by Dani René
“Kat, what’s wrong? Why wouldn’t you want to see him?”
Her face scrunches and I can see pain in her expression. My sister never cries. She’s like me, tough as nails, but now as she hunches over I see the little girl from my childhood. A little girl crying on my mother’s lap and something inside me snaps.
“Katherine Hamilton, what the fuck happened?” I’m on my knees in front of her, holding her hands as they shake uncontrollably.
“Carter, you were never meant to hear this,” she mumbles as she blinks the tears away.
I lean in. My eyes meet hers and I implore her with a gaze to tell me what she’s talking about.
“I asked Mom to keep it from you because I know you would’ve done something stupid.”
“Kat, if you don’t tell me I swear to God I’ll fucking lose my shit.”
“I was raped.” The words fall from her mouth, and it feels as if my world is crashing down around me. Hearing her actually say it is more painful than I ever thought it would be. But I’m her brother and I want to hold her, to cocoon her from the pain.
“Kat, I’m so fucking sorry I wasn’t there to help you.” My voice is hoarse with emotion. My whole life has gone by and I didn’t know my sister was violated. How the fuck did I not know?
“Carter, it happened. I put it behind me. Please just leave it.”
“It was Charles. Wasn’t it?” My tone causes her to wince and I immediately feel like an arsehole. She’s scared and I’m not really helping.
She nods, meeting my eyes with agony clear in her pretty amber eyes.
Fuck. “I’m sorry, I just… I mean… How did you not tell me?”
“I just couldn’t. You wouldn’t understand, brother. I love you so much. I didn’t want you to look at me with pity.” Her eyes meet mine and I stare at her. I could never pity her, but I pity the fucker when I find him. I’ll fuck him up so badly he won’t even recognize his own face.
My body is vibrating with rage, my blood is boiling, and I need to get air. “I failed you, Kat. I mean, I should have known. I should have been there for you.”
“He was drunk and… I mean… but you, Carter, you were there for me. You loved me.”
“I do love you.” Pulling her up, I embrace her, feeling her body shake with emotion. My sweet little sister. If only I’d known. “I love you, Kat.” This is too much. Two women I love hurt and I couldn’t stop it.
Of course, I didn’t know Ella at the time, but I can make it right now.
Katherine pulls away and peers at me. “Go to your girl. Beg her to talk to you because she will. You’re a good man, Carter Hamilton.” She offers a shy smile and leaves me still reeling from the news.
I pull out my phone, hit dial on his number, and wait. When I reach voicemail, I slam the phone on the desk. This is fucking ridiculous.
Bennett still hasn’t sent the address. My body is coiled so tight I’m sure it’s about to snap.
Ella
As soon as I slammed the door on Carter, I cried. I allowed myself to mourn the lies, the pain, and the slicing agony that seemed to want to consume me. Then I got up, showered, and started packing. The suitcase that sits beside me on the sofa taunts me.
I promised myself I wouldn’t go back to New York, that I wouldn’t walk backward in life, instead look forward, but this has ripped me to pieces.
Silence settles over the apartment. It’s never a good sign. For me, the quiet always reminds me. Reaching for the remote, I turn on the television, hoping the noise will calm me down. I know it won’t, it’s never helped, but I don’t have another choice. My fear of having to come face-to-face with the man who hurt me is something I can never become accustomed to.
Bennett and Carter gave me something I can never repay. They showed me the pleasure I had inside me and I can’t even begin to describe how much it hurts to walk away from this new life I thought I’ve found. But when I saw the image on Carter’s phone I knew I’d never escape.
Closing my eyes, I recall the pleasure so intense it felt like I was plugged into an electric chair. Every nerve in my body came alive under their touch. I never thought it was possible for me to feel, or care, or love. Carter broke down every wall I built and he gave me the courage to find the one thing I thought I’d lost. My soul.
Curling up with a cup of tea, I take a long sip. The warmth seeps through my body. I haven’t answered Bennett’s calls, but he hasn’t given up. I ended up turning my phone off just to have some quiet time.
