by Frankie Love
“We know, but Honor, Luke is irrational. He could show up here and who knows what else? We love you but...”
“But you must protect your family, too.” I look over at her triplets, they are so precious to Harper and Jaxon... but my boys are precious to me. And my sister-wives... well, their children are precious to them. Involving the police is going to tear their lives apart. I start crying, not even expecting tears to fall. “It’s still just so raw. I’m starting over and am so scared I’m going to mess things up for my boys. I want them to have a better life than I had, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do that.”
“I know sweetie, you’re going to need a lot of time to heal, to focus on yourself and your boys. And please, Jaxon is an idiot sometimes—a lot of times—he probably worded things in a way that made you feel like being here has an expiration date. It doesn’t.” She adds a folded towel to the massive pile. “But maybe talking to Luke isn’t the worst idea, maybe he’ll lighten up on Jaxon if you do.”
“What would you say to him? If you were me?” I ask her, knowing she has a history with him too. Before she married Jaxon, Luke and she were planning on getting married. A real wedding—not a sham marriage like I ended up with.
Harper smirks and tosses her words out easily. “I’d tell him that he should let me go or I’d give him hell. In the form of a police investigation.”
I raise a brow. “You know involving the police puts our entire family at risk? Your parents and mine. Not to mention all our siblings.” I exhale. “Harper, this isn’t something to take lightly.”
“I know,” she says. “But our parents aren’t doing something we condone. They are perpetuating brainwashing. I mean look at my brother. No one even knows where he is. My parents forced him out of the family because he didn’t play by their rules. Which is no surprise, they kicked me out a long time ago.”
I remember how horrible it was when Harper gave birth to the triplets and her family wrote her off, I remember going to church and being told by her father, the preacher, that I must vow to never speak to his daughter again.
And that was before the church got really nuts and let Luke take over.
But Harper has had more time away from the insanity, and her life has leveled out into something romantic. She squashed her family of origin’s horrific theology and created a life for her children that she could be proud of.
I’ve always looked up to her—which is why I came here in the first place; turned to Harper specifically for help.
The last thing I want to do is cause her and Jaxon problems.
“I’ll call Luke,” I tell her. “Believe me, I want to push it all behind me as much as anyone.”
“I don’t blame you. You’ve been through hell.”
“I just want to be happy, you know? Have a partner who respects me, but also cherishes me.”
Harper pats my hand. “I know, Honor.” She smiles, adding, “Maybe in a few years, after all this is over and you’ve had a chance to figure out what you want, you can find someone.”
“A few years? That seems like a really long time.” I twist my lips, knowing I didn’t even wait a few weeks.
Harper cringes. “Can you imagine getting involved with someone now? What a mess that would be? You need time to get through this without involving a man.”
Now it’s my turn to smirk. “Says the woman who slept with a stranger the week her wedding got canceled.”
Harper blushes. “It’s different.”
“Oh yeah?” I ask, not giving in to her line of reasoning. “How so?”
“I didn’t have kids, for starters. Or a husband.”
“Luke was never my husband. He used me; that’s it.”
“Okay, I get that, but Jaxon and I fell in love really hard, really fast.”
“Maybe that could happen to me too,” I say softly.
Harper looks at me, sadness written across her face. “I know, sweetie, that would be really wonderful.”
“But?”
“But I don’t want you to get your hopes up only to watch them fade away.”
“Isn’t hoping for a fairy tale better than assuming you won’t get that happily ever after?”
Harper smiles. “I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”
“I think every woman is, Harper. But I think a lot of us don’t have the luxury of allowing ourselves to daydream. We’re so busy surviving, we miss the chance to imagine more for ourselves.”
“But now that you’ve left Luke you can see yourself having more?”
I blink back tears, nodding, thinking of the way Hawk held me last night, cradled in his arms. How he kissed me tenderly, with promise and intention. “Yes, Harper,” I tell her. “I see myself having a lot more.”
The front door opens then, and Jaxon and Hawk walk in.
I smile broadly, having no intention of waiting a few years for my dream to come true.
Still, I must be cautious. Luke didn’t seem like a terrible man until I was living with him... I must make sure Hawk sees me the same way I see him. As something permanent.
11
The job site is a hell of a lot better than I expected. Wilder and Buck, Jaxon’s friends and co-owners of this business, are on a different project today. I work alongside a few other carpenters, Will and Grady, and they are the kind of no bullshit, salt of the earth guys I’m used to working with.
I’ve spent the last few years under the hood of a car, so I don’t know much about swinging a hammer, but still, in some ways being out here in the summer sun, nailing together two by four,is like having a wrench in hand. Both have a singular purpose: to put something in order.
That’s why I like to work with my hands. Tools aren’t complicated like people, and I can mind my own business, yet still end a workday feeling like I’ve accomplished something.
But as I walk back into Jaxon and Harper’s house I know my life is more complicated than it’s ever been.
All day, thoughts of Honor and her sons crowd my mind. I sure as hell didn’t want to raise any suspicion by asking Jaxon any details, but his words about her husband are fucking ringing in my ear.
