by Woods, Karen
Marcy knew she had to calm her down, she was raging and she feared for her life. The look in this woman’s eyes was scary and she knew she had to think on her feet. “You don’t have to keep the baby Amanda; you can always get an abortion.”
Amanda screamed at the top of her voice, and gripped both of Marcy’s hands. “How can I do that? Why should I have to live with the guilt of aborting a child when that prick is walking around without a care in the world?”
Marcy had hit a brick wall. She sat Amanda back down in her chair and went into the kitchen. “I’ll make us a drink, let’s calm down and we can work this out.” Marcy walked into the kitchen and held her back against the cold wall, she was sweating and her heart was beating ten to the dozen. Running the tap water she filled the kettle and flicked the switch on. Slowly she peered back into the living room and watched Amanda sobbing her heart out. Marcy peeled her coat off and wafted her hand in front of her face, she was burning up and her cheeks were bright red she looked like she was going to pass out.
She returned to the lounge with two cups of tea hooked on her fingers. Amanda seemed calmer and her anger was subsiding. “I’ve put you an extra sugar in it love,” she said.
Amanda snarled. “I don’t really drink tea or coffee, but pass it over here, my mouth feels like sandpaper.”
Marcy passed her the mug and sat down sipping her drink, she was trying to buy some time to make her next move. Taking a deep breath she began to speak. “Why don’t you come back to the classes tomorrow? Speaking to people about your problems does help you know? Otherwise you’re just going to be sat here on your own dwelling on the past.”
Amanda hissed at her and her expression was sour. “Are you for real Marcy? I don’t want to see people, why do you think I’ve asked for a home visit?”
Marcy swallowed hard as she felt Amanda’s eyes darting into her from the other chair; she was waiting for an answer. Marcy played with the hem of her skirt and kept her eyes low, she had to stick to her guns and tell this woman straight. “I’ve come today to see you as a one-off Amanda. If you really need help you have to come and see me at the classes. Grace and Fred are your friends and they are worried about you too.”
Amanda sighed and held her head back. “So, you’re selling me out too then? How did I know that the minute the shit hit the fan you would get on your toes? You’re supposed to help me, not desert me?”
Marcy was on the spot now and her nostrils were flaring at the sides, she had to fight her corner and not give up. “I’m not deserting you Amanda. I just feel it would do you good to come back to the classes. I mean, when was the last time you went outside for a breath of fresh air?”
That was it; Amanda snapped and bolted up to her feet. “Do you not understand what I’ve been through, or what I’m going through?”
Marcy upped her game and stood up too. She was eager to put this woman in her place and fought her corner well. All the knowledge of being a professional at work went out of the window, this woman needed some tough love therapy, and she was ready to give it to her. “Amanda, why do you not see what you’re doing to yourself? Okay, yes, you’ve had a hard time, but you’re not the first person to go through it and you won’t be the last. What are you going to do when the baby comes along?” she opened her eyes wide. “Sit in the house every day, still wallowing in your own self-pity?” Marcy was letting her have it and she was holding nothing back. “Look in the mirror, see who you’ve become. You’re a lovely looking woman and you have everything going for you. Why do always put yourself down, and never see what everyone else sees?”
Amanda was shocked; she was pacing about the front room, it looked like she was looking for something to launch at Marcy’s head. There was an eerie silence and out of the blue Amanda sat down and spoke in a calm voice. “Well, I never thought you had that in you. You’ve stood up to me for once instead of just sitting there biting your nails.”
Marcy smirked, and the corners of her mouth started to rise. “Well, you needed to hear it. I’m sick of holding back and keeping my mouth shut because of my job. I class you as a friend now and sometimes your friends need to hear the truth.”
Amanda cracked a grin and reached for her drink. “I respect you for that Marcy and I will come back to the classes. I do need help, I just hate that I can’t cope on my own. I feel like a right nutter and that scares me to death.”