It’s been two days of ignoring Carter Hamilton and trust me, that’s a difficult feat. There’s no doubt Carter would have made up some story about why my tormentor was calling him.
The last name may have been different, but it was indeed him.
Closing my eyes, my mind plays the scene from that night over and over again. The call, the card. Everything made me sick to my stomach. The thought of him finding me. Shaking my head, I push up from the sofa and head back to my kitchen. Before I can fill the tea kettle the buzzer makes me jump.
It’s not my intercom. It’s the doorbell. Staring at the door as if it’s about to attack me, my body on alert, I step toward the phone and before I can move I hear a voice I never expected.
“Ella, open the door. I know you’re in there.” Bennett Ainsworth, my boss, is at my door. Fuck. “Ella, I’m not leaving this time, so you better answer this damn door.”
Shuffling toward it, I unlock the latch and pull the door open, peering up into forest green eyes I could easily get lost in. And I want to. I want to lose myself in them again just for one more night of no pain.
“Mr. Ainsworth, I’m not—”
“I know. May I come in?”
I nod, stepping aside as he enters. He doesn’t speak, but I can feel the tension radiating off him in waves. Shutting the door, I turn to face him.
“I’m not feeling well, and I wish you hadn’t come here. There are so many things I need to think about right now. I think you should—”
“I think I should find out why you haven’t let Carter in. He’s been calling nonstop for the past two days. We planned on heading to your stepfather’s apartment tonight. My men are tracking his phone. We want to get him when we can corner him.” His words cause my stomach to roll.
“That’s more reason for me to leave, Bennett. I can’t be here anymore. He found me and I need to keep running.” Glancing up, I can see he’s not buying it. He knows I’ve found solace with him and his best friend.
“Ella, cut the shit because I’m not going anywhere until you listen to Carter. It’s not my secret to tell. But you have to believe he isn’t here to hurt you.” Bennett reaches for my hand and I allow him to take mine. He looks at me with such sincerity, causing my self-control to slip, and I need to get it back.
Pulling my hand from his, I turn to face the window. “Bennett, I can’t.” I cast a glance at him over my shoulder, regarding him. He could have been lovely to work for, a sincere, gentle person, but his best friend is not.
“You’ve been hurt before, but Carter won’t hurt you.” He watches me for a long while and all I can do is nod. There was something between me and Carter, but he lied. He’s hiding something that I can never live with, never forgive. I can’t trust him.
“Bennett, with all due respect, I know he’s your friend. Please, I need you to stay out of this.”
When my eyes find his, I see the agony in them. He’s trying to be supportive, but I’m too fucked up to allow anyone into my life right now. I watch him pull out his phone and hit dial. My body tenses because I think he’s calling Carter, but when he speaks I relax.
“Lizzie, can you block out my day? I have something urgent to see to.” He hangs up and turns to me. “Now, you and I are going to do something fun. Go and get dressed.” Even though it’s a command, the smile on his face makes me offer one in return.
“What do you mean? Where are we going?”
He stalks toward me. Grabbing both my hands, he places a kiss on each
. “I’m taking you to see the sights. Go on. I won’t take no for an answer.” After the tears I spilled last night, my eyes are puffy and I’m sure they’re bloodshot, but the way Bennett stares at me, I feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.
“You do realize I’m still your employee?”
“I do. There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Ella, and I hope you’ll give me the day to show you I’m here for you. I don’t want you to leave Ainsworth International.”
“I can’t be—”
He cuts me off mid-sentence. “I know. Let’s just forget the tension and what happened. Let me take you out and you can take the day to decide if you really want to walk away or if you’ll give Cart the chance to explain what and why.”
I stare at him. There’s nothing stopping me from doing this, from forgetting the fear that’s held me for far too long. I nod.
“Okay.”
