So he knew it was not a dream.
The morning passed with an edge of unreality. He was so aware of Sandy and knew she was so aware of him. It was like the night had sealed a pact between them.
But they waited, seeking any other offerings from the crocodile god; that is how they both now thought of this huge creature. The first cage search came up empty. There were three more planned until they had covered the full area that the crane could reach. Then they would have to decide whether to move along the bank or go further out.
Suddenly, ten minutes into the next dive, there was a shout from the crane driver and he lifted the cage clear. Look what I have found the diver called out, freeing his head from the mask. He held up a white elongated object. They realised it was a lower arm. It looked like it started at the elbow and went down from there. The skin and much of the muscle was gone, but sinews and bones remained, though the ends of fingers were mostly missing. It almost looked like a curiosity one would find in a junk shop, some strange sort of weird voodoo back scratcher. But there was no mistaking that this was part of a person, and probably the same person. Sandy made a cursory examination before bagging it and putting it in an esky with ice.
Well it looks like we should get this back to the lab, not that I expect anything other than it belongs to the same person. It is the right size for a man similar to the one to whom the head belonged. Interestingly there is a bump on one of the bones of the forearm, the ulna, which looks like an old break that has healed unevenly.
Then Sandy said to Alan, “Any chance of a girl getting a lift home now so that she can get on with her job.” She gave him a funny little smile as she said it.
So in five minutes they were driving away, having said a hasty goodbye to all. Once they were out of sight of the camp Sandy said. “I know that was a bit sudden but once we had found the arm I knew that was all that we are going to get.
“And suddenly I just wanted you to bring me home. We can call quickly to the lab to drop off the sample. But then I want you to bring me back to my little flat and come in with me and stay with me for the rest of the day and night. I have been thinking about the feel of your body next to mine ever since I woke up. Suddenly I don’t want to wait any longer to feel your body next to me again. So, if you still want me, I want you too. Just be kind to me as I don’t know much about what we are going to do, but I know I want it to be with you, whatever else happens after today.”
So they drove back to Darwin, she cuddled into his arm, and a couple times he placed his hand on her breast, to feel her swollen nipple.
In the bedroom he discovered she had never been with a man before. It felt like a first time for him too, the first time he had made love to this woman who he was totally hooked on. It was the best afternoon and night of his life, and in the dawn as they lay together in a tangle of bodies and sheets, he told her so.
Chapter 6 – Crocodile Dreams
Susan fell asleep on the Saturday night feeling as if the day had been a huge roller coaster. A day where she had woken in the morning feeling good about herself and enjoying the end of September sunshine as she woke dreamily from the night, with that warm and mellow sense that comes in the first flush of a weekend.
Then that jolt of shocked realisation when she thought about the absence of her period, followed by looking in the mirror where she saw the unmistakable changes in her body, and a dawning realisation that she was almost certainly pregnant with that awful man’s child.
Driving to the chemist to get a pregnancy test kit and watching as the definite line emerged, pregnancy now certain. Her horror as she thought through the meaning and consequences of this followed by what seemed a clear plan for an instant termination.
Then that impulsive decision to read David’s letter which had sat unopened in her room for almost a month. Was it just remotely possible he could be the father instead? The surprise when she realised he was to be in England within two days and he really wanted to see her again, in fact he wanted to spend a week with her, driving into the English countryside.
She had sent a quick rushed email suggesting that she meet him next Tuesday. Within a minute her mobile phone was ringing; it was David on the line. She had thought he would email back, but he was nothing if not direct and determined.
He said, “I am struggling to believe it is really you after a month of silence. I wanted to hear your voice again to know it is really you. I am still pinching myself with surprise to hear from you at this late stage and know I will be seeing you in a couple of days. I can’t wait.”
There was something so utterly delightful about his call. When she put down the phone she was smiling all over. There was a warm immediacy to his voice. He sounded so, well, so like himself, a mixture of charm and courtesy, combined with an edge of Aussie humour and directness. He did not really chastise her for being tardy, just a slight ribbing. But he told her he had been sitting on the edge of his seat for a month hoping to hear from her, and as the days and weeks drifted by he was starting to feel discouraged.
So now he knew she was actually there and available he did not intend to leave anything to chance. She sensed he would throw all his effervescent life force at making the best of this opportunity, to sweep her off her feet and win her over with a fun time - that was almost exactly how he described his intentions. She loved the sense of her value and attraction that came with this attention; it was a buzz being courted by such a devastatingly charming man, one who intended to lavish personal and material charms on her. She felt flattered and liked the idea of it and his unconstrained willingness to treat her this way.
She could still feel herself glowing as she got off the phone, her mind digesting his slightly brash plans. He had even prevailed on her to meet him for dinner on Monday night in the city, telling her he would arrange for a chauffeur to collect her when she finished work.
