“Cool,” Lily said.
“Plus,” I said, “it’s nice to be there, so it’s like I’m part of the whole thing. I really like them.”
“Ah,” Lily said. “Yeah, it would be nice to be part of that.”
“I have to tell Vanessa about it today,” I said. “I’m running out of time. I thought maybe we’d know who got the solo by now, you know?”
“But I feel like we have no time together at all. I feel like I never see you anymore,” Lily complained. “Just to hang out, not in dance class or without the team.”
“Trust me, I know,” I said.
“Okay, how about going to Sugar Plums?” she asked hopefully.
“I want to say yes, but”—I sighed—“along with play rehearsal, Megan has me booked on our partner trick both Saturday and Sunday with Vanessa or somebody. Ughhhh.”
“Ugh,” Lily said.
“I know, right?” I said. “I wish Megan had picked someone else for this. Be glad it wasn’t you.”
“Wellll,” Lily said flatly. “I don’t know about that.”
When Lily looked away, I realized I’d said something dumb.
“I mean, I’m happy for you that you’re getting all of these parts. You get to be in the school musical with no audition! Megan and Vanessa picked you to do the partner trick for our group dance. I know you’re stressing. It’s just, other people don’t get those opportunities,” Lily blurted.
She was right. And she was upset.
“I—” I wanted to explain, but the studio door opened.
“You’re up!” Megan said. “Harper, I love your leo.”
“Thanks!” I said. I was wearing a long-sleeved leotard for the first time. Even though the days were hot, Florida nights were starting to get a little chilly. It was one of my favorites: purple and hot pink block stripes with a high V neckline.
“So, Vanessa wants to talk to us,” Megan said, gesturing me toward the door. “I mean me and Harper. Not you, Lily.”
Oof. Bad timing.
“Mm-hmm,” Lily said.
“I’m sorry,” I said to Lily, but she had already turned to go down the hallway.
As Megan and I walked in, I felt awful about Lily. And now I had to focus again in that room with Vanessa, even though my mind was not really here.
“How are you guys feeling?” Vanessa said.
Awful, I thought. But out loud, I said, “I think we are feeling good!”
Megan quickly chimed in, “Yeah! We really want this to work,” she declared.
Vanessa nodded, looking pleased.
“If you’re both that motivated, I’ll let you set up some more lessons. Then I’ll touch base with you next week and we can decide if you’re going to use this combination.”
“Okay!” said Megan.
Vanessa checked her schedule. I could do two of the times she suggested—but the other two I had play rehearsal.
“I have school stuff,” I said. “Sorry.”
“Oh, Harper,” Megan said. “Between this and the solo, I think we need to be more dedicated.”
I could tell that “we” really meant “me.” And I hated that she was trying to make me look bad again.
“I am dedicated,” I said. “And I have a private lesson right now with Vanessa, so there you go.”
“Yes, you do,” Vanessa said. “Harper, why don’t you and Megan coordinate schedules later so we can get started.”
“I’m always available for dance. I’m going to go practice my aerials!” Megan said, cheerfully as she left.
Vanessa turned toward me.
“How are you feeling about your solo?” she asked.
“I love it,” I said truthfully. The song was really pretty, and it had some of my favorite turns in it. Honestly, when Vanessa said she was going to throw in one of our challenges, I’d thought she’d toss in quick footwork or flexibility tricks I had a hard time with. This routine seemed made for me.
“Let’s see it,” Vanessa said. She turned on my song.
I took my prep and waited for the count. And, go! One, two, three, four . . . I turned! I spun! I leapt across the floor. I reached toward the sky. I spun on the floor. Bam. Bam. Bam. I swung out into a full pose and waited.
Nailed it!
I looked at Vanessa’s face, expecting her to look impressed, but she had a pretty blank expression on her face. Hmm.
“How did you feel?” she asked.
“How did I feel about it? Good? I remembered the routine, I got the timing down, I think my turn series were good, and I landed that leap. My triple pirouette into a split was on point, I thought. So . . . good,” I said.
