Return to Totara Park

by Shirley Wine

  “Am I?” Quentin was unmoved as he met Jared’s shocked eyes. “Dad knew what he was doing banishing them both from here.”

  Jared paled, his mouth clenching, the muscle at the corner of his cheek twitching. He met his brother’s eyes, one hand clenched into a tight fist. “I think you’d better explain.”

  “While Winsome lived here they—” Quentin paused and flicked a finger at Gaelen and Paige, “tortured her with their verbal abuse. They made her life a living hell. And you, my dear brother, were too damn blind to even see how desperately frightened and unhappy your own wife was.”

  He walked towards the door, opened it and then paused, one hand on the door handle. No one moved or spoke, the hush was absolute. He met Jared’s gaze, his expression so serious goose bumps skittered across Winsome’s skin.

  “Tonight, Jared, you are responsible for Lacey’s and Winsome’s safety under this roof.”

  The blunt words sat in a shocked, pulsing silence. Quentin looked first at his mother, then at his sister. No one moved or spoke. Then he looked at her and Jared.

  “It will never do to have another accidental death at Totara Park.”

  Chapter Three

  Winsome rubbed a duster over immaculate surfaces, too keyed up to sit and wait for Jared to arrive. Those awful scenes after the reading of Harvey’s will kept replaying through her mind in a continuous circuit.

  After Quentin’s horrifying words, Jared had turned on his mother and sister. Winsome thought she’d seen him in all his moods but found she’d been mistaken.

  “I thought Dad was being too harsh, but he’s obviously made the right call. I don’t know what the hell went on in this house when my back was turned but I want you both packed and gone, the sooner the better.”

  “Jared, no,” Gaelen had cried wounded.

  “Don’t.” He held up a hand. “Neither of you have anything to say that I want to hear. Tonight while Lacey and Winsome are my guests, my apartment is just that, mine. Keep out and remember, I’m a very light sleeper.”

  Even two weeks later the memory was enough to make her shiver.

  The quietness of the house unsettled her. She’d arranged for Lacey to visit with her friend, Susie so she was safely out of earshot, should a quarrel erupt.

  Why was Jared coming?

  In all the years they’d been apart he’d never once visited and now—

  The strident ring of the doorbell sent her heart crashing against her ribs and blood thundering through her veins. She swiped clammy hands against the legs of her jeans, took a few deep, steadying breaths and then opened the door to her estranged husband.

  “May I come in?”

  Winsome swallowed, her mouth going even drier. Dressed in jeans and a dark, silky turtleneck shirt that accentuated his tawny gold hair, he was so handsome he took her breath away.

  “Of course.” She stepped back to allow him entry trying to conceal her resentment at his intrusion in her private space. She saw him glance around. “Lacey’s at her friend’s house. I thought it best that we have privacy to talk.”

  He nodded, his expression resigned and Winsome knew he was disappointed even as he said, “Good thinking. I wouldn’t want her as upset as she was last time.”

  This allusion to the confrontation with Gaelen and Paige made Winsome nervous. Covertly she watched as he prowled around, overwhelming her living room with his vital presence.

  “Nice place you have here.”

  Jared had to know Harvey had bought this unit to give her the security of her own home. “Please sit down. Would you like a coffee?”

  Jared sat in one of the big chairs she’d bought cheaply and recovered in a bright chintz fabric.

  “Not at the moment.” He glanced up at her and grimaced. “Sit down, Winsome, and stop hovering. I’m not going to hurt you.”

  Discomforted, she perched on the edge of a chair. “Why have you come?”

  Between them lay hurt and bitterness. Never once during their separation had he visited. Not even Lacey’s birth had softened his harsh ultimatum.

  It had taken Harvey’s death and that preposterous will to make Jared relent.

  “We need to discuss Totara Park.”

  “Of course.” Winsome flared, her voice laced with bitter sarcasm.

