You’re gone, but I still see you in this place
So why did you have to kiss me like that?
Girl, why did you have to kiss me like that?
The small crowd erupted in applause. Blake looped the guitar strap over his head and placed the instrument next to his stool.
I had no words. My heart pounded in my chest. He had written everything I had been feeling for the past month. All of the things I tried to escape and ignore in Dallas, he had managed to capture in a song—an amazing, beautiful, heartbreaking song.
The butterflies in my stomach were now a full flock of seagulls. If I didn’t talk to him, I was going to explode.
I stood, ready to intercept his path to the bar. As he made his way off the stage, he shook a man’s hand and then, in an instant, Cece was next to him, handing him a beer. He squeezed her shoulder before taking a few swallows.
I stopped in mid-stride. Cece was planted under his arm, smiling and looking right at him. Her dark, pixie haircut was perfectly styled—too perfectly, I thought as I exhaled. This whole thing was a disaster. Complete disaster. Why hadn’t Cole been a little more forthcoming with the details of Blake’s Dock House nights? Maybe he wanted me to find Blake with another girl. Maybe he thought this was what I deserved.
The exit to the Dock House was about twenty paces behind me. Maybe I could turn and walk out before Blake saw me standing there like a total idiot. This didn’t have to get any worse than it already was. I reached down for my purse and slung the leather bag over my shoulder. Blake looked content with his arm draped around Cece. He hadn’t noticed I was there. He wouldn’t even notice I was gone.
I’d tell him another time. Another way. But not like this in the face of utter humiliation. I couldn’t watch him move on with another girl.
I walked toward the door with every intention of going straight to the car. But I couldn’t help it. As much as I wanted to walk right out the door, I needed one last look. One reminder that he had moved on and I was the one holding on to a summer crush. One more snapshot of Blake to remember. This moment needed to be preserved.
Because I would need it later when I held our baby. I would need to remember why I had to do this on my own. I couldn’t raise a baby with a man who didn’t want me. A man who didn’t love me as wildly as I loved him. What kind of life would I offer our child that way? This baby wasn’t bigger than a grain of rice and I already felt the strongest connection and maternal instinct for its happiness. It was my responsibility to give our baby everything in this world. And that might not include two parents who were in a relationship together, but it could include a mother who loved tirelessly.
I couldn’t put it all together in this second. Blake would have a role. He could be involved, but like hell if I was going to confess every love sick emotion I had felt. My heart broke and shattered with the realization that I had missed my chance with him again.
As I pivoted on my heels and looked across the bar, he saw me. Shit! Panicked and flustered, I slid through the narrow entrance and ran to the car. Oh my God, where were my keys? I fumbled through my oversized bag in front of the driver side door and dropped the keys on the pavement.
“Shit.” I crouched down, searching under the car for the keys.
“Sierra?” Blake walked over to where I was a shaking, nervous wreck. He dropped to the parking lot and scooped up the keys from behind the front wheel.
“Hey.” I let a nervous reply eek from my lips as I tried to stand.
Blake hopped to his feet. “What are you doing here?”
“I-I…” None of the prepared speeches I had rehearsed on the plane or in the car seemed to fit this moment. Seeing him with Cece had changed all of that.
I’m having your baby seemed like a ridiculous thing to say right now.
“I don’t even know what to say.” He stepped closer, causing my senses to buzz from the nearness.
“I should get going. Just popped by to say hi.” I reached for the keys that were in his fist.
Blake scanned my eyes. “What? That’s it? I haven’t seen you in almost two months and you’re just out of here?”
I froze. What in the hell did I do now?
36
Blake
I had no idea what was going on with this girl. I thought I had seen a damn mirage when I looked over at the bar door and locked eyes with her. Nothing was going to stop me from running after that blonde, just in case it was Sierra. I knew I had it bad.
There wasn’t enough whiskey or beer last night to drink her out of my head, and I had sure as hell tried.
I thought I saw Sierra everywhere I went. The girl I spun around in the grocery store yesterday almost clocked me. Even my cousin, Cece, had started teasing me about it. The music helped; singing about Sierra helped. When those notes were in the air and I could sing about her, my heart didn’t hurt quite as much for that one song. Taking a hit on the field, or scoring a touchdown took the edge off. But, now here she was, already running out of town, and she hadn’t been here five minutes.
“I shouldn’t have come. Big, big mistake.” She fiddled with the door handle, suddenly very clumsy. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I’ll call you later.”
I reached around her and took the keys from her hand. “Call me later?”
I wasn’t letting her out of here until we had it out. I was still a little drunk. Drunk enough I wasn’t going to hold anything back.
Her eyes fell to the pavement. She pinched her lips together.
“Say something before you leave. Have a beer with me at least?” I realized I might be begging a little, but this was crazy.
“I think you’ve got that covered. Cece’s keeping a barstool warm for you, isn’t she?”
“What?”
“I saw you two. You don’t have to say anything else. We’ll talk another time. Just let me go, Blake.”
I laughed. Once it started, I couldn’t stop. I wiped the tears that started squeezing from the corners of my eyes.
