by Lisa Lace
My heart nearly stopped as I watched the brief vision flash through my mind. I couldn't lose her. It would be bad enough if she left me. I would be able to see her occasionally. But death? I could not imagine losing her to death.
"I don't love her," I said out loud. My voice lacked conviction.
I could be wrong about this Precog. I had to trust that the team would take care of her. I paced back and forth in my office, not understanding why I was anxious.
We were alone in my vision. Somehow we would get separated from the team. They wouldn't be able to protect her anymore. What if I was the only one who had this vision? What if I was the only one who could prevent her death?
If I were there when she died, surely I could prevent it.
Immediately the thought came to stop the team from leaving and tell them what I had seen. I walked as fast as I could to A2, one of the buildings set up for preparing field operations. It had every piece of equipment you might need and all the gear to carry it. I didn't think they could have left already.
When I arrived, there was no snowcopter, but I could see marks left in the snow. A man was hanging around, closing things down.
"Did Operation Mountain Top leave yet?" I asked.
"That's classified, buddy."
I stepped closer so he could see who I was.
"Sorry, sir. They left about four minutes ago. They have good weather for flying, considering that there's a blizzard coming. They're going to drop them as far up the mountain as they can go in the storm. They'll have to make the rest of the trek on foot."
"Thanks." He nodded, going back to his work.
I felt my worry and desperation growing by the minute. Why hadn't I run all the way here? Why hadn't I insisted that I go instead of Quinn?
A plan crystallized in my mind. I would go after them. I would find her and save her. I would do an intervention by myself. The higher-ups frowned upon solitary engagements, but I didn't care. If I saved her, it would appease my conscience. When I told myself I was doing this was because it was the right thing to do, I could almost believe it.
When I was alone, I started outfitting myself for the hike. There was special clothing to wear if we expected prolonged exposure to the elements - a parka, thicker snow pants than the usual ones, a wool hat, and mitts. Quickly, I grabbed some other survival gear, and I was ready to go. I left a message for my superior for tomorrow's delivery. I grabbed snowshoes in my size and pulled on my backpack, doing up the buckles across my chest and hips.
The snowshoes looked like big tennis rackets, and I soon had them strapped to my feet. They would allow me to move much more quickly over snow without sinking in. I took off in a wide-legged run, moving as fast as I dared in the dusk and falling snow. The visibility was terrible, and I couldn't move quickly. A fallen tree could appear at any time. I had to remain alert.
I intended to take a short cut. I would head cross-country to a point farther up the mountain from the snowcopter landing zone. I hoped I would be able to catch them.
QUINN
The snowcopter had dropped us off as high up the mountain as it could safely fly, but it wasn't far enough. There was still a long, cold walk ahead of us if we wanted to reach the cabin. I wished Airik was with us. I hadn't been away from him for more than a day since our marriage.
It's not like we were joined at the hip or anything, but he was always around at home or work. Maybe I had gotten used to him. I grimly realized that I needed to get unused to him quickly. Soon we would be getting divorced, and I wouldn't see him again.
The thought was troubling but necessary. I couldn't live this half-life anymore. It was painful. Airik didn't love me, and he never would. That was my reality.
There was shouting up ahead. In front of me, people were crowded around one of the women from the team. I hadn't caught her name yet.
"What's wrong?" Rob said.
"It's a sprained ankle, I think. There was a fallen log under the snow, and I didn't see it. I twisted it when I fell."
"Can you still walk?" he said.
"Sorry, Rob. No way."
"No problem," he said. He motioned towards two men. "Make a travois and put her on it. You'll have to pull her back down the mountain, Bral."
"I can do that, sir," he said.
"Good. Deerva, rejoin us when they leave."
The other woman nodded and went to cut branches.
The rest of us continued up the mountain, feeling a little more nervous. Our party was already two people fewer, and we had barely started the journey. I wondered who would be next.
Chapter Fifteen
AIRIK
I had misjudged my timing, but soon I could see the team ahead of me up the mountain. They were only about an hour ahead of me, and I had a visual on them. I was sure I could catch them.
The woman and her daughter couldn't possibly live past the tree line, so we were near the cabin. I needed to reach Quinn before she entered the forest.
I alternated between jogging and walking until I finally caught up with them. I got some strange looks as I raced past the bulk of the party. I was on my way to the front of the pack, where Rob and Quinn hiked side by side. It hurt to see them close together. Quinn appeared animated, and Rob listened to her as they walked. They looked the way I wanted Quinn and me to appear. They could be friends. Or perhaps more than friends.
When I reached them, I said, "Hi guys."
They gave me the same looks of surprise and consternation. I smiled at Quinn and kissed her on the cheek.
"What are you doing here?" Rob said, frowning. "You're supposed to be holding down the fort back at Headquarters."
"Can I talk to you alone for a minute, Rob?" I said.
"Sure. Do you mind, Quinn?"
She said, "No problem!" but looked angry. There was no way around it. I wasn't going to tell her the real reason I was here. When a person knows something terrible will happen to them, their knowledge makes it harder to protect them. The first rule of intervention was to prevent the target from knowing about their death.
