‘Oof!’ I say, with the force of her. ‘What a great welcome! You’ll make Natalie jealous!’
‘That’s OK! One for Natalie too!’ she says, jumping over to Natalie and giving her a big squeeze. ‘Mmm, you smell like perfume. Mum smells like bins,’ she says, chuckling to herself as she runs upstairs to tell Kath we’re home. It’s not like her not to be in the kitchen or the lounge.
‘Oo-ooo, had a good day?’ I say, popping my head round her bedroom door. I’m startled to find her lying down on the bed fully dressed. She’s usually such a doer, always cooking or crafting or playing, not sleeping. ‘Are you OK? Are you ill?’ I ask, panicked.
‘No, I’m OK, lovey, just a bit worn out,’ she says wearily. ‘Maybe overdid it with all the walking,’ she adds.
Kath’s used to a lot of activity; she and Colin have regular walking weekends and she’s enjoyed all of those, but maybe the mixture of that and the heat and having Lyla has been too much. I feel guilty for overburdening her.
‘Have you eaten? Shall I make you a cup of tea or something?’ I say, still feeling a bit unnerved to see her so still and quiet.
‘I’m all right, my love. Just pull the door to and I’ll have a little rest.’
‘OK. Well, I’m nearby if you want anything. Love you lots,’ I say quietly as I pull the door shut and hear her say, ‘Love you too’ as I do.
‘Is Kath poorly?’ Lyla asks from behind me, looking worried.
‘No, not at all! She’s just pooped from a big day out with you! Why don’t we go into the kitchen, make something yummy to eat and you can tell me all about your day? Let me just message Edward and I’ll be straight down.’ I inhale slowly as I pull my phone out.
Kath isn’t well, she’s lying on her bed and being a bit weird and quiet. I don’t feel OK asking her to babysit tonight, and it’s crossing the line to ask Natalie or Martin so I’ll have to cancel. I’m so sorry. I wanted to come over so much. Wahhh xxx
All potential sexy vibes over. Typical.
Shall I come to you? And then come in you? ;) xxx
Oh God, he hasn’t sensed the tone.
Aha, erm, probably not. I’m going to have Lyla in with me to give Kath some space. 100% on for something tomorrow though! I still have the dress! Xxxx
Righto. No problem. Awesome for tomorrow. I’ll book somewhere, make a real date of it. Wear the dress. Then let me take it off ;) Xxx
I can’t tell you how nice it is to have a man who’s so into me. But it’s even nicer to have one who can put his ego aside and not make a big deal of it when Lyla or Kath have to come first.
After changing out of my clothes and going heavy on the deodorant because this New York heat is ruining me, I head downstairs to make Lyla and I some dinner and chat with Natalie and Martin. It’s lovely to have some laid-back non-work time with them and, as guilty as I feel to say it, it takes my mind off worrying about Kath.
After I’ve tucked Lyla into my bed with about three stories and a thirty-minute YouTube video of an adult’s hands opening egg surprise toys, I nip up to the solace of the attic bathroom to give Lacey a ring and find out how today was. Lyla said she had played on the Alice in Wonderland statue ‘for hours’ (which in kid talk is about twenty minutes) while ‘Lacey stroked Kath’s arms and talked about adult things’. Sounds serious.
I try calling twice, but no answer.
Hey, sorry if you were having a nap. Just wanted to see how you got on today. Kath’s a bit under the weather so I hope you still had a good time. Really missing you and Willow! And Piper!! Let’s see each other soon please! Xxxxxxx
Immediately the dot-dot-dots flash up on my phone. Then disappear. Then flash up again. Is there anything more anxiety-inducing than knowing someone was going to say something and then didn’t?
Hi hi! Sorry, just sorting a fussy Willow. Piper and I miss you too! We’ll sort something! Love you! Xxx
Oh. I look at the message for a long time, trying to work out what I don’t like about it. I think it feels a bit like I’m being fobbed off, but when I try to pinpoint why, I can’t. Resigning myself to the fact that I’m probably more tired than I think I am, I sit on the bathroom floor, watch two YouTube videos of girls showing me how to ‘shop’ my wardrobe, text Edward that I miss him and head to bed, too.
