by Tey Holden
Dumbfounded, Pat pulled Blair to her and whispered. “Is she for real? I like her. Don’t mess up. I’m serious.” Blair chuckled and looked at Pat with a knowing look but said nothing. Pat kept talking to her in whispers as Alex walked out of the office towards Megan. “And I can see that you are already hooked on her. Does she know?”
Blair stopped and grabbed her by her shoulders. “Pat, I need space. I need to keep this cool, please.”
Pat was startled. She had never heard Blair sound so serious in her life. “Sure, babe, sure. I think this is good. Go for it at your pace. I’m glad to see that you’ve found someone good. Good luck.”
“Thanks, Pat. I’ll need it.” She kissed Pat on the cheek. Pat was left speechless. As sweet as she was, it had been years since Blair had kissed her.
Blair joined Megan and Alex at the bar. Soon after, Brooke arrived with a friend. Alex told Blair that she had invited Brooke to join them. She figured that there was safety in numbers.
The music played and the dance floor was packed. Suddenly the music changed from the fast-paced type to slow. A woman came and asked Alex to dance. Simultaneously, Alex took Blair’s hand and pulled her to the dance floor.
“Sorry, my partner here—.” She didn’t finish.
The woman apologized. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize—.” Then she slowly retreated and there was no need for Blair to say anything.
Blair cocked her eyebrow and smiled. “Wow, we are moving fast, your partner?”
“Sorry, it was the first thing that came to my mind. That’s how my moms refer to each other in public sometimes. I didn’t think. It’s just that I’ve always heard partner, or wife. I guess I came into the picture after the girlfriend phase, if there was ever one.” Alex shrugged. “So, it looks like we are going to have to dance this one. Do you mind?”
“No, I’m just a bit surprised. I never thought that you’d be the one asking me to dance.”
Alex smiled. “If this is a first for you, imagine how it feels for me!”
Blair smiled, until she felt Alex’s arm around her neck and saw the greenest eyes, she’d ever seen looking into her own. Having Alex so close was more than she could bear. However, it appeared that there was no retreat possible. The dance floor was packed, and the crowd pressed them against each other. “I don’t know if this is a good idea,” Blair said in a worried tone.
“I don’t think there’s anything we can do, we are trapped here.”
Blair didn’t think she would make it through the whole dance. Having Alex in her arms and being unable to touch her body the way she wanted to touch her was pure torture. Worse yet, was that the situation did not allow maintaining a safe distance, and that they found themselves pressed tightly against each other. Blair thought that if the music didn’t end soon, she was going to have a heart attack. Her hands were frozen on Alex’s waist. She feared that if she moved them even an inch, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself.
Alex noticed Blair’s stiffness, and sensed her apprehension. “It’s okay. I feel fine with you.” Having said that, she brought her other hand around Blair’s neck to meet her other hand already there.
Blair’s knees buckled and in an instinctive response, she tightened her grip around Alex’s waist. She buried her face into Alex’s hair and closed her eyes as if to hold this moment in time forever. Alex’s scent was inebriating. She tried to maintain as much distance as possible between them, but the crowd continued to push them into one another.
When Alex felt the grip of Blair’s arms around her waist and her breath near her ear, she flushed. She brought her hands down to Blair’s shoulders and leaned back enough to find Blair’s eyes on her. Those penetrating blue eyes were burning deep into hers. Alex’s eyes searched Blair’s face. Their lips were so close that it seemed as if a force of nature wanted them closer. For an instance, Alex felt as if she was under some sort of spell and felt a strong desire to kiss her. She immediately felt overheated, and faint, and knew that she had to break away from a situation that she could no longer control. “I need to get out of here. I don’t feel well.”
“Come on. Let’s go.” Blair put her arm around her waist and with the other arm and her body cleared the way for the two of them to move off the dance floor and to the bar.
“Hey! Where are the two of you going?” Brooke called out to them and followed them to the bar.
