“Why are they all naked? Could they at least throw on some boxers?”
The guards back here were the males of Aveena’s species. They were smaller, a few shades lighter than navy blue, and still several feet taller than me. They were all built like professional body builders, and the large spear they carried wasn’t the only impressive rod on them. I was surrounded by Double XL shlongs that were enough to give a well-hung man an inferiority complex.
“One foot in front of the other,” I told myself, and kept my eyes front.
The closer we got to the throne, the less monstrous the Fae became. Sure, near the front there was still something that looked like a wasp had fucked a horse, and given it a woman’s face; but generally, they were more humanoid. The guards were also more pleasant to look at. At some point, they’d gone from male to female.
Up until a few moments ago, Aveena was the only giant I’d ever met; but I could say now, with perfect certainty, that she was the best her species had to offer. The males were all darker blue in color, while the females started at sky-blue and worked their way toward lighter shades. Aveena’s ice-blue was the lightest I’d seen, but that wasn’t what was so unique about it. It was her femineity. Her features were so much softer and prettier than every other female giant in the room. If I didn’t know better, I’d have assumed resting-bitch-face was the norm of the species. Maybe it was the bloodstained swords and shields they were holding, but everything about these people screamed barbarian at the gate.
“If these things came to earth, we wouldn’t stand a chance,” I thought, and that was before I got a good look at the queen bitch: the Lady of Winter herself.
“Holy Mary mother of Jesus in his gold, fleece diapers,” my jaw dropped and I stopped dead in my tracks.
The giant sat on a throne full of animal hides, made of creatures that looked like they could eat a horse in a single bite, and made me want to piss myself in terror. Even though I’d prepared myself as best I could for one of The Nine; it was the difference between reading about a black hole and staring into the abyss with my own two eyes.
I didn’t even register the regal-looking men flanking her; or that one looked happy and the other pissed. My full attention was on the woman in the leather bikini that was both a fashion statement, and covered her important bits in light armor. She held up her finger toward Aveena in the universal “wait a minute” gesture. I felt Aveena’s jaw tighten in irritation, but she stopped where she was and waited.
“Please, my lady,” something whimpered at the foot of the throne’s steps.
I pulled my eyes away from the barbarian queen to see a humanoid thing that looked like it was made of bark instead of flesh. It was on its knees with golden tears glistening down its cheeks. The marble-like floor, a vivid blue with black veins that seemed to pulse anxiously, actually had a hold on the creature. The poor bastard couldn’t run if it wanted to. The thing turned its head to look at me with eyes the size of dinner plates. They were way too big for its face, and gave it a puppy dog look.
Aveena’s mom didn’t care about that. Whatever the creature was begging for, it didn’t get it. With a swift, practiced motion, she hefted a giant axe from a holster on the side of the throne and cut the thing’s head off. Blood that looked like milk chocolate fountained out of the thing as it tried to topple, but the floor held it in place.
“You guys must have a killer cleaning bill,” my mouth had a mind of its own.
Godric laughed, and tried to turn it into a cough while I felt the heat of Aveena’s glare on the top of my head.
“What?” I looked up at her, which put me in underboob city. “If you’re just going around cutting people’s heads off, you’ve got to have . . .” I stopped as the floor released the headless creature.
It flopped to the ground, still spilling blood like a broken hydrant. The only problem was, the pool wasn’t growing. In fact, it was shrinking. A sickening, slurping sound echoed through the hall as the black veins pulsed blacker than night. The corpse gave a final shudder, and sank into the ground until there was nothing left to suggest an execution had just occurred.
“What is it with these people and places that suck up blood like a junkie vamp?” I wondered, as a shiver worked its way through me. It had nothing to do with the cold. I knew the Fae had a hard-on for blood, but this was next level.
“There goes my argument to spare my life to avoid the cleaning bill,” my mouth continued to dig my grave a little deeper.
