I hear it. It’s not cultural, it’s the language of the uneducated. Let’s go down to the docks and get a ride out to that big cruiser sitting offshore. We can dance, play the slots, take in a comedy show, or just stroll around and people watch. Want to? The boats come back every fifteen minutes. If you like, we can see the fireworks from there.”
She didn’t recall playing the slot machines, hadn’t even considered it, but why not, just this once? Her purpose in California was to experience all that she could, wasn’t it? “Sounds good to me. I think I’d like to take a turn at playing slots before…Uh, let’s go.”
He stared down at her for a few seconds, frowning.
She grabbed his hand. “Come on, Bob. It’s like a bad cold. Eventually, it happens to everybody.” That kind of pretense was nothing short of lying, something she’d said she wouldn’t do again. Putting on a face to make others feel good was the very reason why she hadn’t told her family and friends about her prognosis.
“Don’t work so hard at making me comfortable, Petra. I am not going to be happy no matter what you say or do, but I promise to enjoy your company…That is, if you’ll
let me.”
“I’m sorry, Bob. I know it’s best to be honest. Come on. I’m anxious to see the inside of a cruise ship.”
A small motorboat took them out to the big ship, which was anchored offshore to allow gambling. The boat hooked on to an elevator that took them up to the ship’s deck. Almost immediately they heard the first notes of the Village People’s monster hit, “Y.M.C.A.”
“Do you line dance?” he asked her.
“I can do the Electric Slide, and maybe Cotton Eye Joe.” He took her hand, headed toward the sound of music, and within minutes she was mentally back in high school doing the Electric Slide, a dance she hadn’t thought of since she reached her eighteenth birthday.
“I forgot this could be so much fun,” she said. “I wouldn’t have missed this for anything.” A few minutes later, “Jackson,” a song that Johnny Cash and his wife made famous, came over the loud speaker, and a young crowd took to the floor.
“Can I have this dance, miss?” a tall man with a southern accent asked her.
“Thanks, but I don’t know how to clog,” she said.
“Oh sure, you do, and if you don’t, I’ll show you.”
“No, thanks. I’m with this gentleman, and I don’t care to leave him.” She didn’t look at Bob, because she didn’t want him to enter the conversation.
“He doesn’t mind, do you, buddy?”
“Please excuse me, mister. I’m sure I would enjoy the dance, but I don’t want to leave my friend.” She didn’t know what else she could do or say to get the man to leave them. He’d had much too much to drink, and she didn’t want to aggravate him unduly. Moreover, she couldn’t forget that Bob had that gun.
“What’s a pretty girl like you doing with this bum?” the man asked her. She sensed the tension in Bob, and her nerves seemed to riot throughout her body.
Suddenly, Bob’s hand gripped her arm like a steel band, and he stepped in front of her. “Be careful, mister,” she said, “my friend is chief of police in Santa Cruz. You’ll get in trouble if you bother with him.”
“I don’t believe you,” the man said. “Let me see your badge, buddy.” Bob unbuttoned his coat, exposing both his badge and his gun. The man saluted Bob, and nearly stumbled as he did so. “I owe you one, lady. The last thing I want to do is tangle with one of these California cops.”
“What did you think I was going to do to him?” Bob asked her after the man weaved his way through the several onlookers.
“I didn’t know. My only thought was that you’d gotten mad, and you had that gun.”
An odd expression flashed across Bob’s face, then he expelled something akin to a snarl. “I wouldn’t use the gun on him; I had other ways of bringing him down. Still, you never know. Thanks for getting rid of him.”
“I wish I knew why alcohol makes men think they’re stronger, bigger, better looking, and better everything else than they are?”
“Good question. It makes an ass out of some people, women as well as men. A lot of people would still be alive if they hadn’t drunk too much liquor.”
“I imagine so,” she said. “Do they have cones of ice cream on this ship? I’d like to walk along the deck eating ice cream from a cone, not a cup.”
“We can do that, but first, you have to try your hand at the slots. I don’t gamble. I’ll give you a ten-dollar bill. If you win ten dollars, you give me back my ten. As soon as you’ve played back all your winnings, you stop. Deal?”
“Deal.”
He bought a card for forty chances and led her to a twenty-five cent slot machine. “Have fun.” She inserted the card, pulled the lever, and discovered how easily one could lose a quarter. Twenty minutes later, she had pulled the lever forty times and discovered why the machine was often referred to as a one-armed bandit.
“I ought to give you back your ten dollars,” she said. “I have a feeling that if I hadn’t promised, I’d be sitting at that machine now, throwing away my money.”
Just then a pain shot through her head, stabbing as if someone were plunging a dagger through her skull. She squeezed her eyes tight and pressed her hand to her forehead.
“What is it?” he asked her. “What’s the matter?” His voice carried alarm and urgency as he grabbed her arm. “Is it…What’s wrong?”
“My head. It’s never been this bad before. Please. Just give me a minute, and maybe it will be all right.”
With an arm around her, he edged their way slowly out of the crowded hall and onto the deck. “Shouldn’t I call for the doctor?”
