by Alena Pitts
While waiting for our bags Mallory stood next to me and directed her words right to me.
“I’m pretty nervous about our first day. Are you, Lena?”
“Uhhh, yeah, a little.” I exhaled, giggled, and answered.
“A little?” Mom teased as she pulled me close and gave me a big squeeze.
Mallory laughed and so did I. “Ok, yeah, a lot!”
“I’ve known the Fenway family for a long time and they are so nice. They love God so much and are the best. You’ll love them. Oh here’s my bag!”
Mallory raced towards the slow moving carousal and reached for her all black bag with the dangling purple cowboy boot keychain.
“I’ll head out and find our ride!”
Mom and I both said ok and watched as she whisked her bag away and exited through the glass doors.
“Lena,” Mom said, “she’s great!”
“Yup.” She was definitely that.
Mom was still talking but I couldn’t really move my mouth to respond. This entire experience was starting to feel more and more like a dream. I didn’t know whether to scream with excitement or run far away to stop myself from waking up.
Mom and I finally got our luggage. Mallory was waiting for us directly outside the door. She was standing in front of a big black SUV with dark tinted windows waving her hand to make sure we saw her.
“Over here!” she shouted.
Mom and I rolled our bags over to the curb. We were welcomed to California by the driver before hopping in.
Mom and Mallory continued to talk while I tried to pretend I wasn’t still in shock.
We all agreed to stop for dinner before we headed to our new home.
Dinner was fun and I could feel myself getting more and more comfortable around Mallory. She was so much more than I even imagined and I was excited to get to know her more. By the time we arrived at the house, I was exhausted and so was Mom.
Except for some reason I couldn’t sleep. So after I laid in my new bed a while, I pulled out my journal.
Hello, Stars,
I thought about Peter a lot today. I guess when I asked God to give me this opportunity, it was kinda like asking Him to help me walk on water! A lot of people thought I was crazy . . . even I did. Now that I am here it feels like I am in the middle of a big ocean and I better keep looking to Him for help.
God, please help me not to sink.
Amen.
“Ouch!”
My eyes sprang open as my cheek slammed into the floor.
I stared up at my empty bed from the middle of my new bedroom floor. I closed my eyes and tried to recall how I’d gotten there. I really needed to figure out why I was not able to wake up in the same place I went to bed.
Moments before I landed on the floor I was standing on the right side of a volleyball net in my school’s gym. Emma and Savannah were on my team and Ms. Blount was the coach. It was my turn to serve. My arms were shorter than everyone else’s and I could hear the opposing team screaming for me to hurry. I was so afraid to try but jumped in the air anyway, flung my arm back, and landed on the floor . . .
Was I dreaming? I thought as I looked around in the dark. There was no trace of a volleyball, a net, or even a gym floor. I was just lying on the beige carpet in between two empty beds.
A few seconds later I heard a voice in the dark, “Lena, are you ok?”
I tried to lift my head but it felt too heavy.
“Did you just fall out of the bed?” the voice spoke again. “Come on, get up and get back in bed.”
I felt two strong arms pulling me off the floor and guiding me toward my bed.
“Mommy?”
“Yes, Lena. It’s me. Did you have a bad dream?”
“No, well, I don’t know, this just keeps happening—almost every night.”
Mom pulled my blanket up over my tummy and whispered, “God, will you help Lena to relax? I pray that you comfort her and bring peace to her mind so that she can rest well. Amen.” Mom kissed me on my forehead and added, “You have to stop worrying about things so much and learn to trust God. When you are stressed, you don’t sleep well and it can make you cranky! Now take a few deep breaths and try to go back to sleep.”
As soon as I heard Mom exit the room, my eyes popped open wider. I was back in bed and suddenly wide awake.
It was too quiet to sleep. There were no covers rustling from Ansley’s side of the room and I couldn’t hear Ashton and Amber whimpering and snorting from across the hall.
The new house was nice but it was not home. It smelled like a mix of paint and cardboard boxes. Mom said we just needed to add a couple of things to make it feel homey. She thought a few bathroom floor mats, shower curtains, and a bunch of random new-home-must-have items will do the trick. I thought it just needed my dad, sisters, and Austin. It had only been one day without them but it felt like forever!
I felt lonely and I was afraid. I kept trying to imagine what my first day on set would be like. I wondered how Mr. Fenway would treat me. Or if once he met me he would change his mind about me being in the movie.
I slowly sat up and dangled my feet off the edge of the bed. I stared through the open bedroom door and tried to remember which way lead to my mom’s room. My room felt too lonely to stay. I wandered down the hall and stood there for a few seconds before deciding it was to the right. I tiptoed in and with both of my hands stretched out, I guided myself right into the bed next to Mom.
Mom didn’t utter a word until I was completely snuggled under her blankets and settled into the crease of her elbow.
“Can’t sleep, huh? Are you ok?”
I nodded but we both knew I didn’t mean it.
“Are you excited for your first day on set?” Thankfully Mom continued to probe because all I needed was one more question.
“I am. I think. Well . . .” I rolled over so that I could see her. Her eyes were still shut but I knew she was listening.
