When Allie spoke, there was a hint of hurt in her voice.
"Why didn't you ever call me back? We would have figured it out. You've been through so much and this is the first time I hear of this."
"Allie, please, don't take it personally. You're the only one I can honestly talk to about this." I reached out to hug her. Was I capable of taking a single step without hurting someone's feelings?
"All right, all right." She pushed me away and rolled her eyes. "Seriously, if you had at least texted me--"
"I was ashamed," I interrupted her. "I felt like I'd disappointed everyone, including you. You invested so much time in me, so much patience. You taught me so much and I fucked everything up. I couldn't bear the thought I had let you--"
I gasped when I felt the wooden spoon on my back and looked up at her. She repeated the same strike on my forearm.
"What the fuck was that for?" I frowned and rubbed the red spot.
"To get your attention, Mr. Drama Queen." Allie wiggled the spoon in my face and narrowed her eyes at me. "Now listen to me, Tommy boy. I've known you since you were a pimpled sixteen-year-old who was terrified his mum would find him jerking off to spanking porn. You were deluded, insecure and downright annoying."
"And you were self-righteous, arrogant and bossy." I raised my eyebrow at her, unfazed by the spoon she held like a sword. "Oh, wait, you still are."
"And you're still annoying but that is beyond the point. Do you think I decided to stick with you, listen to you for hours and be your friend because I was investing in your freaking BDSM future? Because I was grooming you to be the perfect Dom?"
"Now that you say it..."
"You are my friend. We go so far back I can't even remember why I decided to write to you at first." Her expression softened and she dropped the spoon on the counter. "Our friendship doesn't depend on your success as a programmer or as a Dom. Tomorrow, you may gather a full stable of pony girls at your disposal. You might even need their help with all that mess in your house. You may even decide to go vanilla, marry a nice girl and have missionary sex in the dark once a week for the rest of your days. If that would make you happy." She stopped to take a breath and glared back at me. "It's your life. Whatever choice you make won't change our history or friendship over the years. If you ever decide you don't want us to be friends anymore for some reason, I'm okay with that. I'll respect your choice. Just don't give me the bullshit excuse that you have disappointed me."
I stared at her, not sure how to respond, still choking on so many unspoken words. Before she showed up at my door I'd lost the will to keep living and thought I was useless. The best thing to do was to go quietly, in my disgusting room, buried in the memories of a doomed love affair.
I'd be dead if it weren't for Allie.
"I missed you." I reached out to caress her cheek. "I'm sorry for shutting you out. I didn't know what to do. To be honest, I still don't. Everything is such a mess."
"I told you, Thomas. We'll figure it out one step at a time. Focus on now, okay?" She squeezed my hands in reassurance. "Get better first. Everything else can wait."
In spite of her words, I was slowly beginning to accept I'd never be with Lina again. My time with ChaosTech was in the past. That was no reason to throw my life away. Maybe someday I'd be happy again.
I vaguely remembered some poem I read once, because of mum's insistence. I couldn't remember the author, the title or even the exact verse, just the emotion. It was something about moving on and not remembering why.
It was so fitting.
The elevator doors closed behind me and I walked into ChaosTech Solutions' office area. We were still in the old building. My absence after the accident with Seth and the sex scandal put a halt on the plan of purchasing a building of our own. There were a lot more important things at stake, such as steadying our position in the industry and staying afloat. Things were promising at the moment but they were far from what I'd been hoping for.
Still, I was positive we'd get there someday. It'd just take time and effort. Neither my team nor I were strangers to hard work. The scandal was slowly turning into yesterday's news. We needed a new product to help us restore our reputation as a force to be reckoned with.
I walked down the hallway and glanced at the fire escape, just like every morning. It used to be my safe place. That day it was another pin on the map of my life. Another reminder things would never go back to the way they were. That was why I wasn't thrilled we were staying in that building. It was overcrowded with memories. Most of them were good... maybe even great. Yet, every time I entered my own office, I winced with nostalgia and longing.
Thomas had left his signature all over the space. Sometimes, I stood with my back pressed against the door and replayed our relationship in my head. I saw myself on the desk, skirt hiked around my waist, legs parted, ass in the air. He'd be towering over me, preparing to spank me with his bare hand or the leather paddle we kept inside my desk. It was still there. One more artifact of the affair I couldn't bring myself to throw away. I'd slide my gaze to the panoramic window and remember how much he loved making me stay on my knees in front of it. It was always out of sight for the people in the opposite building. Sometimes I'd kneel there with a gag in my mouth and a vibrating egg in my pussy. Thomas would watch me with a sadistic smirk on his face or grab me by the neck and force his cock down my throat. He was always whispering dirty words, telling me it was a punishment for me being so sexy and spankable.
The text notification sound interrupted my kinky memories, right before I entered Katie's reception area. I fished the phone out of my purse. Guilt stabbed me straight in the chest when I read the name on the screen.
I missed you last night. Dinner at my place tonight? I'll try to persuade you to stay. Xxx
I sighed and quickly texted back. I'll call you later today. After some hesitation, I added. Missed you too.