“Meg, can you get Alex some water, please?” Seeing Alex’s flushed face, Megan brought the water immediately and Alex drank it.
“What’s wrong, Alex?” Brooke asked.
“I don’t know,” Alex replied trying to regain her composure.
“I think it was too warm in there. I’ve always thought that this place could use better airflow on that dance floor,” Blair replied trying to get everyone’s focus away from Alex. “Are you okay?” Blair whispered as she placed her hand on Alex’s back.
Alex nodded again, feeling a little better now. “I’ll be fine.” When she looked up, she found Megan’s eyes, and looked away immediately. It was just an instant but Megan thought that there was more than the heat on the dance floor affecting Alex.
Alex drank her water, still wondering what had just happened. However, all she could think and feel was the warmth of Blair’s embrace, her breath on her neck, the burning desire in the blue eyes, and the incredible wetness between her legs. Oh my God! What is this? I’m attracted to her! She looked at Blair in awe.
“Better now?” Blair asked with a slight smile.
Alex nodded, still deep in thought. Brooke combed Alex’s hair back. “Are you okay, my little grasshopper?” Brooke asked, and Alex nodded, but she continued to look down into her glass of water. Shit! Shit! She’s—! Oh, God!
Megan spoke making an insisting face. “Blair, I think you should take Alex home.”
“Yes, I think that’s a good idea. Come on Alex, we should go. Fresh air will make you feel better.”
Alex nodded and spoke to Megan. “Megan, please, tell Pat that I’ll call her about the books. Good night. Good night, Brookie.”
Blair guided her towards the door. “Here, put on your jacket. It’s warm in here but it’s cold outside. Don’t want you catching a cold. Let me help you with it.” She helped her from the back getting very close to her. Blair closed her eyes and took in her perfume. Heaven couldn’t be so great! She came around her. “Let me help you zip up.” Alex continued to look at her without uttering a word, shocked that she was letting Blair take care of her. Her eyes continued to search the face and the eyes that seemed to have taken possession of her soul.
The ride home was quiet. Blair thought that Alex was still not feeling well.
“Are you alright?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“You gave me a scare in there. You looked flushed and—.”
“I’m fine, Blair. It was too hot, too crowded. I don’t know. I’m sorry for spoiling the night.” Alex seemed upset. She was having trouble trying to understand what happened on the dance floor, and most of all trying to cope and almost afraid to admit that she was attracted to Blair.
“You didn’t spoil anything. I like spending time with you.” When they arrived at Alex’s building garage, Blair opened the door of the car for her and walked her to her flat. Alex was still silent. While driving, Blair had her own concerns and was deep in thought.
“Alex did I do something wrong? Did I make you feel uncomfortable dancing? Is that why you felt sick? Because you felt uncomfortable?”
Alex immediately jumped to respond. “No. It’s not you. It’s me. It was too warm in there. I think I need time to think.”
Blair couldn’t understand why one would need time to think about feeling sick or warm. “Think about what? I did something wrong, and you just don’t want to tell me, didn’t I?” Blair looked anxious wanting to fix whatever was wrong.
Alex held Blair’s forearm while searching her eyes. “Blair, I’m fine, and I need you to go now.”
“Please,
don’t shut me out. If I did something wrong, I need to know so that I can fix it.”
“You did nothing wrong, and I’m not shutting you out. I just need to be alone now and get some rest. I’ll call you tomorrow. I promise.”
“Okay. Call me if you don’t feel better. I can run some tests if—.”
“Please, go.”
“Okay. If that’s what you want.” Blair turned and left. As she rode the elevator down, she felt like crying. What happened? God, what happened? What did I do? She returned home and lay on her bed fully clothed. In her mind, she reviewed the events of the entire night. Everything had been perfect until the dreaded dance. I should have never asked her to go to the bar with me, and much less dance with her. Her long workday and state of anxiety exhausted her, and she fell asleep still in in her clothes.
***
The next morning, she found Megan in the kitchen. “So, what happened to Alex? How’s she doing?”