He offers me one of those charming smiles and nods. Flopping onto my sofa, he lifts one ankle, crossing it over his opposite knee. “I’ll wait right here.” He winks and I shake my head.
Heading into the bedroom, I grab my clothes and step into the bathroom. This will have to be a quick shower. Turning on the taps, I wait for the water to heat up and step under the cascading spray.
Using my orange blossom body wash, I lather up and wash my hair. Ten minutes later I’m toweling myself dry. When I glance in the mirror, my reflection is drastically different. My eyes are no longer puffy and red, and I feel better. Stronger.
I am strong. I am strong. I am strong.
“I’ll be another ten minutes,” I shout toward the living room.
“Take your time, beautiful.” His deep rumble echoes through me.
My phone vibrating on the nightstand pulls my attention out of the thoughts running wild in my mind.
Sliding my finger over the screen, I find a message from the man I’m avoiding.
Carter: You can’t hide from me forever, Princess. I won’t stop until you let me explain.
Reading those words have me on edge because I know he won’t stop. Turning to my closet without answering the message, I grab my black jeans and a blue shirt. It’s dressy but casual enough.
Striding into the living room, I find Bennett in my kitchen with a mug of coffee. He’s staring out the window, but when he hears me, he turns and his gaze alights with a smile.
“You look lovely. Are you ready?”
I can’t stop the blush from heating my cheeks. “Thank you. I’m just going to grab my purse and we can go.” He finishes his drink and sets the mug in the sink.
“I promise, not one mention of my best friend, but I must tell you, he knows I’m with you.”
I shrug, but I know it’s not as casual as I want it to come across as.
“Bennett, please. Don’t ask. I’ll allow Carter one chance to explain, just not right now.”
He nods, smiles, then follows me to the front door. When I open it my breath hitches. On the small welcome mat is another snow globe with a note attached. I must have stumbled because Bennett’s arms are around me.
“Ella, what’s wrong?” He practically walks me back to the sofa and once I’m settled, he stalks to the door and picks up the offending item. I watch him pull the note from around it and his gaze locks on mine after he reads it.
“What… I… What does it say?” My whole body is trembling and I can’t stop tears from falling. Pain hits me right in the chest and nausea has me pushing off the sofa and racing to the bathroom.
I fall to my knees and heave.
My body wracks as I wretch and the burn in my throat has tears running down my cheeks. I jump when I feel Bennett’s hands on my back. He lifts my hair, holding it back as I puke my guts up. I’m still shaking as he rubs slow circles on my back.
“Shhh, I’m here, love. Just try to breathe.” His soothing words calm me, but my heart is trying to fight its way through my chest.
I don’t know how much time passed. I lose track of everything, until Bennett settles on the bed beside me. He pulls me into his hold and murmurs in my hair.
“I’m going to see Cart. We’re heading out to find Charles. I need you to keep the door locked. And under no circumstances, do not open it.”
I nod, but I can’t find my voice. My throat hurts from throwing up. He presses a kiss to my forehead and rises. Once I’m alone, I curl up under the comforter, but I know sleep will elude me.
Do you know when you see something that scares you to the point of paralysis, when you feel like your body can’t take any more? That crippling feeling, that’s what I feel knowing the truth.
The lock of the front door clicks, and I can’t help sighing. I wonder if Bennett allowed Carter in because if he did, I’ll never forgive him. I needed time.
“Carter, go away,” I call out, hoping he’ll respect my wishes not to see him.
I turn over to face the entrance, waiting to see those blue eyes that have made me fall into them time and again. The front door clicks closed once more and I take a deep breath. The bedroom door in turn flies open with brute force, slamming into the wall behind it, and I’m face-to-face with the monster from my nightmares.
He’s tall, over six feet, with broad shoulders, and a scowl that tells me he’s more than angry. His face is wrinkled, pallid skin hanging over his skull that makes him look like a monster, because he is. Thin lips curl into a vengeful grin.
Those gray eyes pierce me like a blade as he stares at me. It feels as if a knife is being twisted in my gut. “Snowflake, it’s so good to see you.”
