by Janice Lynn
For him, that meant a career bump. For her, he’d thought she’d marry someone who could give her the life she dreamed of and raise a family. She was pregnant. He’d ruined everything for her, stolen her dreams.
His life’s legacy. Dream-stealer.
He swallowed, trying to clear the lump in his throat. “I’m as much to blame for your circumstances as you are. It wouldn’t be right for you to face this alone.”
But, even as he said the words, he acknowledged that she would be alone because he’d be in Nashville, and that was right where he needed to be.
CHAPTER SIX
CHARLIE HAD WANTED her ultrasound information, but hadn’t said he’d be at the appointment. Since he’d asked for the details, Savannah kept glancing up from her magazine toward the entrance to the radiology department waiting area every few seconds, thinking he’d show.
He hadn’t.
Of course he hadn’t.
Today was his last day working at the hospital. There was a going away party for him this afternoon in the break room. Hadn’t she purposely chosen to take today off for her ultrasound appointment so she could miss the goodbye Charlie to-do?
She’d said her own goodbye the night before. That was the only excuse she could come up with for why she’d had sex with him. That and the fact her body craved him. Apparently, immensely disliking him didn’t make a hill of beans’ difference to how her body responded to his.
A pity, really. Maybe goodbye would have been easier had the sex been horrible. Maybe that was what she’d hoped. If so, no such luck. If anything, he’d brought her even higher than she recalled. Must be pregnancy hormones.
The ultrasound tech poked her head out a doorway and called Savannah’s name. She set the magazine she’d been idly glancing through down in the seat next to her, then followed the woman back to the ultrasound room.
The tech gave her instructions to change into the hospital gown, then to lie back on the examination table. When Savannah had changed and was on the table, the woman came back into the room and gave a quick rundown of what to expect.
“Nothing will hurt, but the transvaginal view may be a little uncomfortable. I’ll be as gentle as possible.”
Savannah nodded.
“The conducing gel may be a little cold. Sorry.”
Savannah didn’t care. She couldn’t take her eyes off the computer monitor as images began to appear. She’d seen ultrasounds during nursing school, had helped in labor and delivery during that rotation, but this was different. This was her baby. At first she wasn’t able to distinguish features, but then images became recognizable.
A head. A body. Two arms. Two hands. Fingers. Legs. Toes. With the way the baby was turned she couldn’t tell if the gender was a boy or a girl, but it didn’t matter, just that she was looking at her baby.
“Is everything all right?” she asked as the woman marked the dimensions of the baby’s head, length, and then zoomed in on a rapidly beating little heart.
Savannah’s own heart beat like crazy at what she was seeing. That was her precious baby’s heart. Love filled her. She’d thought her heart already overflowed with love for this baby, but seeing the image of her child made it all so much more real. She couldn’t imagine how her heart was going to hold so much love when she actually got to hold her baby.
A knock sounded on the door and both Savannah and the ultrasound tech turned as the receptionist poked her head in, clearly guarding the door.
“Dr. Keele is here and insists he’s supposed to be present for this. Is it okay if I let him in?”
Relief that he’d shown flooding her, for their baby’s sake, Savannah nodded and the woman said something to someone behind her.
In seconds Charlie was in the room, his gaze fixed first on her, then the monitor screen.
“Sorry I’m late. I did an ablation on Mrs. Barton this morning and got held up later than intended.” He spoke to her but his eyes were on the screen, studying every detail of the image the woman had zoomed into.
“Is she okay?” Savannah asked, searching his face for some sign of what he thought of their baby.
“Considering her level of heart failure, she’s doing great. I hope to get her scheduled for the LVAD next week.”
“That’s fabulous.”
“What’s fabulous is that healthy little heart,” he said, studying the screen.
“Everything looks good?” she asked him rather than the tech.
“I can’t say much as to anything other than the heart, but that’s a beauty of a heart. Must take after his mother.”
“His?” the tech asked. “Do you want to know the sex of the baby today?”
“Yes,” Savannah said at the same time as Charlie said, “No.”
He corrected himself. “Whatever Savannah wants is fine.”
“Well, normally I wouldn’t be able to tell you at twelve weeks, but you’re actually closer to fourteen so I can confirm it with more certainty. I can write it down and she can look later if you don’t want to know?”
“I...” He hesitated. “That would be fine.”
Savannah frowned. He didn’t want to know if their baby was a boy or a girl? How could he stand not knowing? How could he not be looking overjoyed at the precious image on the screen?
The ultrasound tech went through pointing out different features on the ultrasound, then printed pictures for both Savannah and a separate one for Charlie.
He held the photo loosely in his hand as if he wasn’t quite sure what to do with it.
“Here—” the tech handed her a piece of paper “—I wrote the sex of your baby on this. You can look at it whenever you decide you’re ready to know.”
“Thank you.”