“I’m glad my humiliation is so funny to you.” Sierra stood, looking disgusted as I tried to control the jolts of laughter.
“You-you’re mad, because you think I’m with Cece.”
“Aren’t you?” She sputtered the question.
“No, she’s my cousin. She’s here every week with her friends.” I stopped laughing long enough to brush a lock of her hair away from her face. “She heard I was here for tonight so she didn’t want to miss it. Don’t know when I’ll be back.”
Sierra’s eyes softened. “So, you’re not with someone else?”
My hand moved along her neck and snaked its way through her hair. “No, didn’t you hear that song I wrote about you? I am not with anyone else.” I was still trying to wrap my head around her being here.
“Just how many freakin’ cousins do you have?” I could see the blaze in her eyes.
I looked toward the sky to count. “You want a first cousin number or what?”
She shoved my chest. “That’s not funny. Oh my God, I thought you were with someone, and I flew here and I didn’t stop driving until I found you. I couldn’t stop and now…”
My wide eyes conveyed all the surprise I was feeling. “You were that serious to get here?”
She bit her lower lip. “Yeah.”
“Why? Why now?”
She shivered. “Do you think we could go inside, but maybe not here?” She rubbed the sides of her arms. “I don’t think I can face Cece after the death stare I shot her.”
I laughed. “I doubt she thought anything of it. Cece’s a tough girl.”
“We need to talk, Blake.”
Talking could wait. There was only thing I wanted right now, and the more I played with her hair, the harder it was to deny.
I didn’t need a second invitation. I pulled her into my arms and pressed my mouth against her. Sierra wrapped her hands around my neck and moaned. Had I let her walk away? I was a fucking idiot. She started to giggle as I picked her up, and her le
gs wrapped around my hips.
“I missed you.” I growled into her neck. “More than I can say in words or in a song. There’s only one way to show you, darlin’.”
Sierra leaned into my body. “So can we get out of the freezing cold and can finish this somewhere else?”
“Hell yeah, I wanna go.” I placed Sierra’s feet back on the ground and took her hand. “Come on.”
Sierra looked at her car and then back to me. “You want to take my car? I don’t see your truck anywhere.”
“Girl, you have been gone way too long. You know the best way to travel around here is by boat.” I flashed her a smile. “We’ll get your car later. Come on.” I tugged on her hand.
Sierra followed me down the boardwalk to the slip where I had tied up my boat.
“Let me untie the ropes, and I’ll shove her off. Hold on.” I held out a hand to Sierra. Before she boarded, she glanced down at the side of the nameless boat we had cruised on so many times over the summer.
Sierra settled into the bench next to my captain’s seat. I tossed the ropes into the boat and started the engine.
The boat picked up speed, and the fall night encircled us as I cruised us out onto the open sound.
As soon as we docked, I helped her into my truck. I couldn’t get her inside fast enough.
“Cole told me you were at the Dock House. I don’t know if he’s still at your place.”
“Got it.” I steered my truck toward the end of Gull Island. Toward Lindy’s house. It was Sierra’s now.
Sierra climbed the stairs and opened the back door. I didn’t let her get far over the threshold before I snaked my arms around her and dragged her lips to mine. It was dark and cold inside, but I had enough pent up sexual frustration and heat for this woman to burn down the whole fucking house.
My hands landed on the button of her jeans. “I want you now,” I growled.
“Wait. Wait a second.” She took a big breath, pressing her palms into my chest.
I groaned. “We can talk later.”
She shook her head. “No. I have to tell you, Blake. Please. I-I have to say it.”
I dropped my hands. “Ok. What is it?”
“I need to at least see your face.” She tried to flip on the lights, but nothing happened. She looked at the ceiling. “Great.”
“Let me check the breaker box. Hold on.”
I used my phone to light a path to the linen closest off the back of the kitchen. It smelled like fresh laundry even though the house had been closed up for months. I opened the box, but all the switches were on. I tried the main breaker. Nothing.
I heard Sierra’s footsteps behind me. “What’s wrong with the power?”
“I think it’s been cut off.”
“What?”
“Have you been paying the power bills?” I asked.
She scrunched her face up. “I thought I did. I don’t know. There has been so much mail about the estate. Shit.” She sank onto a bench under a stack of blankets.
I was conflicted. Why was she here? She hadn’t bothered to pay the damn power bill.
“I think there are some candles in here.” She stood and started searching one of the cabinets. “They used to be in here with the matches for hurricanes. Aunt Lindy had everything we ever needed for a storm.” She strained to make it to the top cabinet.
“Let me get that.” I reached over her head and pulled out a stack of candles. I handed them to her. “And the matches.”
We dropped them in a row of mason jars and lit them with the wooden matches. Within seconds the room was glowing and felt warmer than it had when we first wandered in here.
“Sierra, tell me what’s going on. I about lost my damn mind when I saw you. And you reminded me that that’s what you do to me. You make me forget everything. I rushed you on the boat and back here like nothing happened.”
I shook my head. I saw the sadness in her eyes.
“And something did happen, damn it. You fucking broke my heart again. And you need to hear it. You have to hear what you did.”