Marcy was making progress for the first time with her client; she squashed up next to her on the sofa and patted the side of her arm. “That’s brilliant; you’ll feel much better about yourself if you come along. Like I said, why sit in the house twenty-four hours a day?” Amanda agreed and held a look of desperation in her eyes. These classes were the last chance of her ever getting better.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Harry watched Jenny eating a sandwich, she was irritating him. She was talking with her mouth open. He’d never noticed it before but she ate like a pig. Mayonnaise drooled down the side of her lips and he was staring at her with a look of disgust. Jenny was reading a holiday brochure, her fingers flicked through the pages rapidly, she was excited. “Let’s go to the Caribbean, my friend Joanne went there last year and she said she had an amazing time.” Harry was facing her but he wasn’t listening to a word she said, he was in a world of his own, he was thinking about Amanda. Jenny screamed his name in a high pitched voice and launched a cushion at his head. “Are you listening to a word I’m even saying to you Harry?” Without thinking he called her Amanda. It just rolled off his tongue without him having any control. Their eyes locked together and the colour drained from his cheeks as he realised what he’d just said. Harry covered his mouth with his hand and sat cringing waiting for her reaction. Jenny was up in arms and on the verge of breaking down in tears. “Why did you call me Amanda? Is that what’s wrong with you lately? Are you missing her or what?” She was hysterical and dragging on his clothing.
Harry tried to make amends. “I don’t know why I said her name, it just came out.” Jenny wasn’t buying it and marched out of the room still screaming at the top of her voice. Harry sank back down on the sofa, his head resting in his hands. If the truth was known, Amanda was in his thoughts every day. He just couldn’t shake her off. Every day that went by, he was realising just how he felt about her. His heart was low and he didn’t know what to do for the best. The wedding was days away and everything was happening so fast, he had no control over it whatsoever. Jenny was just arranging everything so quickly; she wanted him at the altar as fast as she could. His sister Kerry had fallen out with him too and told him not to step foot near her house as long as he was still with Jenny, he was alone and at the end of his tether.
Jenny walked back inside the front room, she was calmer. She sat down next to him and reached over to him, turning his head to face her. “I’m sorry I overreacted. It just hurts me to think you’re still thinking about her.”
Harry took a deep breath, “I’m sorry too, but I did spend a lot of time with her and, well, it’s going to take some time for me to get over her.”
Jenny’s face creased with pain, it was like he stabbed a knife deep into her heart. “Harry, I’ve told you I’m sorry haven’t I? We’re getting married in a few days and I need to know that you still love me.”
Morgan their daughter walked into the room as Jenny repeated herself. He was under pressure and she was waiting for an answer. Morgan smiled at her father and came to sit next to him on the arm of the chair. He looked deep into his daughter’s eyes and his heart melted. “Of course I love you Jenny, stop being stupid.” That was all she wanted to hear, she picked up the magazine from the floor and carried on looking at the holiday brochure. Harry stretched his arms over his head. Tonight was his stag party and his mates were promising him a night to remember. Jack and Mark had kept their distance from Harry in the past, but now he was back with Jenny he seemed to be in their circle of friends again. Trudging up the stairs he walked into the bathroom. Sat on the toilet he watched the bath
filling with warm water. Harry had lost weight again; you could see his ribs protruding through his skin. His legs were thin and bony and his bum cheeks looked like two eggs in a handkerchief. Submerging deep under the warm water, he closed his eyes and held his breath, small air bubbles floated to the top of the water.
That night, Harry walked into the boozer with a smile on his face. He could see a group of men sat in the corner of the pub and Jack and Mark were waving their hands above their heads to get his attention. Harry bounced over towards them; he was getting good at putting on a show, pretending to be happy and tonight he was in his full glory. Jack draped his arm over his shoulder as he reached the group. “So Harry, are you ready to party tonight or what? In a few days you’ll have a ball and chain around your ankles so you need to make sure you make the most of it. These are the last days of you being a single man.”
Harry stuck his chest out and chuckled. “Lads, you all know me, and you know no woman will ever keep me on lock down.”
A few of them whispered to each other and it was obvious they were having a laugh at Harry’s expense. One of the men sat with a cocky look on his face, he was a loud mouth and he was always searching for an easy laugh. “Shut up chatting shit Harry. When Jenny left you, you fell apart, what happened to Mr full of himself then? You just locked yourself away and no fucker saw you for ages.”