“I’m not sure, Megan. I just called her, and she says she’s fine. She said she’s going home after work, and that she can’t see me today. Something’s wrong. I think I messed up last night dancing with her. I think I made her uncomfortable.” She sat by the dinner table and leaned her head on her hand. “It was so hard to be so close to her. I really don’t know what happened. All I know is that it got too warm. There were so many people around us all of a sudden. And the way she was looking at me shook me up. I could feel my heartbeat in my throat almost. I tell you, no one has ever put me in such a state of anxiety as she has. It’s like I lose it with her.”
“Sweetie, are you really serious about her? Are you sure this is not just a sexual thing?”
“Meg, I wish.” Blair got up and paced up and down the kitchen. “It would be so much easier if it was just sexual. I’ve never met anyone that has ever made me feel the way she does. Yes, I am damned serious about her. Last night dancing was torture. I thought I was going to combust!”
“Maybe you weren’t the only one who felt that way. Maybe the dance was a good thing.”
Blair looked at her in total surprise. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know, but I’ll tell you what I think. Whatever happened on that dance floor, you had the advantage of knowing what it was. I mean you knew what you were feeling because of your attraction to her. However, if she felt anything like you did, she couldn’t recognize it and was probably confused, and if she recognized it, then she was scared shitless. I’m going for the second because she’s smart and her mothers are lesbians.”
Megan paused and sat down across from Blair on the kitchen table. “Imagine, that you thought yourself straight all your life and all of a sudden you find a woman who makes you feel things you’ve never felt before. Wouldn’t that scare the hell out of you?” She paused again while Blair listened attentively absorbing everything Megan was saying.
“If her mothers are lesbians, she might have felt something she’s seen before, and if she’s running off to moms’ today, she’s looking for comfort and maybe some answers. I could be wrong, but my advice is to give her time and space. Don’t crowd her and don’t rush her. She has to find herself before she takes a plunge with anyone. Just make sure that you are close enough to catch her when she takes the plunge. I think she’s awesome, and I love you, sis. Play your cards well. Be patient!”
“Megan, I’d wait forever for her. As long as there is cold water in the shower, I can wait forever! Do you think this could be possible? That she felt something for me?” Blair raised her eyebrows quizzically
Blair’s facial expression made Megan laugh. “You are good looking, wonderful, and a fabulous catch. I don’t want to say it’s a sure thing, but I wouldn’t give up if I were you. If she means that much to you, give it some time and see what happens.”
Blair was consumed in thought. Could this be true? Could Megan be right?
***
“Mom, M’Addy! I’m home! Where are you?” Alex proclaimed as she came through the door.
Both women had been talking in the family room about the content of Addy’s next story. Addy was trying to decide whether to write the stories of their traveling years, or a story about Alex’s life after she left home. They had been discussing Karen’s suggestion that she continue writing about their life and to leave Alex alone. Karen thought that Alex might not appreciate having her life exposed and insisted that since their lives were already in the public domain, she might as well keep the stories confined to them.
“We are back here, baby, in the family room,” Addy yelled.
“I’m trying to put some sense into your mother,” Karen explained.
Alex rolled her eyes and came in the room gesticulating. “Mom, I don’t want to hear any of your nonsense arguments about you having to watch her from other women, or M’Addy any of your complaints about the green-eyed monster you happen to adore. I don’t want to hear anything of the sort. Just knock it off right now because every time it is the same thing, you put me through a bunch of nonsense and then two minutes later you are all cuddly and kissy-kissy, so I don’t want to hear your ramblings. I have issues to resolve and I need advice.” Of course, Alex spoke in jest. She knew exactly how to deal with them and knew that it was always the same bantering between them.
The women looked at each other. “Do you hear that? Our daughter needs advice. Sit there and listen to her.” Addy commanded and Karen immediately sat down.
Addy patted the sofa for Alex to sit next to her. “Come here. Tell us what’s going on, honey.” Addy was the first one to ask.
Karen remained thoughtful. I smell drama!