  His eyebrows shot up. “It’s too late to profess lack of interest in Totara Park.” He gestured a hand at her surroundings. “This was paid for by my work on the property.”

  A humiliated flush flooded her face. She looked away, muttering, “I’ve never denied that.”

  His dark frown made him even more forbidding. “It was my responsibility to provide for you and Lacey. I don’t regret anything my father spent to ensure you both had a decent standard of living. I’ve come to you because I need your help.”

  That both startled and angered her. She resented being considered a responsibility but his admission of needing her help was surprising. “Why?”

  “Mother and Paige have moved out of Totara Park.” His voice and expression were so carefully neutral, Winsome was wary. “I’d like you to return with me. Today.”

  “Today?” she echoed before adding in a panic stricken voice, “I can’t.”

  Jared sighed and she guessed he’d expected her refusal. He stood up and walked across to the window, his back stiff. Winsome stared at him, worrying her lower lip. It was so unlike the man she remembered to be indecisive or at a loss for words. He turned, leaning his shoulder against the window frame, his relaxed pose at variance to his tense features.

  “It’s not quite that simple. I’ve been through Dad’s will with Max Harpur. It’s watertight. Unless you return we both lose. You may be prepared to whistle a fortune down the wind, but I’m not. I’ve invested my life in that property.”

  The bitter words made her flinch but she could understand them. He’d worked the property for years in the expectation it would be his, unencumbered, when his father died. It had consumed his time, energy and capital.

  “I know all that.” She twisted her hands in her lap. “I just don’t understand your urgency.”

  For several pulsing moments he watched her, his eyes filled with conflicting messages. “You do intend fulfilling the terms of Dad’s will?”

  Did she? For long moments she just stared at him. Much as she resented it she knew she had no real choice.

  “Yes,” she said in a choked whisper.

  “Then what difference does it make if it’s today or in two weeks’ time?” He crossed the space and took her hands in his.

  What difference indeed?

  “None I suppose,” she said with grudging reluctance. “I just hate what Harvey has done.”

  “And you think I don’t?”

  Of course he had to hate it. Jared was not short on pride and his father’s actions had lacerated his pride and self-esteem. Harvey had literally sold his son down the river.

  “There’s no way out?”

  “None. Will you come back to Totara Park with me, Winsome?”

  For years she’d dreamed of hearing Jared say these words, she’d fantasised about how and when he’d say them, and more than once she’d cried herself to sleep over them, but never had she expected to hear them said in a situation like this. It irked her that she still cared enough for this man that she couldn’t refuse his plea for help. So what did that make her? A fool?

  “Yes, I’ll return to Totara Park.” She wasn’t willing to scrutinize those thoughts too closely.

  “Thank you.” He squeezed her hands.

  “But why today?”

  “Why not?” His expression was wry. “I have all day to do nothing. So today’s as good a day as any to help you shift.”

  “The stock?”

  “The last of them went yesterday together with all the machinery.” The words were quiet but contained a wealth of bitterness.

  Winsome felt a stirring of compassion.

  Jared’s input into breeding up the Totara Park Angus Stud herd was huge. S
he well remembered the hours of work he put in before every sale and his pride and jubilation when price records tumbled. He must consider the dispersal of the herd an act of gross betrayal.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered laying her hand on his. “That had to be tough.”

  Jared turned towards her and caught her hands in his. She looked into his eyes and her breath caught in her throat. Slowly, giving time for her to pull away, he slid his hands up her arms and onto her shoulders, his amber eyes gentle.

  “It was tough.” He moved his hand upwards until it lay against her cheek. “As tough as what’s been asked of you.”

  The temptation to move her face, to rub against that hand, feel it stroke her with affection like some love-starved cat, almost overwhelmed her. It had been too long since she’d been held and loved by this man.

  The need sneaked up on her, catching her unawares. The hunger to once again be held in Jared’s arms, to have him love her, was a physical ache.

