by Nina Levine
***
“I truly feel like we’re taking one step forward and three back at the moment,” I admitted to Harlow the next morning over coffee. I’d just caught her up on me and J.
“How was he last night? Did he bring it up again?”
“No, he came home late, and he’d been drinking again. I’m so confused. J’s not usually a big drinker but over the last couple of weeks he’s been drinking more and more.”
“Well, he’s obviously keeping something from you. It really does sound like something is worrying him.”
“He keeps saying it’s just club business. Is Scott worried about club stuff at the moment?”
She shrugged. “He doesn’t seem stressed about anything.”
“Shit. It must be something else then, and he’s just using that as an excuse.”
“Sounds like it, honey.”
“I feel like I’m in a catch twenty-two; I’m trying hard to not keep questioning him about shit but at the same time, if we don’t talk about this, I feel like it’s going to come between us.”
“Yeah, I think you need to force the point. You guys are strong, right?”
My insecurities flared up. “He tells me that we are, and that we’re forever, but sometimes his actions don’t match up. And, to be honest, I would have thought we’d be engaged by now. When he got back two months ago, he was all about us getting married, and then nothing. So, I don’t know what to think.”
She gave me a sympathetic smile. “Sorry, hon. But I’m sure that if anyone can work this out, it’s you and J. It’s obvious to me that he loves you.”
I smiled back at her. “Okay, that’s enough about me. Tell me about you. How’s my brother treating you?”
Her face lit up. “He’s amazing.”
I rolled my eyes. “The words Scott Cole and amazing have never been used before as far as I’m aware.”
She laughed. “Well, I just did.”
Nodding, I said, “You really do bring out the best in him.”
“Did you know that he’s booked Lisa’s mum into rehab?”
“Really? When does she go?”
“It’s at a place in Byron Bay and she leaves in a few days. Lisa’s going to stay with him while she’s away.”
“Wow, that’s great. How the hell did Scott get her to agree to that?”
“She came to him two days ago and begged for his help. He seems to think that she’s serious about it so that’s why he’s agreed. It’s costing him a fortune. See, I told you he’s amazing.”
I had to agree with her this time. “Yeah, who would have thought. But he does have that soft spot for Lisa.”
“He does. She’s such a gorgeous kid. I’m looking forward to girl time with her when she stays with him.”
I laughed. “Don’t you already have girl time with her? Scott was muttering something about paying for mani-pedi’s for you two the other day. I didn’t even know that he knew what a mani-pedi was.”
“He didn’t! But he does now,” she said, winking.
“Oh my God, you’re a classic, Harlow. Only you could get my brother to pay for mani-pedis.”
She finished her coffee and smiled at me. “Amazing, I tell you. Don’t tell him, but he’s paying for high tea for me and Lisa this weekend.”
“I can just hear him now, ‘High fuckin’ what, babe?’” I teased.
She started laughing so hard that tears came to her eyes, and this in turn, made me start too. “So true,” she spluttered through her tears.
I checked the time on my phone. “I’ve got to go, but we’re still on for tonight, right?”
“Definitely,” she agreed, “I can’t wait.”
“Good. And thank you for this. I needed the chat and the laugh.”
“Anytime. I love our chats.”
I gave her a hug before I left, and thought about how thankful I was that she’d come into my life.
Chapter 6
Madison
I stood on the footpath and watched as Blade’s Jag came into view. He pulled up next to me, and I got in. I didn’t look back at Harlow or Scott, although I could feel Scott’s scowl behind me. My night out with Harlow had turned to shit, and I’d called on the one person I knew who was removed from the situation so I could get his take on it.
“Your house or mine?” he asked, eyes focused on mine in that intense Blade gaze I’d come to know well.
I sighed. “Mine.”
He raised his brows.
“He won’t be there, and I’m tired and want my bed,” I said.
“Your call, babe,” he replied, and then put the car in drive and focused his gaze on the road as he sped off.
We were both silent for the drive, and I appreciated him even more for that. It was one thing I’d learnt about him over the past few months; he was a perceptive man, and could read moods and needs very well.
I sat staring at the rain that had started falling. The darkness, the traffic lights and the rain all blurred together as I thought about the events of the night. I shivered from the air conditioning in the car, and Blade must have noticed because he reached out and shut it off. Normally, I would have thanked him for that, but tonight I just didn’t have it in me.
Twenty minutes later we arrived at my house. No lights were on; J definitely wasn’t home. I didn’t move to unbuckle my belt, and Blade turned to me. “You sure you don’t want me to take you to my place?”
I undid my belt. “No, I’m going to wait here until he comes home and then we’re going to have it out.”
He nodded and got out of the car. I waited because I knew that he liked to open my door. A moment later he came around to my side, and then we headed inside together. I switched on lights and made my way to the kitchen. Blade joined me a couple of minutes later; he’d inspected the house first which was something he always did.
I eyed him. “No boogiemen?”
He ignored me. “You gonna tell me what the fuck happened tonight?”
I indicated that we should sit, and when we were both settled, I said, “It’s not just tonight.”