“No. Please don’t. He can’t tell me what I don’t already know. It usually passes after a few minutes…unless…” Shudders passed through her, and she knew he felt them. “Bob, I shouldn’t have come with you.”
He wrapped her in his arms and held her close to his body. “Yes, you should have,” he whispered. “I needed this time with you. Is it any better?” he asked, stroking her back.
She should move, because she had nothing to offer him, but right then she needed his strength. For the first time since Barnes gave her that awful news, she’d nearly panicked. Fear plowed through her. Eviscerating. Nearly sending her to her knees. She gulped air. I’m not as brave as I thought I was.
Bob’s arms tightened around her, and when his breathing quickened, she kissed his cheek, and moved away from him.
“It’s so tempting to take advantage of your protectiveness, Bob, but you know how it is with me. As much as I need it this minute, I can’t encourage it.”
“I feel so helpless, and it’s a feeling I’m not used to. Is it any better?”
“A little.”
He reached toward her, hesitated, and then embraced her. “I know you’re trying to protect me,” he said, “but I have to take what I can get when I can get it. How is it now?”
“It’s eased a lot,” she told him though, in truth, there’d been only moderate improvement. “Maybe we can get that ice cream now. Raspberry and vanilla for me.”
He hesitated, obviously skeptical. “All right, if you think so, but it’s getting windy out here. Maybe we ought to stay inside.”
She didn’t want to be cloistered inside with a couple hundred people. “The fireworks should start soon, and this is a great vantage point for watching them,” she said. “Besides, even though it’s a little windy, it’s still nice out here.” She considered that the fresh air might have relieved her headache.
“I’ll get the ice cream,” he said. “You stay right here.”
She leaned against the edge of the door and let the wall take her weight. The pain in her head had disappeared, but she had a weak, lethargic feeling. If she were only at home in her own bed in Ellicott City! I must have been out of my mind taking off by myself like this.
Her gaze skipped over the ocean, past the dark horizon, and lingered on the sky where not one star could be seen, although a blanket of them had covered the sky when she and Bob got on the boat. The clouds, dark and ominous, hung low, and she thought the wind would knock her down. A sharp flash of lightning lit the sky a second before a crack of thunder roared so loudly that, in fear, she turned her face to the wall. She longed to run inside, but if she did, would Bob find her? When a squall nearly drenched the deck, she ran inside and nearly knocked the cones of ice cream from Bob’s hands.
“Rain is coming down in sheets,” she told him. “If I had stayed there longer, I would have been drenched.”
He handed her a cone of ice cream. “I do everything I can to keep my promises,” he said and his eyes twinkled. “But if nature intervenes, or if I don’t feel up to climbing a ninety-degree hill, I do what comes naturally. I see you operate on the same principle. Anyway, rain’s good. Once, when I was tramping through Africa and had sweated out the Nigerian heat, an afternoon downpour cooled the air. I stripped, went outside in the back garden, raised my hands to the sky, and knew what happiness was.”
Visions of him standing naked in the rain with his arms toward the heavens struck her as funny, and laughter
poured out of her, momentarily cleansing her of the fear and tension that had gripped her. “That’s a riot. I’d have given anything to have seen that.”
Bob’s left eyebrow shot up. “It was funny to me, too, till I looked up and saw the people I stayed with—the man, his wife, and his four kids—staring at me through the window. You could have bought me for a green papaya.” Her amusement at that quickly vanished when she leaned toward him and everything seemed to tilt along with her.
He put out his hand and barely managed to steady her. “It’s not you,” he assured her. “It’s the ship. The water has gotten terribly rough. We’d better go over there and sit down.”
After a few minutes, the captain’s voice was heard over the loudspeaker. “We’ll settle down in a minute. You are advised not to go on deck until further notice. Unfortunately, that means we’ll miss the fireworks tonight, but safety comes first.”
An hour later, they took the first boat back to shore. She hated having missed the fireworks, but the earlier part of the evening more than compensated for it. She’d never seen a big display of fireworks, but she consoled herself with the thought that she’d missed many other things of greater importance.
She wondered at her lack of dread at telling Bob good-bye. He stood with her at the elevator. “Good-bye, sweetheart. I don’t like leaving you like this, but I always try to keep my promises.” His smile didn’t fool her, and when he gathered her to him in a steel-like grip and pressed his lips to hers, she hugged him, but what she felt was pain, and she didn’t part her lips. To have done so would have been misleading.
“Tell me why you’re wearing that ring, Petra.”
“It isn’t a wedding band, Bob. It’s a memento for something that can never be. I’m not married.”
He gazed at her for a long time. “I could really love you.”
“I know, and I wish it could have been different. Take good care of yourself, and…” The elevator door opened. “Bye,” she whispered and fled into the elevator just as the doors closed. She slumped against the wall, not in despair but in relief that Bob hadn’t tested her integrity, and she hadn’t been tempted to make love with him only because she felt guilty about his feelings for her.
A Different Kind of Blues Page 15