Still, I tried my damnedest to focus on the job today. We’re renovating a cabin on a piece of land Jaxon got for a steal. He plans on selling this home as soon as it’s finished for a sweet profit.
And for most of the day, I could push aside my memory of last night, Honor lying under me in the bed of my truck, under the starlit sky. It was fucking hard, but I managed, knowing I wanted to do a good job for my cousin who fucking bailed me out of jail a week ago.
But now we’re home, walking into the living room where Harper and Honor are standing, and all I want to do is wrap my arms around Honor, ask her about her day, slip off her shoes and rub her feet and treat her like the princess she is.
I don’t know why I’m so insanely attracted to this woman—I know she has more baggage than I’ve ever dreamed of carrying, and as I look at her now, her curvy hips and swollen breasts, her round ass and long hair— I know I’m turned on by her physically.
But physical attraction has never been enough for me—no woman has made me want to pack it in and claim her as my own… but Honor is more than beautiful.
She is the woman who was made for me.
And when Honor smiles at the son in her arms, beaming at his big belly laugh, and she tickles him, making his laughter even louder, it’s impossible not to be drawn toward her energy, her force field—her essence. Honor looks over at me, our eyes lock.
She knows this as deeply as I do.
This is not about one night of passion.
This is about more than sex. About lust. About wanting my cock buried in her perfect pussy.
This is about something real.
But I can’t draw attention to how I feel. Not right now. Not with Harper and Jaxon watching. No way in hell they would understand.
“Hey, baby,” Jaxon says, walking over to Harper. As he wraps her in his arms, his tripl
ets come running over, shouting for Daddy. He pulls them in for a bear hug, then lets them wrestle him to the ground.
Honor’s eyes meet mine, and I refuse to look away. I want to see her, feel her emotions, understand everything there is to know about her.
“What?” she says, softly, as if embarrassed by my intent gaze.
I raise my brows and shake my head in a smirk. “Your babies asleep?”
She nods yes, stepping around the piles of folded laundry and coming closer to me, giving Jaxon and his family more privacy. They seem caught up in one another, though and don’t even notice us as we walk toward the kitchen.
I grab a glass of water and Honor watches me as I do, and I have the sensation that she is memorizing my movements. I understand. I’m doing the exact same thing to her.
Before we can start a conversation, though, babies start crying from all over the house. Harper has a two-year-old and a one-year-old, and Honor has three... that’s a lot of crying babies in case anyone was wondering.
“That’s my cue,” she says, tapping her fingers on the granite counter top.
“Do you need help?” I ask.
She looks at me doubtfully. Eventually, she shakes her head. “It’s not that I don’t want your help—but you need to get yourself cleaned up.” I look down at myself and know she’s right. After working outside all day my clothes are sweaty and covered in sawdust and dirt. “Besides,” she adds, “my boys are pretty particular about which hands hold them right now. It’s been a long week.”
“Sounds like it’s been a long year.”
She nods. “A long everything.”
I nod, not taking the fact that she needs to get her babies on her own personally. But damn, one day in and I’m utterly under Honor’s spell. I want to be more for her. Everything for her.
But I also want to respect her space. She’s the mother, she knows what her children need. And right now, they need her.
The evening disappears in a flash. With Jaxon’s five and Honor’s three, that’s eight kids living here right now. The fact anyone has time to have sex is a fucking miracle.
Jaxon hands me a beer after the last of his kids are in bed. He looks exhausted, but there is still a smile on his face. I know how hard he worked on the job site all day, and that’s nothing compared to how hard Harper must have worked back here at the house. The fact that they still laugh and kiss is a goddamned miracle as far as I’m concerned. These kids are a hell of a lot of work.
Harper walks into the kitchen, her hair’s in a messy bun, she’s wearing sweats and a hoodie—the look of a woman who deserves however much wine she wants tonight. But she doesn’t look spent... she looks like she’s ready for an evening with her husband. Earlier I heard them discussing the night’s plan to keep marathoning through The Walking Dead.
Romance at its motherfucking best.
“After a night with us, I bet you’re ready to go get sterilized,” Jaxon says, laughing. Harper laughs too, as she pours herself a glass of white wine.
I shrug at Jaxon’s comment, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks. Thank God I have a beard big enough to hide some of my emotion. The truth is I want Honor to have my children. I want to fill her with my seed and watch her belly blossom. I want to take care of her; of all of her children, make us a family.
And that’s after just one day with her.
“I don’t know, man,” I tell him. “Sure, you and Harper look exhausted—but it’s a good exhaustion.”
Jaxon and Harper smile at this, she raises her glass to her husband’s bottle. “Cheers to the sweet labor of love,” she says.
I take a swig of my beer and can’t help but think this is what I’ve been missing all my life. I’ve been fucking around, getting in trouble, trying to help my friends—people who could have found a way to help themselves.
I know I have a soft spot for taking care of people. But maybe that’s why my heart is so open to Honor right now. I’m good at fighting injustice, for taking my friends who are down-on-their-luck under my wing. I’ll stick up for the weary. Hell, I’ll go to jail for them. Now, though, for the first time in my life, I want to put all that good intention in the right place.
