by Marilyn Land
However, there were many lighter moments, as well. Some of the army personnel who ended up as patients were injured during training exercises. One young man who shot himself in the foot while on such an exercise was visibly embarrassed by his predicament when asked by the Ward Sister what had happened. His explanation didn’t help the situation any when nearby patients who heard his every word roared with laughter.
All too soon, she had been at Birmingham for over two years, and aside from several visits home, her life was pretty much centered on her studies. On the occasions when she went home, she travelled by train, and her father picked her up at the Charing Cross Station. For the most part, these visits were strained, and she bristled under her mother’s constant questions. Although she had always been Pops’ Girl, growing up she had a good relationship with her Mum. They only began drifting apart when for some reason she disagreed with Lexi’s reaction to Jake not having contacted her before leaving to join the RAF. This continued to puzzle her.
She became friendly with two of the student nurses—Betsy Bromwell and Lily Martin. Whenever they had some free time, they went into the surrounding towns and had dinner or just relaxed and talked about some of the patients they had encountered.
Both Betsy and Lily grew up on the outskirts of London, so the girls often talked about celebrating in the City when they finished their studies and became full fledged nurses.
One Friday evening as she was looking forward to having both Saturday and Sunday off, she arrived home after classes and was surprised to see her father standing beside his car waiting for her.
She quickened her pace and gave him a big hug. “Hi Pops. What are you doing here? Where’s Mum?”
“Your mother is home. I was up this way on business, and I thought I’d have dinner with you. I hope I’m not upsetting any plans you may have.
“Well, I do have plans, but Betsy and Lily will understand. Give me a few minutes to change out of my uniform and freshen up a bit, and we can be on our way. I know of several good places to eat that I’m sure you’ll just love.”
Lexi raced up the steps, told her friends that she was having dinner with her father, and decided to take a quick shower. The hot water felt good on her aching back, but her Pops was waiting, and she didn’t want to keep him any longer than necessary.
He left the car parked outside her building. It was a nice evening, and they opted to take the twenty-minute walk to City Centre. “What are you up for Pops? Are you hungry, want a few beers, or what?
“I just want to enjoy a nice quiet dinner with you; nothing too noisy like a pub, but it doesn’t have to be too fancy either.”
“Fine, I know just the place—Oak Hill. I know the couple that owns it; their daughter is one of the nursing students. She started her studies a couple of months ago.”
They were seated at a small table in the back away from the noise coming from the bar, which allowed them to speak without shouting. They took the waitress’ suggestion and ordered the day’s Special—Fish and Chips. It was perfect. They talked about school; her father caught her up to speed on her brothers who were attending Cambridge Medical School. They chose to share a dessert, and the waitress served their tea, and left the pot on the table.
Suddenly, her father grew quiet. “I’m afraid I haven’t been too truthful with you about my visit. I had no business to attend to up this way; I specifically came to see you. I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news; Mum is very ill—she’s been diagnosed with lung cancer. For weeks, she has undergone every test imaginable. We’ve consulted with doctors who referred us to specialists, seeking in earnest the best possible treatment available. This has all taken quite a toll on both of us.
“Yesterday, we had an appointment to meet with the doctors and consider our options to proceed. All our hopes were dashed when we were told that the doctors concluded in agreement that because the cancer is advanced and has begun to spread throughout her body, we have no options. They’ve given her a month or two at the most, and advised us to set up a hospice in our home to keep her as comfortable and pain free as possible for whatever time she has left.”
Lexi sat quietly in disbelief at what her father told her. A wave of guilt washed over her as she thought of her recent relationship with her dear Mum as totally her fault. “I’m speechless. I had no idea she was not feeling well. How long has this been going on? When I saw her a couple of months ago, she was her usual bubbly self, and in speaking with her from school, she kept me up-to-date on the many luncheons and committees and volunteering for so many events, all for the war effort. Meanwhile, she was neglecting her own needs.”
“It does sound quite unbelievable. The worst part is that I’m a physician, and I can’t help her. My dear, sweet Elise has always been strong and very healthy. The first sign was a severe pain in her chest. At first, the doctors thought it was her heart, but after a series of tests, they realized the pain was caused by a large mass in her lungs. Ultimately they diagnosed her with lung cancer. By that time, the cancer had already spread.”
“How is she taking all of this? She must be so scared. Oh Pops, I have to take a leave of absence from my studies. I’ll come home with you and spend what little time we have left, together. Actually, I’ve come far enough in my nursing studies to be of help in taking care of her. I want to help any way I can.”
Manny Portman never loved his daughter more than at that moment. He drove to Birmingham with such a heavy heart not knowing exactly how he was going to tell Lexi about her Mum. It was without question the hardest thing he had ever had to do. But then, as a physician, he had been the bearer of bad news to many over the years he had been in practice, just not to his family.
They left the restaurant and walked briskly back to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital. After a few calls, they were seated opposite Lexi’s Ward Sister and an administrative representative requesting a leave of absence.
