Her head was spinning around so fast that she couldn’t think straight. How could she know what Ben’s kisses did to her when she’d never really experienced them? Not like this! The hungry, seeking mouth, the hand on her breast, the naked desire, were totally absent in her relationship with Ben.
He raised his head then and the glittering dark eyes gazed down directly into hers. “You can’t marry him, Anne. I won’t let you.”
At his words, the spell was broken, and she suddenly realized what she’d been doing, what she had allowed him to do to her. She must have been out of her mind. Shakily, she drew back from him, turned her head away and covered her face with her hands while she struggled for control.
After a few moments, she heaved a deep shud-dering sigh and dropped her hands. “You have nothing to say about it,” she mumbled in a dull voice. Then she looked up at him. “It’s too late anyway. It’s all decided.”
He ran a hand over his thick hair in obvious frus-tration. “God, and I thought I knew women! How could I have been so wrong?”
“What do you mean?”
“I figured if I stepped aside for a while, let you go on with your campaign with no more interference
from me, you’d get it out of your system, come to your senses and“
“And what? Turn to you?”
He stiffened. “Why not?”
“And just what do you have to offer me? A good time? A merry-go-round ride? Fun while it lasts and soon forgotten? This is all some kind of game to you, isn’t it, Jerry?” Anne said heatedly. “Well, I can’t operate that way, even if you can. Besides, I already told you. It’s too late. And, even if I didn’t want to marry Ben, I couldn’t give myself to a man who didn’t care anything about me. I’m just not built that way.”
He shifted his feet uncomfortably and gave her a hangdog look. “Who said I didn’t care about you? I do care, Anne.”
She laughed. “Oh, Jerry, do you think I didn’t notice the way you tripped all over yourself the first time you laid eyes on Linda Sorenson? Another blonde, I might add.”
His mouth dropped open. “Linda Sorenson! She’s just a kid!” He gave her a crooked boyish grin. “That was just habit. I only said I’d help her find a job if she decided to come to Seattle.”
She eyed him balefully. “If you think Linda is ‘just a kid,’ you know a lot less about women than I’ve given you credit for. She’s already packed more exŹperience in her twenty years than I have in my entire life.” She shook her head. “Go play with Linda, Jerry. She’s more your style.”
He moved his face closer to hers and narrowed his eyes at her. “Can’t you get it through that stubborn head of yours?” he gritted through his teeth. “I don’t want Linda!”
“But you want someone like her, and, believe me, I’m not it.” She lifted her chin and squared her shoulders. “Besides, I’m committed to Ben now. He’s what I want, what I’ve always wanted.”
She turned from him and marched over to the door, her head held high. Terrified that if she looked back at him just once she’d never make it, she opened the door and got out of there as fast as she could.
Down in the lobby, Ben was standing at the bottom of the stairs, his hand resting on the banister, gazing up with a troubled expression on his broad craggy face. When he saw her, his eyes lit up and he slowly began to climb the stairs to meet her.
“I was just about to come looking for you,” he said, putting an arm around her shoulders. “I was beginning to get worried.” He laughed. “Somehow I don’t quite trust that Jerry Bannister of yours.”
She gave him a shaky smile. “Oh, you don’t have to worry about Jerry. All he wanted was to go over the story with me. He liked it very much, by the way.”
“That’s good. Now, do you feel brave enough to risk dancing with me?” he asked as they continued on toward the dining room. “I warn you, however, I have two left feet.”
In the dining room, the lights were dimmed and the small orchestra was playing a slow dance tune. As Anne moved into Ben’s arms, his body solid and sturdy next to hers, she knew she’d done the right thing.
Just then, across the floor, she caught sight of Jerry, his dark head towering over most of the other men on the dance floor. He’d obviously followed shortly after she’d left. He was dancing with Linda, their bodies pressed closely together. Her arms were twined
around his neck and she was gazing up at him with a secret intimate smile. As they came closer, she could see the familiar glint in his dark eyes that told her exactly what his plans were for the lovely blonde.