TWENTY-TWO
THE NEXT TWO DAYS at work pass in a blur. Even without needing to be too hands-on on the shoot, it’s great seeing our designs being brought to life again. Whenever I can, I flit back to the production office, in a flurry of being exceptionally charming (well, that’s what they call my English accent); offering mini beauty sessions; talking a lot to lovely Paige and teaching her a few techniques on her breaks or when she’s not having orders barked at her by Lauren or Scott; trying to list all the reasons why they should honour our original contract; and coming up with a stunt so amazing I could wow them all into choosing to keep us.
Kath seems utterly enthralled by Central Park. Despite trying out some of the other, smaller ones, she keeps going back there with Lyla and often takes Willow so that Lacey can go and have a look round the galleries and museums in peace. I’ve offered to go and meet her for lunch a couple of times, but she says she understands that I should probably stay at work or in the Fierce Films offices to show willingness (and be persistent!), so I appreciate that.
Things with Edward have been tricky. We’ve had a couple of daytime coffees together, but we’re yet to have our big city date or any actual alone time. I guess living in a house with three other adults, a child and Lacey plus baby nearby, as well as having the pressure of the contract and him the responsibility of sorting the store, isn’t exactly conducive to romance!
He seems understanding, though, thank God. He’s been really kind asking after Kath, and I’ve got a night out with the girls to get the weekend started, squeee, but after that we’ve absolutely promised each other some alone time is on the cards, and oh baby, I cannot wait!
I can hardly believe we’ve been here a week. We were meant to have wowed the new team at Fierce by now and got our contract updated. I still feel a jolt of anxiety whenever I see Lauren on set, but at least the day ends with good news. The shoot has overrun and they want us back on Monday. Natalie’s can-do attitude means she says yes to the extra day without missing a beat – even though I know she’ll have to rearrange her plans with Martin and stay on in the city longer than she’d hoped. But right now, I’m not thinking about Monday. It’s Friday night, and that means one thing: girls’ night.
‘WOOWOOO!’ I HOWL UP into the air as Lacey, Piper and I strut down the cobbled street towards Soho House in what I consider the sexiest saunter anyone has ever seen in their lives. It was on a night exactly like this that I met my gorgeous Edward, and my tummy does a little flip thinking about how well all that turned out. It would be so fun if he were here, I think, but then instantly remind myself I’m allowed to have time with my girlfriends and they were here first. I’m wearing super-tight, super-flattering black wet-look jeans that I bought in Forever 21 on Union Square after work last night and feel fantastic in, teamed with a gold tie-up, corset-style top that I’ve had since uni (though I wore it a little tighter back then) and have decided I’m bringing ‘back’. It’s surely actually vintage now, and that makes it cool by default. Plus, if you can get away with a gold corset top anywhere, it’s SoHo, New York. I’ve teamed all this with the most beautiful Kurt Geiger heels, champagne-coloured and encrusted with little iridescent crystals, and I feel like I look amazing. I don’t actually feel so brilliant on the inside, but with this outfit and my make-up carefully applied by Natalie as a nice favour, it’s not hard to fake it to keep everyone’s spirits up.
Lyla was in a terrible mood when I came home tonight. She seemed annoyed that Kath had ‘only talked to Lacey all day’ and that ‘she just kept telling me to go and play’. She went on to pout that she wanted to go home so that Corinthia could come and stay over, and then when I told her to have a grateful heart for being i
n this fabulous city, she told me she wanted to go to Daddy and Storie’s house. That was a low blow. I told her I wasn’t interested in this silly behaviour and that adults are allowed their time too, me included.
I popped in to see Kath, who, again, was having a lie-down. I gently asked if she was OK and she just said she might have overdone it with the walking again, which I didn’t quite buy, and had a sore throat from talking so much, but she was all right; she had had a lovely day and just wanted a bit of peace.
I considered not going out, but Natalie and Martin (who are babysitting Willow at our house tonight) insisted I go and have a bit of girl time and said they’d put Lyla to bed for me. Sensing my reluctance, I think that’s why Natalie offered to do my make-up. It seemed petulant not to take them up on it, so here I am, shaking what my mama gave me (ha, she’d be horrified that I’m shaking my size twelve bum in tight trousers in New York!) and trying to make the best of it.