He said, after wanting so much to see her for seven weeks, he did not plan to waste another day. He would only be fobbed off if she had a prior engagement, in which case he was happy to meet her later in the evening. Secretly she felt delighted that someone wanted to be with her this much. His determination to delight her was a breath of fresh air after her bland month at home.
By evening her family all knew of his plans to visit, even her Gran. Susan had asked them all to be available and had organised a family dinner for all to meet David on the Tuesday. Without being too specific she gave them to understand that he was more than just a casual friend from Australia. After all she was going travelling with him for a week in the English countryside, not quite something one did with casual acquaintances or almost strangers.
Just to put the icing on the cake David had immediately told her cousin, Ruth, in Australia. It must have been midnight there. Ruth, of course, had called immediately to express her approval. This call was picked up by her Mum, who got the news direct from Ruth, a favourite niece. So, before Susan had even mentioned David’s existence to her parents, the cat was pretty much out of the bag.
The ribbing from Tim was ferocious. “What Sis, I asked you at the airport where the Aussie boyfriend was? Nothing in sight and no mention then. Suddenly a month later he appears out of thin air. He is obviously of great importance if you can take a week out of a busy life just for him. He must be a real Mr Special to get you to give up a whole week of your precious time. Not something I remember you doing for the others!”
Susan could only laugh; it was hard to get cross with others trying to send her up when she felt so upbeat herself. It was as if the unwanted pregnancy had been buried in one of the deepest recesses of her mind. All she could now think about was seeing David again and being with him. She loved this mind image of the two of them happily driving through green England with the wind in her face and her hair swept back.
It was only as she settled into bed and lay for a minute thinking of the day that she came down slightly from the top of the roller coaster. She remembered, just for a few seconds, in her dreamy state, that
there was a whole other reality that she must soon confront. With that brief thought she pushed it back out of her mind, determined not to look at that future until necessity required it. Susan drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face.
She knew she was asleep and in her bed in England. It felt so safe, snug and secure. But now there was another someone or something in her dream. It had a powerful determination to bring her away from this place. She protested weakly but could not organise her mind or her body to actively resist. She felt strong arms lift and carry her up into the sky, high above her house. She looked down at her body, still sleeping in her bed.
She felt herself being carried across the world, through the early night dark of England into the deeper and deeper night as she headed back east across the globe. They followed a path mostly over water, the distant shapes of countries of the Mediterranean, the Arabian Gulf and the Indian Ocean passed below her. The tip of India flashed by and far to the north she glimpsed the high, snow covered mountains on the roof of the world. Then they were skirting along that vast island chain of Indonesia. It was a moonless sky, just faint starlight illuminating their passage. As they began to descend she sensed that, in the place to which they had come now, the night was almost over. It was still dark but with an imperceptible lightening of the furthest eastern sky. It was as if dawn was only another hour or two away and was, even now, shining in some more distant place, out over another ocean. In the dark she sensed, rather than saw, that they had left behind ocean and come over land. Some street lights glittered briefly then faded. Now they were descending over a large slow flowing river which Susan realised was full of crocodiles. Susan was not really frightened but felt this strange prickle of anxiety at the edge of her consciousness.
Now the awful place came into view. She knew this billabong. She had not seen it from above and yet she knew it, it had a presence that left no uncertainty. She knew this was the place of the last night, a night of hope and devastation, and then of that ripping and tearing clarity as the new day rose. Now she could feel the terror of that other time rise to meet her; she chained and restrained, he brooding with his crocodile soul and unholy twinning.
But now others were in this place. She saw a large crane rise into the sky and several Toyotas parked around. Why were they here? There was one Toyota, white like the other but without the box and cage, which drew her towards it. At its furthest side were two mosquito nets and she sensed two bodies slumbering, a man and a woman, connected but separate, not yet lovers. The woman reached out her mind from her own dream and Susan went to her, mind linked to mind.
Her memories flooded back, the terror of captivity, the delight of final lovemaking, the empty eyes, the knife and that new day of unbelievable desolation, terror, rage and hate, mingled with such overwhelming loss. She realised these memories were flowing from her mind to this woman in the bed, now this woman was living her own terror as Susan’s memories washed through her. As the giant crocodile rose to tear the body from the others and claim its own possession she realised she must not inflict this on the other woman. In opening the view into this part of her mind, madness lay.
She tore her mind away, and the girl awoke from her dream into real life terror, turning reality into nightmare. Susan saw her stumble out of bed and go into the comforting arms of her soon to be lover. There was an uncomplicated goodness in that embrace which Susan felt, alongside burning regret for her own loss.
But the arms that held her would not leave her there. They too were arms of comfort and a yearning spirit which sought to bring her into its own embrace. Part of her wanted to fall into the depth of this embrace, a yearning within her own spirit to retaste that love. Then she realised it was not one spirit but two who were trying to hold and own her; one was man, one was crocodile. Both were grieving, the man was grieving for the loss of her; the crocodile was grieving for the loss of the man. They were bonded and yet trying to pull apart. She was the prize in the centre, an eternal love triangle where none could reach peace.