Once Quinn had dropped back far enough to be out of earshot, I told him. "I couldn't stay at Headquarters. I had a Precog."
"A Precog about what?"
"About Quinn, Rob. I saw her death. I think you have your hands full. I should worry about intervening on my own because you are busy saving the planet."
"No way, Airik. I won't condone it. We don't have many rules aside from 'make sure the target doesn't know about their imminent death', but 'never do an intervention by yourself' is up there too. Too many things could go wrong."
"How about this," I said. "What if I take her back home? That way a tree can't fall on her. Easy, right?"
"You can't do that. What if I need a reading on the situation? She can call a vision like nobody's business." He paused. "She's even better than you."
"I know, Rob, but..."
"No buts, Airik. We're on my mission, and I say she stays. The intervention has to happen as we proceed. It's significant and the team needs her."
"Is the mission more important than Quinn's life?"
"We're talking about saving the lives of millions, Airik. Of course it's more important than one life."
I stared at him. As people who could stop death, we often got into philosophical debates about the job. But somehow the one-life-lost-is-worth-it-if-more-lives-are-saved argument wasn't working for me today.
Not if the life was Quinn's.
I glanced down and saw her smiling. She was talking to another team member. Proceeding with the mission would make it harder to prevent her death, but not impossible. I would not allow her life to be snuffed out.
"Fine. But I stay with her the whole time. And you must let me have the final word concerning the intervention."
"Whatever you want," Rob said. He was as irritated as I was. "You're pretty concerned about this girl for a guy who doesn't love her."
"She's my wife. I have to take care of her. Saving her life is part of my
job."
"You bastard. She needs more than someone to take care of her. You don't even know what you have, do you? What a waste."
"What's a waste?" I said, pulling his shoulder to make him look at me.
"The fact that she loves you. She wastes her feelings on you." He shook his head bitterly and kept walking.
"What would you know about it?" I said, jogging to catch up with him.
"She told me everything," he said. I glared at him, and he shrugged. "I guess Quinn needed a friend. She was emotional."
"She told you she loves me? She said those words?" I heard her say it in English last night, but I couldn't believe she would have told Rob something personal about herself.
"Yes," he muttered. His eyes looked resentful when he glanced at me. "She said you don't love her, and she knows it. She thinks she can't avoid it because people don't have control over who they love."
I didn't say anything.
"You're a fool, Airik."
"A fool?" I repeated. His words stung. People had called me a lot of things in my life, but I had never been called a fool.
"Yes, a fool. You just won't admit it until you lose her."
"Admit what, Rob? What do you mean?"
"How you feel about her. I've known you a long time, Airik."
I nodded. We had been friends since we were toddlers.
"And I have never seen you this worked up, confused, and desperate to save a target. You're a mess. You have been since the day you were married. Doesn't that tell you anything?"
"What are you getting at, Rob?"
"Do you even remember the feeling of loving a woman? Because if you don't remember, how do you know if you love Quinn?"
The thought was new to me. Did I remember what it felt like to love someone? I had not let myself love someone romantically for years. His question bounced around in my head and tormented me.
"Think about it," he said, a sour look on his face. "It will only take Quinn ten minutes to do a memory pull."
"What are you suggesting I do, Rob? Tell me straight."
"Get her to pull your memory of Gina. Remember? The girl who nearly made you kill yourself?"
I frowned. I hadn't remembered I had been suicidal over her for a long time.
"Once you remember what it feels like to love someone, then you can decide if you love Quinn or not. And whether the divorce is a good idea. You can decide if you want to win her back."
I had to change the subject. "You have feelings for her, don't you?"
"I do, Airik. So what? She's a beautiful person. But you're my best friend. She works for me. That's enough. I would never go there with her, Airik. You must know that."
I trusted Rob as much as my family. "I know."
"You should know this too. If you get divorced because you're stupid enough to let her go, then all bets are off."
I stared at him, mouth open, remembering the Precog Quinn had mentioned to me earlier. The one where she had seen her future self making love to Rob.
"Think about it, Airik."
I watched his back as he walked away from me. Quinn was putting a strain on our friendship. I wondered if the damage would be irreparable or if he and I would be able to get past her.
As I hiked, I tried to stop thinking about the questions he raised, but they kept coming back to my mind like wasps in summer.
The weather, at least, wasn't too bad for the first hour. It was snowing, but the wind was mild. The mood was peaceful and almost quiet.
When evening approached, Rob called a halt. We needed to make camp for the night. It was too dark to proceed. Hopefully, we would go the rest of the way tomorrow.
We quickly pitched our tents, made fires, and cooked dinner together. Afterward, we all helped clean up and sat around a fire drinking and trading intervention stories. Quinn avoided me and wouldn't meet my eye. She didn't refuse to share a tent with me. I had to take what I could get.
Later that night, I lay beside Quinn in our tent. We had zipped our bags together so that we had a double sleeping bag.
"I'm only using you for your body heat," Quinn said as she snuggled up to me. "Don't even think about getting lucky tonight, Airik."