If only the dinner date with Nate excited me as much as the memories of Thomas. I was supposed to focus on my current boyfriend, not constantly think of my ex and dwell on the past.
It'd been three months since Nate and I had our awkward meet cute in Vegas. When we started seeing each other for drinks after work, I never thought seriously about dating him. I was at a critical point in my career, still in therapy, and pining over Thomas. Technically, I needed a new man in my life like I needed a hole in the head.
Still, I enjoyed spending time with Nate. He was a naturally sweet person who didn't feel the need to dominate the conversation, which was a pleasant surprise. Whenever I dated other executives they were so full of themselves it was suffocating. Nate loved listening to me and actually paid attention to what I had to say. He was also quick-witted, funny and made me feel like the only woman on the planet. To top it off, he was one of the few men I'd met who didn't act as if my professional success was a threat to his masculinity. The fact he was drop dead gorgeous and looked great in swimming trunks didn't hurt either.
So why wasn't I crazy in love with him? He was all I ever thought I wanted in a man.
At the beginning, just the thought of kissing him felt like a blasphemy.
His special treatment didn't stop even when I insisted I wasn't ready for anything other than friendship. Nate didn't push me but he said he didn't see why we shouldn't try. He told me his own relationship history was just as messy. The divorce took a toll on him, even if it'd been years since his wife and he separated. According to him, ever since we'd met at that club he couldn't stop thinking of me. It wasn't a coincidence life brought us together so why not see if we wouldn't be a good match?
That made perfect sense. We lacked deep and all-consuming chemistry but that was overrated, right? I didn't want to die alone like I had decided in a dramatic fashion I would on the night Thomas and I broke up. My need for a life partner, someone to rely on, a friend, was stronger than all the heartbreak and longing. Nate could be the best chance I'd ever have for a relationship and happiness.
One Friday night,
about a month after our reunion, we went to dinner together. What followed was a long conversation, drinks and a slow dance in a bar near his apartment. Everything was going so well. The wine, the closeness of his strong body and his scent were slowly breaking my inhibitions. That was when I gave up and asked him if he would like a nightcap at his place. Nate didn't need a second invitation. He leaned in and asked me hesitantly if he could touch my lips. We shared our first kiss, on the dance floor, under a smooth melody, with the rain pouring outside.
It was meant to be a life-changing, romantic moment we'd tell our children someday. Instead, all I felt was a sweet satisfaction. Pleasant warmth. Still, it was good enough for the moment.
Nate was a tender lover who spent at least an hour kissing and worshiping every nook and cranny on my body. He whispered in my ear that I tasted just like he imagined and he could make love to me forever. His lips hit the right spots that made me wetter and coaxed gentle moans out of me. Nate was sliding his hands down my breasts all the way to my drenched pussy lips. To say he adored giving oral was an understatement. He was the first man I'd met who loved going down on me as if his whole purpose in life was to bring me an orgasm. My pleasure was more important to him and he was ready to spend hours between my open legs. He teased me with his fingers, massaging my G-spot until I screamed in release.
I really thought men like that didn't exist. At first, I thought he was trying so hard because of inadequate size or in the hope I'd be just as passionate when returning the favor. Both my theories were blown away the moment I knelt between his legs on the bed and undid his belt and pants. Nate moaned when my fingers wrapped around his long, throbbing shaft. I gave him a wicked grin but just when I was about to lap the pearly drop of precum onto the tip of my tongue, he put his finger under my chin and uttered.
"You don't have to do this."
"But I want to."
Nate took my confusion at his words for hesitation. He stroked my cheek and whispered with an affectionate tone.
"I don't eat women out so they'll return the favor. I was happy to make you feel good." I was about to protest when he pulled me up and rolled me over onto my side. He raised my thigh and slid his erect cock inside me in a slow, sensual movement while kissing my neck. "I just want to be inside you right now, Lina." His voice was a low whisper, a moan of desperate pleasure. It was so easy to give in when his hard cock was deep in my soaked cunt. He rolled my nipples between his fingers and whispered how happy he was.
It was supposed to be the most magical night of my life, a new love, and a new beginning after all the pain and torture.
So why was it that, just before I came, I closed my eyes and imagined Thomas, his hand on my throat, pulling my hair back, urging me to come just for him?
Years ago, I'd argued with a friend of mine that emotional cheating didn't count as only our actions mattered. I wasn't so sure anymore. While I was in Nate's arms, basking in his devotion, all I could think of was Thomas.
Why couldn't my life be simple?
I sighed, put the phone back in my purse and walked into Katie's area with the usual fake, chipper smile. Little did I expect to see Katie doing something unusual. My PA was leaning against the desk and happily chatting with a young woman who was sat on the visitor's couch. It was probably the first time I'd seen Katie ignore her work to talk to someone. A baseball cap hid the stranger's face so it was impossible to see what she looked like. All I could see were streaks of pale blond hair. She wore an oversized jacket and jeans, with big combat boots. She looked totally out of place in my elegant office, like most of the software engineers I eventually hired.
She must have been the developer I had a job interview with that morning.