It had been a narrow escape, but thank heaven she’d come to her senses in time.
She looked up into Ben’s familiar, good, kind face. “I’ve decided, Ben,” she said softly. “I do want to marry you.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
“ANNE, are you sure?” Ben asked on the way home that night.
Anne looked over at him. He was hunched over the steering wheel, his big hands gripping it hard, squinting at the road ahead. She was already beginning to regret that she’d blurted it out quite that way. Had she actually said she’d marry him? She should be ecstatic. Instead she was suddenly filled with doubt.
It was all Jerry’s fault. His kisses still burned on her mouth, and she brushed the back of her hand over it, as though to wipe out the memory. If he’d been satisfied with Linda and left her alone she wouldn’t be in such a muddle. He had nothing to offer her.
“Yes,” she replied firmly at last. “Positive.”
He gave a deep, low chuckle. “I never expected anything like this would ever happen to me again. You’ve made me very happy.”
When they reached her house, she turned to him. “You’ll come in, won’t you? We have a lot to talk about, so many plans to make.”
“Not tonight, I’m afraid.” He gave her an in-dulgent smile. “We’ll have plenty of time for that. I still have to go back to the village and pick up Patrick so he can drive me back to the crossroads. He needs his car early tomorrow morning.”
“Have you ever thought of getting a road paved to your place?” she asked, disappointed. “It would make it so much more convenient.”
He laughed. “The village elders have been trying to talk me into doing just that for years.”
“Well, why don’t you?”
“Because if there were an easier access to my home, it would utterly destroy my privacy,” he explained patiently, as though to a child. “I’ve fought hard for it, and I’m not going to have a steady stream of cars descending on me.” He gave her a troubled look. “You understand, don’t you, Anne?”
“Yes, of course,” she said in a subdued voice. “In any event, I certainly know how important your work is to you.” What she didn’t say was that she wasn’t so sure it would be to her advantage to have to walk every place she wanted to go after they were married.
“I know you do,” he said. “And now you’re going to be my sweet inspiration, aren’t you?” He put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her to him. “Let’s go. I’ll walk with you to the door.”
She had left a light burning on the front porch, and when she’d unlocked the door and pushed it open she turned to him. “Are you sure you won’t come in just for a few minutes?”
“No, better not. Patrick will be waiting for me.” He put a hand on her face. “Why don’t you come over tomorrow? I want to get used to having you there while I work. You can spend the whole day, and I’ll cook up some more chili for supper.”
“All right,” she said dubiously. “If that’s what you want.” Then she brightened. “I’ll tell you what, why don’t I cook dinner for you tomorrow night? I stocked
up on groceries yesterday, even laid in a couple of steaks.”
He pursed his lips, thinking. “I’d really rather you came to my place. It interrupts the flow of my work to have to leave it, even for a day. It’s why I rarely go out.” He smiled down at her. “Tonight was a big exception, you know. I went to that party just for
you. Besides, I want to get started on your portrait. The first of many, I hope.”
He bent down to brush her lips softly with his. “Good night, Anne. See you tomorrow, then?”
She nodded. “Yes. Of course.”
“Come early. The light is best in the morning.”
With a little salute, he turned and hurried off down the path. She pushed the door open slowly and went inside the dark, cold house.
For the next several days, Anne trudged dutifully over to Ben’s house, through sunshine and rain, even a light snowfall on Tuesday, and by the following Thursday she was growing a little resentful of the fact that she had to do all the traveling while Ben sat in his warm, cozy house so absorbed in his painting, hour after hour, that he hardly paid any attention to her.
She hadn’t heard anything from or about Jerry, and she assumed he’d either gone back to Seattle, or was off somewhere else with Linda, doing what he did bestmaking love. Somehow she couldn’t bear to think about that, and, no matter how many times she reminded herself that Jerry was nothing to her, thoughts of him kept coming, betraying her every time.