The tears slipped off her lashes. “Blake…please…”
“Let me finish.” I held up my hand. “I’m not going through with it again. I won’t. So tell me now why you’re here and—”
“Shut up, Blake. Just shut up.” Her cheeks were wet with tears. “I flew here tonight because I wanted to see you. I had to see you. Today. It had to be today.”
I leaned against a stack of quilts. “Ok.”
“And I think I could throw up I’m so nervous.” She twisted her hands together.
I cocked my head. “What’s going on?”
“I-I … Blake, I swear I didn’t know when I left in August. And I want to talk about that. How we left things.”
“I fucked up. You fucked up. I can agree to that. But we can’t go through that again. We can’t.”
She shook her head. “I know. I feel it too. I’ve felt all of it. It’s about this pattern we have of hurting each other. I want it to stop. I need it to.”
I threaded my hands through her hair and pulled her toward me. “It will stop. I’m done. Come home with me. Be with me. Say it, Sierra. Say you’ll fucking end this pain. Tell me that it’s over.”
She took my hands from behind her head and lowered them over her breasts, down to her stomach. She planted her palms over mine.
Her eyes lifted to mine. and she was so damn beautiful I almost lost my breath.
“Blake, I’m having your baby.”
I heard it, but I didn’t know what she was saying. “What?”
“I’m pregnant. I took a test this morning. It’s yours. Your baby. Right here.” She held my hands to her belly.
“You are pregnant?”
She nodded. “I am.”
“Sierra.”
She had knocked the wind out of me as quickly as a linebacker.
“You’re completely sure?” I asked like a fucking idiot.
“I started not feeling well and I could barely keep my eyes open. And I’m late. Extremely late, but I didn’t think it was possible. I brought the test with me.”
“I believe you. Of course I believe you.” I started to regain my senses.
“I didn’t know what you would say? How you would react. I don’t know if I should tell you I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to do.” Her voice cracked.
“Say you’re sorry? What are you talking about?”
“I told you I was on birth control. I don’t know how it happened. I didn’t even think I could get pregnant to be honest.”
“Why not?” I wasn’t following.
“I was sure after I lost the other baby that it couldn’t happen. That there was something wrong with me.” Her eyes lifted to mine. “But I am pregnant. And I had to tell you as soon as I found out. I couldn’t wait for you to answer the phone or find out some other way. I didn’t want you to think that I’d keep it from you again—ever.”
“No wonder your boobs look so incredible.” I cracked a smile as she hit me in the arm. “Sorry. But they do look fucking amazing, baby. Edible, really.” I tugged at her shirt, wanting to see more.
“I just told you I’m pregnant and you want to look at my breasts?”
“No, I want to do more than that to them.”
“But the talking … there’s a lot to talk about don’t you think?”
I crushed my lips into hers, sinking my tongue into her mouth with possession. Damn, this woman was mine. She always had been. And now my baby was inside her. I growled.
“You just told me I’m going to be a dad.” I broke away. “I don’t have words that can do that justice right now. Understand?”
She nodded. “You’re not mad?”
“God no. I’m happy. I’m happy you’re back. I’m happy about the baby. I’m happy about what I’m getting ready to do.”
“And what’s that?” She tried to wiggle out of my hold.
“Make you happy, darlin’. Everything that makes you happy.”
/> She let her shirt fall over her shoulders. “I love you, Blake. I love you so much.”
Her lips found mine the shadows of the linen closet and I kissed her like it was the beginning.
37
Sierra
The world spun upside down and for the first time it wasn’t because I was pregnant, it was because Blake kissed me with the kind of fury and passion I’d longed for since the day he left me on the beach.
I had dreamed about this moment. Now that it was finally happening, I couldn’t catch my breath. I held on to him. His tongue slipped between my lips, twisting and curling against mine.
I shivered when he tugged the corners of my shirt. The air danced over my skin.
“It’s cold,” I murmured.
“I’d make a fire out in the living room, but I don’t think we have that kind of time,” Blake growled into my neck.
I shook my head. “No, we don’t.”
He scooped me up. “Lots of covers in here.”
I nodded. “Lots. So, so many blankets.”
He pulled a few of the quilts from the shelves, padding the floor. He lowered me on my back.
“I promise you won’t be cold long.”
I grinned, greedily sucking at his lips. I had dreamed about his lips and the firmness of his arms. I never thought I’d be with him again like this ever. I thought those dreams were all I had left.
Blake lifted the shirt over my head and slid my bra from my shoulders.
“Holy shit, baby. Do you know what these do to me?”
He held one of my breast in his hand. It was heavy and sore, but he soothed the ache with the heat from his tongue. I whimpered as it lashed over my nipple, hardening it instantly.
“So fucking perfect, baby.” He sucked me into his mouth, gulping and licking. Pressing until his teeth nipped the edge of the sensitive points.
I inhaled sharply. My body responded differently now. Everything was heightened.
“Oh, Blake.”
He pushed me back on the soft bed he had made. I had already forgotten how cold I had been as he slipped the jeans from my waist.
I laid before him. The woman who loved him. The woman who had always loved him. The woman who was carrying his baby.
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