“I didn’t ask how you feel about it,” Vanessa said. “I asked how you felt. Technically, you were good. However, I didn’t get any emotion from you.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but then quickly closed it. I kind of knew she was right. I’d had that feedback before:
“Connect to your audience, Harper.”
“Tell the story, Harper.”
“Let’s see your facials, Harper.”
My teachers back in Connecticut had said those things too. I sighed.
“As you know, a dancer who doesn’t express her emotions doesn’t connect with the audience,” Vanessa said. “And if we’re looking at selecting a solo for a competition, we would need to make sure you connect with the audience. Including the judges. We want to see things.”
I nodded.
“I’ll work on that,” I said, nodding. I wanted her to know I would take it seriously. I really would.
“How?” Vanessa asked.
“Um,” I said. Then I felt my face crumple. “I don’t know.”
“What did you think when I told you that?”
“I thought how many times I’ve heard that before,” I said. “My teachers have told me that. I don’t know how to do it.”
“You seem upset,” Vanessa said.
“Yeah,” I said. “I feel like when I’m dancing I’m putting it all out there and then everyone’s like, Nope. We can’t connect to you.”
I looked down at the floor. I felt pretty stupid.
“I hate to say it, but you’re expressing your emotions,” Vanessa said. “Tell me what you’re feeling now.”
“Frustrated,” I admitted. “Hopeless.”
“You’re feeling emotions,” Vanessa said. “I can see it. You’re connecting with me. So, see, you’re not hopeless.”
I cracked a small smile.
“Well, let’s see if we can finally figure that out.” Vanessa smiled. “Let’s think about the lyrics. Tell me, what do the words of the song mean?”
“Well,” I said. “It’s called ‘Taking the Leap.’ It’s about someone who is going to do something new and they’re scared of it. But they just have to get ready and then go for it.”
“That’s a good analytic answer,” Vanessa said, and I smiled. “If you were in English class.”
Oh.
“But this is dance class. So let’s try answering: What does this song mean to you? Let’s see if you can connect to the lyrics,” Vanessa said.
She went over and turned off the lights and told me to lie down on the floor and close my eyes.
I lay on the floor. I felt silly with Vanessa watching me.
“I’m not going to watch you. I’m going to leave the room and let you process,” Vanessa said. “I’ll stand outside the door so you don’t have to worry about anyone walking in. I don’t want you to move, just lie there.”
“Just lie there and . . . ?” I asked her.
“Focus on the lyrics. You told me what story the singer told. Think about how to make it your own. How are you going to tell the story? Do you have your own story you can tell?”
Okay. When Vanessa left the room, she started the song. I lay there in the dark, listening to the music. I’d heard the song lots of times, obviously, since I’d been practicing the dance. Take the leap, don’t hold back. Blah blah, I got it. Try something new, push
yourself. Yeah, yeah.
Hadn’t I tried enough new lately? Hadn’t I pushed myself enough lately? Yes! I had a story! A new state, a new house, a new dance studio.
I’d leapt! I’d been leaping!
But why didn’t I feel like it was enough?
“All right, let’s try it again,” Vanessa said, returning to the studio. “Pop up.”
I jumped up off the floor and took my prep. The music came on. Tell my story. Okay, arms, tell my story. Legs, tell it. My facials felt like they were right. I made a confident smirk. I made sure to make eye contact with Vanessa like I would with the judges and then to the sky, like I was connecting with the music. When I turned into my split, I landed perfectly. Ta-da!
I looked at Vanessa for validation.
“Well, you projected emotion,” Vanessa began. “But the emotion felt tense. I couldn’t relax watching you. Harper, you need to get out of your own head.”
I couldn’t help it. I let out a sigh.
“I know you’re trying,” Vanessa said. “Look, you’ve got what some people consider the hardest part down! Your technique is excellent. But there is more to dance than just great technique. Be vulnerable. Put yourself out there. Think of your character.”