"I wouldn't dream of it," I said. "I had another idea."
I could hear curiosity in her voice when she spoke.
"What is it?"
"I was wondering if you would do a memory pull on me." When she didn't answer, I wondered if she was passively refusing me.
"Which memory?" she said cautiously.
"When Gina broke my heart, I was suicidal afterwards. Can you blame me for wanting to bury it as deep as I could in my subconscious? I never wanted to feel that way again."
"I don't blame you, Airik. But you know how a memory pull works, don't you? You'll have to experience the whole thing over again."
"I know." My stomach felt queasy at the thought, but Rob was correct. It was time for me to rediscover my heart and stop protecting myself. The barriers I had erected inside myself to keep out bad things were also keeping out good things.
I knew that, but the thought of what the memory pull would do to me made me want to vomit.
"Reliving the memory will be how you release it. If you accept it fully and experience it, then let it go, you will be free of the trauma forever."
"I understand, Quinn. I've been doing this a lot longer than you." The comment sounded snarky even to my ears. She made a frustrated sound. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."
"Shut up, Airik," she said, her voice harder than I had ever heard it before. "If you want to do this, I'm in charge. You do as I say."
I felt resistance rising inside me. I didn't want her to be in charge. I was always the one in control. Maybe I shouldn't do this if it meant I would have to relinquish power.
"If you can't give me the control in this situation, Airik, how are you going to relax enough for me to pull a memory?" It was like she had read my mind. "It won't work." She sounded disappointed.
I took a deep breath. "You're in charge, Quinn. Just tell me what to do." There was a wrenching inside me when I said the words, but afterwards came a sudden feeling of relief. I relaxed as she took my hand.
"Once I've identified the memory, I'll give you a preview. Please confirm that it's the correct memory. After I have your confirmation, I will pull it. My actions will cause your memory to replay in vivid detail in your mind as if you were there again."
"Yes, I understand."
"Do you agree to this memory pull?" It was a traditional ritual to get explicit verbal confirmation from the subject.
"I agree," I said.
"Here we go."
AIRIK, TWENTY YEARS AGO
"Hi, Gina," I said, walking up to a gorgeous brunette standing at her locker.
"Hey." Was it my imagination, or did she sound bored when she greeted me today? She seemed different from when we started going out at the beginning of the year. Her eyes used to light up when she saw me. Her reaction worried me, but the present I had for her would fix everything. "What's up?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to skip school." I leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "I have an exciting date planned."
She looked at me with interest. "You? You want to skip school? Weren't you telling me to focus? This is our last year, you want to get into the Institute, I want to get into college, we have to work hard...blah, blah, blah."
"I meant every word, Gina. My parents would kill me if they knew I was skipping. I want today to be about us, not school. I have a present for you. Will you come?"
She smiled at me. It was a genuine smile, like the ones she used to give me.
"Okay."
It was the beginning of summer. We hiked up into the mountains until we found our particular spot. It was the place where we'd first had sex. It had been the first time for both of us, and I remembered the night being magical.
When we got to our spot, she looked at me. Her eyes were sensual.
"I don't know what your presen
t is, but can I give you one first?" she asked. She pulled off her shirt and bra to display her perfect round breasts. She shimmied out of her clothing and sauntered up to me completely naked.
I was an eighteen-year-old boy. She was an eighteen-year-old girl with a perfect body. Was I going to say no? I felt time speed up as if someone had put my life on fast forward. I realized I was in my mind. Quinn must be speeding up my memory through the sex part. I didn't blame her.
All of a sudden, Gina and I lay side by side in the warm grass. We were naked as the day we were born. I quickly forgot this was just a memory.
"You know what, Airik? Whatever you may or may not be as a boyfriend, you are the most amazing lover I've ever had."
I smiled, basking in the compliment until I realized what had gone unsaid. My smile disappeared.
"Wait a minute. I thought you said I was your first? You've been with another guy?"
Gina's face fell as she realized what she had inadvertently revealed. "Guys," she said, not meeting my eye.
"Why did you lie to me? I wouldn't have cared."
"Because you thought I was a virgin. I didn't want to tell you I had already slept with three other guys. I didn't want you to believe I was a slut."
I did believe she was a slut now. But I wouldn't say it, and it didn't change the way I felt about her. Then I realized what she said about my suitability as a boyfriend. "Are you unhappy?"
"Airik. Of course I'm not happy."
"Why?" I asked. I felt the world spinning around me.
"Because you're boring. You always want to go to school. You try to control me, and you only like certain parts of me. I don't feel like I can be myself when I'm around you. It's too hard to live like that."
"You think I'm trying to control you?"
"I don't think, I know. I lied about being a virgin, but you don't like my clothes either."
"I just want you to dress more like who you are, so your exterior matches your interior."
"And not like a good-for-nothing girl without mental abilities."
"You're not good-for-nothing."
"You've never been to my house, Airik. Don't try to deny it. You think you're better than me. I knew it when we started dating, but I thought your money would make up for your annoying, controlling personality."