She should have warned Linda about him, she thought that afternoon while she sat for Ben in the
studio. All her talk about the blonde’s wealth of exŹperience in affairs of the heart had only been smoke, trying to belittle the poor girl. As she pondered this, her mouth became set in a grim line and she squirmed uncomfortably in her chair.
“Don’t move around like that,” Ben snapped. “And try to keep those facial muscles relaxed.”
“Sorry,” she muttered, and tried to do as she was told.
To be perfectly honest, she was getting sick and tired of holding the awkward pose for what seemed like hours, days, years. Her legs, tucked beneath her, ached all up and down from her ankles to her thighs, and her face felt frozen in place. If she twitched or shrugged or sighed or even breathed too hard, Ben would lay his brush down and come over to set her in position again.
Was this what her married life was going to be like? They had set the date for Christmas. It was now the middle of November, and Anne saw no point in waiting. His reason for the delay was that since she had insisted on a short honeymoon he wanted to get the portrait finished first. His idea had been to just stay on at his house after the wedding, but she’d finally talked him into a long weekend in Vancouver.
On Friday she decided she just couldn’t take any more of it. She called Ben early that morning to tell him she was going to take the day off and walk into the village to do some shopping. It was a clear sunny day, and she wanted to take advantage of it.
“Oh,” was all he said.
“I’m sorry to disappoint you, Ben,” she said, immediately contrite. Her tone had been a little sharper
than she’d intended. “If it’s really important to you I can probably come over later this afternoon.”
“No, no, you might as well take the whole day. You’ve been such a great sport about the sittings. I want you to enjoy yourself.” He laughed. “I wonder if you haven’t changed your mind about getting stuck with a dedicated artist? I can’t say I’d blame you. We’re a selfish breed, I’m afraid.”
It wasn’t that, she thought after they’d said goodbye and hung up. She admired his work, his dedication so much that even the discomfort of the endless posing didn’t trouble her unduly. What really worried her was that, except for a few chaste kisses, Ben had made no moves whatsoever toward serious lovemaking. Was it possible that he envisioned their marriage as a celibate one?
In the village, the first person she ran into as she was passing by the hotel on her way to the grocery store was Linda Sorenson. She was just coming out, a heavy blue jacket on against the chill wind blowing up off the straits, and had stopped a moment to tie a scarf around her head.
“Anne,” she called. “Wait a minute. I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”
“Hello, Linda.” As Anne waited for her out on the pavement, she glanced behind the girl, half expecting to see Jerry right behind her. But there was no sign of him.
Linda took her by the arm and they started off down the street together. “I hear you’re going to marry Ben Poole,” she said as they walked along. “What a surŹprise that was!”
“Oh, really? Why do you say that?”
Linda shrugged. “Oh, I don’t know. He just seems
soso” She shrugged. “Well, he is quite a bit
older than you. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that,” she added hastily. “Ben’s great. Everybody loves Ben.” She laughed. “I guess the real reason I was so surprised was that I thought you and Jerry had something going.”
Anne stopped short. “Whatever gave you that idea?”
“Well, he did stay at your place for a couple of days.”
“That was purely business.” Anne started walking again so briskly that Linda had to run a little to catch up with her.
“Well, I was just positive it had to be more than that,” she said breathlessly.
“I don’t see why.”
“Well,” Linda went on, “you know the night of the party?” Anne nodded. “I noticed that he never took his eyes off you. I don’t know all that much about men, but I do know when one of them is smitten. He showed all the signs.”
Anne had to stop again and stare at the girl. “Linda,” she said slowly, “you must be mistaken. In fact, I thought that you and Jerry…” She shrugged. “You know.”
Linda threw her head back and laughed. “Oh, don’t get me wrong,” she said when she’d sobered. “I think he’s the dashiest man I’ve ever met, and the most fasŹcinating. But he’s way too old for me. He told me that himself.”
