I shut my eyes and bid my farewell to the world, in the hope that if this were the end, it'd be merciful and brief. Instead, he let go of my hair and laid it gently on the pillows. The blade left my throat but next thing I knew it was sliding along my wrists. I gasped when he cut the rope and released me from the bondage.
The thick lengths of hemp fell down and I hurried to pull my shaking, numb wrists close to my face. When I rubbed them to restore their circulation, I felt the deeply etched, painful patterns the rope had marked me with.
The stranger was at the bottom of the bed. I felt the brief touch of his blade when he cut the restraints around my ankles. I turned sideways and saw him drop the knife on the bed. The soft covers cushioned the fall of the blade. When he retreated to the corner of the room, his footsteps were as light as those of a cat making its way through the night.
The skin of my back hurt as badly as if he had poured fire on them. The hard bondage had left me so sore and numb that it felt as if my hands were someone else's. That didn't stop me from getting up as quickly as possible. I grabbed the knife with shaky fingers and crawled back to the headboard with the blade close to my chest.
He didn't try to leave the room or make an exit through the window. The man simply sat... no, he dropped down into the armchair at the corner and removed his mask. Outside, the moon had risen and its white glow cast more light inside the room.
I didn't need it to recognize him when he finally raised his head and looked at me.
The sight made me gasp in shock and drop the knife on the bed.
Thomas turned the torchlight on for a brief moment and put it aside with a deep sigh.
He buried his face deep in his palms. His shoulders were shaking hard and he exhaled loudly.
Once he turned his eyes to me, he uttered with a trembling voice, "Do you still believe you can't face Seth?" He threw the black mask on the floor. "If you still think so then I... I don't know what else I can do."
There was so much helplessness in his voice in that moment. He stared at the ground, shaking a little, his hands clasped in front of him.
I ignored the vicious bite of pain across my body and climbed down from the bed on all fours. Thomas probably didn't hear me. He kept staring at the ground and his closed palms without moving from that position. A sharp pang of pain went through my wrists as I crawled on hands and knees to get to him.
He raised his head in surprise when I knelt between his legs and pressed my face against his thigh. It was difficult to guess his emotions. His face was still in the shadows. When he reached out to stroke my cheek, it was a ginger, hesitant move. He hardly touched my skin, as if he was asking for permission. I rested my face against his open palm, kissed his fingers one by one, and nuzzled his skin.
Thomas caressed me with braver strokes and cupped my chin.
"If you still think you're a raging psychopath after tonight then there's no hope I can ever make you see you're wrong," I whispered with a calm and sultry voice.
Never in my whole life had I felt so powerful as in that moment when I was down on my knees with bruised skin and marked wrists.
"Lina..." Thomas leaned down and pressed his face against mine. He still held me in his delicate clutch. "I was so close. Just a little more time in that head space and I would have..."
He stopped and closed his eyes, his breathing labored. I raised my head and kissed his lips softly, licking his lips with my tongue. That made him open his mouth and respond to my advances. His fingers rested on the back of my head and pulled me closer. He was hesitant at first but when our tongues touched, he pulled me closer and sucked the breath out of me.
His touch was firm but not forceful. When he curled his arms over my shoulders to press me close, he was still shaking.
"But you didn't." I smiled when the need for oxygen finally got the better of us and we broke away from each other. He was barely able to catch his breath. "You could've unleashed hell on me but you knew where to draw the line. I feel safe with you. I know you're in control. I want you to remember that moment," I added with a chuckle, quoting his usual words. "Whenever you're in doubt, think of tonight. You're stronger than you think."
Thomas widened his eyes, exhaled loudly, lifted me up and sat my body on his lap. I folded my knees and rested them on his hips.
"You're absolutely insane." He curled his fingers around my bare throat, and that soft movement felt much more binding than any collar. He tightened his grip and pulled me down until my breasts were crushed against his chest. My naked body curled around his dark, fully clothed frame. "You're the most insane woman I've ever met in my life and I can no longer resist that." He gripped my hair and peppered my neck and shoulders with small kisses while our hips were grinding. The rough texture of his jeans against my unprotected crotch made my clit throb harder.