  Those days have gone, girl. The mocking inner voice brought her down to earth with a bang. She’d left this man, walked out on him and, to Jared that was as big a betrayal as his father’s will.

  You had good reason to leave. Dr Cartwright’s gruff voice ghosted through her mind. No one will hold leaving against you. Not even Jared, if he knew.

  But Jared doesn’t know. He can’t know, because she’d never told him.

  “Harvey’s wishes have hurt us all.” His expression was very sober. “Do you want me to help you pack?”

  “I suppose so.” She sighed, giving in to the inevitable, wishing she had the ability to see into the future. She looked around, undecided where to start, unsure even, if there would be room for her things at Totara Park. “Shall I take everything?”

  Jared just looked at her, his expression torn.

  “We certainly need everything.” His smile was wry and seeing her bewilderment added, “If you could see the homestead, you’d understand. Mother not only moved out,” he shook his head in disbelief, “she took everything. There’s not even a cup or knife in the kitchen.”

  For a moment Winsome stared him, stunned. Only Gaelen could have taken Harvey’s words to such literal extremes.

  “I see.” And she did. Jared’s presence, his insistence on moving today made perfect sense.

  “There’s no way we can afford to refurbish the homestead until the farm is again paying its own way. And it seems silly to duplicate what you already have when our resources are so low.”

  The words were reasonable, eminently practical and impossible to refute but Winsome found herself struggling to hold back anger and resentment as the true reason for his visit hit her.

  But she’d given her word, and she never went back on her word.

  Quentin’s warning rose, stark and uncompromising. Jared has a right to know the truth, preferably before you return to Totara Park.

  Winsome agreed, but looking at Jared, she lacked the courage to explain why she had walked out on their marriage, on him.

  She held few illusions.

  Agreeing to return was tacit agreement for their marriage to resume at the most basic level. Maybe not today but in the near future they would again become lovers. It was inconceivable for them to live, cheek by jowl, in the same house and not be lovers. And this instinctive knowledge both frightened and excited her.

  She fought down her fears and helped him pack all the accoutrements gathered over the past five years.

  She would, she decided, take each day as it came.

  .oOo.

  When they reached Totara Park, Winsome stared about her in stunned disbelief. Jared had told her, but seeing for herself— The homestead echoed hollowly.

  Surveying the bleak, empty rooms she struggled to grasp the enormity of Gaelen’s malice toward the son she loved so obsessively.

  Jared had not exaggerated.

  Gaelen had taken not only the furniture; she had stripped the house of everything. She’d even pulled up the carpets and taken down the curtains. How would they keep warm? With the bitter cold of a Waikato winter fast approaching, this would be no easy matter. Lacey clung to her mother’s side, her eyes wide.

  “Pretty grim, isn’t it?” Jared gave a weak grin.

  “Surely she couldn’t have needed everything.” Winsome bit her lip in apprehension. “Can you not request Max Harpur insist she bring some of the furnishings back?”

  Jared wasn’t offended, Gaelen’s vindictiveness had tarnished the image she worked so hard to cultivate, that of a classy woman with a true kindness of heart.

  “I don’t for one moment think she did.” He lifted his hands and then let them fall, the helpless gesture tugged at her heart. “This is about her anger with Dad, and as he’s beyond her power she’s taken his final decree to the letter of the law. She is within her rights.”

  This so closely echoed her own thoughts that hope, soft and sweet, warmed a little of the chill around Winsome’s heart. Without Gaelen and Paige, did they have a real chance of rekindling the embers of their marriage?

  The blast of a truck horn had Jared striding to the door. Lacey went to dash after him but Winsome caught her by the arm.

  “That’s the truck with our furniture, sweetheart,” she cautioned gently, knowing she would never survive losing another child. “You must stay well clear.”

  The noise of the men unloading her meagre possessions echoed through the empty rooms. One of them said loudly, “Geeze mate. You’ll need more than this to furnish this barn.”

