“Patrick—Jesus. I know you’d do anything to protect me, but I can’t be with you if I can’t trust you. You told all the guys on your SEAL team the name of my stalker, you had them waiting outside of my office building, but didn’t bother to mention it to me? What if you guys had been deployed on a mission? Who would’ve protected me then?”
“Rebecca—”
“Then I would’ve been here all by myself—and I’d have been none the wiser about the dangerous man chasing after my daughter and me. Don’t you see? Protecting me doesn’t mean shutting me out.”
“I’m sorry,” Patrick said, looking forlorn. “I only did what I had to—what I thought I had to do,” he amended. “I can see that I was wrong, but don’t you understand why I kept it a secret? You’d have tried to track him down yourself, and I didn’t want anything to hurt you.”
“You hurt me,” Rebecca said, tears filling her eyes once more. “First you broke up with me, letting me think it was over between us, that I meant nothing to you, and then when you caught the guy, you tell me it was all a big ploy. Didn’t I deserve to know about it? Didn’t I have a right to know the name of my goddamn stalker? They have security at the courthouse. Police officers. My office building has security and requires visitors to sign in at the front desk. But I couldn’t notify any of them with the name of the man coming after me because you kept your mouth shut about the entire incident. What if he’d hurt Abby?”
“I’d never let anything happen to you.”
“You told the guys on your team more than you told me—and it’s my life that was in danger. My daughter’s life. I just can’t reconcile the fact that you’d keep information like that from me.”
“Rebecca, I swear I’ll make it up to you. Please don’t shut me out. And this afternoon, my God,” he said, his own voice cracking slightly. “The look on your face nearly killed me. And I couldn’t go after you because Hale was right inside my goddamn house. I understand that you’re angry, but I can’t apologize for needing to keep you safe.”
“I just need some time, Patrick,” she said with a sigh. “You hurt me. And too much has happened today for me to even think clearly. I don’t even know what I want right now,” Rebecca said.
“Can I come in?” Patrick asked, his eyes hopeful. “We can talk as long as you want. I’ll leave as soon as you say the word.”
“Maybe in a few days,” she choked out, shaking her head. “I need to think everything over and be by myself right now.”
“Mommy! I’m hungry!”
Rebecca glanced back to see her daughter coming from the living room. In the midst of everything, she’d forgotten to even get dinner started for her daughter. With each passing moment, she was feeling worse and worse about everything that had happened today.
“I have to go,” Rebecca said. “Call me in a few days if you want, but I just can’t talk to you right now.”
“Rebecca,” Patrick said softly, his eyes pleading. “Please don’t do this.”
“You didn’t give me a choice.”
She turned away and closed the door, leaving Patrick standing there on her doorstep.
Chapter 23
Patrick muttered a curse and hauled his rucksack onto his back the next week, walking up the ramp of the C-17 cargo plane as they prepared to depart their base in Virginia. Dressed in his desert fatigues and combat boots, he tried to drink in his last breath of fresh air before being stuck inside in a plane for a flight halfway around the world. Nothing like fourteen hours in an uncomfortable seat, headphones on to drown out the roar of the engine, and nothing to do but think.
Damn it all to hell. His CO had notified them the evening before of their eminent deployment, and he’d spent another restless night wondering how to win back Rebecca. He’d waited patiently for several days after their argument, giving her the time and space she wanted. He hadn’t called her once over the weekend, despite the urge he had to rush to her home, kiss her senseless, and beg for her forgiveness. The hours had ticked by endlessly without training on base to fill in the time. It had killed him not to go to her, but she’d asked for time alone and he needed to respect her wishes.
But when his orders had come in last night to deploy the following morning, he’d given in and finally called her. He’d had visions of taking her into his arms and promising to return soon. To leaving with the knowledge that she’d be there waiting for him when he returned. And of spending the night making love to her so thoroughly she’d have no doubt in her mind as to how much he needed her.
Instead, his call had gone straight to voicemail. She’d either been unavailable or unwilling to take his call. Most likely the latter. It’s not like she’d called him back in the twelve hours since then. He couldn’t even tell her that he was leaving, not over the phone. If she wouldn’t speak to him, wouldn’t see him, then he had no choice but to leave with the rest of his SEAL team and hope she’d be willing to talk when he returned. Whenever that was.
The pit in his stomach was growing with each step he took. Each second that ticked by was taking him that much farther away from Rebecca. Making it that much easier for her to just slip through his fingers and out of his life.
He deserved it, he knew. Even if he had been trying to protect her, he’d broken her heart with his revelation. Not a damn word of it had been true, but had that stopped the hurt from seeping into her eyes, the tears from falling down her face, or the pain from eating him up?
He almost regretted even calling her at this point. If she did see the missed call from him and decide to call him back now, he sure as hell wouldn’t be there to answer. He’d hoped to hear from her last night, but he hadn’t left a message. She had no idea what he wanted, and maybe she’d needed to think over whether or not she was ready to talk. With his luck, she’d try while he was deployed on his mission and then think he was angry and avoiding her call. And wouldn’t that just be the icing on the cake? Without the opportunity to actually speak to her, he’d been damned if he did call and damned if he didn’t. Hell.