"That makes you as insane as I am." I bent my back in an arch when he fondled my breasts with a possessive touch. "Don't ever doubt I'm yours."
He gripped my hair and kissed me hard. He took my hand and placed it on the growing bulge in his pants.
"You know what? It's funny... Out of the entire house, we never made love in the bedroom." A small, spicy burst of pain went through my earlobe when his teeth grazed it. His hands slowly ran down my bruised back and brought a new, stinging rush of pleasure. He stopped at my ass and squeezed it tight. "It's time to correct that mistake, don't you agree, little one?"
My fingers were busy unzipping him and pulling his throbbing shaft free. His skin stretched out and vibrated when I encased my hand around it and coaxed the first pearly drops of precum out.
"I agree, sir." My own wicked laughter shocked me. Thomas grabbed me harder by the hips and raised me so he could slide into my wetness with a painfully long, teasing move. "You promised to make love to me on every surface of the house."
Just before our lips clashed together and he stretched my tightness, he whispered against my lips, "To whom do you belong, tigress?"
"Only to you, sir." I gasped when his teeth punctured the skin of my shoulder. A small trickle of blood ran between his lips.
"Good girl. Tonight, you'll have to prove your devotion."
The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the sunshine lighting our bodies. It was pale and struggled to break through the clouds but it was there. After two days of rainstorms, clouds and rough wind with the occasional break, it was a relief to see that light, as faint and miserable as it was.
When I blinked a few times, I realized Lina was curled on top of me. She was lying on her stomach and her head was resting on my shoulder, covered in a veil of messy red hair. That wasn't the only red thing about her that morning. When I cleared the cobwebs and put my glasses on, I realized her luscious rear was covered in welts that ranged from pale pink blush to darker red lines.
The memory of what we'd done last night rushed back. There was no way I could persuade myself it had been a dream. Not when I'd left my signature on her pale skin.
Lina didn't wake up even when I moved beneath her to find a more comfortable position. I brushed her hair aside to look at her face. She looked so peaceful. Her heartbeat was calm. It'd been way too long since I'd seen her looking so relaxed and comfortable.
Last night had been a surreal experience and my insides were still shaking with its intensity. I had left my body when I dragged her to her knees and ran the knife across her vulnerable flesh. That hungry, dark predator lurking inside me had pushed me out of my own skin and taken full control. His energy rendered me helpless and made me merely a witness to his acts of brutal violence.
Cold shivers of horror coursed through me when I thought of how close I had been to the irreversible point. After that split-second moment, I'd no longer be a human being with reason and willpower. I'd be a beast, a savage animal that fed on pain and humiliation.
There would be no forgiveness or excuse. I couldn't justify my actions and say that some other being took over me and stripped me of any control. That violent, a
ngry man was part of me but I was the only one who could dominate him.
That's what last night was all about. An exercise in control. The first step to handling myself... or destroying us both.
And it was all her idea.
The siren song of her words echoed through my mind. There was a raw look of resolve and a note of steel in Lina's eyes when she made her outrageous offer.
"Assault me." Her face was still red but her voice was calm. "Break me. Do your worst. Don't stop no matter how much I beg. Please, Thomas. I need this. You need this. I trust you know when to stop and how far you can take me."
I was insane to accept it, especially after her violent and emotional meltdown yesterday when she finally revealed what happened between Seth and her. A responsible decision would have been to say no, to tell her she wouldn't top me from the bottom if she was on some quest for self-destruction. Those words were just on the tip of my tongue but they never rolled off.
One look in those clear eyes and the honesty in her plea shook my resolve. Lina had wrapped her trembling arms around me and whispered, "I don't want to hide in you. I want you to expose me. Please."
I was still racking my brain over whether or not that was the right decision. It was radical but it made a weird sort of sense.