“This is it?” the Lady of Winter replaced her axe and leaned back on the throne; sneering at me like I didn’t warrant to be the shit she tracked in on the bottom of her boots.
The way she said it rubbed me the wrong way. I wasn’t a perfect ten or anything, but I was a solid seven and a half; maybe an eight if a woman was wearing beer goggles. Half the time, I didn’t understand why gorgeous woman were throwing themselves at me, but I was by no means an it like some of the uggos surrounding the queen bitch.
“This is the thing that killed a knight of this court, and evaded capture by you for over a week,” she continued.
Despite an urge to tell her to sit on it and rotate, I kept my ego in check. Opportunity was knocking. “Is it me, or is she laughing at Aveena?” I wondered.
As far as leverage, I had jackshit, but if I could drive a wedge between them . . . maybe, just maybe . . .
“I know, right,” I gave the big woman my best smile. “Who would have thought plain, human me could have outwitted, outfoxed, outmaneuvered, and outgunned this one for over a week?” I pointed my thumb over my shoulder at Aveena. “Hell, if she hadn’t surprised me in the Big Apple, you’d just have to settle for that dude’s head today.”
I could hear Aveena grinding her teeth behind me, and that just made me smile bigger. It faltered when the Lady of Winter started laughing. It boomed out of her like a thunderclap, and despite the bravado I was putting on, it made me jump.
“It mocks you,” the woman slapped her knee, which sent shockwaves radiating outward that almost knocked me on my ass.
Of course, when the queen laughs, everyone sure as shit laughs with her; especially after she’d gone all Henry the Eighth on some poor bastard. I expected the yank, and braced for it; not that it did me any good. I wound up on my ass; my cheeks sticking to the floor, and it looked like I was auditioning for Flick in A Christmas Story after all. I didn’t try to sit up, the floor did that for me. A wave of sentient marble pushed me forward until I was in a kneeling position similar to the bark guy. The metal rod that had kept me subjugated disintegrated, along with my shackles. It had been a glamour all along. My legs, knees, and even my hands up to the wrist sunk into the floor, which hardened around me. I gave it an experimental yank, putting all my strength into it, but it didn’t do any good.
“Can I kill him now, mother?” Aveena asked, walking to stand next to me. A glamour sword gleamed in her hand, and it looked more than sharp enough to get the job done.
“Not yet,” the larger woman’s messy black bangs had fallen over her eyes as she laughed at her much prettier daughter. “I have a few questions that need to be answered.”
“I can’t guarantee you’ll like the answers,” I replied.
“Shut up!” I screamed at myself. Every second I tried to stall them was another second I was alive. Every second I was alive was a chance to break free, and I was sabotaging my own chances of getting out of this with my head still attached to my shoulders.
The Lady of Winter’s smile turned into a hard line, but she didn’t cut my head off on the spot; so that was a win.
“How did you take my knight’s powers? Upon the death of my subject the power returns to their lord or lady. In the Bleeding Grounds, the victor gets the spoils, but not a human. What are you?” she asked.
I surprised myself by barking out a laugh. “Ain’t that the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question?” I knew it wasn’t buying me any time, but something about the woman told me I wasn’t going to be able to feed h
er my usual line of bullshit.
“I have no idea, and no one I’ve talked to knows either,” I answered sincerely. “Well, actually, that’s not completely true. Lark told me he knew what I was, but couldn’t tell me,” I tried to shrug, but the floor holding me in place didn’t allow it.
I don’t know what I said, but the woman’s eyes zeroed in on me like I’d just become the most interesting man in the world. The intensity of her look told me Dos Equis should think about sponsoring me. It took me a second to realize the hall was deathly silent all around us.
“The Usurper knows how you were capable of this?” the way she spat out Lark’s title said there was little lost love between them.
Still, I sensed something beneath the hostility; uncertainty, and maybe even a bit of fear. This woman might be a badass bitch, but Lark’s name still held some sway. I decided to capitalize on that.