She left notes for Betsy and Lily stating that she would call them and explain, gathered a few of her things, and in less than an hour, they were driving back to London, each lost in their own thoughts. Manny pondered the future without Elise by his side; Lexi returned to the past. Once again, her thoughts were of Jake. She was losing her beloved Mum, but she would be able to spend time with her, however brief that might be, and they could say their goodbyes. Jake lost everyone without having that chance.
Elise was asleep when they arrived home. Manny made arrangements for nurses around the clock—three nurses each day on eight-hour shifts. In the morning, a hospital bed would be delivered and set up in one of the guest bedrooms, along with any medical equipment that may be needed. Her brothers were close enough to visit on a regular basis, and Lexi was home. For the first time since this nightmare began, Manny felt at peace; he had done everything he could.
Elise was elated to see her daughter. She missed the closeness they once shared and hoped that Lexi did also. She had a mission to accomplish before she grew too ill; she had to set things right with her daughter before she died, and to beg her forgiveness. In retrospect, she could never come up with why she had reacted the way she had to Jake’s letter on that fateful day, and why she thought she had to protect Lexi from its contents which were unknown and remained unknown to her to this very day.
The first weeks Lexi was home were filled with laughter, lunches, and visitors. Except for times when Elise was too tired to take part in these activities, it was fun and lighthearted. They spent time outside in the beautiful garden that Elise had nurtured through the years starting when the children were little and the only free time she had was when they were napping.
Her brothers stopped by often and joined them for dinner during which they told and retold childhood stories, many of which Manny and Elise had never heard. It had been a long time since their family spent so much time together and aside from their terrible circumstances, they realized how much they missed one another.
&n
bsp; September began with typical autumn weather of sunny warm days and cool nights. Elise was beginning to slip away. They were having lunch outside, relaxing and enjoying the beautiful fall flowers even though the leaves had begun to fall, when Elise decided that the time had come. “Lexi, please go to my room and bring me my jewelry box.”
“Oh Mum, what’s so important in that box. Let’s just enjoy the afternoon. The weather will change soon enough.”
“Please, do as I ask and go get the box. This nice weather isn’t going anywhere.”
Lexi carried the lunch dishes into the house and went upstairs to her parents’ room. There sat the beautiful ornate jewelry box that her Pops had bought for her Mum on their trip to a Medical Convention in Paris soon after they were married. Through the years, Elise placed items in the box other than jewelry, just as she had done with Jake’s letter.
When Lexi came back to the garden, Elise was staring into space unaware that she had returned. “Mum, Mum here’s the box. Are you okay?”
Elise turned, “I’m fine. Please help me move to the chaise, and I think I could use a light blanket. The breeze is beginning to pick up.”
When Elise was comfortably settled on the lounge with the blanket covering her legs, Lexi handed her the jewelry box. She smiled broadly. “You know of all the gifts my darling Manny gave me, this box was always my favorite. We had such a wonderful time on that trip to Paris. We were so young and so poor, and we couldn’t believe we were actually in Paris, France—Elise and Manny Portman from London’s Jewish Quarter, no less.
“To me, this box represented far more than a place to keep jewelry. At the time, I had no other jewelry than my wedding ring that I wore and never removed even to wash my hands, and the diamond earrings that were my grandmother’s given to me when we got married. I never questioned his choice because I loved the box the minute I laid eyes on it.”
There were two drawers at the bottom of the box; opening one of the drawers, Elise withdrew several small folded pieces of paper. She opened one and laughed. “This is the first picture you drew for me; flowers that you saw right here in my garden. And this one is our family, only you left yourself out.” There were other drawings by her and her brothers, as well.
Opening the other drawer, Elise withdrew Jake’s letter. For several long moments, she said nothing; she had waited far too long to do the right thing.
“Lexi, again and again and again for over two years, I have imagined this scene, and how I could possibly explain to you my actions on the day I learned that Jake had survived the air raid bombing in the East End.”
Although she was listening to her Mum all along, the mere mention of Jake’s name suddenly and dramatically changed her casual mood of fondly reminiscing happy memories to the loss she had not yet been able to accept or put in the past.
Elise did not look at Lexi; she stared off into the distance and continued. “I never told anyone, not you, not your father, no one about the visitor I had that day. In reality, he came to see you to deliver a letter from Jake. His name was Marcus Hirsch, and although I only met him that one time, I never forgot his name. He was a gentle soul, and I sensed immediately how much he genuinely cared for Jake, and mourned the loss of his father along with him.
“He was employed by De Beers and worked with Jake’s father. When he heard of the bombing in the East End, he came looking for Harry Lyons to assure that he and his family were safe and unharmed. When he saw with his own eyes the total destruction of the building where they lived, he was devastated. He went in search of the only people that he knew had ties to the Lyons family, only to learn that they too had perished in the air raid. It was, however, at their shop where Jake’s father had previously worked that he discovered Jake had survived.
