by Ivy Smoak
“It’s not that simple.”
“Sure it is. Take my colorful tuxedos.” He pulled the jacket open to reveal the gold lining. “Do you know how many insults I’ve gotten about them?”
“Depends on how long you’ve been wearing them.”
“Doesn’t matter how long. Because the answer is zero. Not a single insult. But I’ve gotten a ton of compliments. And they got you to stalk me, so I’d say that’s a win…”
I shoved his arm. “Uh, excuse me. But if I recall, you were the one stalking me. #StalkerProblems.” I almost squealed. I’d used that hashtag perfectly! It was definitely the best I’d ever done. #Ever. Eh, I ruined it. But #StalkerProblems would go down in history as my best use ever.
“If you say so. Speaking of stalking, you’re going to need your stalking skills to find our tour group. It appears we’ve been left behind.”
I looked around. Yup, we were alone. How had I not noticed them leave? Was Ryder really that distracting?
A phone ringing startled me.
“Whoops,” said Ryder as he fished his phone out of his breast pocket. Then he narrowed his eyes. “I have to take this. I’ll be right back. Don’t get into too much trouble while I’m gone.” He winked at me and walked out of the room.
I took a few minutes to admire some of the other art in the room. But after I had looked at every piece and read all the placards twice, I started to get antsy. Where was he? Did he think I was going to go find the group? For all I knew, Ryder was with the tour group wondering where the heck I had gone.
I decided to go find him. But the room he’d gone into was empty and the lights were off. Same story for the next room. And the next.
A chill ran down my spine. Tanner had warned me that he’d messed with bad people. Had they taken him? Were they coming for me next? I tried to think of an escape plan, which was super easy. I had lots of practice making escape plans. I’d started making them when I was four years old. I saw something on TV about a home invasion and convinced myself that it was 100% going to happen to my family. After that, before bed every night I’d practiced taking the curtain rod down and swinging it around like a spear. I even taught Rosalie to do it when she was old enough. If only I’d taught her a little better, maybe she could have defended herself from whoever took her…
A footstep behind me made me jump.
Shit! I had gotten so distracted thinking about Rosalie that I hadn’t gotten close enough to the display of swords in order to protect myself.
“Everything okay, Miss?” asked a gruff voice.
I spun around, looking for anything within reach that might be a suitable weapon. Pushing a solid marble statue onto my attacker’s head felt like a decent option… But then I realized that it was just a security guard. And he didn’t look very threatening with his cute bald head and bulging waistline.
His eyes wandered down to my black bracelet. “You’re with that tour group, right?”
“Yeah. And my very big, strong friend will be back in just a second. He uh…went to the bathroom.” So don’t try to murder me.
He gave me a funny look and then grabbed his radio. “Hey Mike, you seen that tour group?”
A staticky voice replied, “Yup. They’re in room 538.”
“You hear that? Room 538.” He pulled a map out of his waistband and flicked it open.
Okay, so he was definitely just a helpful security guard. Good thing I didn’t murder him with a 900-pound statue. And then I had an idea. If he could find the tour group with his fancy little radio, maybe he could find Ryder. “I’m actually looking for Ryder Storm.”
“Hmm…doesn’t sound familiar.” He picked up his radio again. “Mike, it’s Steve again. I’ve got a girl here looking for Ryder Storm?”
“I bet you do,” came the reply with a laugh. “Tell her she can find him in that new exhibit…Exhibit Hall D.”
Why did he laugh? Was it because Ryder is so sexy? Was some other girl flirting with Ryder in Exhibit Hall D?!
“Ah, of course,” said the guard. “That’s over in the modern and contemporary section. Room 913.” He handed me the map and pointed to my destination with his big, completely unthreatening, sausage finger.
“Thanks.” I snatched the map and hurried off. He didn’t look like a cartel assassin, but I couldn’t be too cautious.
It took me like ten minutes to get all the way to the other side of the Met. In normal heels, my feet would have been aching after such a long trek. But I felt fine in my Odegaards. Thank you, Ryder.
