“Let me say just one more thing’” said Hank, “and then I’m done: if a person thinks it is Love, it is; even if that person is in error.”
As Hank turned to walk away with Bonnie, Gwen said, “That doesn’t make sense… You are not leaving are you Hank?”
He looked at Bonnie and said, “No, it’s a bit early for that, we’d just like to see more of our friends and relatives, it’s been ages since we’ve seen most of you. We’ll see you again before the evening is over, I promise.”
As they walked away, Hank turned to Bonnie and said, “Do you remember the first time we met? It was the Fourth of July, nearly forty years ago.”
She smiled and said, “I remember. It was at your father’s garage in Chicago.” She added dreamily, “Funny how Ma’ Dear asked me to go with her, I wasn’t particularly excited about going, but I really did want to get away from Detroit for awhile. I never dreamed I would meet you.”
“Yeh, I guess they set it up pretty well didn’t they: I hadn’t expected to meet you either. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had talked with Dad earlier in the week and he asked if I had planned to do anything special Saturday, the Fourth. I said no, and he said, ‘Why don’t you stop by the garage, we’ll have some of my lip-smacking barbeque.’ I said, ‘I’ll do it.’”
“Actually,” he continued, “I almost didn’t show up that day, but I really didn’t have anything planned. I guess that’s why it was nearly dusk before I arrived. Funny, how I remember nearly every moment that I spent with you.”
“So do I,” Bonnie said, as she squeezed his arm gently and kind of laid her head on his shoulder. “Remember how we went out for a walk that evening,” she continued, “to me, it seemed so in-tune with the mild and lovely summer evening.”
“I remember nearly every moment we spent together as though it was yesterday, and I treasure the memories.” Hank was excited just talking about and remembering the moments. He continued, “What pleased and excited me the most is that you were so easy to talk with. For the first time in my life, I felt totally at ease communicating with a member of the opposite sex on a personal level. As we walked, and I grabbed your hand, it was not as an after-thought, and it was not something expected or unexpected; it just happened, obviously because it was right and it felt absolutely inspirational.”
“Funny, how you are echoing my thoughts,” she said, as they stepped onto the sidewalk after leaving the hotel. “I had never believed in ‘Love at first sight,’ but if there is such a thing, that had to be it. I don’t remember thinking that evening, I just remember feeling. I felt so secure, I felt so at ease, and I felt so… I don’t know, I guess I felt so in-control. No, that’s not it. It’s just that everything seemed so right. Is that what you felt?”
Hank said, “That’s exactly what I felt.” It was as if the nearly four decades that had separated their last encounter had evaporated.
“I knew it, and I know it now,” Bonnie said.
“As I look back on that evening,” Hank reminisced, “I can’t help but wonder why I was so excited; on the other hand, I don’t remember having any sexual urges. I didn’t have an erection, and I didn’t imagine sleeping with you or any of that sexual fantasy-type stuff. I was just so excited about how right it was just being with you. We didn’t even kiss that evening. You remember that?”
“Sure I do,” she countered, “but sex wasn’t appropriate… well, maybe that’s not the right word; then again, maybe it is. All I know is that everything about that evening was perfect.”
Bonnie kept giving his arm gentle squeezes as they walked. She continued, “That evening was the first time I had ever seen you, and I was immensely attracted to you, but like you, I don’t remember feeling any sexual urges either.”
Then she said, as if out of the blue, “Obviously those people are in error.”
Hank looked at her quizzically and said, “Whadaya mean? What people?”
“Well, some people believe that sex is separate from Love and that Love is blind,” she said. “They say sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of Love. Some of them even go as far as to espouse the belief that sex is a physical capacity which functions independently of one’s mind, choice or code of values. They think that a person’s body creates a desire and makes a choice for him or her.”
She added, “I guess a good example of that kind of thinking is the rapist who says, ‘I couldn’t help myself, she shouldn’t have been wearing that skimpy outfit.’”
Hank smiled and said, “If you are trying to confuse me, you succeeded. I have no idea what you are talking about.”
She looked at Hank and said, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to confuse you. It’s just that right now I feel so mellow and so close to you. To be perfectly honest, right this minute I’m thinking about sex.” She immediately added, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”
“Seems like I’m the one that should be saying that,” he responded, “but never you mind, right this minute I am feeling so good and so relaxed that I feel like I’ve come home, that the world is right, and that you are exactly where you belong -- at my side. I feel so good!
“As for sex,” he continued, “I’m sure you know how I feel about that; however, I don’t particularly enjoy talking about it with others because sex is probably the most personal of any subject under the sun.
“That’s with others,” he added. “On the other hand, you are not ‘others’ -- you were then, and always have been, even before I met you, my Love. As for sex… well, it is not only personal, it is self-indulgent, it is a selfish act designed to engage the emotions to the degree that physical enjoyment is heightened to its limit.”
He continued to talk about sex as they rounded the corner below a flashing neon sign, “In fact, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all physical acts. It is an act that forces a person to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real source of individuality as his standard of value. I guess that’s why some people refuse to share in acts of sex unless they are forced to do so -- a person can become so vulnerable.”
