by Nancy Warren
“Damn it, I want him to do what’s right.”
“What’s right is for us to get married and make a family. Put aside our own problems and give those kids stability.”
She gazed at him, wishing this could be easier. She wanted them to be happy so badly, she was almost tempted to take second best. But something stopped her. Maybe it was selfish to marry for love rather than convenience. If so, she was selfish. “I can’t, Seth.”
In the silence of the room, she could make out the noise of the television. Oh, God. How were they going to tell the kids?
“I—” She glanced up and the words died in her throat when she saw his face, so pale and grim she wanted to reach out and make everything all better. Even though his hands were jammed in the pockets of his slacks, she could see they were fisted. He stared out the window, but it was pretty obvious he wasn’t admiring the landscape. The younger Melissa, the naive one, would have gone to him. But not this Melissa. Not the woman who had finally learned her own worth.
She shut her mouth and silence ruled again.
Finally he jerked round to face her. “Just don’t say anything for a few days. Will you do that?”
“But what’s—”
“Please. All I ask is a few days.”
He appeared so desperately in earnest that she agreed. It wouldn’t change anything, but maybe the time would give her a chance to find a way out of this mess. Get things straightened out with Stephen so she could finally have the closure she needed. Yeah, and maybe Seth would throw a meet-Melissa cocktail party for his friends and co-workers.
Seth left soon after with his girls, and Melissa operated on autopilot, helping Matthew with his homework, getting dinner on the table, dishes done and the kids to bed. She felt shell-shocked. As though some horrible explosion had robbed her of her normal senses. But beneath the numbness, she was fully aware of the pain.
If she’d had any doubt before, she knew now, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that she loved Seth.
There was something else she’d learned in the last few months, as well, and that was that she would survive. All by herself, with no support from anyone. She could give her kids a home and she could make a life for herself.
Her little garden business was growing like chickweed. She probably had enough work for at least the next year. And by then, Alice would be in kindergarten. With luck and hard work, she could make a go of it on her own.
Losing the love she thought she’d had was cruel. But, if it was only one-sided, it was doomed anyway.
MELISSA STOOD OUTSIDE THE storefront realty office and took a deep breath. Pam’s pep talk was fresh in her mind. She could do this. She had nothing to lose.
The planter pots outside probably spilled over with geraniums and blue lobelia in the summer, but right now contained only a couple of dry-looking weeds and a few cigarette butts. They should be full of spring bulbs, she thought, her mind flashing painfully back to the tulip festival such a short time ago, when she’d so foolishly given her heart away. Even in winter, she could keep those pots looking inviting.
Somehow, those empty planters filled her with confidence and she put the same firm smile on her face that the Realtor had greeted her with when they’d first met.
“Hello,” she said to the young woman at the reception counter. “I’m here to see Cindi. I have an appointment. I’m Melissa Theisen.”
“Okay, I’ll check—”
“Melissa. Great to see you,” Cindi said, emerging from an office with her teeth gleaming and her hand extended. She glanced behind Melissa. “No Seth today?”
“No,” Melissa said, keeping her smile intact and her voice steady. So she’d come under slightly false pretenses. She’d wanted to make sure of an early appointment.
“Well, come on in.” If the woman noticed that Melissa carted a portfolio case with her, she gave no sign of it.
Cindi had a desk and computer in one corner of her office, but she motioned Melissa to a round table and padded chairs, then sat opposite. “Can I get you some coffee or tea or anything?”
“No. Thank you.”
“Seth called me. He said you two had decided to slow things down a little. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Melissa interrupted. “We went into the whole thing too fast. I think we need to make absolutely sure we’re doing the right thing before we go any further.”
Cindi gazed at her for a moment, then said, “I sold Seth his current house, you know. When he and Claire were expecting the twins.”
A shudder tickled her skin. Her mother used to say, “Somebody walked across your grave” when she shivered, but in this case, it was Claire’s grave they were disturbing.
She glanced at Cindi, knowing the question was in her eyes but not wanting to ask it. “She was nothing like you. She was one of those bubbly people who talk a mile a minute. You could tell they were happy by the way they looked at each other. I remember thinking, this is one house I’m never going to have to put on the market because of a divorce.”
“You were right.” She smiled sadly.
Cindi sipped from a coffee mug, then grimaced. Melissa guessed the coffee was cold and she’d forgotten.
“Well, I’m sure you didn’t come here to talk about that.”
Melissa managed a chuckle. “No. I didn’t come here to buy or sell a house, either.”
“Too bad. That family I had in mind can’t find anything they like. I drove them by your place and they loved it.” She let a moment pass before suggesting, “With a little work, they could even make Seth’s house work for them.”
“I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen. We’re both taking a breather right now and trying to figure things out.”
“Well, keep me posted.”
“I will, thanks.” She took a breath and said, “I’m here on different business.”
“A-ha.”
With a flash of entrepreneurial zest, Melissa saw her opportunity to sell herself, and before she could talk herself out of it, said, “In fact, you could use my services.”
