“Ahh,” Izzy nodded in understanding. “You need to get laid.”
Jack didn’t bother to deny it.
“Okay, why don’t we just contact this list of ten and see who can come in next Tuesday? We’ll interview whoever can make it.” Izzy raised her eyebrows at Jack in question. He nodded. “Do you want me to call or will you do it?”
Jack grabbed the pile from Izzy. “I’ll do it. It’s my company.”
Izzy giggled. “Never said it wasn’t, grumpy pants.” She stood and gathered her things before heading to the door. “See you on Sunday!”
Chapter 4
Don’t disappoint us
Jack pulled up to Izzy’s house. He groaned when he realized he was the last to arrive, which irritated the living daylights out of him for some reason. What was wrong with him? He was bored and restless, felt jumpy all the time, and didn’t know what to do with himself. He supposed he could blame Izzy for getting married and dumping him, but she hadn’t, had she? Nope, she just kept on being his sweet girl on whom he could always count. She even made sure not to come in between his friendship with Noel.
With a sigh, which made Jack even more annoyed with himself, he got out of the car and walked to the front door. Knowing the geriatric knitting posse was around, he didn’t fear walking in on Izzy and Jack re-enacting Boogie Nights and strolled inside. He could hear laughter from the sun porch where the group was gathered.
He took a big breath and forced a smile on his face. “Your man-candy has arrived, ladies!”
The group of grandmas immediately began to giggle like they were teenagers instead of the senior citizens they were.
“Jackie my boy,” shouted Betty. She patted the seat next to her. “Come sit here.”
Jack raised an eyebrow at her. He didn’t trust Betty any more than he could knit a purl stitch, whatever the heck that was.
Although Jack loved this club of gray-haired knitting wonders and would do just about anything for them, he knew what they really were under their perfectly coiffured looks – troublemakers. They fooled most people into believing they were sweet, little old ladies who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Yeah right. They were troublemakers with a capital ‘T’ and wouldn’t hesitate to bring him, Izzy, or Noel into a shit storm of their own creation, laughing the entire way.
The knitting group used to be part of Izzy’s grandmother’s posse, but Izzy and Noel adopted them after her grandmother was killed. After the knitters, together with Izzy and Jack and maybe the slightest bit of help from Detective Noel, solved Grandma’s murder, the entire group became inseparable. Izzy decided to carry on the tradition of monthly knitting meetings at Grandma’s house, which was now hers. Additionally, the group liked to drop by at the house whenever the mood struck them. Jack wondered how they had managed not to walk in on Izzy and Noel going at it like jackrabbits. Maybe they used the doorbell?
Jack sighed and went to sit next to Betty. Betty was the head honcho of the so-called knitting club. If she wanted you to sit next to her, you were going to sit next to her come hell or high water. Unfortunately, that usually meant she was up to no good. Although to be fair when was she ever not up to no good?
Izzy, wonderful woman that she was, handed him a glass of lemonade and winked. He took a sip and it burned all the way down. “What the hell,” he coughed.
Izzy shrugged. “I didn’t taste test it. Too strong?”
The knitters peered at Izzy with questions in their eyes, but Jack was oblivious. “Just a bit. I’ll be sending you the bill for my esophagus transplant.”
“I don’t even think they do those.” Izzy murmured as she tripped onto Noel’s lap. Noel righted her and pulled her close.
Betty set down her knitting and looked at Jack. When she crossed her hands in her lap like a prim old lady, Jack knew he was in for it. “Are you seeing anyone at the moment?” she asked.
Jack choked on another sip of lemonade. “What?” Although the ladies were really cool, especially for their age group, about his sexual orientation, they didn’t discuss his love life. He assumed that was because, like many people, they were cool knowing he was gay, but they didn’t need to know any details. He was worried something was about to change.
“Are you seeing someone?” Betty asked again slowly as if he hadn’t understood the first time. Uh-oh. He was most definitely in trouble.
“He’s not,” Izzy answered for him. “And he needs to get laid.”