Harry knew this man was right but there was no way he was standing for it. He had his name to protect and sat back laughing in his seat. “Mate, you need to get your facts right before you start making allegations. If the truth was known, yes, I did go under when Jenny left me, but after that I was out banging loads of women, so keep it shut unless you know what you’re talking about.”
The man went bright red, Harry had shot him down and the rest of the group were laughing at him now, his plan had backfired. Sitting forward in his seat it was obvious he wanted another pop at Harry. “My mistake then mate, I thought you were a non-coper that’s all. Well, that’s what everyone was saying about you anyway.” Harry shot a look at the other men in the group and hunched his shoulders. They all dropped their eyes low and none of them would look at him. The man held an evil look in his eyes and he was ready to deliver his killer blow. “So, how do you go back with a woman who’s cheated on you? That must be hard, I mean, she’s had another man’s cock inside her. That would do me in?”
There was complete silence and Jack grabbed the back of Harry’s jacket, he knew he was ready to lash out. Mark diffused the situation quickly and growled at the troublemaker. “Who’s up for some shots then? We may as well get pissed before we hit the town centre hadn’t we? Who’s up for it?”
The moment was over, but Harry was still staring at the bloke facing him. He sat cracking his knuckles and he wanted to wipe the smarmy look right off his face. Jack whispered into his ear from the side of him. “Just ignore Ged, he’s already pissed, he’ll collapse soon and go home. He can’t handle his beer, he’s a part-timer. He’s not hard-core like us.” Harry chewed on his bottom lip and gulped a mouthful of his pint. The men were loud and they all sat cracking jokes and taking the piss out of each other. It took a while before Harry calmed down and joined them in the fun; he was still licking his wounds. The night was in full swing and a pub crawl was suggested by Mark. All the men were up for it and they swigged the remainder of their beers before they all danced out of the pub.
Karaoke was something that Harry loved, it was his guilty pleasure. As the men walked into the pub called the “Nags Head” Harry stood watching an older woman singing, he was amazed by her talent. She was shit hot and had the punters all joining in with the song she was singing. The boozer was bouncing, the atmosphere was great, and everyone was laughing and joking. Making his way to the bar Harry felt a hand on his shoulder. As he turned his head quickly he looked gobsmacked. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Grace held her head back and giggled. “What do you mean by that? Bleeding hell Harry, I’m not dead yet, I do have a social life you know?”
Harry realised what he’d just said and backtracked. “I meant, what are you doing in this pub? I’ve been in here loads of times and never saw you in here before.”
Grace used her words wisely and made sure he heard her. “Sometimes you don’t see what’s right under your nose do you? I’m in here quite a lot, that woman singing over there is my best mate Winnie,” she pointed in the distance, “I’m sure you’ve seen her with me before at the classes?”
Harry shook his head. “I don’t remember her face, but to tell you the truth my memory has been shit lately.”
Grace patted his arm and agreed with him. “Yes it is, have you forgotten where the classes are or what? You’ve not been for weeks. We’re all missing you.”
Harry concentrated on the word “all”, he never let her finish her sentence. “By the word all, do you mean Amanda?”
Grace paused; it was obvious Harry didn’t know she wasn’t coming to the classes anymore. Checking her surroundings Grace led Harry outside, pulling her cigarettes out of her pocket she offered him one. “She hasn’t been near the place since the last time you were there. What happened with you two? Did you fall out or something like that?”
Harry’s cheeks drew in at the sides as he inhaled on his cigarette; he was searching for the answer to her question. “Grace, it got complicated between us both. We just sort of ended up being thrown together.”
Grace wasn’t standing for any off his bullshit and she opened fire. “What you mean you slept with her then pissed her off?”
Harry dipped his head low. One of his mates was shouting him from the door, he was making his way towards them with two glasses held over his head. Once he got to him he passed him a drink. “Ay, this man’s getting married in a couple of days; I hope you’re not trying to get into him?”