The professional smile froze. “Really.”
“Landscape design. That’s what I do. You said yourself, it’s easier to sell a house that looks good. I could shape up gardens on properties you’re trying to sell.”
“Did you do your own garden?” She had the woman’s attention, now. And that patronizing I don’t think so expression had been wiped off her face.
“Sure did. Front and back. I also did several other gardens in the neighborhood that you could look at. And they’re finishing the planting this week on the display home near me.” She placed her portfolio on the table. “Would you like to take a look at what I can do?”
Cindi pored over the portfolio. She nodded a couple of times. Murmured “Nice” when she got to the display home’s garden.
Cinnamon nails drummed the tabletop. A business-woman’s excitement glowed on the Realtor’s face. “Smart girl. I own the realty company, you know. Sometimes we mow lawns. I’ve been known to trim shrubbery myself to make a property more visible. Some people just have no idea how to make their homes look good.” She was talking to herself now, Melissa could tell. “I could offer the service and tell clients I’ll add the cost to my commission. Then they aren’t out of pocket up front. And if the house doesn’t sell, it’s me who takes the loss. Not the homeowner.”
“That’s right. I could do a consultation, draw up a plan and let them do the work themselves—that would be the cheapest. Or, I could do it all for them.”
“Do you have brochures?”
She shook her head. “I’ve got business cards. That’s all. I’ve been working strictly on referrals and word of mouth, but I need to expand my business, especially if—” Especially if she was going to be on her own, but she didn’t finish the sentence.
She didn’t have to. Cindi knew. “I can’t make any promises, you understand. I’d have to think about it and talk to some people. But I think
you’re on to something. Promise me you won’t go to any other agents until I get back to you?”
Melissa opened her mouth to agree, then remembered she had a landscape design company to build. “I can wait until next week.”
The hard mouth softened in a grin. “You’ll do fine in business. I’ll introduce you myself to the local businesswomen’s network. I know a great company, two local gals, that do the most darling brochures. They do all my stuff.”
Businesswomen’s network. It had a nice ring to it. “Thanks, Cindi. If I ever do sell…”
And in that moment, it hit her. In her own way, she was hanging on to the ghosts of her past as badly as Seth was. Did she really want to start a new life with Seth or anyone in the house where so many memories of Stephen remained?
But that was the house where Matthew and Alice had lived their whole lives. What about those memories? And the love and time she’d put into her garden and the house?
And yet, she’d asked Seth to do exactly that. And his memories were a lot more poignant. Maybe she had to stop feeling threatened by the woman who’d loved Seth first and who’d brought the twins into the world. They weren’t rivals. They ought to be a team.
She packed up her portfolio, then said fast, before she could change her mind, “I’m making no promises, but if your family would like to come through the house, I might consider an offer.”
Cindi’s eyes lit up. “Can I bring them by tomorrow?” At Melissa’s nod, she hauled a cell phone out of her purse and in minutes a house tour was arranged for ten the next morning.
SETH PICKED THE GIRLS UP that afternoon, as he did every day after he was done work, and he and Melissa chatted briefly about the children’s days. They tried to sound normal in front of the kids, but it wasn’t easy. When she looked into his eyes, she saw the same confusion and hurt she imagined he was seeing in her own.
She didn’t know how long she could keep doing this, seeing him every day when it hurt so much.
Alice decided to have a full-blown temper tantrum that night, and Matthew was stuck on the nine-times table and Melissa—who’d never been strong at math—was having to stop and think as she tried to test him. Some role model she was.
“Nine times nine,” she yelled over Alice’s howls of outrage. It was time for bed and she’d decided she wasn’t going until Matthew went. Melissa knew her little girl was overtired, but it didn’t make it any easier to listen to her scream.
“You keep asking me that one. Eighty-one,” Matthew yelled back, a lot less bothered by the noise than his mother.
“That’s because I’m sure of the answer. Look, keep memorizing the sheet and I’ll test you after Alice is asleep.” Which better be soon. She was worn out. Exhausted. She wanted that trip to Hawaii so badly she could taste the salt-tinged air and feel the warm breeze on her skin. And right now, she wanted to go alone.
She’d barely got the kids asleep and was sitting in the kitchen thinking she might never get up, when the phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hi. It’s me.”
“Seth.” Her insides went liquid with wanting—and sadness that it was all such a mess because they were both so scared.
There was a tiny silence rife with all the things they couldn’t or wouldn’t or didn’t know how to say. Finally he said, “I miss you.”
“Me, too.”
“You sound tired,” he said.
Oh, if she’d ever needed a shoulder to lean on, it was tonight.
“I had a rotten evening. Alice threw a temper tantrum and Matthew had trouble with his math.”
“He should have called me. I’m a whiz at math. It’s my thing.”
She traced a pattern on the tabletop with her fingertip. “I don’t think it’s fair to Matthew to let him start relying on you. If…”
“I don’t want to keep doing this. It’s crazy. We can’t go back to the way things were before, when we were practically strangers. I stand there in the doorway dropping off and collecting the girls and all I want to do is hold you. I can’t pretend nothing happened with us.”