Giggles erupted all around him except for Ally, who blushed and hid her face. Ally was really a sweet old lady, although she had a naughty streak, which sometimes ended with Jack getting his butt pinched. He thought it was cute, but still acted outraged whenever she managed to gather the courage to come near his tight tush. He always had a soft spot for shy Ally, especially since she was the one to discover Grandma’s body.
“Oh, good,” Betty clapped her hands. Clapping hands was never good. He raised an eyebrow at Betty and waited. “We have the perfect man for you!”
Jack groaned and hid his face in his hands. This is what his life was reduced to? Getting set up on blind dates by eighty-year-old grandmas? He was pretty sure this was the definition of pathetic.
Betty slapped him on the shoulder, although, between his muscles and her dainty hands, it was more like a tap. “Shush you. He is absolutely lovely. Comes to church every Sunday. All alone. Such a lovely, young man.”
In addition to knitting together, the group went to church together. Jack had a sneaking suspicion that the gang met to ‘knit’ on Sunday afternoons just so they could gossip about happenings at church. He should probably feel sorry for their pastor, but he couldn’t help but be thankful that there were others who were sometimes the target of their shenanigans. Unfortunately, it looked like he currently had a bulls eye painted on his chest.
Martha placed a piece of paper in his hand, and he looked down to see a phone number. “Now that’s Tommy’s telephone number,” Betty filled in. “He’s expecting your call. Don’t disappoint us.” Instead of getting guilt-tripped by his mother and grandmother, he had a whole group of grandmas to guilt-trip him. He shouldn’t complain since his family had disowned him when he came out, but it could be a bit suffocating at times.
Jack looked up and smiled at Martha who was still touching his arm after having placed the paper in his hand. Martha never said much, but he wondered if she ever got the chance.
“He’s a cutie pie,” Martha whispered and Jack held back from snorting. Was there any young man that these women didn’t find cute?
“Cutie pie?” Betty grunted. “That man is hot. H-o-t, hot!”
Izzy giggled from her perch on Noel’s lap. Jack gave her his best evil eye, but she just stuck her tongue out at him. “You’ve got nothing to lose, Jack. Just go for it!” He raised his eyebrow at her enthusiasm. Before she could push him any further, Noel put his hand over his mouth. She bit him but kept quiet.
“So Jack, how’s the hiring going?” Noel asked and thus saved him from further assault. The smile Jack blessed Noel with, would have melted Noel’s boxers if he batted for Jack’s team. Noel recognized the smile for the thank you it was and gave Jack a chin lift.
Jack spent the next two hours chatting away with Noel, Izzy, and the knitting club. He only sipped on the one lemonade because it was lethal. Obviously, Izzy was losing her touch with mixing drinks. When he got up to leave, he thought he’d managed to escape.
He was wrong.
“Now Jack,” Betty said while she continued to knit. “We expect a progress report on your date at the next knitting get together.”
Damn.
“Yes, ma’am,” Jack responded because what else could he say?
Izzy followed him to the door but instead of opening it, she crowded him. “What’s going on Jack?”
“What do you mean?” He put his best innocent, young boy expression on his face.
“Oh, can it. You can’t fool me.” She planted her hands on her hips and waited.
Fi
nally, Jack sighed and shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m restless.”
Izzy took a deep breath before responding. “Is it your birthday? Turning forty’s a bitch, Jack. Trust me, I know.”
Jack shook his head. How did he ever think he could fool this woman? She may be klutzy and open her mouth when she shouldn’t, but she was also his best friend and knew him better than he knew himself.
“It’s just a number,” she said, and Jack grunted.
“That’s not what you thought when you hit the big 4 – 0.” She nodded in agreement and then shrugged.
“I was wrong.” Izzy pulled Jack into a hug before opening the door. “We’ll talk.” Which was never a good thing to hear.
Chapter 5
What kind of name is Fred for a woman?
Jack was as grumpy as ever when Tuesday arrived. He’d gone out fishing for some company two nights in the past week without success. No one seemed even remotely interesting. Or, if they did, he’d already hit that and wasn’t going back for seconds. Jack didn’t do seconds unless he was in a relationship. He didn’t mind doing relationships, but he wouldn’t do a relationship just to get lucky on a regular basis. He needed a spark; preferably a plethora of hot, toe-curling sparks. The pickings were so slim that he was even kind of, sort of looking forward to the blind date set-up by the gray-haired lady crew.