“Sure,” I smiled like nothing was the matter. “He trained me how to use these gifts. We sparred, took long walks on the beach, moonlit dinners, the whole shebang.” Most of that went over the Lady of Winter’s head, but I felt people take a step away from me. It felt good.
“Mother, don’t listen to his lies and posturing,” Aveena snarled, and kicked me for good measure.
Pain lanced through me, and almost made me pass out. She broke at least a rib or two to prove her point. Whatever I said about my time with Lark, I was still powerless at the moment. I felt the people who’d backed away take a step closer; like sharks that smelled blood in the water.
Despite Aveena’s show of dominance, her mother’s penetrating gaze never left me. She looked like she was searching my soul for something, anything, to give her a little more information.
“Did he tell you how you were able to accomplish this?” she asked.
“Nope,” I shook my head with a pain-laced grin. “He said he was bound by court, covenant, and a dozen oaths that would literally tear him apart if he revealed it to me,” I grimaced.
The Lady of Winter’s face transformed from intense speculation to shock, and definitely a good dose of fear.
“I know. Tell me about it,” I continued. “It’s frustrating as fuck to be so close to what you want, but not able to get it. Am I right, Aveena?” I laughed, which brought on a round of coughing.
The coughs turned wet, and I ended up spitting out blood. “Great. It looks like one of the ribs punctured my lung,” I would have been more worried if I wasn’t set to be decapitated before it became an issue.
Whatever my condition, no one was paying me any attention anymore. All eyes were on Aveena’s mom, and to my surprise, she looked like she was about to shit a chicken.
“Guards, secure the palace!” she yelled, jumping off her throne with her axe in hand. “Watch for anything out of the ordinary. My court, to arms!” she yelled, taking everyone by surprise as she marched toward me.
“Mother, what . . .?” Aveena never got to finish.
Her mother was a good thirty percent taller and thicker than Aveena, and she showed it by backhanding the younger giant across the face. The blow lifted Aveena off her feet and sent her sprawling into some nearby courtiers. Since they were normal-sized folk, she nearly squished a few when they failed to get out of the way in time.
“You stupid, stupid child,” the Lady of Winter sneered, as she stood next to me, and set her feet shoulder width apart. “Do you know what you’ve done?” she screamed, her eyes bulging out of her head.
“No,” tears leaked down Aveena’s cheek, and mixed with the blood from her split lip. I was pretty sure the tears weren’t entirely from the backhand blow.
My mom had been gone for ten years, but she’d always been kind to me. The way the Lady of Winter treated Aveena . . . it almost made me sorry for her. Almost was the key word there. Aveena had fucked up my life one too many times for me to really care about her mommy issues.
“You could have killed us all, you spoiled brat! You’ve never worked for anything in your entire life. You’ve grown fat and soft among all of these weakling humans. Sending you to learn among them was the biggest mistake of my life, but no matter. I will never allow someone as pathetic and weak as you to ever rule our people. I’ll send you back to the front, force you to fight, or be my general’s fuck toy. You’ll be lucky if it’s the latter after what you could have brought down on us.”
Judging by Aveena’s face, she was just as confused as I was, but I had bigger issues. The Lady of Winter was winding up with her axe. Her muscles flexed from the weight of the weapon, and power with a capital P flooded into her body. It felt like I was sitting next to a magical star, and I couldn’t help but look up as the axe reached the zenith of her swing and plummeted down toward me. The sentient marble released me, probably worried the boss lady was going to turn the throne room into a not-so-small crater. The floor retreated from me like water going out with the tide, and left me sitting on a hunk of black stone.
I was free, but that didn’t mean shit. I should have run, but my body was paralyzed. All I could focus on was the gleaming blade of the axe plunging toward my upturned face.
“Well shit,” was my second to last thought.
My last thought was excitement as the Lady’s titty popped out of her bikini top on the downswing.