“No word from your lady, huh?” Christopher asked, falling into step beside him.
Patrick’s men had kept quiet about Rebecca after the incident in his home with Hale, knowing Patrick had no interest in talking about her. Not until they’d reconciled. He’d been hell to deal with, he knew. When he’d decided she was his, not being able to go to her, to comfort her, to make love to her was nearly killing him.
Matthew and Evan had spoken with the police at his home after he’d rushed off to Rebecca’s house. Hale had been arrested without incident and was currently being held in jail without bond. Between the charges of breaking and entering into Patrick’s home, having an illegal firearm, and stalking Rebecca, he wouldn’t be getting out before his trial.
Brent had been there at Rebecca’s to greet Patrick upon his arrival. He’d been sitting there in the driveway listening to the radio, acting as if nothing were wrong. Thankfully he’d done something to calm Rebecca down before he’d made it there, although Brent had never told him what he’d said. Patrick had words with Christopher the next day on base, furious that he’d sent Rebecca to his home alone. There’d been no stopping her, and Patrick knew she couldn’t be argued with when her mind was made up. Short of Christopher physically restraining her, there was nothing he could do to convince her to calm down and not rush over to Patrick’s. That didn’t mean Patrick had been happy with him for letting her drive off alone though. Not when he’d promised to watch out for her.
“I haven’t spoken to her in days,” Patrick muttered. “I tried calling her last night, but she didn’t answer. I didn’t even leave a message. What was there to say? I couldn’t tell her we were leaving.”
Christopher nodded. “She’ll come around. All of us can see you’re crazy in love with the woman.”
Patrick leveled him with a gaze.
“Hell, Ice, don’t act like it’s some big secret.”
Patrick sighed. “I can’t think about it now. We’ve g
“She already is,” Christopher said.
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean, Blade?” Patrick asked, shooting him a steely glare.
“You’ve been moping around since last week. You’ll work it out when we get back, so accept it and move on. Another week or two won’t change anything.”
“Since when the hell did you start giving out relationship advice?”
Christopher laughed. “I’m basing this on years of experience, man.”
“Hell, I’ve never seen you with the same woman more than once,” Brent said, coming up behind them. “So what is this experience you’re referring to?”
“Fuck you,” Christopher spat out good-naturedly.
Hell, they were deploying to the goddamn Middle East in mere minutes and those guys still couldn’t stop ribbing each other about women. Some things never changed.
“What are you two bickering about?” Matthew asked.
“Christopher’s giving out advice about the ladies,” Brent said.
“I’m sure you needed it,” Matthew retorted.
“Do I look like I have problems with that?”
Patrick steeled himself to refrain from mouthing off to any of them. Those guys were his brothers and had been there for him when the woman he loved was in danger. Who the hell was he to give them a hard time now?
In the meantime, wheels-up was in ten minutes. They didn’t have time to joke around, and he forced himself to push any further thoughts of Rebecca from his mind. The fact that she was safe was all that really mattered for the moment—and that thought alone would be enough to keep him going during the long days and nights ahead.
Chapter 24
Rebecca and her daughter walked down the boardwalk together the following weekend. It was another perfect spring day, with a crisp, clear blue sky, and the sun shining brightly above them. Rebecca knew she should have been perfectly content enjoying the moment with her daughter. A light breeze blew off the ocean, kids shrieked with laughter, and happy families and couples surrounded them. It was exactly the type of day she would have enjoyed only a month or two ago, she realized. A wonderful afternoon at the beach, alone with her daughter, was exactly the way she’d have chosen to spend her weekend.
It was crazy how quickly everything had changed and her entire life had been turned upside down. First when Patrick waltzed into it, unknowingly sweeping her off of her feet and stealing her heart, and then when he’d just as quickly shattered her and then simply vanished.
Her fight with Patrick had been a week and a half ago, and save for when he’d called one night earlier this week but not left a message, she hadn’t heard from him again. She’d watched his name flash across the screen of her cell phone that evening, and it had taken everything in her to ignore the call. She wanted to be with him, to talk everything over, but she just hadn’t trusted her feelings at the moment. Their fight was too fresh, she still felt too raw, and she had to be completely sure when she made a decision.
She couldn’t just cut him out of her life so easily, and likewise, she couldn’t just run back to him with open arms. So she’d waited a couple more days and then called him back, saying she’d be willing to talk if he still wanted that, but he hadn’t returned her call. Several days had passed since then, and she had the horrible feeling that she wasn’t going to hear from him. As desperate as he’d been to speak to her that night he came over to her house after the incident with Hale, he didn’t seem that eager to talk now.
She fought back her tears as Abby pointed to her favorite ice cream shop, begging her mom for a treat. Going there now would remind her of Patrick, but it’s not like she could avoid it forever. They’d gone there long before she’d met him, and they certainly could go there after. It’s not like she’d necessarily never hear from him again. Maybe he just needed some time, too. Or he’d moved on and right out of her life.
“Sure, honey, let’s get some ice cream,” Rebecca said.