A guard was standing outside of the heavy double doors that led to Exhibit Hall D. I thought his biceps might rip right out of his black V-neck as he crossed his arms and stepped to block the door.
“Hey, I’m looking for Ryder Storm.”
“May I see your left wrist, please?” he asked. His voice was even more intimidating than his appearance, if that was possible.
I held up my wrist with the black bracelet.
“Thank you.” He stepped aside and opened the door in one fluid motion.
I stepped through the heavy wooden doors. The guard closed them behind me, leaving me in a pitch-black room.
And this is where I’m going to die.
Chapter 36 - Hazing the Noob
Tuesday
My heart was beating out of my chest. I groped at the wall for a light switch. I only knocked one painting off the wall before I found it. The main lights stayed off, but a few spotlights flickered and then fully illuminated some select pieces of art.
There was no sign of Ryder. Or anyone else. Well, unless you counted the statue of David. Or that group of six terracotta army soldiers. Are those real? Something seemed…off about them. Then I saw the Andy-Warhol-style 3x3 grid of multicolored dildos next to a nude version of American Gothic, and it suddenly became very clear why this room had been sectioned off. I looked back at the terracotta soldiers, now noticing that they all had erections. Same with the statue of David. Rather than having a little baby flaccid penis, this rendition was extremely well hung and definitely a little excited.
For some reason I couldn’t look away. It was like a fake penis emporium. I walked farther into the hallway-like gallery, passing all sorts of penis art. The only piece that was a faithful reproduction was a fresco of Priapus weighing his penis. If you’re familiar with that piece, you’ll understand why it didn’t need to be altered.
Guess I missed Ryder. I started towards the next room, but something caught my eye. Did that painting just move? I took a few steps towards it. It was a human-scale reproduction of Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man. I’m sure you’ve seen it. It’s that sketch of a nude man inscribed in a circle. His arms and legs are spread, and then another pair of arms and legs are drawn in a slightly different position. It was supposed to show the perfect human proportion or something.
So what about it caught my eye? Was it like the Mona Lisa, with eyes that follow you around the room? Nope. Definitely not. My eyes went right to the crotch of the painting. Someone had added a sculpted penis to give it a 3D element. And it wasn’t just any old penis. It was huge. Or is that just the perfect proportion for a penis?
I glanced down at the placard describing the piece: HAZING THE NOOB by RYDER STORM.
Ryder designed this? I hadn’t realized he was such a talented painter. Or sculptor. Oh, that’s why the security guard thought it was funny that I was searching for Ryder Storm. Because this penis sculpture was by Ryder Storm. He thought I was just looking for the dick art. I giggled to myself.
But wow…the penile part really did look lifelike. So lifelike that it seemed to keep moving. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough for me to notice. I looked around to make sure the guard hadn’t followed me in. Then I ducked under the velvet rope to get a closer look. And then I poked it.
I had expected it to be hard and ceramic, but instead it felt soft and…flesh-like. It swayed a little bit.
I poked it again a little harder. It swayed more. And then the hips of the painting
pivoted and the penis swung towards me.
I let out a squeal and stepped back. I knew I’d had a lot of champagne, but not enough to make me hallucinate nearly being molly-whopped by a fake dong.
I squinted and stared at the painting. What the hell am I looking at here? Most of it was in fact a painting, but part of it had been cut away to reveal the naughty bits of a man standing behind the wall.
Oh, duh! I was the noob. And Ryder was hazing me. Which meant I was looking at his penis. My heartbeat doubled the second I realized it. I was looking at Ryder’s penis!
So this was his secret, huh? That he had a giant penis. I mean, as far as secrets go…it was a pretty good one.
Then a horrible thought washed over me. What if he was telling the truth about having a flaming genie penis? I looked down at my finger. It didn’t seem like it was decaying, but now that I thought about it, it did tingle a little…
I needed to find a way to know if all my skin was about to melt off. So I grabbed a little rubber statue off a nearby display and lightly whacked it against his penis. If his penis was dangerous, I figured it would melt the statue. Which it didn’t. In fact, the only thing that happened was that Ryder started to get erect. And more erect… And more erect.