Suddenly the connection snapped. It was as if the force of her will had resisted these powerful entreaties, and now she had broken free. With her freedom a profound sense of loss returned. She ached to be held by this man, to be loved by this man, just once more. But if she went there she could never return.
Susan woke in her bed, the dream fresh in her mind. She knew the powerful arms which carried her were those of Mark. In the dark of night her body craved to feel again his touch. She wondered if he had sensed the new life within her, a continuance of his spirit.
She needed to tell him that this new life was a part of him that lived on, but he was fading now and she did not think he heard or knew. In her night darkness she dreamed on, now she had chosen a different path when first they met and they now lived on happily together, with small children playing noisily at their feet.
She stirred again. This dream too faded. Now there remained only her and an aching loneliness. She could feel wet tears on her cheeks. She just wished to wake up on the morrow in a happy place where all of her night was a dream that existed no more, blown to nothingness by a new day’s light.
Chapter 7 - David
Susan woke on Sunday morning with very mixed emotions, surprised how far she had come down the roller coaster of emotion since last night, when all she could think of was the anticipation of seeing David again. In the new morning light her dream was a distant and unreal memory. It had left a faint edge of anxiety but now seemed a long way away. But it had changed something inside her; a glimpse of a future no longer in a safe place, but somewhere of dark shadows.
She tried to think through what her reservations were and realised they were mainly to do with her own honesty about the situation. She did not really believe in her heart that she was carrying David’s child; she was near to certain that in fact Mark was the father. Yesterday she had been trying to live a lie that David as the father was a significant possibility. But the reality was otherwise.
She had this sense that she had been very fickle in her relationships with both David and Mark. Now more honesty was required, at least with herself. It was as if the dream had released her from being unable to think clearly of Mark. Since she had returned she had desperately blocked all traces of him from her life and her mind. While there had been vague dreams of crocodiles and terror, Mark was missing.
But that could not be. Not only because of the child but because it was untrue to her emotions. She had fallen in love with him as a real person, probably unwisely. But she could no longer pretend that this emotion was not real. She knew that, despite all, a large part of her loved him still and a part of him had loved her, defective though these emotions were. To dismiss this and turn him into an imaginary monster did not do justice to either.
He was a torn person, torn between crocodile and human love, torn between gentle kindness and danger. But Mark was a real person, made of good and bad parts and she had to come to accept that as who he was. She had to accept who he was, in order to make reconcile her life beyond him.
But now her mind told her he had to be left aside, not out of anger or hatred but because her life had moved on. She had to try and deal with David honestly, to see if there was something real and based on truth which could grow between them. She knew that her pregnancy must come out, not in the first minute, but before he left, and that she must be honest enough to tell him that the child was likely not to be his. She did not see how Mark could be discussed. But she needed to be open that she had had another relationship in Australia and the child was most likely to have arisen from this.
Having reached this place in her mind Susan suddenly felt good again about David coming. He really seemed to like her, she also felt great affection for him, she remembered her thought in Sydney that he was a good and honourable man, and he was a physical hunk. So now it was time to just enjoy the visit.
David rang her on Monday at lunch time to confirm the time and place to collect her after work. Susan could not h
elp but be excited at the thought of dinner with him in only a few hours. At the agreed time, after she had changed out of her work clothes into a favourite evening dress, the phone rang to announce the car’s arrival. A chauffeur driven Rolls waited in the driveway. David was not there, his meeting had another half hour to run yet, but she and he would both be at the restaurant at about the same time. Susan sat back into the plush leather as they glided smoothly through the London traffic, soaking in the luxurious ambience. The restaurant was in a five star hotel and the doorman welcomed her and showed her to the bar where he served her a drink.
She was just starting her drink when David stood before her, a dozen red roses in his hand. He was wearing a dinner suit. He looked absolutely fabulous, bronzed and fit, with tousled sun bleached hair and his trademark grin. Her smile of delight was totally spontaneous. The evening was lovely, they had lots to talk of and news to tell without more than a passing mention of the Australian outback trip. Even here Susan found that she could tell of places seen, such as Uluru, without any need for Mark to intrude. At the end of the night it was like a mutual decision, they would not rush to intimacy. They would let this evolve, if it did, in its own time. By midnight Susan was home in her own bed.
Dinner the next night was equally good. David arrived early and Susan greeted him. Her mother was busy in the kitchen and others were yet to come home. Susan showed him to the spare back room and David professed delight with a simple home room rather than five star hotel luxury. They sat and chatted together out there for a few minutes. There was something simple and warm in his company and she liked being with him.
Crocodile Spirit Dreaming - Possession - Books 1 - 3 Page 30