by Davis Bunn
“Wait, honey. Just wait a second. Come over here, Claire. Take my hand. Okay, JayJay. I’m ready. Tell us what you know.”
Which was the problem. He didn’t hardly know a thing.
“Go on, darling.” Kelly’s voice carried so much love he felt it crimp him up inside, balling him up like a little fist-size bundle of denim and flesh. “How are the babies?”
“Both fine. Two girls. The doctor thinks they might be identical twins.”
Her voice broke over the name. “Cynthia?”
“She’s gonna be okay. She’s got Peter. She’s got her babies.”
“Wait just a second.” Kelly did not mask the phone as she related the news to the others. “Okay, JayJay. Now tell me what’s gotten you so broken up.”
He sighed around a badly wounded heart. If only he could.
Chapter 41
Part of him wanted to just get in the truck and drive. Find a highway exit sign that read “Oblivion.” Hammer the pedal down so hard it welded to the floorboard. See how fast he could find the end of that road.
But the truck played like a good horse, holding steady to a modest speed, rumbling down the highway in the direction of home.
Home.
A word with meaning to every human being on earth except him.
JayJay caught a glance of his expression in the rearview mirror. His face was pinched up so tight he could not even see his own eyes. Like even the tiniest pinprick of light threatened to sear his brain.
The only thing that kept him aimed at the ranch was his promise to Britt. His vow to the people that had come to matter so much to him. People who relied on him to be there and give his best. Every time the raw wound started to reopen, JayJay pounded the wheel, doing his best to seal it shut. He would not let them down.
Before he pulled into the lot, Kelly had already bounded from the cabin and was racing across the dusty foreground. The sun followed her. A cloud moved aside, so the illumination could rest upon her flying hair. JayJay was frozen in place by her beauty. He could not even reach over and shut off his motor. Not even when he no longer saw her clearly. Just the light that followed her everywhere.
She tore open the door and grabbed him. Not willing even to give him time to climb down, if he could. She reached inside and fitted herself to him. Breathing for him.
Kelly cut off the engine and pulled him out of the truck, all without releasing her hold. She stood there in plain view of the entire company, molded to him. Finally she stepped away and said, “You just come on with me.”
She drew him to the corral, where Felicita had Skye and another dappled mare saddled and ready. Though the Mexican wrangler said nothing, her expression showed a remarkable ability to share pain. Kelly stood and made sure he could rise to the saddle. Then she hoisted herself up with a horsewoman’s ease. “You want to lead out?”
JayJay took the cottonwood trail. The one he knew so well he could have tracked it blindfolded, backward, in driving hail. They wound by the spring and followed the path along the meandering stream. Along the valley floor, through a sweetly scented meadow and into the orchard beyond. The one he had played in as a child. An orchard he had inherited from his uncle and leased out to a neighbor.
All lies.
When they were surrounded by the carefully tended trees, Kelly said, “Let’s hold up here.”
JayJay followed her lead. He slipped down from the saddle and tied Skye to a branch within easy reach of some grass. He slipped the bits from both horses’ mouths. Kelly gripped his hand and led him back to the last band of cottonwoods. She said, “All right, JayJay. Now tell me what you couldn’t manage over the phone.”
He had no power of resistance. Though it meant stirring up the whole mess a second time, he did as she ordered. Just started back in the bus and stumbled his way all the way up to the present.
She stood and watched him as he croaked out the last word and just stopped. Unable to move on his own strength.
When Kelly spoke, it was in the same calm voice she used every morning. “Let’s say for the time being that all this is true. You’ve been drawn over from some parallel universe. Dropped into a reality that fits and doesn’t fit.”
“I don’t see how you can be so calm about it. This ain’t your normal ordinary past we’re talking about here.”
“No, it’s not.”
“But you’re not disturbed? Worried? Fretting over standing here with a man who can’t exist?”
“But you do exist, JayJay. You’re about the most real person I’ve ever met. And the rest of this, well, either I believe you or I don’t. And to my knowledge, you have never, not once in all the time we’ve been together, given me anything but the absolute truth. You don’t have any idea . . .”
The first sign of the tumult within her came in the way she wiped her eyes, angrily fisting one and then the other. “Never mind. This isn’t about me or my own awful tales. JayJay, listen to me. I’ve got something to tell you, and I want to make sure you’re paying full attention.”
“You’re the only thing that’s holding me together right now, and that’s the honest truth.”
For some reason, what he said was enough for another quick swipe of each eye. “JayJay Parsons, John Junior, however you got here, whatever past you’re carrying. Right here, right now, I love you. With all my heart. With every breath.”
“Kelly . . .” His feeble gesture toward her was halted by one upraised hand.
When she was certain he was staying where he was, she went on, “I never thought I would ever use those words again. I thought my ability to love had been cauterized by my own awful past. But here I am. And I’ll tell you what I know. What I’m certain of. That whatever it is you have to face, I will be there with you. Long as you let me. I’m here for you. Because that is who I am.”
He felt the confession was going to tear the fabric of his throat. “I’m so scared.”
“I know you are.”
“What happens . . .” He swallowed, and the effort bunched him over.