Vanessa paused. “Harper, have you ever done any acting?”
CHAPTER
14
Acting?” Zora said, clapping her hands. “Of course I’ll help you!”
“I feel kind of silly, but . . . ,” I said, looking around as if someone was going to spy on me. We were walking down the hall, heading to lunch.
“Silly?” Zora said. “Did you think we were silly when we asked you for help dancing?”
“No,” I admitted. “Okay.”
I’d decided to ask Zora, because she was the most outgoing and, to be honest, the loudest. I figured if Vanessa wanted me to put myself out there, Zora was the person who put herself out there the most.
“Actually, I’m flattered,” she said. “But you should ask Ariel, too. She’s the lead. And she’s really nice.”
“Oh, I know she’s really . . . nice,” I faltered.
“Does she make you feel intimidated?” Zora knew what I was thinking. “I know she seems intense, but she’s good at that stuff too. I can ask her for you. I mean, more teachers, more ideas.”
“Okay,” I agreed. “That’s true.”
We went into the cafeteria. I told her I’d see her later, and went to sit with Lily, Riley, and Naima. They were already eating their lunches.
“Ask Harper—she was there.” Riley and Naima were laughing. Lily rolled her eyes at me.
I sat down next to Naima.
“How was your Spanish quiz?” I asked Lily. I’d seen her stressed-out post about it last night.
“It was—” Lily started to tell me, but was interrupted.
“Harper!” Zora and Ariel came up, holding their lunch trays. “Mrs. Elliott said we could use the arts room. Let’s go!”
“Uh.” I looked at Lily. I didn’t know they would want to help me now.
“You’re helping them again?” Riley raised an eyebrow. “Are they at least paying you?”
“Sorry, I have to go,” I said, mainly to Lily. I jumped up and quickly shoved my stuff back into my lunch box. Then I lowered my voice and whispered to Lily, “Sorry.”
Lily slumped down and didn’t respond. I felt bad leaving her, but I had to get out of there before Riley got suspicious. I began to follow Zora and Ariel out when Zora turned around.
“Can we stop at my locker really quick?” Zora asked. We headed toward her locker upstairs. While Zora grabbed what she needed, I filled them both in.
“It’s kind of weird to think people are watching my face and my feelings so much,” I confessed. “I wish they’d just focus on my dance technique.”
“Ha!” Zora said. “I wish people would just focus on my face and not my dancing. I’m totally extra with my faces. In drama class, Mrs. Elliott is like, Be subtle! But as Zora, I get to go big.”
Zora made a few faces. She was definitely expressive and animated. She opened the door to the arts room and—
OH! A bunch of drama people were in there. Flounder, Frankie, and Courtney and the other sea creatures. I did notice Eric/Drew wasn’t in there, to my relief.
“I kind of thought it was just us,” I whispered to Zora. “This is so embarrassing.”
“Oh, I’m sorry!” Zora covered her mouth. “Everyone wanted to help you, like you helped all of us. The ‘humans’ are rehearsing with Mrs. Elliott, but the rest of us are here!”
“Was it embarrassing when we asked you for help with dancing?” Ariel apparently had heard me. “I hope not! Now it’s our turn.”
Everyone smiled at me.
“Okay, so we thought you could do your dance and we’d try to guess the story,” Zora said. “We do this in class with improv. Like charades.”
Everyone nodded.
“I mean, it’s not like it’s a play. I’m not a character with lines or anything. But . . .” I gave in. “Oh, okay. Should I play the music?”
“No,” Zora said firmly. “No clues. Just you.”
I took my prep and then . . . I danced. With everyone watching me, I made an extra effort to do my facials and express myself with my body. When I finished, everyone clapped.
“You’re an amazing dancer!” Zora said.
“Aw. Thanks.” I smiled.
“Let’s see if you told your story. What emotions did you see?” Zora said. Some people raised their hands, like we were in class. “Sebastian?”
