by Jane Charles
Jillian glanced at Samuel. His jaw was tight and those green eyes dark and hard.
She swallowed against the lump in her throat. She might as well get to the end of the story and prepare herself for his rejection. “The entire place was empty save for a few rags and brushes. A week later my father received the first portrait with a demand for payment, or Nico would sell the remaining ones to the public.” She looked down. “I had never been so humiliated in my life nor felt more foolish.”
“Or betrayed,” Samuel offered, his tone soft and sympathetic.
It was almost her undoing, but Jillian shut the lid on her emotions. She couldn’t afford to break down now. She’d wait until she was alone in her chambers, liked she’d done so often before. “Father paid for seven more portraits before Nico claimed that there were no more. Everything was done through different messengers, and even though Father had investigators try to locate him, Nico was never found.”
“I take it your maid disappeared as well?”
Jillian nodded. “I learned the lesson that my father had been trying to teach me all my life.”
“What is that?”
“You can never trust anyone.”
Chapter 14
Did that mean she didn’t trust him? Sam could understand why Jillian would be less trusting after being taken advantage of so horribly, but one couldn’t judge everyone by the actions of a single person.
“I became a horrible person after that. I shut myself off from others. My father kept me close, mainly because he believed my judgment impaired, but also to assure that I did as he instructed.”
“Such as?”
Her face heated. “I’m sure it is not important. I’ve told you enough and you must think me very foolish. I would understand if you no longer wish to be associated with me.”
She couldn’t even look at him, though Sam well understood her embarrassment. “I can assure you, Jillian, the portraits and how they came about do not make me think any less of you.”
She frowned up at him. “How could they not?”
“Simply because you were innocent and sheltered, and you were not at all prepared for people like Nico.” He wanted desperately to go to her and pull her into his arms, offer what comfort he could, but to do so would have him turning his back on the path, and he didn’t wish to add to her current embarrassment by ruining her in the process.
“Why don’t you tell me about Barbados?” she countered.
“Very well.” He was not finished discussing her because he’d yet to hear anything that made Jillian a horrible person. “It may be the most beautiful place on this earth.”
She smiled at him, interest alit in her blue eyes.
“My home sits on a hill. From my chamber I can look out over the sugarcane fields to the white beaches, which at times have a pink hue. Beyond the sand is the turquoise of the ocean, and when the sea is stormy, I can hear the waves crash and pound. When all of the windows are open, the softest breeze fills the house. One of my favorite pastimes is to sit on the veranda and enjoy coffee in the morning, watching the sunrise and the waves roll in. It’s the most peaceful place on earth.”
“It sounds heavenly.” She sighed.
Perhaps one day he would be able to share the experience with Jillian. “It is.” His eyes met hers, and the draw was so strong that he almost stood and went to her, not giving a damn if anyone came upon them. He wished to taste those inviting lips, to feel her body against his, and run his fingers through her golden curls. Sam was just about to stand when movement caught his eye and Felding emerged from the path.
He and his wife studied the two of them, as did the couple with them, Lord and Lady Bartlette. Following them was his brother, Benjamin and his wife Mary.
“Do watch where you’re walking so you won’t suffer a twisted ankle as Lady Jillian did,” Sam called out.
“Oh dear,” Lady Felding said, coming further. “Is there anything we can do?”
“That is very kind,” Jillian said, looking away. “Mrs. Chetwey said I am to rest before going back.”
“Are you comfortable?” she asked then looked at Sam. “Shall one of us remain?”
“It’s unnecessary,” Jillian murmured not looking at Lady Felding.
It was as though she were uncomfortable around the Feldings. Then he remembered the day in Felding’s library, when Jillian had asked him if they hated her so very much. Why would anyone hate her?
“We are hardly alone with scavengers coming upon us every few moments. My brother thought it safe that the two of us remain,” Jillian insisted.
“As long as I stay right here.” Sam laughed and then pointed to the piece of parchment anchored in place by a rock. “You’ll find your next clue right there.”
They gathered around the clue and read, all except Ben and Mary who looked from Sam to Jillian and back again, before Ben introduced Mary to Jillian. No doubt his brother would have questions for him later.
“It is either the stables or the barn,” Bartlette said.
“We’ll go to the one that is closest.” Felding placed the clue back under the rock for the next group then bid them goodbye.
“Why do you believe Felding and his wife hate you? You said as much when you called on him the day after Bentley’s ball.”
Jillian’s face heated and knew she’d need to answer this very carefully. And, she’d rather she told Samuel than for him to hear the rumors. It was hardly a secret she’d set her cap for Felding, only to be embarrassed when he chose a missionary’s daughter without consequence over the daughter of a duke. “My father decided that I was to marry Felding, and I thought I’d managed to bring him up to scratch when he invited my brother and me to a house party. All too soon I realized it was his now wife that Felding was interested in and not me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“He was Father’s choice and I can assure you, I was not in love with Felding.” Jillian waived away his concern. “However, I was afraid of what Father would do if I didn’t secure a proposal from Felding.” She couldn’t look at Sam and turned away. “When Felding finally told me that we would not suit, I didn’t handle it well. In fact, I panicked. I could not go home and tell Father I had failed.”