“No, thank you,” the tech countered. “I love my job and watching new parents see their baby for the first time.”
“Thank you,” Savannah told the tech again as the woman popped out the disk and handed it to her.
“This has a video clip and all the photos on it. Enjoy your baby’s first pictures.”
Her baby’s first pictures.
Savannah glanced at the image in her hand and knew she’d never seen anything more precious.
* * *
Charlie thought he might pass out.
Which was saying a lot. He stood for hours on end doing intricate heart surgeries and had no issues. Seeing a 3D image of a three-month-old fetus should not have him shaking.
Yet he was.
Because the baby was his responsibility.
What he’d once been to his father.
Only when he glanced at the photo he couldn’t find the hatred his father had felt. Nor the resentment his mother had felt. He couldn’t find anything except a deep ache inside.
He was going to be a father.
He’d gotten Savannah pregnant.
He was leaving this evening to move two hours away. Savannah and his baby would be here, in Chattanooga.
That was for the best.
He’d lived the other option and it had been hell.
But seeing his baby, seeing Savannah’s excitement at every image, got to him, because that was something he didn’t have, would never have.
Something he couldn’t let himself have because he couldn’t risk doing to her what his father had done to their family.
Maybe his father had even felt torn at the beginning, had thought he was doing the right thing when he’d married Charlie’s mother. Maybe they’d been happy to begin with. Maybe.
All Charlie could recall were the fights and the tears.
The bitterness and resentment.
The agony that had been his mother’s life.
The misery that had been his life, his father’s life.
The tragic end to his moth
er’s life.
His teeth clenched. He wanted no part of it.
Not for Savannah.
Not for their baby.
Not for himself.
He didn’t want to be like his father, didn’t want Savannah to be like his mother. He glanced at the photo he held. He wanted better for his baby than what he’d had.
The sudden need to do something overwhelmed him.
“Thank you for this,” he told the tech. He nodded to Savannah without meeting her eyes, then left the room.
He heard Savannah apologize to the tech for his abrupt behavior, explaining he had to get back to work.
A memory from the past slammed into him.
A memory of his mother making excuses for his father’s abrupt behavior. To him. To neighbors. To his school teachers.
Funny, he’d forgotten that during his younger days his mother would try to explain away his father’s lack of affection, explain away why he was gone more than he was home. Before the end she’d quit making excuses. For his father and for herself.
Now, Savannah was pregnant and making excuses for him.
Already it had started.
He was following in his father’s footsteps whether he wanted to or not.
Which was why he folded up the photo and slid it into his pocket. He couldn’t look at it anymore. He couldn’t be involved because that life in Savannah’s belly would be a helluva lot better off without Charlie in it.
That much he knew.
He’d set up some type of trust for the baby, for Savannah, to help with financial needs, and he’d stay away.
Maybe Nashville wasn’t far enough to keep him away from what he was leaving in Chattanooga.
The only thing strong enough to keep him away was the past.
* * *
“He left, knowing you were pregnant? I mean, I know he left last month,” Chrissie corrected herself, waving her spoon around as she talked. “But he knew you were pregnant and he still left?” Her friend shook her head in disbelief. “How could he do that? I didn’t understand before and I sure don’t now that I know he knows you are pregnant.”
They sat at the small four-person dining room table and kept their voices low as Joss was curled up asleep on the sofa.
Savannah shrugged. “I didn’t want him to stay. Not because I’m pregnant. Not at all. Not anymore.”
Savannah forced herself to take a bite of the vegetable beef stew she’d put in her crock pot that morning, prior to leaving for her twelve-hour shift. The stew might have been the best thing she’d ever stuck in her mouth. Savannah wouldn’t know. Nothing had much taste these days, but at least most of her “morning” sickness had passed and she’d eat fairly healthy for a few nights on the stew. Chrissie had jumped at the chance to sit and talk with Savannah as, for the most part, Savannah had shut her friends and family out for the last month. She’d moped around long enough, and had decided it was time to get back to living life, back to feeling like herself. She was strong. She didn’t need a man. She had this.
She’d invited her friend over to eat and have a girls’ powwow. She’d told Chrissie earlier in the month that she was pregnant, had told everyone at work earlier that day. She hadn’t necessarily been ready to face the knowing eyes of her coworkers, but she’d caught more than one coworker staring at her midsection as if trying to decide if she was or wasn’t, despite her attempts at hiding her pregnancy beneath her scrubs. The first three months had been easy to conceal her barely-there belly. But, over the past month, her tummy had blossomed.
Other than a few expressions of, “Oh, honey!”, everyone had been supportive. Even the Oh, honey!s had hugged her and said they’d help any way they could. She’d faked a big smile and told everyone how happy she was at the prospect of being a mother.
She shouldn’t have had to fake that smile.
She was happy about being a mother. At times, she was over the moon at the thought of being a mother. At others, she wanted to crawl into the fetal position and cry.