“He did?”
Linda nodded. “He was just being nice to me. I’d asked him about getting a job in Seattle, and he said
he’d help me if I ever decided to take the plunge.” She sighed. “I’d do anything to get out of this hole, and it’s nice to have a friend in the city.”
“Then I take it he’s gone?” Anne asked.
“Oh, yes. He left the day after the party. Just called the mainland to see if they could send up a seaplane, and off he went, an hour later.”
They had reached the grocery store by now. Anne said a hasty goodbye and turned into it, anxious to get away, to absorb the startling bit of information she’d just heard.
During the next few days, Anne went through all the motions of life, cooking, feeding herself, cleaning, dressing, bathing, but from time to time she would catch herself wandering from room to room, wringing her hands and moaning softly to herself, totally conŹfused, caught in a trap she didn’t know how to exŹtricate herself from.
She started making excuses to Ben, and even manuŹfactured a slight cold. She simply couldn’t face any more of that awful sitting, and was terrified by now that the very expression on her face would betray her feelings, no matter how hard she tried to hide them. She wasn’t even sure herself what those feelings were, except that they disturbed her terribly. The truth was, she was beginning to doubt whether she really wanted to marry him.
Finally, by Monday, she knew she’d have to take some positive action, make a definite decision, or she’d go mad. She’d promised to marry Ben, and that was what she would do. If Jerry really did care anyŹthing about heranything beyond a brief fling, that washe would have called her by now.
She was also feeling a little guilty about her pro-longed idleness. After all, she’d come up here in the first place to get her father’s affairs in order, and she hadn’t even begun to straighten out his desk.
She marched herself over to it now, sat down, took a deep breath, and opened the top drawer.
By evening she’d managed to plough through most of it. She’d ended up with two enormous piles, which now sat on the floor beside her chair. One consisted of things to be thrown out, the other matters that still needed attention, such as unpaid bills, business corŹrespondence and the few people who still needed to be notified of his d
eath. She’d give those to Mr. Pembroke to handle.
By dinnertime she was thoroughly sick of the whole mess. There was only the large bottom drawer left to be cleared out, and she’d save that for tomorrow.
As she got up from the desk and wandered into the kitchen, she suddenly felt very lonely. She hadn’t been to Ben’s for several days, and she missed the company. She’d picked up a nice leg of lamb at the village yesŹterday that was far too large for one person. She’d be eating it for days if she didn’t share it with someone. It was dark out, but not raining. Maybe she could talk him into walking over.
When she dialed his number the telephone rang and rang, and she was just about to give up when he finally answered it.
“Yes?” he barked gruffly.
“Hello, Ben. It’s Anne. I was wondering if you’d care to walk over a little later and have dinner with me. I have a nice lamb roast I’m just about to put in the oven“
“Sorry, Anne,” he broke in. “I’m just putting the finishing touches on your portrait, and don’t want to stop working.”
“Oh. I see. How is it coming on?”
“Quite well. I think you’ll like it. I could use another sitting or two. Maybe you could come over tomorrow?”
“All right,” she said. “I’ll do that.”
“Good. I’ll see you then.”
After she’d eaten, had a bath and made a fire, using the technique Jeny had taught her, she still felt rather at a loose end. If she was going to spend the day at Ben’s tomorrow, she might as well tackle the last of her father’s papers.
The one remaining cluttered drawer consisted mostly of old sheep records, years out-of-date, and a few personal letters to distant relatives. She didn’t even bother to read them. Most of the people were long dead anyway, and she tossed it all on the junk pile to be thrown out.
Then, at the very bottom, she found a long envelope with her name and Seattle address written on the front in her father’s familiar hand. It was already sealed and stamped. He’d obviously intended to mail it. Why hadn’t he? She reached for it and held it in her hands for a long time, listening to the fire crackling behind her, almost afraid to open it.
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