He wasn’t quite as big as the stacked soda cans that Chastity had warned me about, but he was probably a solid nine inches. And thick.
I gave him one more whack, and that was when I realized that the “rubber statue” I was hitting him with was a big floppy dildo. I burst out laughing.
“You like that?” I asked.
He thrusts his hips a little to make his cock bounce up and down in a motion that clearly meant yes.
Poor guy. If only he knew that he was sword fighting a dildo.
I felt like I should make it up to him. Right? I mean, it was only the polite thing to do. I couldn’t just get him all aroused and then leave him there. Wouldn’t that make his balls turn blue and explode? Yeah, that sounds right. And I couldn’t walk away, as per Single Girl Rule #24: No blue balls allowed. Finish what you start.
I took a step closer. What am I thinking? I can’t do this in the middle of a museum! But for some reason, it didn’t matter that I told myself no. I wanted to do something crazy. I wasn’t Ashley Cooper tonight. I was Raven freaking Black. And Raven Black was sexy and confident. Or at least, I wanted to be. And the other thing I’d wanted? For weeks? Ryder. Blowing him behind a painting wasn’t on my list of things to try. But I could always add it later and then cross it off. It was a win-win.
I slowly reached out my hand and ran my thumb along his tip.
And he groaned. Oh God. I loved that sound. I wanted to hear it over and over again. And the fact that he groaned because of what I was doing just made it even more exhilarating.
I looked around to make sure we were still alone, and then I did what any reasonable girl would have done: I wrapped my hand around his beautiful shaft and started pumping up and down. He pulsed in my hand.
I looked over my shoulder again to make sure no one was looking. How had Ryder known that almost getting caught was a fantasy of mine?
I kept stroking faster and faster. My arm started to get tired after a minute though. And there was too much friction with my hand. Which left me with only one choice.
Actually, I had two choices. I could have used the lotion in my purse. But I wanted to use my mouth instead. Don’t judge me. I hadn’t had sex in like a year. And believe me - if you had such a beautiful erection in front of you, you’d want it in your mouth just as badly as I did. Plus it was Ryder. I’d been fantasizing about him for months. Screw playing hard to get. Blowing him was a way better option. Chastity always said the best way to a man’s heart was to suck his cock. Or something like that. I didn’t love giving head. But I loved Ryder. I immediately shook my head. Liked him. I liked him. I didn’t love him. That would be…crazy. And I wasn’t crazy.
I ignored the thoughts racing through my mind as I stared at his cock. I was overthinking this. I’d been wanting to take things further with Ryder for weeks. This was my chance. And if he happened to fall in love with me in the process? Great.
Besides, it wasn’t just Single Girl Rule #24 spurring me on. It was also #23: Never back down from a huge cock. #Fearless. And no, I didn’t just slay it with that perfectly executed hashtag. #Fearless was part of rule #23. Because of course it was, since I was 85% sure that Chastity had made them all up. And she was the master of hashtags. But…I wasn’t a little bitch. And I wasn’t going to back down from Ryder’s huge cock.
The painting was a few feet off the ground, so his penis was right at mouth level. I didn’t have to kneel or anything. I just took a step forward and flicked my tongue ever so gently against his tip. I’d like to pretend that it was a sexy move, but really I was just checking to see if it tasted clean. I wasn’t about to shove some dirty cock in my mouth, even if it did belong to Ryder Storm. When my tongue detected freshly cleaned skin - albeit with a hint of salty pre-cum - I moved on to the shaft. I held his cock up as I licked him from his balls all the way to his tip. And then I corralled him with my mouth.
Ryder groaned from behind the wall.
That’s right.
I swirled my tongue around as I took him farther in my mouth. And farther…and farther. God, how big is this thing? I opened my eyes and, doing my best to ignore the strange painting, looked down at the enormous cock in my mouth. There was still quite a ways for me to go if I was going to get the whole thing in.
Giving blowjobs to Joe had always been so easy and boring. It was like sucking on a little tootsie roll. But blowing Ryder? It was like trying to jam a water bottle down my throat. A warm, meaty, delicious water bottle, but still a water bottle. I gagged and pulled back.