Darn Charlie for stealing her joy.
Darn her for allowing him to steal her joy.
Darn him for leaving her.
Darn her for caring.
“We’re better off without him.” She rubbed her stomach, and felt the tiny movements she’d been feeling for the past few days. At first she hadn’t been positive if the tiny flutters were the baby or her body. Now, there was no doubt when she felt the little movements. Her baby was growing and she should be ecstatic. Instead, the first time she’d been positive of what she’d been feeling, she’d called her mother and described the feelings, described her joy, then burst into tears that she couldn’t stop. Thirty minutes later her worried mother had shown up on her doorstep and ended up staying the night. Pathetic.
Not how her mother had raised her. After her father had died, Sally had struggled to make ends meet. She’d been a stay-at-home mom, but Savannah’s father hadn’t planned on dying so young and hadn’t had life insurance. He’d left his family rich in love, but otherwise poor. Determined that Savannah would never be caught in a similar situation, Sally had raised Savannah to think for herself, to be able to take care of herself financially, to be strong and independent.
No doubt she’d disappointed her mother.
“I don’t need him.” She didn’t. She might have had a weak moment or two, but that didn’t mean she needed Charlie. She would raise her baby and she’d do a fantastic job.
Leaning back against her dining room chair, Chrissie frowned. “What is wrong with that man? How could he just leave like that? A blind fool could see that he’s crazy about you.”
Spooning another bite of stew, Savannah shook her head. She’d thought the same thing, once upon a time. She’d gotten over that foolishness. “That was just sex.”
Chrissie didn’t look convinced. “I sure didn’t think that’s all it was.”
“Welcome to the club.” She wrapped her lips around the spoon and slowly pulled it from her mouth, then sighed.
“Now you do?”
“He’s gone and I’ve not heard from him since he left. Of course it’s what I think.”
Chrissie took a drink of her soda. “I’m not sure what to tell you, except I’ve never seen a man more besotted than he was for you.”
“Sexual attraction,” she reminded.
“Then I envied you sexual attraction, because it was palpable every time he looked at you or said your name. You walked into a room and he couldn’t take his eyes off you.” Chrissie shook her dark head in denial. “I just can’t believe he left you. Especially knowing you’re pregnant.”
“Believe.” Any sliver of hope she’d had had been crushed when he’d walked out of the ultrasound room without a backward glance. Literally and figuratively. He’d been gone a month and she’d not heard from him. Not even a text to say, Hi, how are you? How’s pregnant life? Nothing.
Because he was gone.
Gone and wanted her to know he was gone for good.
Fine. Let him stay gone. She had her family, her friends, and her precious baby. She’d ended up flushing the folded paper with the baby’s gender written on it, deciding that she wanted to wait. The baby’s sex didn’t matter. Either way, Savannah was going to love this baby so much that it wouldn’t matter that his or her dad wasn’t there.
She did love this baby that much. More.
“Honestly, since he never planned to stay in Chattanooga, I’m glad he’s gone. The longer he stayed the more difficult letting go would have been.” Not that she could imagine it having hurt any more than it had, but still.
“Maybe he had to leave for some secret CIA mission or something that he wasn’t allowed to tell you.”
“Hah,” Savannah scoffed at her friend’s outlandish suggestion. “Nice try, but let’s face it. Charl
ie was a jerk and, as far as I’m concerned, good riddance.”
A knock on her apartment door had both women looking at each other and Savannah scooting back her chair in hopes the noise didn’t disturb Joss.
“You expecting someone?”
“No.” She wasn’t. She glanced through the peephole and saw a fiftyish-looking man in a business suit carrying a large legal-sized manila envelope.
“Fancy-looking salesman,” she muttered to her friend, then called, “Who is it?” through the doorway.
“Kinda late for a salesman,” Chrissie muttered from where she still sat at the dining table.
“George Peterson,” the man answered. “I’m here on behalf of Dr. Charlie Keele.”
On behalf of? Had something happened to Charlie?
Without another thought, she undid her safety chain and flung the door open. “Is Charlie okay?”
The man looked startled at her question. “He’s fine.”
She sighed in relief, tension letting loose of her neck and shoulders. “Then who are you and why are you here?”
He held out the envelope. “I’m an attorney. Dr. Keele hired me to conduct some business transactions for him and to personally deliver this to you. Everything has been recorded at the court house and this is your copy.”
“My copy?” She knew she probably sounded crazy, but she had no clue what he was talking about. What had been recorded at the court house?
Then it hit her.
A lawyer representing Charlie.
Legal-sized papers recorded at the court house.
Her heart squeezed so tightly it skipped a beat.
Charlie was going for custody.
She gritted her teeth together, then shook her head. “I don’t want those.”
The lawyer looked even more startled. “Dr. Keele has been very generous.”