“I really don’t know, Michelle. But I don’t think we should focus on that right now. I talked to Ben about this for a while the other night. He was saying that when you don’t know what is going to happen, and you’re plagued by a thousand questions, the best thing to do is to focus on what you do know.”
“Like what?”
“Like how faithful God has been to us. Everything we know about Him from scriptures and from what we have seen in our own lives.”
Michelle thought about it and replied, “I want to trust God, Steve, but I’m so scared.”
“That’s okay, honey. I’m scared, too. I think God understands that. But I also think He wants us to trust Him.”
She looked him in the eye, as if searching for that trust.
“I mean, look at all God’s done for us over the past few years. Think about your dad and the miracles in his life.” He reached out and touched her. “And just the fact that we have Maddie for our daughter is a miracle itself.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“And what about your teaching job at a time when it’s almost impossible to get one? Or the great friends Ben and Kelly have become, and how much we love our church? There are lots of ways God has met our needs and blessed us.”
She sighed deeply and nodded. “I know.”
He leaned over and kissed the top of her head, then took her hand in his and began to pray. Pouring out his heart to God, he shared the fears and hopes they were wrestling with, and then finally placed their daughter squarely in God’s hands. “May your perfect will be done in her life, Lord,” he prayed, as Michelle clung to his hand and tried to hold back her tears.
By the time Dr. Morris came out to tell them the biopsy was finished, they were both spent. But there was also a new peace in their hearts that somehow God would get them through whatever might lay ahead.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Michelle got to school early the next morning to read through any information left from the substitute teacher and to organize her plans for the day. Glancing at her planner, she noticed that she’d scheduled another supervised visit at the park for Amber and her brother that very afternoon.
How did I forget about this?
Kelly was keeping Madison at home with her for the day while she rested from her procedure. Michelle had hoped to pick up Maddie right after school and have a quiet afternoon watching a Disney movie before having pizza delivered for dinner. But she hated to cancel on Amber.
Besides, Madison loved going to the park. Even though she was a bit sore from her biopsy, Michelle knew she’d probably want to go.
Right before the bell rang to signal the passing period to the first class of the day, Amber shuffled in, not looking very well. “Are we still going to the park today?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” Michelle began. “Are you feeling okay? We can postpone if you’d like.”
Amber headed to her desk at the back of the room. “No. I want to see Jack. I’ll be fine. I just have a headache.”
“Okay, then, we’ll go,” Michelle promised.
Other students began streaming into the room, and she walked to the podium, ready to begin her day. As she called the class to order, a few students expressed their relief that she was back. “That sub was crazy,” one of them piped up.
“Yeah. She didn’t know what she was talking about,” another offered.
Michelle made a mental note to talk to Cassie and get some recommendations of better subs she could request for the future. She might need someone fairly frequently if Madison’s biopsy came back positive. Oh, Lord. Please don’t let it be so.
It was apparent she’d need to go over the lesson from the day before instead of moving forward with her original plans. Now I’ll be a day behind on the material for the next benchmark assessment, she groaned inwardly. The pressure to excel in the standardized tests continued to hover over her like a gray cloud. Guess we’ll have to skip the guest speaker I was hoping to have from the local theater group.
It was such a shame that many of the enrichment activities that brought her subject to life and piqued the interest of her students had to be shelved to focus on the nuts and bolts they needed to know for their annual tests.
Am I really making a difference here, God? she wondered.
Then her eye caught Amber watching her every move, and she knew she was there for a purpose — something that God had planned and that had more far reaching impact than grammar and literature.
The day flew by, and Michelle was able to catch most of the kids up to speed on what the substitute should have taught the day before. Hopefully the results of their homework would indicate that any confusion they had while she was gone had been replaced by a clear understanding of the lesson.
As she packed up her bag that afternoon and got ready to leave, Amber showed up. “Ready?” Michelle asked.
“Yeah.”
“Okay, we’ve got to pick up Madison at the sitter.”
“She didn’t go to school today?” Amber asked.
“No. She had a medical procedure yesterday, and she’s a little sore, so I let her take the day off.” Michelle hoped that explanation would suffice, not wanting to discuss Madison’s tests with her student.
“Oh,” was all Amber said in reply.
The hour and a half at the park went well, although Jack’s arrival was delayed by an emergency the social worker had to address before picking him up. Amber stayed close to Michelle and Madison while she waited for her brother, and Maddie clearly enjoyed the extra attention.
Amber’s really good with kids, Michelle observed silently.
The teen seemed to sense just how much Madison could handle in her somewhat fragile condition, and she kept her laughing and playing without overdoing it as Michelle watched them with gratitude. She was exhausted from the emotional ordeal of the day before and from the sleepless nights leading up to Maddie’s biopsy.
Now if she could just hold it together until they got the results.
When Jack arrived, Michelle expected Amber to take off for the other part of the park as she’d done the last time they were there together. Instead, she asked Jack if it was okay if they played with Madison, too. He seemed fine with the idea, so the three of them swung on the swings and climbed on the jungle gym.