There is only one place I feel like it belongs. With the woman who captured my heart with one glance. Who I fell for before I even knew her name.
Just then, Honor walks in the room, a crying infant in her arms. She doesn’t look the good kind of exhausted. She just looks worn out.
“Hey, sweetie,” Harper says, frowning. “Titus giving you a run for your money?”
“Yeah,” she says. “Every time I try to lay him down without me, he starts up again. I think I’m just gonna call it a night, okay? I’ll go to bed with him, that way the rest of the tribe can stay asleep.”
“You sure?” Harper asks. “We don’t mind him staying up with us. We’re gonna turn on Netflix.”
“No.” Honor tries to smile, but it’s grim. “I don’t think the zombie apocalypse is going to help Titus fall asleep.”
“We could put on something else?” Jaxon asks.
Honor shakes her head. “No way—this is your time. And honestly, I’m exhausted.”
“Okay,” Harper says, biting her lip. “Sleep well.”
“Goodnight.” Honor waves with her free hand, and as she leaves I feel her heart breaking just a bit with each step she takes.
I watch her leave, and I swear she gives me the slightest nod, toward her door, before turning to Harper and Jaxon myself.
“I’m gonna call it a night myself,” I tell them.
“You sure? It’s only 8:30,” Jaxon says.
“I’m sure. I’m not used to all this back-breaking work.”
“Alright man. See ya in the morning.”
I head to my room, biding my time for when Honor’s kids fall asleep, knowing that once they are down for the count, I’m going to help put a smile back on my angel’s face.
12
Titus is finally drunk on mama milk and sound asleep. Only took two hours. I blink, knowing what I need right now is a shower before I go to bed myself. It’s been a long 24 hours.
I ease him from my mattress and set him in the Pack ‘n Play. His little hands are tucked under his chin, and I could melt from looking at his perfection. I’m so grateful for my children, but my heart? It’s so tender right now.
Knowing my children won’t have a father to watch them grow up is so sad—especially since my choices and my lack of bravery for so long is what made this happen. I should have been wiser years ago.
Should have run before I was ensnared by a man like Luke.
I grab my bathrobe from a hook and open the bathroom door. Swallowing my shame, I remind myself that I did the best I could. I am doing the best I can.
I know I need to call Luke. Harper and Jaxon both want me to. But I’m not ready. Not yet. It’s only been a week. And I know how persuasive he is. He can lay on the guilt like nobody’s business—how else would he have convinced so many people to change their religious views? He is a wheeler and a dealer.
And a cheat.
The images of him cheating on me... and on True and Kind... with another woman... are permanently glued in my mind. He says he was going to marry the prostitute, make her his fourth wife, but I wasn’t going to stay around and watch that happen.
Those memories fade away, however, as I step into the bathroom and see Hawk standing here.
In nothing but boxers.
The lighting is low. The bath is full of bubbles. Candles are lit. His eyes are on mine.
“Did I interrupt something?” I ask, poorly hiding a smile.
My heart thrums with pleasure, the sadness that had been filling me as I put Titus to sleep slips away.
How could any woman be sad with this romantic gesture before them?
“Angel, you didn’t interrupt anything at all. I was getting this ready for you.” Hawk steps toward me and brushes a loose tendril of hair from my face. “You look exhausted, completel
y worn out. I hate to see you like this.”
He cups my face and I lean into his palm. Feeling him cradle my cheek is so comforting, so utterly soothing.
“It’s been hard moving here,” I admit. “I wanted to talk to you earlier, about the cult ... about everything, but it was impossible with Jaxon and Harper here. I didn’t want you to find out about my past like you did this morning. When Jaxon was talking to me... I was scared you’d heard too much... and that you would be done with me.”
Hawk shakes his head softly, “Hush,” he says. “You don’t need to justify anything to me. Who you are is enough. I’m just grateful to be with you right now.”
“A week ago, I was sharing a house with a man and two of his other wives. When I said my life is complicated, I wasn’t exaggerating.”
“Hey, I get that, I have so much to learn about you, about your past, about your future. What you want for your life. But we don’t need to talk about all that right now. Your eyes are filled with exhaustion, and I’m guessing your body needs to relax. I was thinking you could take this bath and have some alone time. You deserve it, Honor.”
I feel heat rise to my cheeks and I bite my bottom lip.
“What is it?” he asks, resting his forehead on mine. The movement is so intimate, it makes my core tighten, my panties soaked. A man has never been like this with me before. So completely patient.
“I want to relax,” I tell him. “And I am exhausted. But I don’t want to take this bath by myself. I want you, too...”
I don’t finish the sentence because it feels so brazen to say what my body wants. Who am I to talk like that, to ask for what I desire?
“You don’t need to be embarrassed with me,” he says. “Hell, I’ve done enough things to embarrass both of us. There’s nothing you can say or do that’s gonna make me think less of you. Because right now I feel like I see you for what you are.”
“Yeah?” I lick my lips, not sure how he sees me. “And what’s that, Hawk?” My words are merely a whisper on my lips.
I want to know how Hawk sees me, and at the same time, I don’t want him to say a word. Part of me is scared that if he tells me how he feels about me, I’ll be let down.