“No. I can’t either. It’s too hard.”
“Look. I’ve been thinking. It’s a house. Who cares? I can’t believe we’re putting our future in jeopardy over a house.”
She found she was clutching at the phone with both hands, hanging on for dear life. “It’s not the house. Is it?”
A heavy sigh. “No.”
“I think we rushed into things. We need some time to cool down and think it all through.”
“I’ve had lots of time to think. We’ve known each other for months. We had a great time on our weekend. Our kids even like each other. How can we let this go?”
She sucked in a breath. “I’ve got a family coming tomorrow who might be interested in buying my house.”
“You have?” He sounded shocked. “I thought we decided your place made more sense.”
“I haven’t even decided if I’m going to sell it yet. But I’m exploring the possibility of maybe being open to the idea,” she said, trying for a light tone.
“It’s tougher than you think to let go of the memories, isn’t it?” he said after another silence.
“Yes.”
“So, what are we going to do about Hawaii? The kids are already dragging out their summer clothes and arguing about what to pack.”
She closed her eyes. “Why don’t you take the girls and have a holiday?”
“Because I want us all to go. We could all have a holiday and put the wedding on hold.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. If we’re not going to make it as a couple—”
“Don’t you give up on us,” he practically yelled. “I’m sorry I screwed up with the Realtor. I’m sorry about a lot of things. But don’t give up. Not yet.”
“I don’t want to give up.” She loved him so much it hurt, but she wasn’t sure enough that he loved her. She had a feeling he wasn’t sure, either.
“You won’t come to Hawaii?”
“No. But you should—”
“If you’re not going, none of us are going.”
“I’m sorry.” She looked around her quiet kitchen, at the cabinet door he’d fixed and the tile he’d replaced. Already he was part of her life and her home. How could she bear to lose him? “I think I’d better go. I’ve got some work to finish up.”
“One last thing.”
“What?”
“Are you still wearing your engagement ring?”
She glanced at the diamond winking from her left hand. “Yes.”
“Good.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
THE DOORBELL RANG AT precisely ten o’clock the next morning. The family that stood on her doorstep, along with Cindi, were perfect, Melissa had to admit, as she shook hands with the mother and father and children. After greeting the Realtor and her clients, she pretended she and Alice had to go out, unable to watch strangers going through her house, wondering if it would suit them.
After driving around the block, she snuck up to her neighbor Pam’s, and while the kids played, the moms had coffee in the living room where they could watch what was going on at Melissa’s house.
Pam wept a little. “It won’t be the same without you.”
Glumly, Melissa nodded. “I haven’t decided anything yet.”
Pam brightened at that.
“And the family seems really nice.”
While they talked school, kids and gardening, they both kept an eye on the late-model SUV in Melissa’s drive. “I don’t care if they are nice people. Don’t they know how much pollution those SUVs create? It’s not like they have to cross a desert to get to the school or downtown Seattle from here.” She clucked disapprovingly. “I could never be friends with anyone who drives one of those monsters.”
“They’ve been in there a long time. They must be interested.”
“Who wouldn’t be?” her loyal friend said. “Your house is gorgeous. And the way you keep it.” Pam waved a hand around he
r own cluttered living room, which Melissa had to coax herself not to dust every time she entered. “Your garden, too. Which reminds, me, Sheila Westover—do you know her? She’s got two boys at the school.”
“Is she the one who’s always organizing those political fund-raising dinners?”
“Used to. Now she’s a Buddhist.”
Melissa almost spewed coffee all over the carpet. “A Buddhist?”
“She found a truer path to enlightenment, I guess. Anyway, she wants to turn her garden into a meditation center. I gave her your phone number.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Hey, it’s work. Anyway, she’s probably kept a lot of her old contacts. You never know.”
But Melissa had stopped listening. “Look, there they go.”
Pam craned her neck to get a better view of her potential new neighbors. “That boy looks the same age as Josh and Matthew,” she said, gleefully. “Maybe they’ll be friends.” Presumably, she was rethinking her position on SUV owners.
Cindi waved as the family drove off, then returned to the house. “I think she’s waiting for me. What if they want to make an offer? I feel sick.”
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
Melissa felt foolish. “Yeah. I know. For some reason, it’s just so hard to say goodbye to that part of my life.”
Her friend’s eyes flooded in ready sympathy.
“Anyhow, even if I don’t sell my house, I might get some work from the real estate agent. I think I have more entrepreneurial spirit than I ever knew.” Briefly, she relayed yesterday’s conversation with Cindi.
“All right!”
“I’d better go. She’s obviously waiting.”
“Leave Alice. I’ll watch her.”
“I can’t let you keep babysitting for me.”
“Hah. I’m holding her hostage. That way you’ll have to come and tell me what happened.”
As she walked the short distance home, Melissa felt the colony of butterflies in her stomach morph into elephants.