Katie didn't hear me enter the office at all. Her cheeks burned red hot and she was staring with awe at the woman.
"Um, so you're saying that he won't mind if..."
"You have to be the judge. When it comes to seduction it is not important what they are saying but what they are hiding. Both men and women are alike that way, no matter what they say. They don't want to communicate their desires. They want the other person to figure them out like they'd solve a mystery. If you can figure out what he wants and give it to him, you'll blow his mind."
I watched the scene with amusement before I finally approached them and added nonchalantly, "That's an interesting theory but mysteries are often overrated."
"Good luck finding a person who'd directly tell you what they want. Especially if they are afraid you'd judge them." The blonde removed her cap and stared at me with unreadable dark eyes.
Katie blushed furiously when she realized I had caught her chatting and hurried to introduce the visitor.
"Um, Lina, good morning. I didn't hear you, obviously. This is Allie Morrison. She is here for--"
"The job interview for the Ruby on Rails developer. It's a pleasure to meet you in person, Ms. Morrison."
I smirked and extended my hand to Allie. There was something familiar about that name.
She chuckled and stared down at my hand, like a cat about to play with a mouse.
"We've met before, Ms. Riley but you probably don't remember me."
Where had I seen those haunting eyes? The woman kept staring at me with amusement, waiting for me to make a move. I took a step back and studied her more closely. Short blond hair, black eyes, and an air of dominance--a conversation resurfaced in my mind and my pulse quickened.
"You said your first name was Allie?"
"Last time I checked." She rolled her eyes but didn't offer more than that.
Damn it. He probably learned all his tricks from her.
"You're Thomas' friend. We met at that club last fall and I told you to send a resume if you ever wanted to work for me."
I heard Katie gasp behind me. Allie smiled and nodded. She kept watching me as if she was going to write a thesis based on my behavior.
Unbelievable.
This woman was at least ten years younger than me. She was here for me to interview and possibly hire. So why did I feel like a cornered mouse?
"You have a good memory."
"Not so good. I didn't recognize you at first. My apologies."
"Hey, give yourself some credit." It was clear she barely restrained her laughter. I couldn't blame her. "You only saw me once, in a dark club more than a year ago and you still remembered me. Besides, I'm not really a spotlight kind of girl."
What a weird statement. She'd looked perfectly comfortable with the spotlight the night I met her, smoking hot, like an Amazon in a cocktail dress. I'd wanted to strangle her back then.
"I also remembered how highly Thomas spoke of you and your skills. So, you decided to apply after all?" I wasn't sure how I felt about working with someone who was so close to my ex. Of course, it would be stupid to turn her down for personal reasons, especially if she was as good as he claimed. But why now?
Allie quickly made my fears go away, as petty as they were.
"Actually, I hope you'll forgive me that little hoax, Lina. Do you mind if I call you Lina?." Nothing about her voice suggested she ever asked for permission. "I wanted to talk to you, and the fastest way through your doors was to apply for a job."
That was ridiculous. I was about to ask her to leave when I remembered one substantial detail and guilt stabbed me again. She had saved my life when Seth abducted me. How could I have been so dismissive?
"You just had to call my office. I'll always have a place in my schedule for you," I said after a long pause. Katie looked confused as hell by our conversation but she didn't say a word.
"Perhaps. I wasn't sure if you'd remember me at all and I'm not used to doing things the conventional way," she said and gave me an innocent smile.
"What if I had never called you for an interview?" I asked her with my best poker face.
"You'd be crazy not to. Anyway, would you spare me some of your time? It won't take long and I think it's important for us to talk."
I was curious what
the peculiar young woman had to say. Hell, by then, if she'd wanted the job I'd have given it to her, no questions asked. Not only because of what she did during the pictures scandal. Someone like her would be invaluable on our team. Talking to her one on one made me strangely nervous, though.
Did Thomas send her?
I scolded myself for the ridiculous flutter of hope in my chest. If Thomas wanted to talk to me he could simply call me, right?
"Yes, of course. Let's go to my office. Would you like a drink?"
"That's very kind of you, but no. I have a busy afternoon and won't stay too long." Allie smirked at Katie. "Don't be afraid to be adventurous, honey. You'll be surprised by the results."
"Thanks for the pointers, Allie." Katie laughed and returned to her tasks, still a little flustered.
Allie and I walked into my office, and I pointed to a chair for her to sit.
"It's a shame you don't want to come to work for us." I laughed a little and left my laptop bag on the desk. "It's rare that I have a programmer on my team so well-versed in the art of seduction."
She crossed her legs and stared at me with the calmness and authority of a resting lioness.
"I enjoy writing software, but what really makes my heart beat with excitement is the business of making fantasies come true. In many ways, it's like cracking a code."
"Right." I grabbed a pen from my desk and took a deep breath. "Allie, I... I'm sorry I never thanked you for what you did. Thomas said you tracked Seth Anderson down. It was because of you he found me so fast. I wasn't really myself after that but I should have at least called."
Allie gave me a leisurely smile.
"Don't even mention it. It was my pleasure."
Unorthodox Chemistry Page 6