‘Yoo-hoo,’ cries Piper in reply to my earlier howl, clearly picking up the social cue to Have a Good Time. Piper looks phenomenal tonight in frayed denim short-shorts, white pointy-toed ankle boots and a slouchy white soft cotton tee tied in a knot at the side. She’s combined this with a gold-chained tan bag, heaps of gold bangles and big beachy waves in her impressively long blonde hair. If I tried this look I’d come out an absolute mess, but somehow, as usual, Piper pulls it off with total confidence.
‘Yeaaahhh!’ Lacey semi-shouts, somewhat lacklustre. Tonight is really hard for her. It’s her first night out since having a baby, she’s in a new place, she’s feeling a bit down and, as she said, ‘To add insult to injury I’m still wearing my fucking maternity jeans!’ Piper and I reassured her that she looked sensational; you can’t tell they’re maternity because her floaty black cami covers the stretch waistband, and it’s only been a few months – she’s supposed to still be living in maternity jeans!
I reach out and give Lacey’s hand a little squeeze as we step through the door to the bar, knowing she’ll need a bit of extra support, and she squeezes it back gratefully.
Three cocktails down and things haven’t massively improved. We’re all doing our very best, sitting with pretty-looking drinks and immaculately applied liquid lipstick, laughing about ‘the olden days’ and asking Piper all about her love life as though we’re giddy schoolgirls finding out that someone went on a date to McDonald’s and had a snog afterwards (mmm, cheeseburger breath).
‘So, what are the odds you two have fallen so madly in love with the city you’re both gonna move out here permanently then?’ Piper asks, ordering another round of drinks – this time G&Ts, before we overdose on sugar and whatever else the cocktails are made of.
‘Aha! I’d live out here if everyone else did. Although Lyla’s made me feel super-guilty tonight for not arranging a sleepover with her new bestie Corinthia, and I must admit I’m starting to miss my mum friends,’ I venture.
‘Lacey’s your mum friend now, though! Yummy mummies unite!’ Piper cheers, sloshing a little of her drink on her thigh and wiping it off with her hand and laughing.
‘Yes! You’ll always be my number one, I love you so much,’ I say, slurring ever so slightly and leaning into Lacey for a cuddle.
‘I’m glad I’m still on my first cocktail. You two are a mess!’ she says, mock disapprovingly.
‘As soon as you’ve built your drinking game back up, we’re forcing you to keep up with us!’ Piper says, cheers-ing her.
‘I’m so glad you came out, though. I’ve missed you!’ I say, still not releasing her from my slightly tipsy embrace.
‘Miss her! She’s been on set with you three times already this week!’ Piper laughs. ‘I’m going to the loo. Anyone coming?’ she asks as she hops off her bar stool and we shake our heads.
‘Why does she think you’ve been on set with me?’ I ask Lacey, confused and sobering up at the revelation.
‘Oh, it’s no big deal,’ Lacey says, trying to wave it off.
‘OK, great, so tell me why she thinks that, then,’ I push.
‘Well, as well as our trips to Central Park, Kath’s been offering to take Willow out a few times. On the first day I did go and look round a gallery in peace and it was really cool, but I’m just so tired and fed up, I don’t want to look round anything.’ She shrugs.
‘So what do you do, then?’
‘Just stay at Piper’s, watch telly, sleep and stuff. I don’t have any photos to show her from my day out, so I just say I’ve been hanging with you and it’s no phones on set. Don’t tell her, please, she’ll just worry or be annoyed,’ she says, completely deflated.
‘I won’t, but now I’m a bit worried. I thought things were getting better, Lace. What did your GP say when you went? Maybe you could talk to them about this when we get home. There’s support out there, you don’t have to do this by yourself.’
Lacey looks at the floor, then says in a voice so quiet I can barely hear her: ‘I haven’t been. I know I said I would, but I kept putting off making the call and then we decided to come here. I thought the trip might help, but now I’ve realised we’ve come all this way and, well, I’m still me. It’s the same me, same problems, just a different place. Or it would be, if I could make myself leave the house.’
‘Lacey, have you been out at all?’