He reached his arm up and rubbed the back of his neck as he studied me. Then he brought his arm down, rested it on the table, and leant forward. “Madison, you call me at midnight, distressed and crying. You don’t tell me what’s wrong, except to ramble on about J being an asshole. Then you beg me to come and pick you up. I get there and see that Scott was already on the scene but you’ve chosen to go home with me over him. That tells me that something fucked up has happened. And I want to know what it is, because I sure as fuck want to have a word with whoever upset you.”
“It’s J,” I began, but started crying so didn’t continue.
“What did he do?” he asked, his voice calm but firm.
I wiped my eyes and got my tears under control. Lifting my face to his, I said, “He was supposed to drop me off and pick me up, but he changed the plans at the last minute and got Scott to drop me off. He didn’t even tell me; Scott just turned up. Then he didn’t come to get me, and Scott said he’d take me home. When I rang J to see where he was, Griff answered the phone and told me that J had passed out drunk at the clubhouse.”
Blade’s body tensed and he balled his hand into a fist. “I thought you two were good; thought you were talking marriage.”
I nodded. “So did I, but J’s slowly pulled away from me since he got back. We seem to have hit crisis point this week, and now he’s avoiding me.”
“You’ve got no idea why?”
“No, he keeps telling me it’s club problems but I don’t think there are any real club problems. I think it’s something to do with Dad.”
Blade frowned momentarily. “You mentioned that you’re going to have it out with him. Possibly not a good idea when he’s drunk or hungover.”
He was right, but I was so upset, angry and desperate for answers that I didn’t think I could wait till he sobered up. “I know,” I said softly, the tears threatening to fall again.
He wat
ched me thoughtfully. “You’re not being you,” he stated.
“Huh?” I didn’t understand what he meant.
“I haven’t known you that long, but I’ve worked out that you’re a hothead. You’re very passionate, and your mouth goes off before your brain kicks into gear sometimes. And yet, you’ve let these problems with J go on for weeks without sorting it out. That doesn’t seem like something you would do, babe. What gives?”
“I’m trying to change, trying to be better. I’m trying not to nag him about sharing stuff with me because it’s caused us problems in the past.”
He shook his head. “No.”
“No, what?”
“No, you don’t change who you are for someone. Those things I mentioned about you are you, Madison. The people who have chosen to love you have also chosen to accept those things. So, fuck it, you don’t change for any-fucking-one.”
I just sat there and stared at him. “But I really did cause problems in our relationship when I nagged him to tell me stuff.”
“It takes two people to fuck up a relationship, not one. Sure, you don’t need to nag him about shit, but babe, when the man you love is pulling back, there’s a reason, and you have every fucking right to ask for that reason. And to keep asking until you get an honest answer.”
I thought about what he’d said and I realised he was right. I’d wasted so much time and let J slowly slip through my fingers. This shit needed sorting out and I was going to do it; to hell with what J thought of me nagging him on this.
I wiped the leftover tears off my cheek, and smiled at Blade. “Okay, I’m going to sort this out with him tomorrow. Thank you.”
He nodded. “Good.”
***
Jason
I sat at the clubhouse bar and drank my coffee. Stalling. Time was ticking and I needed to go home and face Madison. I’d fucked up last night and now I had to try and put it right.
“So, you still haven’t gone home?”
I turned to see Blade enter the room, a look of complete contempt on his face.
“None of your business, Blade,” I muttered.
“It is my business, asshole, when it involves my sister. She phoned me crying her fucking eyes out last night. You need to get your shit together and sort out the mess you’ve created.”
I turned to him. “And you need to stay out of shit that you know absolutely nothing about.”
His eyes narrowed and he took the time to look me up and down. “You recovered fast from your hangover.”
“Didn’t have a fucking hangover.”
“What’s the real story then? Where were you last night when Madison thought you were here drunk? And I hope to Christ that answer doesn’t involve another fucking woman.”
“I’m going to let that one go. But just because you’re Madison’s brother doesn’t give you the right to come in here and treat me like shit. If you must know, I was here last night, alone and sober,” I snarled.
His forehead creased in a frown. “I’m listening.”
I gestured at the chair next to me. “Take a seat, and let me tell you a fucking fairy tale about your father.”
That got his attention and he sat, his full attention on what I was about to say. I proceeded to tell him about what happened in Adelaide. When I’d finished, he shook his head and murmured, “Jesus.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, “It’s put me between a rock and a hard fucking place. I don’t want to break Madison’s heart even more where her father’s concerned.”
“Yeah well, I can tell you that if you don’t share this with her, your days together are numbered. Marcus is a prick and she knows that. She can deal with this so long as she has you and the rest of us to support her.”
I blew out a breath. He was right. “Okay.”
“Today?” he pushed.
“Yeah, today.” I stood up. “Give me your number in case she needs you later.” I hadn’t had a lot to do with Blade but I was starting to see what Madison saw in him; he genuinely cared for her.
We swapped numbers and then he left. I was just heading out myself when Marcus texted me. He wanted to see me in his office as soon as possible. He obviously had no clue I was here. I stalked into his office.
“What do you want?” I snapped at him.