Chapter 23
There wasn’t much I could do but sit there and wait to die. Time seemed to slow around me, but it wasn’t some magical spell taking effect at the last second to save my ass. This was just my brain freaking the fuck out in the microseconds before the Lady of Winter lopped off my noggin.
I waited for my life to flash before my eyes . . . if you could even call it a life. I was only eighteen; maybe nineteen now. I’m not sure how time worked in the Faerie Realm, but I could be out of my teens altogether for all I knew. If my life did flash before my eyes, it wasn’t going to take long.
Maybe I’d catch a glimpse of my time in the orphanage. I’m sure there would be a few sweet moments with my adoptive parents. They were good people, and deserved to make the highlight reel. If anything, my last few moments of life should show me the faces I really cared about: Danni, Xamira, even Fern, and most of all, Lilith. If one moment of true consequence was going to be seen in my dying moments, it was the first time I busted a nut in her throat. That had really set everything off; the lightning strike – although, I couldn’t prove that had anything to do with me emptying my balls – missing the deadline with Aveena, the following feud, joining the cabal, and all the hijinks after killing Ser Fredrick. All of that traced back to the one instance of fellacio back at St. Vincent’s Academy. It’s a hell of a thing when I can look back at one moment and see what a profound impact it had on my existence.
Even in the moments before my death, I still couldn’t remember what my mother looked like. That made me feel like a real sack of shit, but I was probably going to see her in a few seconds. At least, I hoped so.
There were dozens of predictions of what happened after you died. The most popular, even after the Revelation, was the Judeo-Christian idea of Heaven and Hell. Within those belief structures, there were different interpretations. Was Heaven a repeat of your greatest days on earth? A divine amusement park where you could do whatever the hell you wanted? Was it just basking in the presence of a capital-G god and having everlasting peace? For all I knew, it could be all of the above and just depend on the person. I was fine with any of them, but I wasn’t sure I was going that route.
I had no idea what the qualifications were to get into the big clubhouse in the sky, but I wasn’t a role model for future generations. I wasn’t even sure I believed in that God. I was about to lose my head to what amounted to a little-G god, and it was impossible to know if that had any bearing on my final destination. When a lot of power got thrown around, the laws of the universe tended to go a little wonky.
Hell was more straightforward; eternal torment, lakes of fire, or descending circles of depravity until you reached the imprisoned fallen angel. If Dante’s Divi
ne Comedy was to be believed. Things didn’t tend to vary much beyond life was going to suck ass. My little side hustles, fucking outside the sacrament of marriage, and generally taking everyone’s name in vain definitely checked the wrong boxes; so, it was always a possibility.
Life after death could also be an eternal purgatory; wandering the wastelands of another realm of reality. Maybe there would be trials I had to endure to enter Elysium. Maybe a big dude with a cat’s head would judge me at the gates of the underworld. Hell, maybe I’d take a cruise down the river Styx that would last an eternity.
“Talk about an eternity, this is taking forever. The anticipation is killing me,” I scoffed, as I snapped my eyes closed at the last nanosecond. Call me a coward, but I couldn’t watch the axe actually take my head off.
The Lady of Winter was going to come down on me with more speed and power than any execution in history; or maybe that was just my ego talking. She really wanted me dead. With morbid fascination, I wondered, if she cut me down so fast, would I even know I was dead for a few seconds? Would my brain think everything was still hunky dory that I’d actually be able to look up at my headless body before everything shutdown and I passed on?
Those were the type of questions I asked myself at the end. In fact, I might already be dead, and this might just be the beginning of my eternal torment: endless questions without answers. I shivered. Like any child of the digital age, I hated not having answers at my fingertips; so, I built up the courage to sneak a peek.
“Oh shit,” I pissed myself when I saw the blade a centimeter away from my nose.
I didn’t have any control as a foul-smelling pool spread out around me, and I was so lost in momentary embarrassment, that I missed the blade not coming any closer to finish the job.
“What the hell?” I carefully moved my head to the side, so I didn’t have the Axe of Damocles literally hanging over me.
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