She pulled open the door, and Abby ran inside, jumping up and down in excitement at the counter. She ordered ice cream for her daughter, and they went to sit at a table. Rebecca didn’t even bother ordering coffee for herself this time—she’d had enough trouble sleeping without any extra caffeine keeping her awake at night.
Her dreams had been plagued with Patrick—some good, some bad. In one of them he’d been breaking up with her again, telling her to go, and she’d woken up crying. But the next night she’d dreamed he was slowly making love to her, kissing her passionately as he took her, his large body covering her, making her whole. It had been so vivid she’d actually orgasmed in her sleep, gasping with pleasure as she awoke. She’d felt happier than she’d been in ages before her heart sank, realizing it had just been a dream.
Abby inhaled the chocolate ice cream cone, barely pausing to take a breath. After she’d finished and Rebecca had cleaned her up, they headed across the street to her favorite playground. Rebecca’s heart nearly stopped as she spotted Logan on the swings, right where they’d met him the first time.
Patrick was nowhere in sight, but there seemed to be an older couple with him, who she assumed must be his grandparents. She debated turning around and leaving, but Abby was already running to Logan in her excitement.
Rebecca reluctantly followed behind, smiling politely at the older woman standing by the swings as she helped Abby climb onto the one beside Logan.
“You must be Rebecca,” the woman said, smiling warmly.
“Oh,” she said, taken aback. “Yes.” Unless Logan had told his grandmother her name when they’d been approaching a moment ago, which seemed unlikely, Patrick must have told them about her. She wasn’t sure what to make of that.
“He really loves you,” she said.
“Pardon?”
The woman laughed, crinkles forming around the edges of her eyes. “Patrick, my dear. He loved my daughter once, too, but their marriage didn’t work out. And then cancer took her when she was far too young. I know he loves you though.”
“I haven’t heard from him,” Rebecca said hesitantly.
Patrick had once told her that he left Logan with his grandparents when his SEAL team deployed. Did that mean that he was gone? Maybe that’s why she hadn’t heard from him again. She’d left him a message a few days ago, but he certainly didn’t have his cell phone with him while deploying to who knows what part of the globe on a mission no one could know about.
“They left last week.”
“Right,” Rebecca said, tears filling her eyes. Is that why he’d called? To tell her that he was leaving? She felt awkward, and turned away, watching her daughter on the swings. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to cry because she missed him or because she hadn’t gotten to talk to him before he left. Maybe because now she had to worry when or if he’d come home at all.
“Loving someone isn’t easy,” the older woman said.
“No, I guess not,” Rebecca said with a gentle smile, wiping her eyes.
“Can we all go to the beach again soon?” Logan asked her. “When my dad comes home?”
“Maybe,” Rebecca said. “We’ll have to see.”
“My dad can call you when he gets home. Then we can all go together.”
Rebecca laughed, tears openly spilling down her cheeks. If only everything were as simple as it seemed through the eyes of a child.
Then again, maybe it really was that easy. She loved him, she knew. When she’d been worried that Hale had hurt Patrick and when she found herself again worrying for his safety now, she knew without a doubt that once again she’d given her heart to another.
For the first time all week, she started to feel hope.
Chapter 25
“Hi Patrick, this is Rebecca. I saw that you called a few days ago, and if you still want to talk, I’d like that. Give me a call when you get a chance. Bye.”
Damn it. She’d left the message over a week ago, just as he’d feared. He hoped like hell she hadn’t spent the past week upset, wondering why he hadn’t bothered to call her back. Thinking that he didn’t even care. He should have tried harder to see her before he left—shown up on her doorstep, sent her flowers, anything. Hell, he’d have written her a damn love letter if he was the kind of man who’d think to do such a thing.
She’d asked for a few days to think things over, and although he had called her right before his SEAL team deployed, he’d been gone for two weeks. That meant she’d called him back ten days ago. Hell.
He dropped his gear onto his living room floor, wanting nothing more than a hot shower and his own bed. And at least twelve solid hours of sleep. Logan’s grandparents said that he’d already gone to bed, so Patrick would pick his son up in the morning. There was no point in even attempting to get him tonight, because once that kid fell asleep, he slept like a rock.
He’d get Logan before breakfast, they’d spend the day getting in some father-son bonding, and then he’d go to Rebecca. It’d be a workday for her even though he had some time off. He’d keep Logan home from school tomorrow to enjoy their one-on-one time, and maybe they could go to Rebecca’s together in the evening to surprise her.
He had about a million different things he felt like he needed to make up for, but maybe the kids could play while they talked. He’d do just about anything to get back in her good graces, and although showing up unannounced with his son wasn’t ideal, he hoped it might take some of the pressure off. They’d see each briefly, talk a bit, and make plans to get together again, just the two of them.
He hastened a look around the room, his eyes barely able to stay open. It was hard to believe this was where he’d confronted her stalker a few shorts weeks ago. At the moment, it seemed like a lifetime had passed since then. Their mission had been so intense, he’d barely had time to think of anything back home. It was better that way, anyway. Patrick and his men needed to be one hundred percent focused, and he prided himself on being able to compartmentalize the other parts of his life. It’s what had earned him his nickname, Ice. He was completely calm and focused. Always.
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