Harry poked his elbow into Mark’s waist. “This is my friend Mark. And don’t be saying things like that to Grace; she’s a good woman you know, not a slapper.”
Mark danced off and he was hitting on a group of women not far from where he stood. Grace placed her hand on her hips and spoke. “So you’re marrying her are you? Do you think you’re ready for marriage after what she’s put you through?”
“Grace, she’s changed. She’s said she’s sorry for the way she’s treated me. I have the kids to think about too, are you forgetting that?”
Grace let out a laboured breath and sipped on her drink. “Personally, I just think you’re rushing in too quickly, that’s all. By all means marry her in the future, but for now lick your wounds and take things slowly.”
Harry knew she was talking sense but ignored her advice. “Grace, I’m a grown man. I need my family to stay together that’s all. I come from a broken family and I don’t want my kids to go through what I did.”
Winnie came to join Grace and she was on cloud nine. “Grace did you hear them cheering for me, I had the full pub singing along with me. The landlord wants to book me again.”
Grace smiled at her and watched her dancing about on the spot. This was Harry’s calling card to get off. “Nice to see you anyway Grace, give my love to the group,” he was just about to walk off when Grace dragged him back by the collar of his shirt.
“You need to think this through Harry. Mark my words if you get married you will regret it for the rest of your life,” she let him go and watched him disappear into the crowd of people.
Winnie was at her side and she was still on a high. “I’ve got a break before I go back on. Was that the guy from that looney place you go to?”
Grace shook her head and rolled her eyes. “If you mean the therapy classes then, yes it was him?”
Winnie covered her mouth and grabbed Grace closer to her side. “I don’t mean you’re looney. I just didn’t think before I put my mouth into gear that’s all.”
Grace was in a strop and she snarled at her friend. “It’s nice to know what you really think of me, Winnie. I thought you were my friend, where’s my s
upport?”
Winnie was ashamed and pleaded with her. “Don’t be like that Grace. I just think that some of the other’s that go there are a couple of butties short of a picnic. I don’t mean you though. You’re different.”
“Good job,” Grace hissed.
A little later, Winnie was up on the stage singing her heart out when Grace saw Stan coming into the pub. His sister was pushing him inside in his wheelchair. She pushed through the crowd and tried to get her friend’s attention but she was too busy singing the song. Stan was wheeled to the corner of the pub and his sister went to the bar to get them a drink. Grace stood back and watched him from afar. As Winnie finished singing her song Stan watched all the applause his wife was getting and he shot his eyes around the pub in amazement. He was even clapping his hands together too. Grace ran up to Winnie before she began her next song. Once she’d delivered the news that her husband was inside the pub her face dropped. Grace stayed close by and she was watching Stan like a hawk, if he made one move towards her she was going to have his guts for garters.
By now Harry was drunk, he was slumped across a table with his head resting on his hand. Every now and then he lifted his head up and tried to talk but it was no good, he was wrecked. Jack came to his side and pulled him up. “Come on lad, the night’s still young. We haven’t even got to a club yet, you need to sort it out. This is your stag night remember?”
Harry blew a breath and lifted his head up, the room was spinning and he was wobbling as he tried to stand up. “Just put me in a taxi, Jack. I swear to you I’m done in. Just phone me a cab.” Jack dug in his pocket and pulled out his mobile phone.
Once he’d rung a taxi he helped Harry to go outside. The cold night air hit Harry’s cheeks and he bent to his knees spewing his ring up. Jack pulled him to the alleyway at the side of the pub and stood back as he watched projectile vomit shooting from Harry’s mouth. Jack laughed and shouted into the dark alleyway with cupped hands around his mouth. “Go on lad, get it all up, you’ll feel miles better when you’ve spewed up. I do anyway.” Jack was waiting for a reply but no one answered. Stepping further into the cobbled dark alleyway he stretched his neck out. “Harry, stop fucking about, where are you?” There was still no reply. Jack panicked and thought his friend may have fallen down and banged his head. He sprinted up and down the entry with a worried look on his face; there was still no sign of him. “Harry,” he screamed at the top of his lungs. “Where the fuck have you gone?”