He sighed as he waited for Izzy to arrive for the interviews. She had insisted on being part of the interview process. For some reason, she was worried that Jack would just hire the best-looking candidate. Eye roll. He might be a bit shallow and obsessed with looks, but he wasn’t a complete idiot. He did own a successful business after all.
The first interview was scheduled at half past nine and Izzy breezed into the office fifteen minutes beforehand carrying a huge telltale pink box that could only be filled with donuts. He was going to need to start running more often if she was going to bring donuts every time she came to the office.
Izzy plopped down on the chair next to Jack, grabbed two folders out of her bag, and handed one to Jack.
“What’s this?” Jack asked as he opened the box of donuts and grabbed a chocolate glazed one.
Izzy pushed a napkin at him before responding. “A list of interview questions.” She gave Jack her best duh look.
“Whatever,” Jack mumbled but was secretly happy to have a plan of action. He knew he could count on Izzy.
The first candidate arrived promptly at 9:30 or at least his mom did. Danny ushered an elderly matron with a stern bun into Jack’s office and made a hasty retreat.
Jack just stared at her until Izzy cleared her throat and poked him in the ribs. “I’m sorry,” she said when Jack kept staring. “We were expecting someone named Fred. Is that you?”
The woman looked first at Jack and then at Izzy. “Of course that’s not me,” she snapped. “What kind of name is Fred for a woman?”
“Err.. um,” Izzy stumbled. “Do you know where Fred is?”
The woman rolled her eyes and harrumphed. “He’s in the bathroom. He always gets nervous at interviews.”
“Um. Okay,” Izzy was quick to respond when she saw Jack opening his mouth. Knowing Jack, nothing appropriate was coming out of his mouth at the moment. “Can you have a seat outside while we conduct the interview?” Izzy could do prim and proper when necessary.
The woman gave Izzy the evil eye before turning on her heel and walking out. They never saw Fred.
Jack was licking his fingers when Danny ushered in the next candidate.
“Hi!” the enthusiastic candidate nearly shouted. “I’m Tim!” That part was definitely shouted.
Jack and Izzy stood to shake the man’s hand. He swayed a bit as he leaned forward. Jack took a sniff but didn’t smell anything untoward. Tim collapsed in his seat while Jack stared at his hand in disgust. Tim’s hands were sweaty. Jack’s mouth pulled tight in a grimace and his nose scrunched in displeasure.
“So Tim. Why do you want this job?” Izzy’s voice was overly enthusiastic in an attempt to bring Tim’s attention to her so he wouldn’t see Jack’s grimace. She needed not to have bothered. Tim had leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. When he didn’t respond, Izzy snapped her fingers. “Tim?”
He started. “Huh? What?”
“Have you been drinking?” Jack didn’t even bother to ask in a polite manner.
Tim shrugged. “Just a tiny drink to settle my nerves.”
Jack stood. “Okay. Thanks a lot for coming. We’ll be in touch.”
Tim looked confused but managed to struggle to his feet and lurch out of the door. Izzy was giggling uncontrollably by the time Jack sat back down. He snorted. “At least this isn’t boring.”
An hour later, Jack had changed his mind. The third and fourth interviews were tedious. Like he was going to hire someone wearing a gray, off-the-rack suit to work in his company. He laid his head on the table, careful not to mess up his hair, and turned pleading eyes to Izzy. “Can we please have lunch now?”
Izzy shook her head. “Nope, we have another interview before lunch.”
“I hate you,” Jack whispered as the door opened again. Danny ushered in a beautiful man and Jack perked up immediately. Izzy gave him a sidelong glance, but he ignored her. Things were looking up.
“This is Damien,” Danny said in a breathless voice before backing slowly out of the office, eyes glued to the man-candy that was Damien.
Izzy jumped up to shake his hand. Jack just stared until she kicked him in the shin. Then he stood up as well, but he looked like he was in a trance as he reached forward to shake Damien’s hand. Izzy had to cover her mouth to keep from giggling.
