by Janice Lynn
“Because you love him,” Chrissie said matter-of-factly. “When he comes home, remind yourself of that, remind him of that.”
Savannah frowned. “I’m not telling him anything of the sort.” She sure wasn’t reminding herself of something that wasn’t even true. She didn’t still love him. She didn’t. She couldn’t. Wouldn’t.
“Don’t tell him,” Chrissie smugly suggested. “Show him.”
CHAPTER TEN
CHARLIE’S DAY HAD been busy. He liked busy days. Normally. Today, he’d just wanted to go to the apartment he called home.
Not that the place had felt much like home. It hadn’t. Maybe because he’d bought the place in Chattanooga and grown so comfortable there. It had been a great house, a great yard, a great neighborhood. A place for settling down and staying forever.
Not that he’d ever meant to do that. He hadn’t. He’d bought it as an investment. The place had been marked way below market value for a quick sale due to a bank foreclosure.
The house would be a home, would have love and happiness inside it. With Savannah and their son or daughter.
He closed his eyes and tried to imagine him in the house with them and couldn’t. He wasn’t destined for such happiness.
But Savannah was and he’d do what he could to make sure she and their child had all their physical needs met.
His child would grow up with a loving mother, with a peaceful home, with lots of love and happiness. It was the best gift he could give.
The gift he would give.
“Dr. Keele, there’s a hot load coming in. You’re needed in the heart lab.” The nurse filled him in on the patient’s details. “Dr. Sansbury and Dr. Louwitz are both already tied up. That leaves you on call this evening.”
Glancing at his watch, he nodded. “Thanks. I’ll head that way and get scrubbed up.”
He didn’t want to go to the cath. lab or anywhere that had anything to do with his career. He wanted to go to his apartment.
He wanted to go to where Savannah was.
Home.
No. Savannah wasn’t home. He couldn’t do that to her. He just couldn’t. Not now or ever. Having her at his apartment made him forget things he needed to remember. Savannah deserved better than someone like him and it was time he reminded her of that.
* * *
“He’s not going to come home after all,” Savannah mused to her friend.
“Sure he is. You said he texted that he got a call about a procedure.”
He had texted that he’d gotten called into doing an emergency cath. But that had been hours and hours ago.
“It’s after eight.”
“He’ll be home.”
On cue, the apartment door rattled with Charlie’s key.
Both women glanced up. Savannah lay on the sofa and Chrissie sat with a sleeping Joss against her chest. The little boy had given up about twenty minutes before and dozed off.
“Sorry I’m late,” Charlie said to no one in particular as he came into the apartment.
“It’s not a problem,” Chrissie assured him.
Savannah didn’t say anything. What could she say? She was a guest in his home and he’d gotten tied up at work. Despite her whining to Chrissie, she had no rights here.
“He’s asleep?” Charlie asked, gesturing to the little boy.
“We wore him out today playing.”
“That’s good.”
When Chrissie went to stand, still holding her son, Charlie came over to her. “Can I help you?”
Chrissie shook her head. “Nope. I’m leaving his bag and things here for in the morning. I’ve got extras at the hotel.”
“I hate that you are staying at a hotel. Are you sure you don’t want to just stay?” Savannah offered, thinking she probably shouldn’t be inviting someone to stay at an apartment that wasn’t hers. Her anxiety over being alone with Charlie was enough that she did so without hesitation, though.
Charlie didn’t say anything, just waited for Chrissie to respond.
“No, I’m good and like my time with this little guy. I will see you in the morning.” Chrissie made a puckered lip face toward Savannah, blowing a kiss without using her hands as they were full of her son. “I will let you hand me my purse.”
Charlie glanced toward where she gestured, then grabbed the pocketbook. “You’re sure there’s nothing else I can do?”
“Maybe get the doors for me to make it easier, but, regardless, I can do this. We single moms get good at these kinds of things.”
As Charlie first opened the apartment door and then her car door so she could put the child in his car seat, it struck him that Savannah would be a single mom. She’d have to maneuver their child from one place to another without help.
Because he wouldn’t be there.
He winced at the thought and reminded himself of all the reasons why he’d moved to Nashville to begin with.
Chrissie snapped Joss’s seat, checked to make sure the connection was secure, then she straightened, turned to Charlie.
“Be nice to her.”
Charlie frowned. “Do you think I need to be told to be nice?”
“Do you?” she asked, giving him a look that said she thought he did. “She’s been through a lot and I don’t just mean the wreck.”
“Me?”
Still standing by Joss’s open car door, Chrissie shrugged. “You hurt her pretty bad.”
“That was never my intention.”
She nodded. “I believe that, which is why I still like you. Just make sure you don’t hurt her more.”
“You think she shouldn’t be here? That I shouldn’t be taking care of her right now?”
“That depends.”
“On?”
“On what your intentions are.”
“I have no intentions.” He didn’t, except to make sure she didn’t live the life his mother had lived.