He gestured to the seat in front of me but I remained standing. This wasn’t a friendly meeting and I had no fucking intention of sitting with him for a chat.
Annoyance flashed across his face before he started talking. “Proved yourself while you were in Adelaide, J. Knew you had that darkness in you, just didn’t know if you’d show it.” I wasn’t sure why he was sharing this with me now, two months after the fact.
I snarled at him. “The only thing I proved was what a cunt you are.”
“No, you proved a whole lot more than that. And, I’ve got some more jobs for you coming up now that I know where your talents lie.”
“You can take your fucking jobs and shove them up your fucking ass. I’m not your lap dog.” My head was buzzing with the anger that he brought out in me; I was about ready to explode.
He stood up and leant both hands on the table, a threatening look taking over his face. “I’ll remind you of those photos I have of you and the blonde in Adelaide. Perhaps that will encourage you to change your mind.”
Fucker. “This conversation is over, asshole. And stay the fuck away from me and Madison. She doesn’t want you in her life anymore and I sure as hell could do without being reminded of what a prick of a father in law I’m going to have one day.”
“You don’t seriously think that I’m going to allow her to marry you, do you?”
I studied him for a moment. He was fucking delusional if he thought he had any say in Madison’s life anymore. “Try and fucking stop her.”
“I won’t have to; she’ll come to that decision on her own after I’m done with you.”
“Like I said, stay the fuck away, Marcus. You think you pushed me in Adelaide? What I did there was for someone I didn’t even fucking know. You don’t want to know how far I’d go for someone I love.” I had to get out of there; my rage towards him was only just being contained.
Leaving his office, I ran into Nash in the hallway. Christ, of all people. I scowled at him and continued walking.
“Hey, asshole,” he called out.
I stopped and turned back to face him. “What?” I snapped.
“What the fuck’s your problem?”
I stalked back to him. “You, motherfucker. I don’t like the way you look at Madison. Never have. She’s mine, so back the fuck off.”
“You’re a moody, jealous fuck, aren’t you? Got no idea what you’ve got right in front of you.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” Jesus, Nash could get under my skin without even trying but when he said shit like that, it really made my blood boil.
He leant his angry face closer to mine. “What it fucking means is that you’ve got a good woman doing her head in over you. You’re right, she is yours; she’s completely fucking yours but she doesn’t feel it. So, instead of worrying about me, go home and worry about her.”
Jesus, fucking Christ! Between Marcus and now Nash, I was itching to punch someone. My arm swung back, ready to take a shot. However, someone grabbed me from behind and stopped me.
“Not the way to settle this, brother,” Scott warned.
I ripped my arm out of his hold. “Got nothing to do with you, Scott,” I threw back at him, my furious glare still on Nash.
“I don’t know what you two are arguing about but hitting a fellow club member brings problems into the club; problems we don’t need.”
“Fuck it!” I bellowed and stormed out of the clubhouse.
***
Madison
It was just after nine am when I heard J come through the front door. I’d been up waiting for him for two hours. In fact, I’d been considering going to the clubhouse and confronting him there.
His angry gaze swung my way when he
entered the kitchen where I was waiting. I was stunned at his anger; he had no reason to be angry at me.
“We need to talk,” I stated the obvious.
“Damn straight, we need to talk,” he delivered on an angry breath.
I’d worked hard to contain my anger. All night, I’d bloody worked hard to do that; to wait to talk to him and find out his side of the story before getting angry. But now, I was done. “No! You don’t get to be mad at me, J. I’ve not done anything wrong here,” I yelled at him.
“You sure about that?” he asked, furious eyes blazing.
“Yes, I’m sure about that!”
“You spoke to Nash about us,” he accused me.
Shit. I did feel guilty about that.
I raised my hands in a defensive gesture. “Hear me out, okay?”
He raked his fingers through his hair. “Start talking, Madison.”
“Nash actually guessed there was something wrong and then when I hesitated to share with him, he guessed that you and I were having problems in the bedroom -”
He cut me off. “So, we don’t have sex as much and that turns into us having problems in the bedroom?” he demanded. “Problems that you felt it necessary to talk to Nash of all fucking people about.”
“If you’d calm down and discuss this rationally, you’d admit that, yes, we were having problems. You and I, we’re people who need sex. Some people aren’t like that but we fucking need it, J. It keeps us close. Nash pointed out that if we weren’t having it, then it probably meant that our connection was somehow broken. So yeah, I’d call that problems in the bedroom.”
I knew I’d said the absolutely wrong thing when his face twisted in barely concealed rage at the mention of Nash. He jabbed a finger in the air at me and warned, “Don’t ever fucking talk to Nash about us again.”
I struggled to keep check of my own anger. “Well I had to talk to someone because you sure as hell wouldn’t talk to me!”
His eyes were wild, his face was flushed, and the vein in his neck was twitching. When J was angry, it consumed the room and I could feel it right down in my bones. He stood staring at me for awhile, not saying anything, until eventually he said, “I couldn’t.” And with those words, all the fight left him. He looked utterly broken, and unease filtered through me. Something was very wrong.