He spoke to the dry leaves rustling around his feet. “What happens if we start down this road together, and whatever it is that brought me here takes me away again?”
“Then a part of me will wither and blow away.” Her voice cracked. She fought her own internal battle and managed to steady herself. “But life offers no lovers any assurance. It’s just the way things are. We are together now. We do what the Good Book tells us. Live this one day. Be thankful for the gifts we have. Trust in the Lord for tomorrow and all the days beyond.”
She waited for him to object further. When he said nothing more, Kelly went on, “We have to be strong right now. We need to set aside all these concerns, because people are counting on us.”
“I know that.”
“Of course you do. That’s who you are.” She moved in then, touched his arms, and lifted them until they were settled around her. When she was nestled in close, she said, “Now the next time you start to worry about how real you are, tell me what you’re going to do.”
JayJay found the answer there in her gaze. “Reach for you.”
“Reach for me. Find what you need right here to reassure you. Whatever else might be happening.”
“This is a miracle, Kelly.”
“You got that right.” She smiled then, and came closer still. “And here’s another.”
Chapter 42
Peter’s days were not so much frantic as completely and utterly filled. Either he was with Cynthia or he worked with Britt on changes to the script. Pushing through the work at warp speed, because he was literally twelve hours ahead of the camera. He did some of his very best work seated at Cynthia’s bedside, scribbling on a yellow legal pad while she slept or held the children.
Their children.
The words were so alien, just to think them meant he had to stop and look over. Drawn from one amazing world to another. Sharing time with this incredible woman who understood him so well his one look in the twins’ direct
ion was enough. Because she really was incredible. Able to take the demolishing of her lifelong dream and just set it aside for the moment. Mothering a large family was the first personal goal she had shared when they accepted that they were both in love and contemplating a life together. She wanted a houseful of children. She didn’t care how politically incorrect it was, or behind the times, or anything. If she could have twelve children, she wanted them all. But now with everything that was pressing down on both their lives, Cynthia put the shattered dream to one side. Not suppressed it. Just packed it away for a while. Until this current craziness was over, and the kids were home, and she was stronger, and he could be there for her. Then there would be time for tears and prayer and searching for wisdom about tomorrow.
That was Cynthia in a nutshell.
Early Friday morning he took the limo back from Fresno. Gerald, the driver, was nowadays in a perpetual sour state, no doubt bitter over his reduction in status. There was no glory in driving a writer. Nor any gossip he could slip to the tabloids. Only a wonderful woman slowly recovering and taking excellent care of her two new baby girls. What entertainment weekly would care about news like that?
Peter arrived at the ranch just as the sun emerged from the eastern hills. Already the place resembled an anthill whose top had been surgically removed. Lots of nervous bugs swarmed. Kip stood on top of the mobile lighting truck, high enough to be seen by all the workers busy sprucing up the place. His arms whirled so fast they resembled faint clouds of pink. Or perhaps lavender. It was hard to tell with the sun rising behind him.
Britt marched over and demanded before Peter had emerged from the limo, “You finish the rewrite?”
“Both scenes. I’ll type them up this afternoon and have them to you tomorrow, as promised.”
“What about . . .” Britt stopped when he spotted Kelly and Claire approaching. He asked the ladies, “Where’s JayJay?”
“He wanted to spend a while with Skye,” Kelly said. “The horse gets spooked when others are nervous. Like now. So JayJay wanted to curry the horse himself. Settle her down before the press get here.”
Claire asked Peter, “How’s the family?”
Just hearing the word in someone else’s mouth was reason to grin. “Great. The doctors are releasing her Monday. We’ve arranged a nurse to come help out.”
Britt was too full of the coming day to share in their pleasure. “I’m still not sure it’s a good idea for JayJay to ride in front of the press.”
“The horse will be fine, Britt.”
“What about JayJay?”
“You can count on him,” Kelly said, utterly confident.
“I get the impression something’s the matter. But he’s not talking. Normally I wouldn’t say anything. The work he’s done this week, it’s . . .”
Kelly glowed. “Good?”
“No. It’s outstanding.” Britt shook his head. “The man is a star in the making.”
Peter and Claire shared a look, for they had both seen Kelly’s beaming response. Neither needed to say anything. Both knew this was far more than just the standard location romance.
Britt went on, “That’s really all I should be thinking about right now. Just getting it down on film. Using whatever he’s going through. But, well . . .”
Kelly patted his arm. “You know what? You have the makings of a very good friend.”
“I can’t afford the luxury. I’m a director, remember?”
She hugged him. Hard. “I’m glad you’re the one leading this shindig. And don’t you worry. JayJay is going to be fine.”
Whatever Britt was about to say was cut off by Kip’s steam-whistle shriek from on top of the lighting truck. “They’re here!”
Friday was the day JayJay finally learned the definition of the word star.
A star was somebody who smiled so strong it convinced folks to smile along with him. A star was the feller who put his entire life in a little box and locked it away. Just shut the lid down so tight his other life, the one that existed away from the work, was just not there. A star lived for the camera, the lights, the moment, the driving urgent demanding all-consuming call to be totally and utterly on.