Chrissie studied him in the dim light of the parking lot. “If you truly mean that, then you shouldn’t be taking care of her. You should have stayed away. Maybe you should ask yourself why you didn’t.”
Charlie wanted to ask what she meant, but Chrissie just walked around the car and opened the driver’s side door.
“I’ll see you in the morning. Oh, and by the way, I don’t believe you on the ‘no intentions’ comment.”
With that she closed the door and drove away.
“Did she get off okay?” Savannah asked when Charlie came back into his apartment.
“She did.” He sat down in the chair Chrissie had vacated minutes before and stared at the woman propped up on his sofa.
“Long day?” she asked, studying him as closely as he was studying her.
“It was.” Too long. “I’m sorry I was late.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” she advised. “You owe me nothing.”
“Perhaps I do.”
“What do you mean?”
He raked his fingers through his hair. “Ignore me. I’m tired and talking out of my head.”
“Have you eaten? Chrissie made a casserole. It’s in the kitchen if you’re hungry.”
He hadn’t eaten. His stomach seemed to suddenly remember that and growled. “Casserole sounds fabulous. I’m starved.”
“Did you eat lunch?”
He thought back and couldn’t recall eating.
When he didn’t answer, Savannah shook her head. “No wonder you’ve lost weight.”
“A few pounds.”
“You didn’t need to lose weight. You were perfect as you were.” Realizing what she’d said, she backtracked. “I mean...you know what I mean.”
He gave a tired smile. “I do, and thank you. How’s the pain tonight?”
She s
hrugged. “Bearable.”
“I admire your resolve to not take anything for the baby’s sake.”
“It’s not worth the risk.”
“I hate to see you suffer.”
“I’m okay.” She was. Or at least she would be. Eventually. Her leg, that was. When she looked at Charlie she wasn’t so sure about other areas. Perhaps when you’d loved as deeply as she’d loved Charlie you never really healed.
After he’d eaten, he asked, “You want to watch a movie?”
Surprised at his suggestion, Savannah glanced up. “A movie?”
“I could rent something online for us to watch.”
“If that’s what you want to do.”
She’d obviously not hidden her reluctance because he asked, “You don’t?”
She laughed a little lamely. “I’m just sitting here with this leg propped up following doctor’s orders. Whatever you want to do is fine.”
“We could do something else if you’d like,” he offered; being that thoughtful guy again was making it so difficult to remember that he’d walked away from her so coldly. Walls began slamming up all around her and she shook them off. No, she wasn’t going to shut him out. Tonight she’d just pretend that all the negative hadn’t happened. She’d not question her motives too closely and she’d just do her best to relax and rejoice that she was alive, that her baby was alive, that she was with a man who once upon a time had made her feel like the luckiest woman in the world and that, for better or worse, she was going to have a baby with him.
She named a card game they’d played numerous times in the past, sometimes just the two of them, sometimes with friends.
He looked surprised. “You want to play cards?”
She nodded. She would rather play cards than watch a movie. Playing a game, she wouldn’t have to try to think of anything to say and yet they would talk. After all, if she was going to be here for a few more days, they needed some sort of truce.
“Yes, I’d like to play cards.” She smiled what was her first real smile at him for months. “I like beating you.”
Surprise flitted across his face and his brow arched. “You don’t beat me at cards.”
Good eyebrow arched, she tsked. “I might have been the one with a concussion, but it’s your memory failing. I always win when we play cards.”
He studied her a moment, his eyes intense in their darkness, his expression just as deep. Then his features softened and the corner of his mouth inched upward. “Right. You do.” His smile came on full force. “When you’re my partner.”
Savannah’s breath caught in her chest and she was grateful the pulse oximeter monitor was no longer monitoring her because the alarm bell would be sounding. Breathe, Savannah, breathe.
“Ooh, that was sneaky,” she chided, her gaze not leaving his. “And not true.”
“We’ll see.” His smile fell. “Or we would, except I don’t have any cards here.”
“Good thing for you I do.” She reached into the bag that Chrissie had brought her. Inside were romance novels, puzzle books, an adult coloring book and pencils, cards, a learn-to-knit kit, and several other occupy-her-time-while-recuperating items her friend had given her. She pulled out the card box and waved it in front of her. “Because I’m awesome that way.”
His lips curved in a smile and he looked more relaxed while awake than she’d seen him in months. “Yeah, you are awesome that way, but you are still going to lose.”
Nope. He was wrong. Whether she toppled him in cards or not, she had won. Because he was kneeling down to sit on the floor on the opposite side of the coffee table and they were smiling at each other. That definitely made her feel like the winner.
She just wasn’t sure why she felt that way.
* * *
Chrissie’s time was up and she wouldn’t be coming back to stay with Savannah. Which was just as well. Savannah felt able to take care of herself, despite the way Charlie treated her as if she were a fragile invalid.
Yes, she still hobbled around and looked like someone had beat her with a stick, but she felt stronger each day.