“I’m really scared. I don’t want to mess up.”
“Oh, Lena, you don’t need to be scared,” Mom assured me as she opened her eyes to look at me now.
“But what if I can’t memorize my lines? Or say them right? I mean, it’s not like I am an actress. I have no idea what I am doing. What if they are mean?”
Mom interrupted my outburst, “Lena, do you think you got a major part in a major movie because of something you did?”
Her question made me pause. I wasn’t sure what she meant and I was hoping she would keep talking, but she didn’t. She just stared at me for a moment. The room was dark but the whiteness of her eyes was bright and reminded me of two big headlights on a dark road. I sat up and stared back at her.
“Well?” she said. She wanted an answer.
“Well, I guess.” I was sure this wasn’t the answer she wanted but I wasn’t sure what else to say. I let my words linger and hoped that my silence would urge her to explain.
“Oh, really.”
Oh, really? Was that really all she was going to say?
“I mean, I auditioned for it,” I continued.
“Lena, hundreds of girls sent their videos in to Mallory. Do you really think you got the part just because of your video?”
“Well, I prayed for it. Is that what you mean?”
“We pray for lots of things. Praying doesn’t always mean that God gives you exactly what you want. Praying is a way that you put God in charge of giving you what He wants for you. It’s also a way to let Him know that you trust Him.”
Mom continued to talk, “I think you are worried so much because you are forgetting something really important. You are forgetting that He is in charge! Lena, you didn’t get a part in a movie because you auditioned and you didn’t get it because you have worked hard as an actress. You even just said that you aren’t an actress. You are here in California because this is where God wants you. He gave you this opportunity. The only thing you did was say yes to it!”
Mom seemed wide awake. She spoke with confidence and
I believed every word she was saying.
“You don’t have to worry about not being the right one for it. He has already said you are. So now you just have to be His daughter. He will take care of all the other pieces. No need to stress about how you will do, remember God’s got it. You just do your best and He will make you what He needs you to be!”
“Mommy, I am so confused. You and Daddy keep telling me to have faith, to trust God, and that He has plans for me. But somehow this is all still very hard. I think I just don’t get it. I really wanted to meet Mallory but my life was so much easier before all of this started.”
I wasn’t crying but my voice was a bit screechy. I had so many questions but my words were all jumbled in my foggy, sleepless brain. I flopped back onto her pillows and let out a deep rumbly breath.
“I know, Lena. It’s all a part of growing up and growing in your relationship with God. Trusting Him is not easy. Remember Peter? Sometimes trusting God means you have to do something crazy! But you have to do it, no matter how crazy it is. Sometimes I don’t get it all either. I just talk to God and let Him know how I’m feeling. You can do that too. He will keep teaching you and showing you what He wants you to do and how He wants you to do it. I believe this movie is just God’s way of teaching you that He is in charge and that you can trust Him. He’s got big plans for you. Way bigger than anything you can do by yourself. So stop stressing and just rest, Lena. Now, you need to get some sleep and so do I. Morning will be here before we know it.”
I lay there quietly next to Mom. I tossed to the right, she rolled to the left. I kicked one leg from underneath her blankets and she pulled the comforter up close under her chin. Mom exhaled and smacked her lips together, I inhaled and rubbed my eyes. We each twitched, squirmed, and struggled to find sleep again.
Finally it became clear that neither of us would get any rest like this. Even though my brain was still full of thoughts, the house felt lonely and my stomach now felt empty. I headed back to my own bed feeling grateful for our talk. I needed to process all Mom had to say. I picked up my little black book.
Dear God,
Lately it always feels like Mom and even Dad are talking in code. I wish they would just tell me exactly what to do to and make all these confusing words go away. I bet Mallory is not up stressing about being in a movie. She’s probably resting. Well, I want to rest too! But how can I, when there is so much new stuff happening and so much pressure to do it right? Resting should be easy but this is hard! Does Mom mean don’t work hard? That can’t be. She always tells me to work hard and to do my best. Can you please tell me how I am supposed to trust you, do something crazy, and relax all at the same time? And why do I need to learn all this now? I just want to become besties with Mallory! I really want to relax right now.
The next sound I heard was my little clock buzzing next to my bed letting me know it was time to get up.
“Mom! It’s time to get up!” I called from my bedroom.
“Ok, I’m up. I’m up.” she said twice—once to convince me and I think the other was to convince herself.
It was 7:00 and I was scheduled to arrive on set at 8:00 am sharp.
“Mom, please hurry! We are going to be late!” I hurried out of bed and headed across the hall to my bathroom to brush my teeth.
Mom lay still for a few more seconds before I finally heard her start to move around.
While swooshing the minty blue mouthwash around in my mouth for a few more seconds, I pictured Ansley, Ashton, and Amber running around getting ready for school. I wondered what they had eaten for breakfast and if they had a chance to play with Austin first. Poor Austin, he must have been so sad and worried when he didn’t see me heading out with the others this morning.
“Lena!” Mom was standing at my door. To my surprise she was smiling. “It’s Daddy, he wants to FaceTime!”