“What did you do?” Samuel asked quietly.
Jillian looked up and met his green eyes. “In sharing with you what I did to make Felding, his family, and the Valentines hate me so, I’d be betraying a trust, which I will not do.”
“Is it so bad?”
“I behaved abominably in order to pressure Felding into marriage. My father ordered me to land him, and I did my best to do so, hurting others in the process.” Tears stung her eyes. Jillian hated herself and the person she’d become. She didn’t want Samuel to look at her like so many others, but she wouldn’t sacrifice her principles by telling secrets that were not hers to tell.
Samuel stood and slowly walked to her and took a seat at her side.
A tear slipped down her cheek, and he swiped it away with the pad of his thumb. “I find myself coming to care for you? Quite possibly falling in love with you?”
It was as if a vice clamped down on her heart, and the pain was instant. Jillian almost wished she’d never experienced the tenderness Samuel was showing her now because then she’d know all too well what she’d be missing for the rest of her life. She blinked up at him. “You don’t understand. I am not loveable, and you’ll realize that in time.”
“I don’t believe you.” With that, he leaned close, their lips nearly touching, breaths mingling, and her pulse picked up before he lowered his lips to hers. So gentle and soft as his thumb caressed her cheek, making her heart ache all the more for what would never be hers.
He pulled back and looked down at her. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”
“I’m glad you did.” Her face heated, and as much as she enjoyed his kiss and knowing he didn’t hate her, that didn’t mean he would feel the same when she was done.
Jillian pulled aw
ay. “You need to understand. I did not stop in my threats out of the goodness of my heart,” she admitted before looking away. “I fully intended to use blackmail to get my way.”
Samuel studied her with wariness.
“To stop me, his sister revealed the painting she’d purchased, which I assume is similar to the one you own. If I didn’t relent, she would sell it or place it in a gallery.”
His hand still caressed his cheek. “How long ago was this?”
“Two and a half years.”
“Felding, nor his wife, seem to hold any ill-will against you.”
Jillian practically snorted. “That’s because Felding, his wife, and their families are far better people than I can ever hope to be.”
Chapter 15
“That isn’t true.”
Sam and Jillian jerked apart at the voice to find Roxburg and his wife standing not far from the Gazebo. Where the blazes had they come from? They weren’t even on the path.
“Your Graces.” Jillian moved as if she was going to stand.
“You will rest your ankle,” Sam ordered. “Roxburg and I go back too far to stand on ceremony, nor would he wish you to further your injury so that you might curtsey.”
“What happened?” the new duchess asked.
“I tripped over a root and twisted my ankle,” Jillian answered.
His oldest friend led his wife into the gazebo and they both sat. Sam returned to the place he had previously occupied. If anyone else had come across him and Jillian, she’d be quite ruined, which wouldn’t be so terrible. But, he didn’t wish for her reputation to suffer.
“How long have you been standing there?” Jillian asked slowly.
Her Grace bit her bottom lip and winced.
“Long enough to hear what you said about Felding and witness a kiss.” Roxburg answered a bit stiffly.
Jillian winced and looked away.
“Where is the rest of your group?” Samuel asked.
Roxburg shrugged. “Somehow we lost them.” His wife turned nearly the shade of a poppy and Sam could guess how they’d been left behind. They had been married less than a week, and Sam was certain Roxburg would rather be alone with this wife than at a damn picnic.
“Mr. Storm was telling me of Barbados,” Jillian said. “It sounds lovely.”
“The most beautiful place on Earth.” Roxburg took his wife’s hand in his. “And I can’t wait to show it to Bianca.”
“You will not remain in England?” Jillian seemed rather stunned, which was to be expected. Roxburg was a new duke with vast holdings.
“Not in the winter. I will not be here when it is cold.”
“The very idea of no more cold winters sounds very appealing.” Her Grace grinned.
“There the two of you are,” Stalter called out, as Hannah followed with Mr. and Mrs. Stanwick.
“We got distracted by the many trees.” Roxburg offered an unrepentant grin.
Hannah looked at Jillian and her leg propped over the log and frowned. Samuel quickly explained, as he would to each group that came across them, what had occurred.
“Where is the clue?” Roxburg finally asked and Sam pointed to it.
He and Stanwick read over it and said “barn” at the same time.
“Why not stables?” Stalter asked.
“Thorn would never let anyone near his racers,” Stanwick answered.
Samuel turned back to Jillian as the latest group returned to the path. “I believe you have made more out of the situation than you should.”
“Her Grace is being kind, but she doesn’t even know the rest.”
“There’s more?” His stomach tightened, unable to imagine anything worse than what she alluded to.
“The topic of my marriage.”
“Marriage?” his blood chilled. Lady Jillian was married? Then why the blazes wasn’t she with her husband?
“I was a bride for a very short time, but never a wife.”