Plus, it was Friday and her baby had gotten in another week without being born. Every day was so critical. Plus, with each passing day the odds of going into premature labor decreased.
“I brought Chinese,” Charlie announced, entering the apartment with a plastic bag full of food. “I hope that’s okay.”
“I told you in my text that Chinese was fine,” she reminded him. She’d be glad when he quit being so accommodating. Accommodating Charlie was too much like Pre-Leaving for Nashville Charlie, and it was too easy to forget they were no longer a couple.
“Yeah, but I thought you might have changed your mind.”
“About Chinese?” She frowned. “Never.”
“I’m glad your appetite is back. I wasn’t the only one who’d lost weight.”
“I hadn’t lost weight. It was just distributed a little differently.”
“Even naked I didn’t immediately realize,” he mused.
She gave him a duh look. “That’s because you were naked and distracted.”
“True, but I can’t believe I didn’t straight away notice.”
“I was only three months pregnant, barely showing, and even I forgot I was pregnant,” she admitted, a bit stunned that she was doing so. “I’d never have kissed you or let you take me to the bedroom if I’d been thinking clearly.”
His expression tightened and she realized what she’d said and went to clarify.
“It wasn’t that I didn’t want you, Charlie. I did.” She still did, but she’d keep that to herself. “I just wouldn’t have chosen for you to find out I was pregnant that way.”
His expression remained terse. “Sometimes I wonder if you wanted me to find out at all.”
She understood why he felt that way. She’d known two months without telling him. Two months when she’d agonized back and forth and came to the same conclusion. How could she tell him prior to his move without him thinking that she was trying to force him to stay? So, right or wrong, she’d kept her news to herself. “I would have told you. Doing otherwise was never a real option. I just thought it best if I waited until you were settled in your new life.”
He leaned back against the sofa, closed his eyes, and seemed to take in what she was saying. “I’m sorry, Savannah.”
Her throat tightened. “For?”
He half shrugged. “Putting you in this situation.”
“Again—” she searched for the right words “—it’s not how I would have chosen and certainly wasn’t intentional, but I always wanted children. Our baby is a blessing. At least, that’s how I see it.”
The skin pulled tight over his cheekbones and if she didn’t know better she’d swear his eyes looked glassy.
“Not everyone thinks that way.”
His words stung deep. No, she imagined he didn’t think that way. This pregnancy was a major inconvenience to him.
She was a major inconvenience to him.
Which she hated. She just wanted to go home. If it weren’t for the baby, she would beg Chrissie to come get her.
Something that should be so beautiful, so wonderful, wasn’t. Not to him. She refused to let him keep stealing her joy at becoming a mother. He didn’t want to be a part of her and the baby’s life. Fine. “I don’t expect anything from you.”
She didn’t want anything from him. Sure, she wanted her baby to have a father’s love, but if he couldn’t give that, then so be it. She’d love their baby enough for the both of them.
Charlie sucked in a deep breath. “It’s the expectations I have of myself that are the problem.”
Trying to calm the anger surging through her, she took a deep breath. “What are your expectations of your role with our child?”
<
br /> He closed his eyes and shook his head back and forth. “Financially, I’ll take care of you and the baby.”
She let what he’d said sink in. “I don’t want your money.”
“It would be unfair on you not to give our child the advantages I can provide.”
“You gave me your house, Charlie. That wasn’t necessary.”
“To me, it was. I don’t want you to worry about where you raise our child.”
Where she raised their child.
“I can give our baby everything he or she needs,” she assured him, daring him to claim otherwise. Chrissie did it, and did it well. She could, too.
Charlie shook his head. “I will help you financially, but otherwise it would be best if I stay out of the picture as much as possible.”
A vice gripped her heart and squeezed it dry. Money. That was what he was offering their child. Not fatherly love. Not to be there to see a first smile, hear a first word, witness a first step. Money.
Disgust filled her.
“Best for who? Our baby? How is it best for a child not to know his or her father?”
His face was ashen, his eyes hollow pits of pain that poked holes in her anger. “Not all fathers are worth knowing.”
What he said sank in and she realized how little she truly knew of his childhood. He didn’t talk about his parents. Never. She knew they’d both passed on but, other than that, nothing. “Was your father not a good father?”
His lips twisted wryly and he shook his head. “Not on his best day.”
“I’m sorry.”
His shoulders lifted, fell in a half-hearted shrug. “It’s no big deal.”
But obviously it was and she wanted to ask more, to know more, to understand him, but he seemed done with their too emotional conversation. He stood from the chair and picked up the empty food containers.
“You need anything?”
She shook her head and watched him disappear into the kitchen, knowing he wasn’t capable of giving her what she needed.
* * *
Savannah was getting around better and better. Charlie didn’t doubt that her specialists would soon release her to go back to Chattanooga. Perhaps they even would today at her appointments. Currently, they sat in Dr. Trenton’s office, waiting for him to recheck her leg.