“I think I may be a lesbian. Just how do I know this for sure, M’Addy?”
“Great!” Karen pounded the arm of her chair with the palm of her hand and came forward to sit at the edge of the chair. “Have you been hanging out at lesbian bars with Brooke again?”
Addy gave Karen a wide-eyed glance, which Karen knew well how to interpret. She then turned her attention back to Alex. “Baby, what’s going on?”
Feeling like she was not ready to handle the situation, Karen got up. “I think I should go read my book and come back later, if I’m needed at all.” She was ready to walk out when Addy stopped her.
“Oh, no, you don’t! Your daughter is having identity issues, and you must add your two bits. You are staying right where you are!”
Karen pursed her lips and sat back on the sofa. “I don’t see how I can contribute to this conversation. I always knew I was a lesbian. The department of the uncertain belongs to you, Addypooh, and you know it.” Nevertheless, she sat back when she saw the menacing brown eyes looking at her.
Alex laughed. She always loved the way her mothers behaved towards one another. It was as if each knew what the other one was thinking, or as if anything they would say or do would never alter the eternal aura of harmony that bound them together.
“Come on, women, help your daughter!” Alex pleaded.
“Is this about Blair?” Addy asked.
Alex looked at her. “Yes, how come you always know?”
“She’s all you’ve talked about for the last few months, baby. That’s how I know.” Although they had not gone out that many times due to Blair’s schedule. They had texted and talked a lot on the phone.
“Really? I hadn’t noticed.” She was thoughtful. Shit! Shit! Shit! I’m hopeless.
Karen spoke. “I think it’s time we meet the person that has shaken your pillar of confidence.”
“Mom, how can you say that at this moment? You don’t bring someone to meet your parents unless you are serious!”
Karen looked at Addy. “Well, we’ve met Brooke.”
“Brooke is different. She’s my friend.”
Karen continued. “And Blair isn’t?”
Alex sunk on the sofa and covered her face. “I don’t know! That’s what I need to find out.” She looked like she was about to cry. She cried the minute Addy came close and wrapped her arms around her.
“
M’Addy, how did you know?”
Addy comforted her. “There are things we cannot do for you, baby. Life is a journey of self-discovery, and sometimes we have to let our feelings follow their own path.”
When Addy glance towards Karen, she found inquisitive green eyes looking at her. Addy smiled and continued speaking. “That is not to say that we shouldn’t think of the consequences of our acts. We have to always be prepared to live with the choices we make. Have you and her—.” Karen rolled her eyes when she heard Addy’s question.
“No M’Addy. How could you even think about that at a moment like this? For God’s sake! I don’t know what I’m doing! And I certainly don’t want to mislead her. She’s too good for that, she deserves better.” Both women looked at each other.
“Alex, I might have said that I was a lesbian to fit some sort of conventionalism and fall into a sort of category of people, but to this day, I don’t really know. All I know is that I fell in love with the most wonderful woman in the world. I gave my heart to her, she took it and cared for it very well, and here we are. I will also tell you that although I have never been with any other woman, or even looked at any other woman with any type of desire, since day one I felt a passion for your mother I have never felt for anyone else.” She turned and spoke to Karen. “Ker, you may want to go now. I don’t think that you’d want to hear what I’m about to tell our daughter.”
Karen felt her heart begin to beat faster. Addy sometimes had a way to propel her to the point of almost tachycardia. Karen couldn’t believe how open Addy was with Alex. And Alex always seemed to take it as if it was the morning’s news. To this day, Karen still couldn’t believe how Alex had turned out to be so much like Addy. “I’m not moving from here. I don’t think I can now, even if I wanted to. Besides, I’ve never left you with a hot potato in you r hands. No offense, Alex.”
Alex chuckled. “None taken, Mom.”
“Very well. Alex, in addition to all I’ve said already, your mother and I are great in the sack.” Alex started to laugh.
“Oh God!” Karen turned firehouse red, covered her face, and remained quiet.