Did that mean she was still an innocent? Not that it mattered to Sam, but what else would make her a bride but not a wife except lack of consummation. “When?”
After this, Samuel would surely turn from her. Any thoughts of love he might have had a few moments ago would disappear. As much as she wished to hold his heart, it was unfair to him, and eventually he’d come to hate her like everyone else. It was better to suffer the pain of rejection now instead of later. “Two years ago. A Lord Hopkins,” Jillian finally answered. “Father determined he was to be my husband. Hopkins had no intention of asking for my hand.” It was better to say it quick, and get it over with. “When Lord Hopkins told me that he was returning to Cornwall, I panicked, as I did with Felding, and threw myself at him. My father found me kissing Hopkins and ordered him to marry me.”
“How come nobody seems to know about your marriage? And, where is Lord Hopkins?”
“Father didn’t want the marriage to appear rushed, thus bringing my reputation into question, so there was a very quiet wedding because Father didn’t want to risk Hopkins crying off, then my betrothal was announced.” She shook her head. “Father is very good at manipulating situations to his liking and buying silence when necessary.” She sighed. “The wedding was to take place at Hopkins’ parish church in Penzance after the banns had been cried.”
Samuel nodded, listening intently.
“Before we even arrived at his estate, Lord Hopkins met his wife at an inn.”
“Wife? He was already married?”
“It’s not as bad as you’re imagining,” Jillian smiled sadly. “She had disappeared at sea and been presumed dead. She was actually stranded on an island south of Cornwall and finally rescued.”
“What happened? Hopkins can’t have two wives.”
“No.” Jillian chuckled. “Father saw to an annulment, very quietly of course, and the marriage was as if it had never taken place. Nobody knew, save a handful of people, and they were too afraid of my father to breathe a word of it.”
Samuel simply stared at her, his mouth agape. She’d thought it was what she had done to Felding that disgusted him, not Hopkins.
He finally leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, studying her. At least he now knew the horrible truth. Jillian expected Samuel to remain kind until the picnic was over, but she didn’t expect to see him again. Not after today.
“You’ve yet to tell me anything that changes my opinion of you.”
She blinked at him. How could he not see what a horrible person she was? “I threatened and trapped gentlemen into marriage with the same cold-hearted deliberation as a general goes into battle. I’m not a nice person.”
“Wasn’t.”
“Pardon?”
“Hopkins was what, two years ago, you said?”
“Yes.”
“Who have you tried to trap into marriage since?”
“Nobody.”
“Is that because your father hasn’t chosen anyone.”
Jillian sighed. “He’s chosen several, I just didn’t want to end up married to someone who will hate me in the end.”
“You no longer fear your father?” Samuel asked.
“I’m terrified of him. But the worst he can do is marry me off to someone who is cold and indifferent, or horse mad,” she chuckled. “The last person I was to land was Roxburg. I fully intended to charm and point out what a good match we were, but I would no longer trap anyone.”
Samuel grinned. “Did you take dancing lessons?”
Her face heated. Roxburg had disguised himself as a dancing master before the season opened so that he could meet the eligible ladies in a setting where they were more likely to be themselves. “Yes. And, as he happened to fall in love with the accompanist before the first ball opened, I didn’t even bother to try and charm him.”
“Did you know he wished to pursue Miss Valentine?”
Jillian grinned. “No. However, I was very aware that the dancing master, Mr. East, was falling in love with Miss Valentine. It was clear to everyone, and nobod
y ever dreamed he was the prodigal duke.”
Samuel chuckled. “I leave him in London to return home and a month later find him in love.” His eyes met hers and the humor disappeared. “I now see how emotions can be engaged so quickly.”
Jillian blinked at him. “We still barely know one another.”
“You’ve shared the worst of yourself with me. I’m still here.”
“I don’t know why. I’ve treated others with cold indifference, kept them at a distance, and have spent most of my adult life looking down my nose at anyone who I deemed beneath me.”
“Which I believe you do more out of protection than anything else.”
She gasped. How could he see through her so clearly? She behaved as her father trained her, and it worked to keep anyone from getting close enough to hurt her. It was rather unnerving.
“And, you aren’t the same person as you were then. Otherwise you would not be spending time with me. Your father would never approve, and I’m not titled.” He sat forward. “You would still be bitter over Felding and, instead of holding their secrets, would be telling me everything since I already know what they held over you.”
Samuel stood and walked to her. “Further, you would have compromised Roxburg the first chance you got, even though he loved someone else.” He sat beside her. “And finally, you wouldn’t be so full of self-loathing as you are now.” He picked her hand up and squeezed. “If anything, my feelings may be even deeper.”
Tears stung her eyes. “I don’t deserve your kindness.”
“Yes! You do.”
Her heart swelled as hope blossomed, but did she have the courage to continue meeting Samuel in secret? Or at least keep it a secret from her father?
Before she could even finish the question, Jillian knew, without a doubt, she’d risk everything to spend as many moments as she could with Samuel Storm.
Chapter 16