“So,” Izzy began once everyone had sat down and Jack had inspected Damien from top to toe. “Why do you want to work here?”
Damien turned his dazzling smile on Izzy and winked. “Seriously? This store is awesome.”
“Are you a cross-dresser?” Jack asked, before Izzy had a chance to kick him again.
“No,” he shook his head. “But I think it’s great that someone is willing to have a store dedicated to cross-dressers in such a small town in Oklahoma of all places.”
“You do realize that a significant portion of the store’s income comes from the big and beautiful women’s section,” Izzy pointed out.
Damien waved his hand in dismissal of her objection. “But that’s great as well. Everyone should have good clothing options.” He looked at Jack for confirmation and Jack nearly took his head off nodding in agreement. Izzy had to stifle yet another laugh.
Jack cradled his head in his hands with his elbows on the table staring at Damien. Obviously it was up to Izzy to conduct this interview. “Tell us about your work experience.”
The interview lasted 30 minutes, but Jack couldn’t tell you one single thing that was said during that time. He was too busy trying to keep drool from spilling out of his mouth. Izzy cleared her throat and Jack realized that everyone was standing. He quickly jumped to his feet and shook Damien’s hand, holding on for as long as possible. Damien gave him a megawatt smile before turning to leave.
Izzy collapsed in the chair and turned squinted eyes on Jack. “No.”
Jack flounced into his chair and decided to play innocent. “Whatever do you mean, my dear?” He might be overdoing the innocent thing.
Izzy leaned back in the chair and crossed her arms over her chest. “We are not hiring Damien just because you think he’s hot.” Jack huffed. “You didn’t even listen to his interview! Let alone participate.” Izzy sighed. “Let’s have lunch and then we still have three more interviews.”
They ordered in subs from the sandwich shop across the street. During lunch, Izzy tried to discuss the various candidates with Jack. Well, except for Fred and Tim because that wasn’t happening. “But I want Damien,” Jack insisted in a whine. “Number three and four were boring.”
Izzy threw her hands up in defeat. “You are so frustrating!” Luckily, Danny chose that moment to arrive with the fir
st afternoon interview.
“This is Josh,” Danny said and made a hasty retreat.
After shaking hands and having a seat, the room was quiet. Izzy threw Jack a look to tell him to get things started, but he just shook his head.
Izzy growled but started the interview. “So, Josh. Tell us why you want to work here?”
Josh smiled. “Well,” he said and stalled. He looked around the room as if his answer could be found lurking in the corner. His eyes lit up when he saw the donut box that had been shoved to the side of the conference table while Izzy and Jack lunched. “May I?” He asked, but he was already leaning to the side to open the box and grab a donut.
Izzy smiled. “Sure.” She waited while he took a not small bite of donut. “So, why do you want to work here?”
Ten minutes later, Izzy still wasn’t sure why Josh wanted to work at Fabulous, Darling, Jack was staring at Izzy in triumph, and there were three donuts less in the box. While Josh wiped his hands on his slacks and Jack cringed at the gesture, Izzy stood and held out her hand. “Well, Josh, thanks for coming in today. We’ll be in touch.”
Josh looked up in surprise but then shrugged and stood. “Thanks,” he said before using his sticky hand to shake hands with Izzy. When he stuck out his hand toward Jack, Jack just cringed and leaned backward. Another shrug and Josh was gone.
Before the door was even shut, Jack was turning to Izzy. “See,” was all he said.
Izzy refused to be swayed. “We still have three decent candidates.”
“Oh come on,” Jack sneered. “You don’t remember the names of candidates three and four any more than I do.”
Izzy started to respond, but it was useless. Jack was right, and she was the world’s worst liar. Jack smiled in triumph. “One more interview,” was all Izzy said, not bothering to try and defend herself when it would be obvious what a liar she was. Jack could read Izzy like an open book.
After fifteen minutes of silence between the best friends, during which Jack played Candy Crush on his phone and Izzy tried to find reasons to justify hiring anyone but Damien, Danny arrived with a middle-aged man in tow.
The Gray-Haired Knitting Detective Series: (Books 1 - 3) Page 17