“I was about to ask you what in heaven’s name are you talking about, but first I’ve got a question,” Bonnie smiled as she said it, then she continued, “What do you mean, ‘forced to share in acts of sex?’”
“I’ll answer your questions in reverse order. First of all, I’m talking mumbo jumbo because I’m hyped up and I’m nervous as I can be, and maybe I’m a little bit scared -- I’ll go into that later if you want, but let me answer your question: some people are forced to share in acts of sex because they allow themselves to get placed in a position where their emotions are revved up. Either because of atmosphere, reason, mood, or need, their sex apparatus engages or they feel… well, sassy.”
Bonnie pulled Hank’s head down to her shoulder and as she nibbled on his ear, she said, “I know what you mean. Right now, I feel sassy!
Hank didn’t respond because he didn’t know exactly what to say, nevertheless, Bonnie did not let up.
She added, “Do you remember the times we met in Detroit?”
Hank said, “I remember all five times we met. We met two times in Chicago, and three times in Detroit. As I recall, I obtained your phone number that first evening in Chicago and for the next weeks we were constantly on the phone talking with each other. I had never before, nor have I since, communicated with another person, male or female, that seemed to be so attuned to the core of my being.
“I also remember,” he added, “my phone bill for that month was in excess of six hundred dollars.
“As for Detroit,” he continued to reminisce, “that first meeting was really something… I remember getting directions from you on how to get to your girlfriend’s apartment, and how I wound around those unfamiliar streets and had to call you to talk me through the last few miles.”
“Yes, I guess the directions left something to be desired…” she said.
Hank
quickly said, “No, no, that wasn’t it at all. The directions were fine, but when you gave them to me I was trying to write so fast that I didn’t transcribe them exactly as you had given them.
“Anyway,” he continued, “I remember your roommate, Phyllis, was preparing to leave town regarding some work she needed to do. Supposedly, it was relating to her efforts to obtain her Masters degree. I never did understand what that was all about, and anyway, that was not important. What was important and memorable was that she left us alone and we talked late into the night.”
Bonnie quickly commented, “Like you say, ‘that was not important’ at all. The important thing was that we were left alone that evening. That was the plan, and it worked exactly as intended. I didn’t know what was going to happen, I just wanted to have the best possible environment for us to be together.”
The vision was so vivid in Hank’s mind, and he commented, “Your timing and everything associated with that interlude was so perfect… I remember when we decided to retire to bed: I said I hadn’t brought pajamas. Remember that? (She nodded and grinned) And you offered me one of Phyllis’ night gowns… we laughed as I said, ‘thanks, but no thanks.’”
They laughed this time as well, and Hank continued unraveling the memory of that first night in Detroit, “You took me to Phyllis’ bedroom and we gently kissed without an embrace, then you retreated to your bedroom. Do you remember that?”
Bonnie said, “It is as crystal clear as if it were yesterday. I remember how I just laid in bed thinking about you, and how I tossed and turned and stayed totally awake and alive.”
It was as if they were both on the same station, listening to the same tune. Hank said, “Nothing in the world mattered to me at that time but you. I tossed and turned, I didn’t want to spoil things but I just couldn’t force myself to let go of that night. Finally, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had to keep that night alive. I knew that along with my mind, my soul, and my spirit, I had to add your physical being to the mix. I had to physically touch you.”
Bonnie added, “My dearest, I have never wanted anything more than I wanted you to come to me that night. Nothing else mattered, and after what seemed like an eternity, you came to my door and pushed it open, I thought I would burst with anticipation.”
“I can see it all so clearly,” Hank said, and then added, “If I could name one moment in my life that is the most memorable and the most satisfying, that night in Detroit would have to be it.”
It was as if they both were immersed in the same dream. Bonnie said, “As you approached the bed, my arms just seemed to have a mind of their own and I reached out for you. We didn’t say anything, I guess there was nothing to say; we simply embraced. I felt so… I felt so… it’s difficult to describe, but one thing is for sure: never before and never since have I matched that feeling.”
“I know exactly what you felt,” Hank said, “because I felt the same thing at the same time, and that is probably the premier thing that made it so special. I don’t know how long we embraced, but I do know that I wanted to taste all of you forever.”
They had walked quite a distance from the hotel and though the evening was very similar to the Fourth of July, nearly four decades ago, the temperature was a mite bit cooler; nevertheless, they briefly sat on a park bench and continued reminiscing.
Bonnie continued where Hank had left off. “…Yes, and your tasting provided me with very pleasant sensations, to say the least. In fact, I was beside myself, because no one had ever moved me like you did, before… nor since, I might add.”
Their eyes met and they both smiled as Hank said, “I guess that’s another unique action we share, because I had never done some of those things before with anyone else, nor have I since. I wasn’t trying to be unique, I knew our emotions were a matched set, I just wanted to touch you in very special ways that would cause you to feel as good physically as I was feeling.”
Hank continued reminiscing, “Your legs were so velvety smooth and your skin was so soft, I just wanted to continue touching you and kissing you all over. And as I kissed your innermost sexual delights, I felt you quiver and shake.”