  Winsome winced but conceded he had a point. She wandered through the denuded house, disconsolate and despairing. How could they even begin to turn this empty barracks of a house into anything resembling a home?

  Look on the bright side, she admonished herself silently, Gaelen wasn’t able to remove the paint and wallpaper.

  Then from the empty rooms came the mocking echo of Gaelen’s scorn.

  Winsome shivered as trepidation seeped into her bones, along with the ghostly echoes of baby laughter. With a muffled sob she held her hands over her ears.

  Was it possible to banish the evil legacy Gaelen had left behind?

  After the truck left, Jared came up behind her, putting a hand on her drooping shoulder.

  “I’ve put the tea things in the kitchen. Why not make us some lunch and then we’ll get everything straight afterwards.” He squeezed her shoulder encouragingly. “It won’t be too bad.”

  Glad of something constructive to do, Winsome went to the kitchen and rummaged through the boxes on the bench. She found the kettle, filled it and plugged it in before rummaging in a box for glassware, plates and knives. In another box were the supplies they had bought at the supermarket. While she heated soup and grilled cheese toasties for their lunch, Jared re-assembled her small dining table.

  “I’ll set this up in here,” he said briskly, fitting it neatly in the breakfast nook that overlooked the kitchen gardens. “Mother left the carpet in the dining room, so I suggest we use that as a sitting room. The log fire there will keep us warm. We’ll set our beds up in my apartment. It’s the only place we can heat properly.”

  His practical suggestions made sense. There was little point trying to heat empty rooms they would never use. Already the kitchen was cosier with the table and chairs and the warming smell of food.

  “Lunch is ready. Wash your hands Lacey,” Winsome called her daughter away from playing with Casper in the empty lounge.

  “I’ll take her to the bathroom.” Jared took her hand and Lacey skipped off beside him.

  Winsome watched them, envy in her heart. Jared was so relaxed and open with Lacey and so guarded and resentful with her. Would he understand or forgive when he knew the truth?

  She forced the agonising question to the back of her mind.

  After lunch, they set to work, unpacking and arranging the rooms they had decided to use as their base living quarters in the huge homestead. The phone shrilled, the sound loud and echoing in the bare rooms. Jared answ
ered it and came looking for her to find her kneeling shelving books on the bookshelf moved from his apartment.

  “Quentin and Catherine have asked us over for dinner so we don’t have to cook tonight. Is that okay with you?”

  Relief at the reprieve from spending the whole evening with him had her nodding. “I’d really appreciate that.”

  Jared returned, his brows drawn in a frown. “Quentin’s got a good business head, he may be able to suggest ways we can generate a cash flow until we can afford to restock the farm.”

  Unable to think of anything to say, Winsome remained silent. She glanced at Jared and his brooding, watchful expression sent panic skittering along her nerves.

  What had she let herself in for by agreeing to return here?

  Tamping down her anxiety, she focused on the task of converting the huge, echoing house into something resembling a home. While Jared set up their beds in the emptied apartment sitting room, she unpacked their clothes and Lacey unpacked her boxes. When Winsome tentatively suggested she share the room with Lacey, Jared’s reserved smile increased her apprehension about the coming night.

  She stared sightlessly at a book she held. Warmth and longing radiated through the coldness that had permeated her body for so long, making a mockery of her nervousness. If only she could look into a crystal ball and see the future. She exhaled a gusty sigh. If only…they were the two most useless words in the English language.

  With an impatient sigh she continued with the job at hand.

  Tonight, she thought with grim fatalism, tonight she may be able to get a handle of where their dislocated marriage was headed.

  Lacey, happily unaware of the undercurrents raging between her parents, was busy arranging her dolls and toys.

  With the bedrooms organised, they worked on converting the previously formal dining room into a comfortable sitting room. Her chintz covered chairs blended with the more elegant furniture from his apartment, giving the room a colourful country look, so different from the oppressive heavy furniture Gaelen had preferred.

  Jared lit the fire, adding to the friendlier ambience.