My ears perked up and I felt a wave of energy swarm its way into each of my tired limbs. I emptied my mouth while grabbing the phone right out of Mom’s hand.
“Good morning, sleepy head!” Dad said while smiling from ear to ear.
“Hi, Daddy!” I squealed.
Dad continued, “So I heard you had quite an introduction yesterday and that your hair had a traumatic experience while flying!”
“Oh, Daddy,” I chuckled. “It was terrible!” I started to laugh uncontrollably while attempting to fill him in on every single detail. He laughed right along with me.
Dad always had a way of making me laugh at myself. None of it seemed so bad after hearing him joke about it.
Dad gathered himself and said, “Ok, let me pray over you and Mom before you go. Today is going to be great. Remember who has you there!”
Then he prayed,
“Dear God, I thank you for Lena. You have created her strong and beautiful on the outside and on the inside. I pray that when people meet and see her, they see you first. Lord, continue to build your character in her. As Galatians 5 says, I pray that she be full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. In Jesus’ name . . .”
“Amen!” I chimed in.
Seeing Dad’s face and praying with him was exactly what Mom and I needed to get us ready for the day. Within a few moments we were both fully dressed and ready to go.
Mom was told there would be a car outside of our house waiting. We ran toward the front door excited to begin this new adventure.
“Oh,” Mom said as she opened the front door and spotted a bright yellow spaceship-looking vehicle that was sitting right outside our new home. My mom looked at me and I knew exactly what she was thinking. It was hideous.
It looked as if the windows and lights had been put on backwards. The lights were little squares while the windows reminded me of the large bubbles I once made during a science experiment. The front of the car looked like a box and the back looked smashed.
Whether we liked it or not, we were going to have to drive that thing around all summer long. Mom tried to pretend it wasn’t that bad and told me to be grateful that we even had a car. I tried my best not to, but it was pretty hard not to laugh at that thought. I was certain that people driving by us would be laughing too.
We hopped in, buckled up, and just when I thought we were ready to pull off, Mom opened her navy blue plastic folder with all the information we needed. She used her pointer finger to skim through a lot of small printed words.
She began rambling, “Ok, so today we need to go right to the studio. It should only take us seven minutes to get there . . . what time is it? It’s 7:49. Ok, great, you will be right on time. Uhhhh, you will not go here every day because they will film at different locations . . . sometimes a car will pick you up . . . wardrobe . . . scene one . . .”
Her voice trailed off and she started to sound like she was chewing six gumballs under water. I no longer had any idea what she was talking about.
“Mom, I can’t understand you,” I tried to say calmly even though I could feel myself getting a little frustrated.
I took a deep breath and waited patiently for her to finish.
She mumbled for a few more seconds and my ears perked up when I heard her says words like hair, makeup, and breakfast.
Once she was finished, she tossed the folder into my lap.
I smiled and opened the folder myself. I read each line carefully as Mom typed an address in her phone’s GPS, adjusted her mirrors, and looked out her side window.
Just before she pushed the gas pedal she blurted, “Blast off!!”
We basically giggled all the way to the studio. I needed to laugh to keep my brain from thinking too much. I had no idea what to expect and feelings of panic and pure terror were trying to take over my brain. No matter how hard I tried to imagine everything ahead I just could not.
We pulled into the dark, winding three-floor parking garage and found an empty spot right near some glass doors.
“Thank you, Lord,” Mom said with a sigh of relief. She parked the car and
hopped right out. I didn’t move.
Our eyes met through the car window and she said, “Well, what are you waiting for? Come on!”
“Here we go.” I hesitated before using my black and white high top Converse to push open the door.
Mom grabbed my hand and we headed toward the entrance. We were about ten footsteps away when the glass doors flung open and a girl dressed all in black came racing toward us.
“Lena?” she asked.
I felt my mom squeeze my hand as I nodded.
The girl was moving fast. She flung her arms around me and squealed.
“So fun to finally meet you! I’m Kay B and I’m a production assistant. Well, I’m actually just an intern. I’m basically here to make sure you get where you need to be when you need to be there and help you with anything else you need!”
She barely took a breath so Mom and I just stood still and listened.
“Come on, let’s get you in here before you are late!”
We followed her through the doors, down a tiny hallway, and into a large classroom. It was nothing like I expected. “What kind of movie set is this?” I said to myself. I looked at Mom and she gave me her “It’s ok, Lena” smile.
People were sitting at a really big white U-shaped table with plates of food and papers spread out in front of them.
As we stepped through the door Kay B announced, “Hey everyone, here is Lena!”
There was an immediate uproar and everyone was smiling, cheering, and saying things to me. Things like: “I’m Michael,” “Sit here,” and “Awww, you are so adorable.”
If I could have disappeared at that very moment I would have.
Despite what I was feeling, I mimicked Mom’s expression and plastered the biggest smile possible on my face while the crowd continued to examine me.
I heard a voice from behind me. I turned around and was greeted by a massive outstretched hand and a friendly smile. “Hi, Lena. I’m David Fenway. We are so glad you are here.”