I leap from the bed, but there’s nowhere to go. Bile burns my throat at those words. He reaches to the side, and when he turns to me again, I notice he’s got a large black bag. Shock settles over me, leaving me paralyzed in fear. He’s bigger than I remember. Almost scarier.
“What—” As he stalks forward, I shuffle back, but the wall stops me from moving farther away and I realize this is it. The end. My heart thuds against my ribs painfully. I’ve been scared all my life, but nothing could’ve prepared me for seeing the monster again.
“Your little boyfriend thought he could fucking outsmart me?” His chuckle is demented. The sinister sound that haunted me my whole life. “I’ve missed my fragile little Snowflake. Used to be so sweet and innocent, but we all know you’re no longer that. Are you?”
“Please, don’t do this. Why are you here? How did you find me?” I find my voice, even though it burns to speak. His filthy gaze trails from my feet slowly up my jean-clad legs and the blue shirt I’m wearing, but it feels as if I’m naked.
“Oh, Snowflake, so many questions.” He grins maniacally.
I step back until my legs hit the vanity cabinet.
“You’re still so pretty. I like the darker hair. It suits you. And your eyes, they make you even more alluring, more tempting. Since you’re no longer pure and white, I suppose it’s fitting.”
After so many years of running I’m stuck here with him. And somehow, I don’t think I’m going to survive it. I can’t go through this again, just when I got back my life. He pulls something out from the bag he’s holding and when my eyes settle on the object I retch. The bile burns my throat and tears spring to my eyes as I shut them.
“Did you miss this, little one? I find pretty little girls love it as much as you did,” he hisses. Filthy hunger hangs on his words and I can’t look. I can’t face what he’s holding.
My body trembles and my stomach heaves with fear. There’s nothing coming out, but my body convulses. My hands grip my middle, attempting to hold myself together as I fall apart in front of him.
“Don’t be so dramatic. I know you loved feeling it inside that filthy whore cunt.” His tone changes, switching to the one I remember from all those years ago. All these years and he still has the power to paralyze me. “It worked out so well, Snowflake, when you chased your boyfriend away. He won’t be back for a long while.” His tone sends terror through me and I realize he knew I was with
Carter. He did it on purpose so I’d tell Carter to leave.
Suddenly, Charles reaches out, gripping my hair at the nape, dragging me farther into the bedroom. He’s strong. Even though he’s older, his physical strength is no match for me. Shoving me forward, I fall to my knees, but I reach out to catch my fall, and my wrist twists. Pain shoots through my arm and I cry out loud. Something must have broken because the pain is unbearable. The shirt I was wearing is ripped away and I’m left in my white bra.
He uses brute force to turn me over and throw me onto the bed. My body bounces, but before I have time to move, he works the cable ties to secure my hands to the railing of my headboard. Without moving his body, he rears back and swats me hard across the face.
“Shut up,” he growls angrily.
My face slams sideways into the corner of the nightstand and all I see is red. Blood drips from my face. Pain shoots through me, causing me to whimper in agony.
“Please—” The rest of my words are muffled by the cloth he shoves in my mouth.
“Now you’ll shut your pretty little mouth and let me get reacquainted with your body.”
A frown creases my forehead, but when I take a deep breath through my nose everything goes black.
* * *
“Snowflake, I need to talk to you.”
I glance at my stepfather and smile. He’s been going through something that makes him angry all the time and I wish there was some way I could help him. My mom is passed out after the party. She’s really tired after looking after me and all my friends.
“Sure, Daddy, what’s wrong?” The chair of my desk is cold and I shiver. His gray eyes settle on my chest and I can’t help squirming under his intense stare.
“I think you know what’s wrong. What you’ve been doing all this time.”
I frown, regarding him warily. Fear runs through my veins as I watch him step closer to me. There’s something menacing about his approach, and when he grips my hair, tugging my head back, I let out a whimper.