We talked briefly over the scene. She asked me not to go into too much detail or tell her what I was going to do to her. Her wish was to truly get into that headspace and not to feel like we were playing at make-believe. The less she knew, the better she could get into the scene. Lina insisted on feeling helpless and deprived of power. I held all the cards. It was up to me how long it would last, how far I'd take it.
There'd be no safeword or exit unless I said so.
The time she took for her long beach walk was the most intense, nerve-wracking moment of my life. She couldn't have taken more than twenty minutes given how cold it was, but it felt like an eternity of lurking in the darkness. I didn't think I could do it, and then she walked into the house, the dominoes fell, and there was no turning back.
It hurt me to think that Seth would've been proud of my performance.
There was nothing quite like the relief when I cut her ropes and slowly came back to my normal self, when I choked the beast inside into submission. As soon as that lucid state broke, I was left shaking. I knew that this time I'd done it right but the aftershock from that dark night nearly broke me. The moment Lina wrapped her naked body around me, I clung to her and the warmth she was exuding.
We spent the rest of the night fucking, making furious, rough love in every possible position. The frenzied energy and need were so strong as if we were high on some weird mix of caffeine and pheromones. I needed to be inside her for as long as possible, to feel her raw passion and give her what she was craving.
It was more than fucking; it was a celebration.
My cock twitched at the thought but I knew I wouldn't be able to do a thing after that insane weekend.
Lina crossed my thoughts when she raised her head with a yawn. That was when I remembered she'd had no aftercare for her welts and bruises. It was turning into a bad habit I had to shake off. My ethics were questionable enough as it was.
"What time is it?" She covered her mouth with her hand.
I reached out for the phone on the bedside table. She was still yawning and trying to break free of sleep.
"Twelve thirty." The moment I said it, I realized how exhausted I was. It was hard to keep my eyes open. The events of the past few weeks had drained me and taken their toll on my body. All I wanted was to hold her and go back to sleep, just rest and soak in the warmth of her body.
Lina gave me a light kiss on the lips. She looked just as tired, with a puffy face and dark circles under her eyes.
"We have plenty of time. Let's stay in bed a little longer." She yawned and nestled against my shoulder.
"You shouldn't be at the office?" I asked, and stroked her hair and shoulders. The pleasant haze was getting to me again. I was fading back to dreamland.
"I took Monday off work," Lina muttered with closed eyes, and rubbed her cheek against my shoulder. "Let's enjoy it. I feel like I haven't slept for over a year."
"I should clean your cuts and take care of your bruises, Lina. We ignored it last night, and..." My arms curled around her in a protective embrace and I pulled her closer.
"Later," she said. "I promise I'm fine. Just let me rest a little longer."
Maybe I should have protested against that but I was just as wrecked as she was.
Lina was right. There would be plenty of time. My body and mind were too broken to fight. A few minutes later, I fell back to sleep while drawing soft circles on the small of her back.
We spent most of the day in lethargic oblivion, waking up every now and then just to kiss a little and drift away again. A few times, I nearly got up just for my muscles to give in. I lay down again, indulging in more sleep and cuddling.
Our bodies were finally demanding the rest they needed and the physical tenderness they'd been denied for too long.
It was nearly four when I finally rose from my slumber. Lina murmured something in her sleep when I gently pushed her away from me, and rolled over to lie on her stomach. Before I walked out of the bedroom, I looked out the window. The landscape outside was bathed in sunshine.
Ten minutes later, I returned with a tray filled with steaming cups of coffee and the first aid kit. As soon as Lina caught the fragrance of her favorite morning drink, she opened one of her eyes and gave me a wicked, albeit sleepy grin.
"You're an angel. A coffee angel." She yawned, crawled to the bedside table where I'd left the tray, and took the first sips of life-giving elixir. There were two Advil pills on the plate, and she hurried to swallow them with the coffee.
I chuckled, sat next to her and picked up my own cup.