Soon Michelle could tell that Madison was having a hard time keeping up. She suggested that Maddie come join her on the bench for a few minutes, and she willingly complied.
That gave Amber and Jack some time to talk. Before long the social worker appeared to pick them up, thanking Michelle for taking the time to help bring the two together for another visit.
As they left, Amber looked back.
“Bye bye, Amber!” Maddie called out.
Amber smiled and waved back, then turned and walked away, giving her brother a playful shove as they neared the car.
“Why does Amber look so sad sometimes, Mommy?” Madison asked.
Michelle hugged her close. “I think she misses her mom, honey.”
“Oh.” Maddie’s face dropped. “I wish you could be her mom and take care of her like you take care of me,” she replied.
“That’s sweet, Maddie. I’m glad you care so much about Amber. She needs friends.”
“I like her. She doesn’t treat me like a baby,” Madison replied.
Michelle ruffled her daughter’s hair. “And who is treating you like a baby these days?”
Maddie looked up at her and grinned. “Daddy!”
“You might as well get used to that, sweetheart. You’re always going to be Daddy’s little girl.” Michelle’s heart swelled with emotion. Please, God. Let it be so.
Amber’s mother was sitting in a chair by the window. Adam had driven Amber to the halfway house, hoping that after Amber talked to her mom she’d see that having an abortion was the only answer.
Amber cleared her throat. “Mom?”
Stacy turned toward her. “Amber? I didn’t know you were coming. Is the
social worker with you?”
“No. I came alone,” she admitted
Stacy frowned. “How did you get here? You didn’t hitchhike did you?”
Amber shook her head. “Adam brought me.”
Her mom looked confused. “Who’s Adam?”
“My boyfriend. You remember. I told you about him.” Amber waited for recognition but none came. “It’s not important. I just wanted to talk to you.”
Stacy nodded. “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”
Her mom’s expression looked distant and confused. Must be the meds. Amber took a deep breath and tried to figure out how to begin.
“I’ve got a little problem, Mom.”
Her mom’s brow furrowed as if Amber spoke in a foreign language that she could not understand.
“Mom?” Amber prompted.
Stacy searched her face. “What dear? What is it?”
“I need your help.”
“Help? What kind of help?” Her mom looked scared.
Amber tried to choke the words out. “Mom, I’m… I’m…”
“What? You’re what?”
An attendant entered the room. “Sorry to interrupt, but it’s time for Stacy’s group therapy session.”
“Oh. Right.” Stacy said, standing up. She turned to Amber. “I’m sorry, honey. Guess I have to go. Call me later.”
“Yeah. Later.” Amber turned away, tears threatening to expose her vulnerability. She walked out of the room without looking back.
“So how did it go?” Adam asked hopefully.
“Just peachy,” she replied, sarcasm dripping from her tongue as her tears slipped out of the corners of her eyes.
Adam didn’t say another word. He started the car, and they drove back in silence.
When they pulled up in front of Amber’s foster home, she opened the car door and was about to slide out when he stopped her. “Wait a minute.”
“What?” Amber tried to keep her voice steady.
“Obviously your mom isn’t going to be able to help you. You need to make a decision pretty soon. Isn’t that what the lady at the clinic said?”
“I know what she said, Adam. Quit bugging me.” Amber pushed away from him and got out of the car.
“Call me when you get your head straight,” Adam replied.
“Right.” She slammed the door and went inside.
“Amber? Is that you?” Cecilia called from the kitchen.
Great.
“You’re late. Your social worker called and said something about you visiting your mom.” Cecilia wiped her hands on a dishtowel and threw it over her shoulder. “What’s going on?”
“I just wanted to talk to her. Is that a crime?”
Cecilia paused and looked her in the eye. “Of course not. But you need to let me know what you’re doing when you don’t come home after school.”
“Sorry.” Amber knew her voice didn’t sound sorry at all, but she was sick of the third degree every time she went anywhere.
“Call Ms. Blackwell. She wants to talk to you,” Cecilia added.
“Fine.” She tromped up the stairs to her room and shut the door. Grabbing some sweat pants from the dresser, she peeled off her jeans, which were getting tighter by the day now. After changing, she plopped down on the bed and rummaged through her backpack to retrieve her cell phone.
Punching in the social worker’s number, she laid her head on the pillow and closed her eyes.
“Bonnie Blackwell,” the familiar voice answered.
“It’s Amber.”
“Amber – I’m glad you called. Hold on a second.”
Amber could hear muffled voices in the background, and then Ms. Blackwell was back on the line.
“They called me from your mom’s rehab today,” she began.
Amber didn’t reply.
“What’s up? I thought we agreed that I’d coordinate those visits,” Bonnie said.
“Sorry. I just needed to talk to her,” she replied, hoping her voice didn’t give away the gravity of her issue.
“That’s fine, honey. But it’s my job to help you arrange that.” Bonnie paused and then added, “You know your mom’s not well, and her schedule is pretty controlled over there.”
“Yeah. Like I said, sorry,” Amber replied, pacing the floor nervously.
Silence filled the phone line.
“What are you doing right now?” Bonnie asked.