‘Yes! Kath and I took the girls all round the north of Central Park, which was, you know, nice. She must have told you. Willow slept in her sling, and since the pushchair was empty, Lyla crawled in and fell asleep all curled up with gangly arms and legs.’ She smiled. ‘Here, I’ve got a picture of that!’ And she flashed open her phone, which distracted me for a moment.
‘OK, that’s the cutest thing I’ve seen all year,’ I coo, looking at my baby girl asleep in the sunshine. ‘How long was she asleep for? The trip must be really catching up with her.’
‘Over an hour, both of them. I really want to tell you about it, actually. There’s something—’
‘No!’ Piper says, jumping back up onto her bar stool and indicating the phone in my hand. ‘You’re not going to be those mums who are granted a rare night out but spend it showing each other pictures of their kids! Willow’s great! Lyla’s great! We’re out! Let’s paaartyyy!’ she shouts, throwing her hands in the air so wildly a group of men next to us cheer.
CLIMBING INTO BED THAT night, I know I’m going to regret it in the morning, especially since I’m supposed to be seeing Edward. Tonight was ace. Well, maybe not ace ace, but still pretty good. Piper was in high spirits, I forced myself to be (I’m shattered, but I was out out and in a gold corset, so it would have been rude not to get involved, right?) and Lacey was a bit flat. I get it, though. If I were in my maternity jeans and feeling low post-baby, I don’t think a bustling nightspot like Soho House would have been my first choice either. I’m pleased we managed to get her to stay out until almost midnight, though – a good chunk of time without the baby.
I take a big gulp of water from the glass next to my bed, pull my false lashes off and flick them onto the bedside table (knowing full well I should do a full face cleanse before I sleep but having no intention of doing so) and resolve to spend some proper time with Lacey as soon as possible to help her feel a bit better. And Kath. And Edward. And Lyla. It’ll all be fine. It’ll all be—zzzzzz.
TWENTY-THREE
AS EXPECTED, I REGRET the cocktails (and the gin) the next day. I wake up feeling like there’s a drum thudding in my head and sand in my mouth. Sadly, though, I don’t have the luxury of being alone, so I have to clean myself up and put a brave face on it in front of my manager, my aunt and my daughter.
We spend the day flopping about and watching movies. Lacey comes round first thing to collect Willow (who has been good as gold), but doesn’t stay to chat, and though I may be a bit paranoid because of the hangover, she seems really shifty.
By the afternoon, I’ve geed myself up a bit and call Edward. He doesn’t have much time free because he has to meet a designer for ‘drinks and a c
hat’ that evening, but we make the most of it. Lyla and I hop in a cab down to Battery Park, where we met Edward and spend a happy hour riding the fishy carousel (the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen – a carousel with, instead of ornate horses, fish of different colours, all glowing and dancing to the music) and staring out at the Statue of Liberty.
I’m feeling all kinds of bliss when he leans in for a quick hug and whispers, ‘Let’s have that alone time soon.’
How we’ve been here this long and not managed a solo date yet is beyond me.
On the taxi ride home, I give Lyla a big squish. ‘That was super-fun, wasn’t it?’ I say, feeling quite jubilant despite the low-level alcohol poisoning.
‘Yes, but I wish it was just you and me. I want some Mummy time on my own,’ she says, looking out of the window.
All jubilation evaporates. I can’t bloody win.
THE NEXT DAY, SUNDAY, is the day Natalie and Martin are supposed to leave for their tour of the East Coast, but with the shoot running over, they’re staying on an extra couple of nights. I had originally planned for it to be a ‘home day’, spent just relaxing, but this morning I decide to get out of their hair and head into town.
I ask Kath if she fancies joining Lyla and me, but she declines, saying she fancies a look round the markets as research for Lavender Lovies. I understand. I figure she’ll enjoy a bit of solo adult time after being around us all for so long.
Having nothing planned, I’m at a loss as to what we can do. Lyla has spent a week trudging up and down every park, playground and splash pad in the city, and I don’t fancy a full-on museum day. Against all better judgement, I decide to ask my mummy-hungry eight-year-old what she wants to do.
‘Lyla,’ I say, once I’ve beckoned her into bed with me that morning for a big snuggly cuddle. ‘If you could do absolutely anything at all today that’s just you, me and this city, what would it be?’
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