“You’re stressed out,” Sebastian said. “You have a big test or something to go through.”
“Um,” I said. “I start stressed out, I guess, but then . . . ?”
“Then nothing?” Sebastian shrugged. “You still seemed stressed out.”
The whole time? Ugh.
“I think she seemed worried,” one of the ensemble members said. “Then something happened during her twirls where she’s about to let loose. But then she has to jump over something scary and then she dies.”
“She dies?” I squeaked. “It looked like I died?”
I looked over at Ariel. She shrugged.
“I wouldn’t say died,” she said. “More like, faded away.”
“Yeah, she didn’t have enough emotion for a death,” Courtney agreed.
People started shouting out adjectives.
“Serious!” “Intense!” “Bothered!” “Frustrated!”
“All right, all right!” I finally had it. “Didn’t anyone see me change halfway through? I was stressed and frustrated at first? But then hopeful and determined? Then finally, triumphant?”
Silence. Nothing.
“Seriously?” I asked. “I reached like I was longing for something? No? Then I landed the leap like I reached my goal?”
Everyone was looking around, at the floor, anywhere but at me.
“I’ve won major awards for my dancing, you know,” I grumbled.
“Nobody’s saying you’re not an awesome dancer,” Ariel said quickly. “We just couldn’t understand the story.”
I knew they were trying to be nice, but I felt really embarrassed. I felt ridiculous for even coming to a group of actors and trying to act.
All of a sudden, people started yelling out words again.
“Embarrassed! Silly! Ridiculous!”
“Is that true, Harper?” Zora asked. “Are you feeling those emotions?”
“Uh, yeah,” I said, confused.
Everyone started clapping. What was going on?
“You’re doing it! You’re telling your emotions!” Zora yelled and everyone cheered
“Yay?” I said. Everyone cheered, and I said it louder and more confident this time. “Yay!”
“And now you’ve gone from tentative to triumphant,” Zora said, sounding kind of triumphant herself.
“Just like my dance,” I said, nodding. “I get it.”
“So now, remember those feelings,
” Zora said. “Use them in your dance.”
“Also, see your face?” Courtney came running up with her phone in hand. Ugh! She’d taken pictures of my face while I’d been dancing. I could see the difference in my stressed, tight face versus my “triumphant” face at the end.
“You should have someone tape your faces while you’re dancing so you can see when you go out of character,” Courtney suggested.
“So embarrassing,” I groaned.
“Mrs. Elliott says there’s no such thing as embarrassing when you’re learning to act!” Ariel said. “You have to put it all out there.”
“I’ll show you embarrassing! Just watch me even attempt to do that dance you did. Ha!” Zora said.
“Let’s do it!” Ariel said. “Okay, everyone! Let’s do Harper’s dance!”
“Huh?” everyone said.
“You heard her!” Zora said. “We’re all going to do Harper’s dance.”
“Uh, I can’t even twirl once,” Courtney said.
“I didn’t say do it well.” Zora laughed. “Everybody up. Okay, Harper, walk us through the dance and tell us what’s going on.”
I stood up.
“Take your prep like this.” I stood in my initial position. Everyone tried to pose like me.
“All right, what’s happening in the dance?”
“She’s scared and stressed—” I said.
“She?” Ariel asked.
“I mean me.” I realized my mistake. I had to be the character. “I’m scared and stressed.”
“Well, you’re acting out that part right,” Flounder yelled out, and everyone laughed. He was right: My face was definitely stressed.
“So am I!” Courtney said. “I’m scared of these dance moves!”
Everyone laughed more. Especially me.
“Then you do this combination. . . .” I went through my next combination. Everyone around me tried to follow along. Nobody could, and they all started to laugh. Then I walked them through the rest of the dance. One, two, three, four . . . one, two, three, four. When it came to the more complicated holds, everyone tried but fell. The funniest was when I did my turn series and everyone totally fell over into one another. By the time I got to the end, where I leapt, everyone had either given up or just jumped in place, laughing.
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