Sinking down onto the bed, she said, “Nothing. Why?”
“How about if I come over there and take you for a bite to eat?” Bonnie’s voice sounded calm and kinder than Amber remembered. But she wasn’t sure where this was leading.
“Why?” she asked.
“So we can talk. Maybe I can help with whatever you were going to talk to your mom about.”
Amber’s heart began to pound. Should she confide in her social worker? Would Bonnie try to force her to have an abortion just like Adam was doing?
Bonnie’s voice cut through her thoughts. “Amber? Are you there?”
She stood and started pacing again. “Yeah.”
“What do you say? Want to go for burgers somewhere?” Bonnie sounded like she really cared.
Amber gazed out the window for a moment then replied, “Uh…sure. Yeah.”
“Great. I’ll call Cecilia and tell her I’m coming to pick you up.”
A few minutes later, Amber heard the house phone ringing. She walked over to the full-length mirror. I’m starting to look fat, she thought as she examined herself from the front and side. She pulled open the closet and grabbed a bulky pullover to hide her expanding waistline.
It wasn’t very long before she heard Cecilia calling her name.
“Coming!” she replied, quickly running a brush through her hair and bounding down the stairs.
Bonnie was waiting in the front room. Tessie and Todd were fighting over a toy in the corner, and Cecilia was pulling them apart.
“Need a hand?” Bonnie asked.
“No, I’ve got it,” Cecilia replied as she grabbed the toy in question. “You two go and wash up for dinner.” Tessie scowled at Todd and marched out of the room with him closely following in her tracks.
Turning back to Amber and Bonnie, the weary foster mom said, “You two have a nice time.”
“Thanks. We will.” Bonnie looked at Amber and tipped her head toward the door. “Ready?”
“Yep.” Amber slung her purse over her shoulder and followed Bonnie out the front door.
The car ride was awkward as Bonnie tried to make small talk, and Amber worried about what she would say to explain her predicament.
“How’s school?”
“Fine.”
“Are you enjoying the park days with your teacher and Jack?”
Amber nodded.
“Mrs. Baron is quite a lady to offer to do that for you guys.”
“Yeah. She’s cool,” Amber replied, picturing the scene at the park and how cute her teacher’s little girl was. Her heart yearned for the love she saw between that mother and daughter. What would her teacher think if she knew Amber was pregnant?
“You seem lost in thought,” Bonnie observed.
Amber just looked away and gazed out the window.
Once they were seated at the restaurant and had ordered their meal, Bonnie reached across the table and touched her hand. “Tell me what’s going on,” she asked in a soft voice.
Suddenly, Amber began to cry. Her cheeks flushed in embarrassment, and she tried to brush the tears away, but they kept coming.
“It’s okay, Amber. Take your time.” Bonnie pulled some tissue out of her purse and handed it to her.
As Amber pressed the tissue to her eyes, the waitress appeared with their food.
“Could you please pack that up to go?” Bonnie asked.
The waitress nodded. “No problem. Be right back.”
Bonnie paid for the meal. “Let’s go somewhere quiet,” she said, picking up the bag of food.
Amber just nodded, sn
iffling into the tissue.
Ten minutes later they were sitting on the park bench. Bonnie pulled out a burger for each of them and handed one to Amber. There was a pause, and Amber noticed Bonnie bowing her head as if in prayer. When she looked up, she said, “I want to help you, Amber. Please tell me what’s going on.”
The words came tumbling out faster than Amber could control. She poured out the entire story of her relationship with Adam, the unexpected pregnancy, and the pressure she was under to abort the baby.
Bonnie set her burger down and pulled Amber into her arms, holding tightly as she sobbed. “That’s right. Get it all out,” the social worker said.
Amber imagined the arms that held her were her mother’s arms. And she thought about the little baby growing inside her. She wanted to be there for her baby in ways her mother couldn’t be there for her.
After she’d regained her composure, she pulled back and looked into Bonnie’s eyes. “So now you know what a mess my life is,” she said with a nervous laugh.
Bonnie smiled a sad smile. “You’ve known about this for a while, haven’t you?” she said.
“Yeah.”
“What do you want to do?”
Amber was caught off guard. She’d expected to be told what to do. Instead, Bonnie was offering her the opportunity to choose. “I don’t know. I feel all mixed up,” she replied. “I was hoping Adam would understand, and maybe we could get married or something.”
“But that’s not an option,” Bonnie replied, finishing her thought.
Amber nodded. “All he can say is ‘get the abortion and it will all be over’ but…”
“…you’re not sure that’s what you want.”
“Yeah.” Amber gazed out over the park and pictured Maddie laughing as she pushed her on the swing. “I really care about this baby. It’s not the baby’s fault my life is a mess.”
“I’d like to help you sort this out. You have choices, and you’re entitled to know all of them.”
“Okay. I’d like that,” Amber replied. “I tried to get Adam to take me to this place called Living Water. The lady was really nice on the phone. They have information on lots of choices, at least that’s what she said. But Adam said no, that I was crazy not to just go get the abortion.”
Into Magnolia (Sandy Cove Series Book 3) Page 13