“Jake was in shock, unable to process the terrible tragedy that had befallen him, and the loss of his entire family. He had no one. Mr. Hirsch took him home and offered to help him. Over the weekend following the air raid, Jake decided against returning to school; he opted to join the RAF instead. He accepted Mr. Hirsch’s offer to handle his affairs while he was gone, with one last request—deliver a note to you which Jake entrusted to him, and he in turn entrusted to me.
“He did not know anything about the contents of the letter, nor do I to this day. I never opened it. When Mr. Hirsch left shortly before you came home, I don’t know what came over me, or why I felt threatened by a letter from a young man I genuinely liked. Though you were quite young, the deep feelings you had for each other were so evident, your father and I often compared the two of you to our courtship when he went off to medical school, and we faced years before we could marry.
“All I could think of was Jake asking you to wait for him, and what a burden that would be—constant worrying and wondering while facing the possibility of injury or perhaps not returning from the War at all. You were due to leave for nursing classes after graduation, and I wanted you to become the nurse you’ve wanted to be since you were a small child.
“I regretted my decision to keep Jake’s letter from you almost immediately, but with each passing day, it became harder and harder for me to undo what I had done. Lexi, when I learned I was ill with only weeks to live, I knew the time had come for me to tell you the truth. I beg you to forgive me, but if you can’t, I truly understand.
“As I told Mr. Hirsch, your father and I felt that if you were fated to have a life together, we embraced it, and we still do.
“There were times when the urge to contact Mr. Hirsch to inquire about Jake was so compelling that I could hardly live with it. The only thing that stopped me was the possibility of his learning that I never gave you the letter. I was too ashamed to admit that I had made such a terribly important decision for you; I had no right to do that. The decision was yours to make, not mine.”
Elise handed the letter to Lexi. She was visibly crying as she placed the small drawings back in the box. “I’m really tired and would like to go in now.”
For some reason, Lexi made no move to embrace her Mum or offer any words of comfort. Instead, without saying a word, she took the letter, stood, and walked into the house.
She sent the nurse on duty to get her Mum.
Lexi went slowly up to her room tightly caressing the letter to her breast. She knew, always knew deep in her heart that Jake would not leave without a word. By the time she reached the top of the stairs, she was sobbing, utterly overwhelmed by her Mum’s revelation.
She closed the door, sat down on the bed, and withdrew Jake’s letter from the envelope. With tears streaming down her face, she began to read.
My Dear Lexi,
By now, you have learned that I have lost everyone I have ever loved—except you. I do love you with all my heart as I have since I first laid eyes on you at Ivan’s Bar Mitzvah.
Since Friday night, I have had many more questions than answers; and finding myself forced to face the urgency of my situation alone, I felt the decisions were mine alone to make. The best way for me to honor my parents and go forward is to join the RAF and fight for Britain—the Country where they were free to live the life and have the family they dreamt of. I trust you will understand this feels like the best decision for me at this time.
I do not have the right to ask you to wait for me. No telling how long the War will last. I want you to go to school and become a nurse. It’s what you always wanted and talked about, and it’s one of the many things I love about you. You will be the best nurse ever, of that I’m certain.
Above all, I don’t want you to worry about me—I survived for whatever reasons God has planned for me, and I have no doubt that He is watching over me as he always has and always will.
God Bless you Lexi. Meeting you, loving you, and you loving me back were the best things that ever happened to me.
I’m hoping against all hope that when the fighting has ended, and Britain is victorious, we can return to a n
ormal life with our eyes on the future once again.
Wherever I may go, I will carry you in my heart. Until we meet again.
I will always Love you,
Jake
In recent days, Elise had been too weak to join them for dinner. It was evident they were losing her. Her pain had escalated to the point that most days she slept more than she was awake due to the increased dosage of morphine. Their last day in the garden turned out to be her last good day.
Ironically, Jake’s letter had not asked Lexi to wait for him, as Elise has thought. Regardless of that fact, there was nothing that could be said or done to stop Lexi from worrying about him or waiting for him—she loved him every bit as much as he loved her.
Three days later Elise Portman passed away quietly in her sleep. Lexi had taken to spending her last days and nights at her bedside. She talked to her; read to her; told her she loved her, and repeated again and again, “I forgive you. I forgive you.” To her Pops and brothers, her continued, “I forgive you. I forgive you.” was puzzling to say the least, but she knew that although she remained unresponsive, her Mum heard her every word.
Elise Portman was laid to rest on the first day of autumn.
Marcus Hirsch sat drinking coffee before leaving for work. Skipping the front section of the paper that contained mostly news about the War, he came to the Obituary Page. There his eyes rested on the announcement of Elise Portman’s passing. Her picture was exactly as he remembered her.
The article gave a brief history of her origins and praised her community involvement on behalf of the war effort. Her survivors included her husband Dr. Emanuel Portman, two sons, Mark and Samuel, and a daughter, Alexandra. Noting the time and place of the service, he called and left word at the office that he would be in around noon, allowing him to attend.