“Damn man, this thing is huge,” I muttered. He thrust his hips out to tell me to keep going.
I tried to deepthroat him once more before accepting defeat and focusing more on tongue action. I worked his tip with my tongue while my hands stroked up and down his shaft in a sort of blowjob/handjob hybrid.
He groaned behind the wall. It felt like he was getting even harder.
He definitely wanted me. And I wanted him. God, I wanted him so badly. I was soaking wet. Would this be the day I finally broke my dry spell and had sex with Ryder Storm? It certainly wasn’t how I pictured my first time with him, but I was oddly turned on by the whole thing. Not getting to see his face and doing it in public made it so naughty and forbidden. I mean…literally anyone could walk in and see us. It was freaking exhilarating. This was so much better than trying different smoothie flavors. I kept sucking as I looked around for a chair I could stand on to bang him…
And then I felt his warm cum shoot into the back of my mouth. I had not been expecting that…at all. I gagged a little and pulled back. Which meant my mouth wasn’t there to contain his next shot. The sticky white liquid shot onto my chest. I looked down in horror.
Not my dress! That thing cost $2000 and now it was ruined with a big cumstain right on my left breast. I pulled on the fabric to see the damage, completely forgetting about Ryder’s exploding penis.
I guess I thought he wouldn’t keep cumming when I let go. Or maybe I was too distracted by what happened to my dress. Either way, his cock didn’t care. Pro tip, ladies (or gentlemen, if you’re into this sorta thing) - when you let go of a penis mid-orgasm, the force of the cumshot makes it shoot way higher than you’d expect. It’s like when a really weak guy tries to use a firehose in a cartoon. I experienced it firsthand as Ryder’s unrestrained cock blasted cum all over my chin and up onto my forehead, narrowly missing my eyes.
At that point I should have moved out of the way, but apparently I thought it would be better to catch the rest of it in my mouth. I wasn’t fast enough though, so his fourth and final shot mostly went all over my chin and neck.
Fantastic. At least I could take solace in the fact that Ryder hadn’t seen me completely botch the end of his blowjob.
Jus
t then I heard the exhibit doors open. The docent’s voice filled the room.
Shit, shit, shit! It was fun almost getting caught. But I’d literally die from embarrassment if they saw me. It would be worse than incident #2…when I’d raped Dr. Lyons. Oh God…did I just mouth rape Ryder? No…he definitely wanted it. And he’d been totally asking for it by putting his cock in that painting. So that knocked this down to somewhere near incident #3 status…the elevator curtsey incident. Nope, it was worse than that. Because I was covered in cum. Screw my life! I searched the room for a good hiding spot. But there wasn’t much. Unless I wanted to hide amongst the erect terracotta soldiers or duck behind a 6-foot penis sculpture, my only hope was to make a run for the emergency exit. I hiked up the bottom of my dress and sprinted toward the doors.
And I somehow made it out just in time. I think. I hadn’t heard anyone laughing or anything. But they were members of the Society, so they’d probably seen worse. I looked over my shoulder to make sure they weren’t following me for a gangbang. By some miracle, they weren’t. And there was a bathroom just around the corner. It was my lucky night. Or Ryders, if you know what I mean. #HorseFacts. Damn it! I hate hashtags! They’re so hard! But he had been hung like a horse…
My phone buzzed just as I walked into the bathroom.
Ryder: Sorry, had to run. Major crisis at one of my factories. I’ll explain tomorrow.
How rude. First he hid behind a painting for our first sexual encounter, and then he left without even saying thank you? Blowing him was supposed to make him fall in love with me, not make him run away. Why did I have to be crushing on the weirdest billionaire in the world?
And more importantly, how awkward was work going to be tomorrow?
Chapter 37 - So Much Awkward
Wednesday
It was absolutely impossible to focus on work the next morning. Chastity kept trying to get more details about what I had done to Ryder, while all I could think about was when Ryder was going to get to work. It was almost noon and there was still no sign of him.