“That’s true, I really did quiver and shake, but what made the entire scene so very special,” Bonnie added, “is that you were so strong and so in-control, but at the same time you were incredibly gentle and … and… sweet. That’s the only way I can describe those feelings. And your hands!! Did you know you have electricity in your hands?”
Hank said, “I don’t know how true that is, but what I do know is that whatever electricity I may have had in my hands, in my lips, in my eyes, in my soul, was totally occupied with sharing the total me with the total you. After kissing your entire body, I felt absolutely enthralled with the smell, the taste, the touch and the sight of you.”
Bonnie completed the thought when she said, “I remember that, and when we joined with each other, it was like the most complete union any human being can ever imagine enjoying.”
Hank acknowledged her comment by saying, “You said that before, but right now you are trembling and I’m sure it has nothing to do with my electric hands. You are chilled aren’t you?”
Bonnie said, “I am downright cold. It seems like it came upon me all of a sudden. Do you think we might hail a cab?”
As a safety precaution, and for added security, Hank had thought it might be useful to take his wireless phone with him, and he was right. He said, “I brought my phone with me, let’s see if we can contact the hotel and get them to send a limo to pick us up.”
The hotel was gracious as always, and the limo wasted no time in picking them up and transporting them back to the hotel.
In the limo on the way back to the hotel, they just snuggled and cuddled with each other and tried to warm up. Bonnie was the first to speak as she said, “Hank, I don’t know why you never contacted me after my second visit to Chicago that summer, but I never stopped loving you.”
Hank was anxious to talk about that, but he wanted to have the proper timing to do so. He said, “Bonnie, there is nothing I would like better than to talk about what happened because I have never ever loved a woman the way I Love you, and I did try feebly to contact you. There was so much going on in my life at that time that I just didn’t think it out properly.”
As the limo arrived at the hotel Hank added, “There is one key incident that happened that changed the whole thing. I’ll tell you about it when we get settled.”
Once they had arrived back at the hotel and the limo had departed they talked about what to do: should they return to the festivities or should they do something else. They decided that since they had promised to return to the festivities they would do that. However, they also agreed that they would remain there half-hour to an hour at the most.
Chapter Five
First Time I Saw Your Face
When they entered the hotel ballroom they immediately found the group in which Gwen and Bettye Jean were a part. The group was in a heated debate about the theme of the evening -- “Love”.
Aunt Charlotte was hot at it, she was in mid form and hot as a firecracker, “…Well, my goodness, any sex maniac would agree with that! Ask Harry.” She smiled and looked over at Harry, who was dozing, and said, “Sorry, Harry.”
Then she continued, “Obviously, it is true that sex is self enjoyment; however, it is also conditional. The condition is that for one to enjoy it wholly and consistently, it must be in response to value, because one’s physical capacity and desire does not function independently of one’s mind, choice, or code of values.”
Uncle Hazel interrupted her and said, “You keep talking about code of values and choices. As far as I’m concerned, sex doesn’t have anything to do with codes or values or anything else. When I see a woman with pretty legs and a pretty ass, and she acts like she might be easy, I have to admit, I get a hard on. I don’t be thinking about values or codes, or anything else; all I be thinking about is sex. Period.”
Aunt Charlotte ch
arged forth with zeal and said, “Well, let me ask you a question, my dear Hazel: if you saw a woman with pretty legs and pretty hips, and she appeared to be ‘easy’ as you say… but she was an avowed and complete lesbian, would that make a difference to you?”
Uncle Hazel looked kind of bewildered and said, “I don’t like lesbians.”
Aunt Charlotte retorted, “Why not, Hazel, if they meet your criteria of ‘pretty legs, pretty hips, and easy,’ why not?”
Uncle Hazel said, “Well, she would have to have a pretty face too.”
“Ok,” said Aunt Charlotte, “let’s say she has pretty legs, pretty hips, and a pretty face; in fact, let’s say she also has perfect boobs like you like, plus she is easy.”
“But you said she is a lesbian. I told you, I don’t like lesbians.” Uncle Hazel appeared to be somewhat upset.
“But what if you didn’t know she was a lesbian, Hazel, what then?” Aunt Charlotte chided.
“Well now that’s different.” said Uncle Hazel, “I’d probably be on her like white on rice… of course at my age… In my youth she wouldn’t stand a chance, even if she was a lesbian.”
“The point I’m trying to make my dear Hazel,” said Aunt Charlotte, “is that a person’s body will always follow the ultimate logic of his deepest convictions. Sex, when cut off from one’s code of values, is a person’s foolish attempt to cut the strings of reality. In other words, sex is a physical expression of a tribute to personal values. Without that, it becomes a fool’s self-fraud.”
Uncle Hazel abruptly asked, “What do you mean, ‘a fool’s self-fraud?’”
“I mean, my dear, any person that enjoys sex simply for the sake of sex is putting the cart ahead of the horse. He thinks the joy of sex is generated simply by pleasant feelings hosted by the act of sex itself, independent of his mind or his values. Then when he finds the value he is seeking is deficient in the one he is with, he looks for a replacement in a hurry. That’s what I mean.”
End of the Rainbow : There Lies the Portrait of My Love Page 3