"Yes, and you're positively the craziest woman I've ever met." When the caffeine kicked in, I looked at her with concern and reached out to stroke her cheek. "How do you feel? Do you... regret what we did last night?"
"Thomas, can't I at least wake up before we start discussing my feelings?" She laughed quietly and took another sip.
"You're so lucky I'm too tired to move and you're still so sore after this weekend. Otherwise, you'd be in deep trouble." I frowned but couldn't help smiling. If she was traumatized, she was hiding it very well. Right then, in the late afternoon sunlight, she looked radiant, in spite of the welts and her puffy cheeks.
Or maybe I hadn't woken up yet and I was seeing things.
"Seriously, I want to know you're okay," I said with a serious voice, and stared into her eyes. "I'm on the fence over whether you're brave or last night was just a sign you haven't recovered at all."
Lina kept sipping coffee without saying anything. She sat close to me with her legs folded, and a pensive expression on her face.
"I can't say I'm recovered, Thomas." Her voice was quiet and lost. "It would take a lot more than a night of assault and non-con play. I don't regret it. If I could go back to yesterday, I'd beg you for the same thing. What about you?"
She looked at me cautiously. "Do you... feel bad about what happened?"
"Bad is not the word I'd go with." I rubbed my face with a palm and left the half-finished cup of coffee on the table. "Lie down on your stomach. I need to take care of you."
Lina didn't try to pout or flirt when I ordered her. The effect of last night was catching up with her.
"I don't feel bad..." I kept talking while I soaked a cotton pad with alcohol. She winced the moment it touched her tender ass cheeks, but stayed still. "I'm relieved I could get so deep into the dark and still come back in one piece. The hard truth is that I enjoyed it... or at least part of me did. That's why when I drew the line, I felt as if I had escaped from death."
"I was sure you could make it," Lina said simply, her eyes closed. "I trusted you."
"How come?" I massaged her knotted thighs and leaned forward to kiss her cheek. "You went from havi
ng extreme trust issues to having an extreme amount of trust in me. Don't get me wrong." I slid my fingers down her forearms while I was speaking. "I love that you trust me. I'm just not sure how I feel about such a drastic change."
Lina looked at me as I kept rubbing her skin. She still had that dreamlike expression of subtle happiness. It took her some time to focus and think over her words.
"I realized I had no choice. I'd either have to take the plunge or stay behind with my nightmares. Yesterday, on the beach, I was at an even lower point than when you left me. I knew I needed something drastic to get myself out of that black hole."
I nodded and picked a few bandages out of the first aid kit.
"You were never a baby steps kind of woman."
"No, and so many things went wrong because I didn't trust you. I wanted to do more than that." Lina looked at me with some insecurity and reached out to touch my wrist. "Did it work? Did your actions last night prove it to you?"
She went quiet and stared at me expectantly.
I rolled her over onto her hip and spent a few minutes just gently gazing into her eyes. The peace she'd been radiating got to me and I placed my palm on her heart. Its beating, the warmth of her breast and the endless blue of her eyes enchanted me. In that moment, I had no doubt the connection between us was there, subtle and quiet but as strong as our intense passion.
Lina was glowing when I placed a tender kiss on her lips and whispered, "Yes, Lina. Thank you for that. Thank you for risking your sanity to prove it to me. But..." I cupped her chin and tenderly outlined her jaw with my fingers. She opened her mouth to return my kiss. Our foreheads pressed together and I whispered, "I don't want us to go so far ever again. I reached the edges of my own personal darkness, and I want to keep it on a leash."
She smiled and nodded in reassurance while I spoke.
"I want to focus on what we have here. I want to rebuild you. I want to be confident that even when you need me to break you, I'll have the right tools and control to gather your pieces and make you better. Is that what you want, too?" I swallowed and removed my hands from her face. "If the one you want is the man from last night, if you need me to destroy and belittle you, we may be on very different paths."
Unorthodox Chemistry Page 35