And that’s exactly what JayJay was for this crowd. He was pure-t on.
When the woman from the entertainment program took hold of his arm and brought to mind the sucker-fish that clung to the bellies of whales, JayJay did nothing but smile until Kelly stepped over and did that woman thing with her eyes. The thing that offered in no uncertain terms to introduce the woman’s lower jaw to the next county, all without saying a word.
He stood by the corral and let the cameras go to town. He brought Skye over and clambered up on the fence rail and stroked the horse’s muzzle and answered about sixty dozen totally dead-brained questions. For all the world, like he enjoyed it. He rode for a while around the corral, then leaped the fence and headed toward the spring. Then turned back, and kept on smiling, even when Skye had the good sense to resist his urging and tried to aim for the hills. He rode Skye into the barn and curried the horse for the cameras, and let them keep on with their silly questions. JayJay even made out like he was reluctant for the interview session to end when Kip and Ahn came over and led them all away.
A star.
The cameras were everywhere. Stills and television both. The only harsh words came when one of the announcers or their team got in the way of another. Then there were the quick hissy fits of two cats claiming the same stretch of road. JayJay never gave any sign he heard a thing. He couldn’t afford to. They filmed everything he did. They filmed him attaching Skye’s trailer to his pickup. They kept telling him to look this way or that, smile, hold up a second. Until Ahn was sent over by Britt to tell them he couldn’t keep stopping, they had to go shoot the main event. Finally they gathered at the entrance, there must have been three dozen in all, and shot him and Kelly and Claire driving beneath the gates. Four different times.
The press and Centurion’s PR team filled three buses. They followed the limos and the trucks and the crew’s bus away from the ranch, swinging down through town. There they stopped again for a buffet barbecue spread along one side of Main Street. All the locals invited. The press would hole up there and interview anybody who moved while they set up the wildfire shoot. Britt’s idea terrified Centurion’s PR staff. Forget having a group of LA city folk standing around when they let go with the flames. The Centurion crew were petrified by the thought of what an entire town might have to say about a group of actors on location. But Britt stomped on their objections all the way up to Martin Allerby’s office.
They were an hour into their preparations when Ahn arrived at the shoot and announced, “I wish you could see it. Fifty talking heads trying to accept the fact that there isn’t any dirt. No scandals. No hatred between the town and the crew. I must’ve heard a dozen people actually say into the cameras and the mikes that they’d vote for JayJay Parsons if he had a mind to run for mayor.”
It had been Claire’s idea for Ahn to come up. Saying this was what managers did, back their stars in the pinch. Ahn had dressed for the part, a new suit, silk collarless shirt, Italian loafers. He looked like somebody’s kid brother with a fresh haircut. Even so, JayJay was glad to see him. “How’s the family?”
“Man, my sister is so jealous.” If a smile could throw a jaw out of joint, it was this one. “She told me to give you a hug. I said, ‘How professional would that look?’ ”
“Give her one back from me.”
“Not a chance in this whole wide world. If hugging Minh was needed to up your take next season, I’d have to take a minute out for serious consideration.”
“Yeah, well, I seem to recall a certain brother who blubbered away when he thought his kid sister was hurt.” JayJay pointed at the line of buses snaking up the valley road. “Showtime.”
Britt’s commanding-officer mode was stern enough to make even this crowd behave. That and the fact that half of Salton City’s ten police officers were on duty as
crowd control. Britt stationed the junket on the crest that had been cleared as a press stand. He ordered the junket photographers to get in place, and said it hard enough to make them obey. He brought JayJay and Kelly over in their fire gear. He explained how they were going to light a controlled burn. He brought over one of the two retired fire chiefs who would supervise. The other was down on the other side of the ridge, Britt explained, in the orchard between the burn and the ranch. This emergency backup team was the last line of defense in case things went south. There to save the ranch and the town both.
All the fire crew were retired firefighters. These Hollywood gigs paid thirty times more per diem than they had ever earned in real life. The firemen brought to the shoot the tight no-nonsense attitude of men who knew what was going down and were going to handle it like pros. Two crews, nineteen men in all. Britt explained to the press how this was customary for a location shoot requiring real flames.
At Britt’s request, the police chief issued marching orders to the press. The chief’s instructions were very simple. Take one step out of the press area, for any reason, and they would be escorted off the land and every bit of their equipment sacrificed to the fire. Accidentally, of course. But they were going to behave. If they felt they were above taking orders, the bus was ready and waiting to ship them back to Salton City.
The press didn’t like it one bit. But they got the message.
“Okay,” Britt said. He turned his back on the assembled press and instantly forgot them. A director in full location mode. Able to segment life with a surgeon’s dexterity. “Let’s make this happen.”
Martin Allerby called his partner from the new cell phone, one of two he had purchased for the occasion. Milo answered on the second ring. Martin asked, “You alone?”
“On my office balcony.”
“It’s going down in a couple of hours. Time to disappear.”
“The agent of a star on the rise invited me to a lunch and a private screening. Very hush-hush. I’ll be totally unreachable for the rest of the day. You?”